unschooling and spirituality
Cara Barlow
Hi Everyone: A few days ago I was asked what my spiritual practices were. I
was thrown off stride by the question - I think about spirituality often -
it's a regular part of my world, but I don't have a practice, like setting
aside a certain amount of time each day for meditation, etc.
I think I mumbled something about my spiritual practice being how I
interacted with my children. I'm sure it didn't make any sense to the
questioners. It wasn't even very clear to me.
The more I thought about what were my spiritual practices, the more
similarities I saw between my spiritual practices (being kind, recognizing
beauty, wanting to know more) and unschooling- it's organically there, all
the time.
Have any of you thought about how unschooling has affected your
spirituality? Am I totally off track? I need help being more articulate
about this.
Best wishes, Cara
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
was thrown off stride by the question - I think about spirituality often -
it's a regular part of my world, but I don't have a practice, like setting
aside a certain amount of time each day for meditation, etc.
I think I mumbled something about my spiritual practice being how I
interacted with my children. I'm sure it didn't make any sense to the
questioners. It wasn't even very clear to me.
The more I thought about what were my spiritual practices, the more
similarities I saw between my spiritual practices (being kind, recognizing
beauty, wanting to know more) and unschooling- it's organically there, all
the time.
Have any of you thought about how unschooling has affected your
spirituality? Am I totally off track? I need help being more articulate
about this.
Best wishes, Cara
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
claire.horsley08
For me there absolutely is a connection. You could draw the analogy that unschooling is to schooling what spirituality is to organised religion. At one end of the spectrum there is individual, free-flowing, immediate daily experience, and at the other there is a top-down, codified institution. Throwing out 'belief in God' doesn't have to mean disconnecting from the idea of 'the numinous' (ie. something beyond ourselves), any more than throwing out schooling doesn't mean the end of learning. It's in what we choose to do every day, how we treat ourselves, other people, the world around us, that we enact our principles.
One of the keys to unschooling that I've learned about from this list is being able to see things from your child's point of view. It's a jolt of realisation for me when I suddenly see that my 4 year old daughter Ashlin is *her own person*. She does not have to conform to my timetables or agendas. If I ask her to change out of her fairy dress into pyjamas, it doesn't mean she has to do it *right now*. Many times I have seen a complete stonewalling of a child's intentions. By trying to stay open, to see beyond myself, I am aiming for a meshing of our interests, rather that a clash.
I sometimes think that my children are training me to be a better parent. I don't know if that's the best way to put it, but what I mean is that through interacting with them every day, I am learning to be more open, more patient, more loving. Although I do occasionally slip back into old reactions, I can truly say that the anger inside me is fading. I can (usually!) control it, it doesn't control me.
One of the concepts discussed here is wholeness. A child's 'wholeness' to me is their sense of self-worth, their sense that they have a place in the world, and that they can express themselves freely. It could also mean that my children are not my possessions. They are not things that I can manipulate at will. In stepping beyond myself to see my child as a person in herself, this to me is the spiritual dimension of unschooling.
One of the keys to unschooling that I've learned about from this list is being able to see things from your child's point of view. It's a jolt of realisation for me when I suddenly see that my 4 year old daughter Ashlin is *her own person*. She does not have to conform to my timetables or agendas. If I ask her to change out of her fairy dress into pyjamas, it doesn't mean she has to do it *right now*. Many times I have seen a complete stonewalling of a child's intentions. By trying to stay open, to see beyond myself, I am aiming for a meshing of our interests, rather that a clash.
I sometimes think that my children are training me to be a better parent. I don't know if that's the best way to put it, but what I mean is that through interacting with them every day, I am learning to be more open, more patient, more loving. Although I do occasionally slip back into old reactions, I can truly say that the anger inside me is fading. I can (usually!) control it, it doesn't control me.
One of the concepts discussed here is wholeness. A child's 'wholeness' to me is their sense of self-worth, their sense that they have a place in the world, and that they can express themselves freely. It could also mean that my children are not my possessions. They are not things that I can manipulate at will. In stepping beyond myself to see my child as a person in herself, this to me is the spiritual dimension of unschooling.
Cara Barlow
<<<For me there absolutely is a connection. You could draw the analogy that
unschooling is to schooling what spirituality is to organised religion.>>>
I need to think about this some more.
<<<At one end of the spectrum there is individual, free-flowing, immediate
daily experience, and at the other there is a top-down, codified
institution. >>>
<<<It's in what we choose to do every day, how we treat ourselves, other
people, the world around us, that we enact our principles.>>>
This is the direction I was heading. Is being "awake" to your children and
what they need a spiritual practice? I do think it takes effort and
mindfulness on my part. Is being calm and kind a spiritual practice?
