Late nights with my 5 year old (question)
Heather
Lately our boys (5 and almost 8) are wanting to stay up later than my husband and I. Normally I stay up late with them on week nights, but lately I have felt the need to go to bed by 11:30am or midnight. I work from home in the weekday mornings when they are asleep.
The past week my 5 year old has wanted to stay up until 1am. One night I decided to go to bed. He came to bed in about half an hour. Another time my exhausted husband got up and had him come to bed b/c the boys were being too loud. He is across the hall from the bedrooms when he is awake late. We don't feel he is mature enough to stay awake alone for very long. When he comes to bed he wakes us up to read a book or to go get him a snack.
And lately he has wanted us to carry him out of bed in the morning. He refuses to get up alone, although he used to for several years. This has been going on for about a month. It is not always a problem unless I am on the phone working. Has anyone else experienced this regression?
How have others handled these situations. I have calmly explained that is he (my 5 year old) wants to stay up to come to bed quietly and he has to be quiet after we go to bed. He is not mature enough to remember those things yet. I feel like a late night hag this past week.
Thanks for your recommendations.
~Heather Brown
The past week my 5 year old has wanted to stay up until 1am. One night I decided to go to bed. He came to bed in about half an hour. Another time my exhausted husband got up and had him come to bed b/c the boys were being too loud. He is across the hall from the bedrooms when he is awake late. We don't feel he is mature enough to stay awake alone for very long. When he comes to bed he wakes us up to read a book or to go get him a snack.
And lately he has wanted us to carry him out of bed in the morning. He refuses to get up alone, although he used to for several years. This has been going on for about a month. It is not always a problem unless I am on the phone working. Has anyone else experienced this regression?
How have others handled these situations. I have calmly explained that is he (my 5 year old) wants to stay up to come to bed quietly and he has to be quiet after we go to bed. He is not mature enough to remember those things yet. I feel like a late night hag this past week.
Thanks for your recommendations.
~Heather Brown
Sandra Dodd
-=- When he comes to bed he wakes us up to read a book or to go get
him a snack. -=-
This is no good. I think the reason this didn't happen with us is
that each time a child stayed up alone, it was a single permission,
with conditions. And when any kid was awake, I would be careful to
model and discuss and assist in keeping the activities and
conversations quiet so those who were still asleep could sleep.
Probably hours of me talking softly and asking Kirby to do something
more quiet and still because his dad was asleep, or his little
brother, helped.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
him a snack. -=-
This is no good. I think the reason this didn't happen with us is
that each time a child stayed up alone, it was a single permission,
with conditions. And when any kid was awake, I would be careful to
model and discuss and assist in keeping the activities and
conversations quiet so those who were still asleep could sleep.
Probably hours of me talking softly and asking Kirby to do something
more quiet and still because his dad was asleep, or his little
brother, helped.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=- When he comes to bed he wakes us up to read a book or to go get
him a snack. -=-
This is no good. I think the reason this didn't happen with us is
that each time a child stayed up alone, it was a single permission,
with conditions. And when any kid was awake, I would be careful to
model and discuss and assist in keeping the activities and
conversations quiet so those who were still asleep could sleep.
Probably hours of me talking softly and asking Kirby to do something
more quiet and still because his dad was asleep, or his little
brother, helped.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
him a snack. -=-
This is no good. I think the reason this didn't happen with us is
that each time a child stayed up alone, it was a single permission,
with conditions. And when any kid was awake, I would be careful to
model and discuss and assist in keeping the activities and
conversations quiet so those who were still asleep could sleep.
Probably hours of me talking softly and asking Kirby to do something
more quiet and still because his dad was asleep, or his little
brother, helped.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heather
You are right it is no good. He is immersed in a game he really likes. I ask him if he wants a snack and book before I go to bed. He cries like I am killing him when his time is up on the days I would prefer he come to bed (90% of them time I prefer he come to bed with us). When he has a hard time remembering to be quiet I feel it is because he is very tired. It is at that point that we can't reason with him at all, and it becomes an ugly situation. We never had this happen with our oldest son.
