new driver concerns
mallemarokin
I think this is my first post, although I've been reading here for quite some time.
I have 2 sons, one 15 and the other 13. They've been out of school for 3 years now and feeling more like unschoolers for the past yearish. It's been a continual world shift for the past few years and I like the direction we are headed, although it is uncomfortable at times.
And this is one of those times that I need more insight. My 15 year old has been close friends with a neighbor boy for the past 4 years. He is 18. He's kind of a wild child with a very controlling mother. The friend hangs out here a lot, and I do like him. He was very much into drinking and partying just before becoming of legal age (I'm in Quebec, the drinking age is 18) and has continued in that vein but more openly now. DS15 is very open about talking to me about his friend's antics. DS15 has gone to a couple parties with the friend and has had a couple drinks at them. I'm not hugely concerned over that other than the whole underaged bit. There was a Halloween party he was supposed to attend with the friend, but didn't. He told me later that there was a lot of pot being smoked and his friend, who did smoke, drove home after the party.
Here's my problem, he is a new driver--he just got his license a month ago. He has driven with my son to the local stores no problem there. Last night was a neighborhood 'movie night' where the guys head off to a nieghbor's house for action flicks and the gals head off for their movies. My son came home to grab a burger before heading out. Of course his friend had to drive the distance it would have taken 2 minutes to walk. I was sitting up in the computer room and the window was open. Moments later I heard the screeching of tires in the opposite direction of the house they were going to. Then I heard it again. Then a car driving down the next street with the loud music going toward the direction of the neighbor's. I called over to their house and asked for my son. He had just arrived and I asked him about what I had heard. He was very quiet and didn't want to answer my question, probably because he didn't want to lie to me. I hung up after expressing my concern.
Later that night, after we were all home again, I asked him about it. He said, yes it was them. The friend wanted to show off how powerful the motor of the car was and went to a parking lot at the nearby park to do donuts. He said he talked to his friend after my call about how the donuts were a bad idea.
I'm worried that my son driving with his friend is a bad idea all around. My son is generally quite good about setting limits with his friend and being the voice of reason. I'm trying to figure out where I can draw the line and be respectful of my son's choices. Or how to approach this differently.
And, as an aside, please tell me how I could have edited this down while retaining the pertinent information. I realize this is quite long.
Jess
I have 2 sons, one 15 and the other 13. They've been out of school for 3 years now and feeling more like unschoolers for the past yearish. It's been a continual world shift for the past few years and I like the direction we are headed, although it is uncomfortable at times.
And this is one of those times that I need more insight. My 15 year old has been close friends with a neighbor boy for the past 4 years. He is 18. He's kind of a wild child with a very controlling mother. The friend hangs out here a lot, and I do like him. He was very much into drinking and partying just before becoming of legal age (I'm in Quebec, the drinking age is 18) and has continued in that vein but more openly now. DS15 is very open about talking to me about his friend's antics. DS15 has gone to a couple parties with the friend and has had a couple drinks at them. I'm not hugely concerned over that other than the whole underaged bit. There was a Halloween party he was supposed to attend with the friend, but didn't. He told me later that there was a lot of pot being smoked and his friend, who did smoke, drove home after the party.
Here's my problem, he is a new driver--he just got his license a month ago. He has driven with my son to the local stores no problem there. Last night was a neighborhood 'movie night' where the guys head off to a nieghbor's house for action flicks and the gals head off for their movies. My son came home to grab a burger before heading out. Of course his friend had to drive the distance it would have taken 2 minutes to walk. I was sitting up in the computer room and the window was open. Moments later I heard the screeching of tires in the opposite direction of the house they were going to. Then I heard it again. Then a car driving down the next street with the loud music going toward the direction of the neighbor's. I called over to their house and asked for my son. He had just arrived and I asked him about what I had heard. He was very quiet and didn't want to answer my question, probably because he didn't want to lie to me. I hung up after expressing my concern.
Later that night, after we were all home again, I asked him about it. He said, yes it was them. The friend wanted to show off how powerful the motor of the car was and went to a parking lot at the nearby park to do donuts. He said he talked to his friend after my call about how the donuts were a bad idea.
I'm worried that my son driving with his friend is a bad idea all around. My son is generally quite good about setting limits with his friend and being the voice of reason. I'm trying to figure out where I can draw the line and be respectful of my son's choices. Or how to approach this differently.
And, as an aside, please tell me how I could have edited this down while retaining the pertinent information. I realize this is quite long.
Jess
Jenny Cyphers
***I'm worried that my son driving with his friend is a bad idea all around. My son is generally quite good about setting limits with his friend and being the voice of reason. I'm trying to figure out where I can draw the line and be respectful of my son's choices. Or how to approach this differently.***
I'm not a huge fan of scare tactics, but have you talked to him about the reality of drivers like that? Every person that I've known personally that has been killed in a car accident, the accident has been directly caused by wild driving and drinking by teenagers.
Has your son been scared while driving with him? If he's good about setting limits and reasoning with his friend, you may have nothing to worry about. Doing donuts in a parking lot is kind of fun, not entirely dangerous. Drinking and driving is dangerous, reckless driving on the road is dangerous. I'd be concerned too. If your son feels safe driving with him though, I'd be inclined to trust that. He has the choice to ride with him, or get another ride. I'd also be inclined to talk directly to the teen driver as well, just to make sure he knows that you are concerned, but would like to trust him.
***And, as an aside, please tell me how I could have edited this down while retaining the pertinent information. I realize this is quite long.***
I don't know, it didn't seem terribly long and you gave important details.
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I'm not a huge fan of scare tactics, but have you talked to him about the reality of drivers like that? Every person that I've known personally that has been killed in a car accident, the accident has been directly caused by wild driving and drinking by teenagers.
Has your son been scared while driving with him? If he's good about setting limits and reasoning with his friend, you may have nothing to worry about. Doing donuts in a parking lot is kind of fun, not entirely dangerous. Drinking and driving is dangerous, reckless driving on the road is dangerous. I'd be concerned too. If your son feels safe driving with him though, I'd be inclined to trust that. He has the choice to ride with him, or get another ride. I'd also be inclined to talk directly to the teen driver as well, just to make sure he knows that you are concerned, but would like to trust him.
***And, as an aside, please tell me how I could have edited this down while retaining the pertinent information. I realize this is quite long.***
I don't know, it didn't seem terribly long and you gave important details.
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Sandra Dodd
-=- I'd also be inclined to talk directly to the teen driver as well,
just to make sure he knows that you are concerned, but would like to
trust him. -=-
Definitely this. I'd just plainly tell him that if he wanted to be a
dick, not to do it while my kid was in the car.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
just to make sure he knows that you are concerned, but would like to
trust him. -=-
Definitely this. I'd just plainly tell him that if he wanted to be a
dick, not to do it while my kid was in the car.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]