mshapiro_75

Hi All-

I'm new to this group, but have been learning at home with my kids for the last 5 years or so. They're 11 and 5 and we've recently run into a bit of a rough patch with out 11 year old.

We've just moved back to the US after a year in India, and settled (for my husband's job) in a very small, conservative and homogeneous town. Prior to India we lived in a different part of the country in a big diverse liberal (WONDERFUL!) town, with a supportive home schooling community and close to old friends and family. Our 11 year old seems to be struggling with the new environment and social circles.

Lately she's been measuring herself against the "school ruler" - comparing her knowledge to that of her friends and acquaintances who go to public school - and coming up short. The topics seem silly to me - things like who can multiply in her head faster or who knows which obscure southern American history factoid - but these are big deals to her. Sounds like her 'friends' are giving her a hard time about not knowing what they do and telling her she's 'behind'. And so she's having a lot of heartache and self-doubt.

We've had a number of conversations about how she is learning different things and in a different fashion that children who go to school, and we've worked hard on highlighting her strengths and accomplishments, but she always returns to the darn multiplication facts! I think this is made particularly difficult by the fact that there are not outlets and showcases for her talents and interests here, and hardly even any other like minded homeschoolers.

She's worked off and on over the years through math books, at her own pace and according to her own interest level. I've pointed out to her recently that if she'd like to know the math facts (or whatever else) that her peers here know that we have the resources to help her learn them, but she resists mightily.

I've even pointed out that she could return to school, but she's dead-set against that too.

So I'm feeling a bit stumped. Anyone gone through this sort of crisis of confidence with their kids? How can I help her put down the school ruler and start measuring her accomplishments more accurately? I'm not even sure if she wants to learn the things at issue - how can I help her clarify her goals and feel good about what she's choosing to pursue and learn?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts and ideas!

-Maggie Shapiro Haskett

Sandra Dodd

-=-
So I'm feeling a bit stumped. Anyone gone through this sort of crisis
of confidence with their kids? How can I help her put down the school
ruler and start measuring her accomplishments more accurately? I'm not
even sure if she wants to learn the things at issue - how can I help
her clarify her goals and feel good about what she's choosing to
pursue and learn?=

I'm pretty sure she's right in the middle of the most difficult age
for unschoolers. It will pass. In the meantime, talk to her about
the cool things she does know and has seen and done. And tell her
very few people really know the multiplication "facts" and so what?
Get her a solar calculator for $5 or less or show her where a
calculator is on the computer.

My kids liked math patterns, so I would make the empty table, put
numbers along the top and side, like a graph, and they would add or
multiply into the inside for fun. One time I drew a big one on the
concrete on the patio with chalk and they and their friends filled it
in, by doing the easy things first (2's, 5's) and then figuring out
the few that were left.

Sandra

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