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=- When he comes to bed he wakes us up to read a book or to go get
> him a snack. -=-
>
> This is no good. I think the reason this didn't happen with us is
> that each time a child stayed up alone, it was a single permission,
> with conditions. And when any kid was awake, I would be careful to
> model and discuss and assist in keeping the activities and
> conversations quiet so those who were still asleep could sleep.
> Probably hours of me talking softly and asking Kirby to do something
> more quiet and still because his dad was asleep, or his little
> brother, helped.
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Robyn L. Coburn
<<<< We don't feel he is mature enough to stay awake alone for very long.
When he comes to bed he wakes us up to read a book or to go get him a
snack.>>>>
I think there may be a difference between wanting to be read to and wanting
a snack. Or they may both be strategies with the same goal. The desire to be
read to might be code for wanting more attention. Maybe you could start your
sleep prep half an hour earlier and read to him before you go to bed, or in
bed together?
One thing that I have done in the past is make up the same food bag (with an
ice pack) that we have taken to the park and put it right by Jayn. She
watches tv quietly or draws or plays with her nintendo and gets her own
snack. These days she always seems to want hot food just as I am climbing
into bed. What is best is when I remember to ask her if she wants food just
before I put on my pyjamas.
BTW - we have only recently - the last month - set up her own bed. It is
next to ours, so it's a bit like we have one super sized bed. She also has
her own lamp affixed to the wall, and she feels like she has her own space.
I see that you have the two boys. Maybe the noise problem is because they
are together. Perhaps your 8yo is too young to have responsibility for
keeping your 5yo quiet and entertained at night. Maybe a small, portable dvd
player (with headphones?) that he could watch while snuggling near you while
you sleep? (I sleep with earplugs - although I probably wouldn't have when
Jayn was 5.)
Sometimes Jayn finds it hard to go to sleep quietly and pleasantly if she
wants a bit of dh's attention. She will be rowdy when she wants him.
Sometimes a small amount of tickle play energy expended now saves a LOT of
cranky "be quiet!" energy later.
<<<<< And lately he has wanted us to carry him out of bed in the morning. He
refuses to get up alone, although he used to for several years. This has
been going on for about a month. It is not always a problem unless I am on
the phone working. Has anyone else experienced this regression? >>>>
Not this exact thing, but a baby talk/baby voice thing that I admit is quite
hard to listen to. The regression is like the opposite of the new big boy
thing of staying up late. Regressive behaviors are normal at different
times. The tide comes in in waves. But it does come in.
Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com
When he comes to bed he wakes us up to read a book or to go get him a
snack.>>>>
I think there may be a difference between wanting to be read to and wanting
a snack. Or they may both be strategies with the same goal. The desire to be
read to might be code for wanting more attention. Maybe you could start your
sleep prep half an hour earlier and read to him before you go to bed, or in
bed together?
One thing that I have done in the past is make up the same food bag (with an
ice pack) that we have taken to the park and put it right by Jayn. She
watches tv quietly or draws or plays with her nintendo and gets her own
snack. These days she always seems to want hot food just as I am climbing
into bed. What is best is when I remember to ask her if she wants food just
before I put on my pyjamas.
BTW - we have only recently - the last month - set up her own bed. It is
next to ours, so it's a bit like we have one super sized bed. She also has
her own lamp affixed to the wall, and she feels like she has her own space.
I see that you have the two boys. Maybe the noise problem is because they
are together. Perhaps your 8yo is too young to have responsibility for
keeping your 5yo quiet and entertained at night. Maybe a small, portable dvd
player (with headphones?) that he could watch while snuggling near you while
you sleep? (I sleep with earplugs - although I probably wouldn't have when
Jayn was 5.)
Sometimes Jayn finds it hard to go to sleep quietly and pleasantly if she
wants a bit of dh's attention. She will be rowdy when she wants him.
Sometimes a small amount of tickle play energy expended now saves a LOT of
cranky "be quiet!" energy later.