Best wishes, Cara
unschooling is to schooling what spirituality is to organised religion.>>>
I need to think about this some more.
<<<At one end of the spectrum there is individual, free-flowing, immediate
daily experience, and at the other there is a top-down, codified
institution. >>>
<<<It's in what we choose to do every day, how we treat ourselves, other
people, the world around us, that we enact our principles.>>>
This is the direction I was heading. Is being "awake" to your children and
what they need a spiritual practice? I do think it takes effort and
mindfulness on my part. Is being calm and kind a spiritual practice?
Best wishes, Cara
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=- Is being "awake" to your children and
what they need a spiritual practice? I do think it takes effort and
mindfulness on my part. Is being calm and kind a spiritual practice?-=-
I think so.
Maybe more than spirituality, it's philosophy. The idea of
"philosophy" has become too associated with being "a doctor of
philosophy" and reading what people in 19th century Germany and France
thought, what medieval mystics and heretics thought, and what ancient
Greeks and Romans thought. I think people can "be philosophers" (for
having a piece of paper) while hardly having any useful, practical
philosophy of their own. They're not being philosophers, they're
studying the history of philosophy.
Meanwhile, back at the unschooling ranch, as it were, we're finding
the basic questions of how to be and why, and of the meaning of choice
and freedom, and of perceptions and connections and ethics and
morality to be a part of eating and drinking, of sleeping and breathing.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
what they need a spiritual practice? I do think it takes effort and
mindfulness on my part. Is being calm and kind a spiritual practice?-=-
I think so.
Maybe more than spirituality, it's philosophy. The idea of
"philosophy" has become too associated with being "a doctor of
philosophy" and reading what people in 19th century Germany and France
thought, what medieval mystics and heretics thought, and what ancient
Greeks and Romans thought. I think people can "be philosophers" (for
having a piece of paper) while hardly having any useful, practical
philosophy of their own. They're not being philosophers, they're
studying the history of philosophy.
Meanwhile, back at the unschooling ranch, as it were, we're finding
the basic questions of how to be and why, and of the meaning of choice
and freedom, and of perceptions and connections and ethics and
morality to be a part of eating and drinking, of sleeping and breathing.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deb Lewis
***we're finding the basic questions of how to be and why, and of the meaning of choice
and freedom, and of perceptions and connections and ethics and
morality to be a part of eating and drinking, of sleeping and breathing.***
It has to do a lot with emotional maturity, I think. When you recognize emotions, understand why you're feeling a certain way, understand you can control your emotions and that they don't control you, it's natural then to understand choice and freedom, perceptions and connections, ethics and morality.
I don't think it's spirituality. I think it's plain old grown up thinking, but seems too many people get stunted or stalled in their early years and when their bodies grow up their brains get left behind somewhere. I know whenever I feel I've lost my mind I usually find it behind me, somewhere near my ass. <g>
Deb Lewis
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and freedom, and of perceptions and connections and ethics and
morality to be a part of eating and drinking, of sleeping and breathing.***
It has to do a lot with emotional maturity, I think. When you recognize emotions, understand why you're feeling a certain way, understand you can control your emotions and that they don't control you, it's natural then to understand choice and freedom, perceptions and connections, ethics and morality.
I don't think it's spirituality. I think it's plain old grown up thinking, but seems too many people get stunted or stalled in their early years and when their bodies grow up their brains get left behind somewhere. I know whenever I feel I've lost my mind I usually find it behind me, somewhere near my ass. <g>
Deb Lewis
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny Cyphers
***I think people can "be philosophers" (for
having a piece of paper) while hardly having any useful, practical
philosophy of their own. They're not being philosophers, they're
studying the history of philosophy.***
I've read fiction novels that have been way more philosophical than some philosophy drivel. Alexander McCall Smith easily comes to mind. I love that there are writers out there that make deeply insightful points about life without any pretense of being a philosopher, yet, to me, they are. That's how I like my philosophy, rolled into a great story. Kind of like folk tales and mythology passed down with morals embedded.
I was always turned off by philosophy as a subject to study in school. People pontificating about long time dead people's ideas of human nature (I'll just leave it at "human nature" as a simplistic way of how I view philosophy) always seemed super boring to me. It wasn't until I starting delving into great fiction that ideas of philosophy became interesting, that combined with having kids and coming to unschooling.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
having a piece of paper) while hardly having any useful, practical
philosophy of their own. They're not being philosophers, they're
studying the history of philosophy.***
I've read fiction novels that have been way more philosophical than some philosophy drivel. Alexander McCall Smith easily comes to mind. I love that there are writers out there that make deeply insightful points about life without any pretense of being a philosopher, yet, to me, they are. That's how I like my philosophy, rolled into a great story. Kind of like folk tales and mythology passed down with morals embedded.