<<<<< And lately he has wanted us to carry him out of bed in the morning. He
refuses to get up alone, although he used to for several years. This has
been going on for about a month. It is not always a problem unless I am on
the phone working. Has anyone else experienced this regression? >>>>
Not this exact thing, but a baby talk/baby voice thing that I admit is quite
hard to listen to. The regression is like the opposite of the new big boy
thing of staying up late. Regressive behaviors are normal at different
times. The tide comes in in waves. But it does come in.
Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com
Heather
Wow! Thanks for all the ideas. I have tried starting an hour earlier. LOL. He has become totally immersed in Roblox and other games lately. I have had a hard time getting him to go anywhere or even just go on a walk with me. I am not concerned. Our oldest went thru that too. It is the night time situation that has me concerned.
I have tried being firm. I have tried being calm. I have tried just going to bed and giving up stressing about it. LOL. Our oldest son goes to bed just fine now. He went thru some similar issues, but nothing like this.
My husband told me he will stay up with them, if I would like. That doesn't seem ideal either on week days. When the time is right he will have his own bed and it won't matter. Thanks for the bed ideas.
~Heather Brown
I have tried being firm. I have tried being calm. I have tried just going to bed and giving up stressing about it. LOL. Our oldest son goes to bed just fine now. He went thru some similar issues, but nothing like this.
My husband told me he will stay up with them, if I would like. That doesn't seem ideal either on week days. When the time is right he will have his own bed and it won't matter. Thanks for the bed ideas.
~Heather Brown
--- In [email protected], "Robyn L. Coburn" <dezigna@...> wrote:
>
Maybe you could start your sleep prep half an hour earlier and read to him before you go to bed, or in bed together?
>
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-He is immersed in a game he really likes. I ask him if he wants a
snack and book before I go to bed-=-
Leave some food near him, rather than asking if he wants a snack.
Read to him while he's eating lunch, maybe, for book-reading time.
Or get him some books on CD or an iPod that he can listen to when he's
going to bed if he wants to go to sleep to stories. Or music.
-=- He cries like I am killing him when his time is up on the days I
would prefer he come to bed (90% of them time I prefer he come to bed
with us).-=-
Don't say "prefer" if you mean "require." It keeps you from thinking
clearly.
So 90% of the time you make him go to bed, and occasionally you go to
bed without leaving him food, because he's busy with a game maybe?
-=-When he has a hard time remembering to be quiet I feel it is
because he is very tired. It is at that point that we can't reason
with him at all, and it becomes an ugly situation. -=-
When Kirby was very young sometimes he wanted to stay up late. I
would help him get ready for sleeping--pajamas, and either make a bed
on the couch or set up a bed on the floor where he was going to be
watching movies or playing. I would make sure he had some snacks and
a drink within reach of the bed, and some kleenex. I'd get him to go
to the bathroom and brush his teeth or whatever else might need to be
done before I went to bed. When he got tired, he went to sleep
there. When I woke up I would be quiet so he could continue to sleep.
-=-My husband told me he will stay up with them, if I would like. That
doesn't seem ideal either on week days.-=-
Maybe your husband could sleep on the couch near them, so you could
sleep in the bedroom. Don't look for "ideal," look for "better than
now."
He'll only be five until he's six. You're not looking at a perpetual
situation.
-=- When the time is right he will have his own bed and it won't
matter.-=-
I'm not sure what that could mean.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
snack and book before I go to bed-=-
Leave some food near him, rather than asking if he wants a snack.
Read to him while he's eating lunch, maybe, for book-reading time.
Or get him some books on CD or an iPod that he can listen to when he's
going to bed if he wants to go to sleep to stories. Or music.
-=- He cries like I am killing him when his time is up on the days I
would prefer he come to bed (90% of them time I prefer he come to bed
with us).-=-
Don't say "prefer" if you mean "require." It keeps you from thinking
clearly.
So 90% of the time you make him go to bed, and occasionally you go to
bed without leaving him food, because he's busy with a game maybe?
-=-When he has a hard time remembering to be quiet I feel it is
because he is very tired. It is at that point that we can't reason
with him at all, and it becomes an ugly situation. -=-
When Kirby was very young sometimes he wanted to stay up late. I
would help him get ready for sleeping--pajamas, and either make a bed
on the couch or set up a bed on the floor where he was going to be
watching movies or playing. I would make sure he had some snacks and
a drink within reach of the bed, and some kleenex. I'd get him to go
to the bathroom and brush his teeth or whatever else might need to be
done before I went to bed. When he got tired, he went to sleep
there. When I woke up I would be quiet so he could continue to sleep.
-=-My husband told me he will stay up with them, if I would like. That
doesn't seem ideal either on week days.-=-
Maybe your husband could sleep on the couch near them, so you could
sleep in the bedroom. Don't look for "ideal," look for "better than
now."
He'll only be five until he's six. You're not looking at a perpetual
situation.
-=- When the time is right he will have his own bed and it won't
matter.-=-
I'm not sure what that could mean.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn L. Coburn
<<<< He has become totally immersed in Roblox and other games lately.>>>>>
I should have added that another thing that worked well was that I would nap
on the sofa in the living room while Jayn watched tv or played games. I'd
put a pillow over my head to keep out the light and lessen the sounds. This
was especially important to protect dh's sleep (with one bedroom).
I do this a lot less now. The sofa is horribly lumpy and makes my back ache
these days. But four or five years ago it was better and often the best
strategy for when our sleep schedules were out of sync.
Immersion in one particular game won't last forever.
Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com
I should have added that another thing that worked well was that I would nap
on the sofa in the living room while Jayn watched tv or played games. I'd
put a pillow over my head to keep out the light and lessen the sounds. This
was especially important to protect dh's sleep (with one bedroom).
I do this a lot less now. The sofa is horribly lumpy and makes my back ache
these days. But four or five years ago it was better and often the best
strategy for when our sleep schedules were out of sync.
Immersion in one particular game won't last forever.
Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com
Heather
I know this is all just a stage that will pass. It helps to be heard though, and get a feel for how others have handled night time issues. So thanks. I am feeling a lot better now. We had some night cuddle time tonight for a bit and now he is on Roblox again. I will try to entice him with tickle time or something fun tonight to see how he responds. And then we can transition to reading and a snack.
~Heather Brown
~Heather Brown
--- In [email protected], "Robyn L. Coburn" <dezigna@...> wrote:
>
> <<<< He has become totally immersed in Roblox and other games lately.>>>>>
>
> I should have added that another thing that worked well was that I would nap
> on the sofa in the living room while Jayn watched tv or played games. I'd
> put a pillow over my head to keep out the light and lessen the sounds. This
> was especially important to protect dh's sleep (with one bedroom).
>
> I do this a lot less now. The sofa is horribly lumpy and makes my back ache
> these days. But four or five years ago it was better and often the best
> strategy for when our sleep schedules were out of sync.
>
> Immersion in one particular game won't last forever.
>
> Robyn L. Coburn
> www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
> www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
> www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com
>
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
Heather Was it better when they were talking to MD on the phone?
What about the other day when our phone ran out of batteries
Did he go to bed then???
MD used to stay awake longer when he was that age but he was quiet most of the time.
I got him all set up with food and drinks.
Now at 7 and pretty much for the last year or more he likes to come to bed when I do to snuggle up and hold my hand before sleeping.
He knew he had to be quiet because dad is tired and wakes up really early.
At 5 he even went some night all the way up to the time dad got up to go to work ( 4:30 AM).
The good thing is that I have very light sleep and get up a lot to go pee and I would check on him many times.
The few times he was frustrated with the game and made noise I had a talk with him about when we are tired we just can't play well anymore.
He also saw me put down my Sudoku to finish the next day because I could not see straight anymore.
That is when we used to play our Nintendo DS in bed together.
SO the next time he was getting frustrated I talked to him to come to bed. That when we are tired our head does not work that well. He did go to bed, not happy about it ( I was suggesting not making him go- only requirement is to keep quiet) and the next day he aced the hard part of the game in the first try. That happened maybe 3 more times and he could see that it really help to get rest.
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
What about the other day when our phone ran out of batteries
Did he go to bed then???
MD used to stay awake longer when he was that age but he was quiet most of the time.
I got him all set up with food and drinks.
Now at 7 and pretty much for the last year or more he likes to come to bed when I do to snuggle up and hold my hand before sleeping.
He knew he had to be quiet because dad is tired and wakes up really early.
At 5 he even went some night all the way up to the time dad got up to go to work ( 4:30 AM).
The good thing is that I have very light sleep and get up a lot to go pee and I would check on him many times.
The few times he was frustrated with the game and made noise I had a talk with him about when we are tired we just can't play well anymore.
He also saw me put down my Sudoku to finish the next day because I could not see straight anymore.
That is when we used to play our Nintendo DS in bed together.
SO the next time he was getting frustrated I talked to him to come to bed. That when we are tired our head does not work that well. He did go to bed, not happy about it ( I was suggesting not making him go- only requirement is to keep quiet) and the next day he aced the hard part of the game in the first try. That happened maybe 3 more times and he could see that it really help to get rest.
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heather
We did tickle wars and wrestling last night in bed and cuddled up to sleep after a book and snack. We were all really tired around 10:30 after a movie. Our internet was acting up last night so we watched a movie.
The times they were talking to MD on speaker and on Roblox were no problem because we were staying up late those nights. Well, one of the nights it was around midnight and Camden started to get easily angry and frustrated, so I knew he was exhausted. I will try to talk to him about how his brain is tired and can't think well next time. He got upset when I said we needed to go to bed, but he didn't spaz out or anything like some nights when he's exhausted.
I will look into getting him a Gameboy for occasional in bed transitions. I forgot about that idea. We used to have one, but it died.
Right now we have 3 computers in one of our tiny bedrooms. It seems to work well for us, so no place for me to lay down. He prefers the only desk top. But I suppose I could talk him onto a laptop and into bed on some nights for sleep transition. Of course I won't call it sleep transition.
I know this stage won't last for more than another year or year and a half. He is the youngest and very exuberant person. Completely quiet is not in his vocabulary when we are at home. He is a little quiet, but he often bursts out in frustration or excitement mostly when he gets tired---as we all do. He gets super silly with non-stop noises or super grumpy.
Kudos friends and thanks for your insights!
~Heather Brown
The times they were talking to MD on speaker and on Roblox were no problem because we were staying up late those nights. Well, one of the nights it was around midnight and Camden started to get easily angry and frustrated, so I knew he was exhausted. I will try to talk to him about how his brain is tired and can't think well next time. He got upset when I said we needed to go to bed, but he didn't spaz out or anything like some nights when he's exhausted.
I will look into getting him a Gameboy for occasional in bed transitions. I forgot about that idea. We used to have one, but it died.
Right now we have 3 computers in one of our tiny bedrooms. It seems to work well for us, so no place for me to lay down. He prefers the only desk top. But I suppose I could talk him onto a laptop and into bed on some nights for sleep transition. Of course I won't call it sleep transition.
I know this stage won't last for more than another year or year and a half. He is the youngest and very exuberant person. Completely quiet is not in his vocabulary when we are at home. He is a little quiet, but he often bursts out in frustration or excitement mostly when he gets tired---as we all do. He gets super silly with non-stop noises or super grumpy.
Kudos friends and thanks for your insights!
~Heather Brown
--- In [email protected], BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...> wrote:
>
> Heather Was it better when they were talking to MD on the phone?
> What about the other day when our phone ran out of batteries
> Did he go to bed then???
> MD used to stay awake longer when he was that age but he was quiet most of the time.
> That is when we used to play our Nintendo DS in bed together.
> SO the next time he was getting frustrated I talked to him to come to bed. That when we are tired our head does not work that well. He did go to bed, not happy about it ( I was suggesting not making him go- only requirement is to keep quiet) and the next day he aced the hard part of the game in the first try. That happened maybe 3 more times and he could see that it really help to get rest.
>
>
> Alex Polikowsky
> http://polykow.blogspot.com/
>
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>