I was always turned off by philosophy as a subject to study in school. People pontificating about long time dead people's ideas of human nature (I'll just leave it at "human nature" as a simplistic way of how I view philosophy) always seemed super boring to me. It wasn't until I starting delving into great fiction that ideas of philosophy became interesting, that combined with having kids and coming to unschooling.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-
It has to do a lot with emotional maturity, I think. When you
recognize emotions, understand why you're feeling a certain way,
understand you can control your emotions and that they don't control
you, it's natural then to understand choice and freedom, perceptions
and connections, ethics and morality. -=-
Right. I was talking about the parents who "get with the program" of
unschooling to the point that they are wholly changed.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It has to do a lot with emotional maturity, I think. When you
recognize emotions, understand why you're feeling a certain way,
understand you can control your emotions and that they don't control
you, it's natural then to understand choice and freedom, perceptions
and connections, ethics and morality. -=-
Right. I was talking about the parents who "get with the program" of
unschooling to the point that they are wholly changed.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joanna
I think that as radical unschoolers the partnership we are engaged in with our children touches on the spiritual because we have this beautiful (most of the time!) connection with our children's soul in a much deeper way than we usually connect with anyone else.
If we are lucky, we are entrusted with a share in it's care, keeping and growth. And it does take a lot of emotional maturity to rise to that challenge. And I find that I am challenged to find the "higher" purpose all the time, so that it does feel very spiritual to me.
I hear ya' Cara!
Joanna
If we are lucky, we are entrusted with a share in it's care, keeping and growth. And it does take a lot of emotional maturity to rise to that challenge. And I find that I am challenged to find the "higher" purpose all the time, so that it does feel very spiritual to me.
I hear ya' Cara!
Joanna
--- In [email protected], Cara Barlow <carabarlow@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Everyone: A few days ago I was asked what my spiritual practices were. I
> was thrown off stride by the question - I think about spirituality often -
> it's a regular part of my world, but I don't have a practice, like setting
> aside a certain amount of time each day for meditation, etc.
>
> I think I mumbled something about my spiritual practice being how I
> interacted with my children. I'm sure it didn't make any sense to the
> questioners. It wasn't even very clear to me.
>
> The more I thought about what were my spiritual practices, the more
> similarities I saw between my spiritual practices (being kind, recognizing
> beauty, wanting to know more) and unschooling- it's organically there, all
> the time.
>
> Have any of you thought about how unschooling has affected your
> spirituality? Am I totally off track? I need help being more articulate
> about this.
>
> Best wishes, Cara
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Mandy Ray-Jones
I know that I've not introduced myself yet but I just had to chime in here!
I cannot tell you how many times I've been going about my business and I
will be hearing a song in my head. A few moments later my son will start
singing that very song and he will pick up right where the song is in my
head. It's eerie. I can always tell what he is thinking most of the time
even before he can. I love my deep connection with him!
I cannot tell you how many times I've been going about my business and I
will be hearing a song in my head. A few moments later my son will start
singing that very song and he will pick up right where the song is in my
head. It's eerie. I can always tell what he is thinking most of the time
even before he can. I love my deep connection with him!
On Sun, Nov 1, 2009 at 10:25 PM, Joanna <ridingmom@...> wrote:
>
>
> I think that as radical unschoolers the partnership we are engaged in with
> our children touches on the spiritual because we have this beautiful (most
> of the time!) connection with our children's soul in a much deeper way than
> we usually connect with anyone else.
>
> If we are lucky, we are entrusted with a share in it's care, keeping and
> growth. And it does take a lot of emotional maturity to rise to that
> challenge. And I find that I am challenged to find the "higher" purpose all
> the time, so that it does feel very spiritual to me.
>
> I hear ya' Cara!
>
> Joanna
>
> --- In [email protected] <AlwaysLearning%40yahoogroups.com>,
> Cara Barlow <carabarlow@...> wrote:
> >
> > Hi Everyone: A few days ago I was asked what my spiritual practices were.
> I
> > was thrown off stride by the question - I think about spirituality often
> -
> > it's a regular part of my world, but I don't have a practice, like
> setting
> > aside a certain amount of time each day for meditation, etc.
> >
> > I think I mumbled something about my spiritual practice being how I
> > interacted with my children. I'm sure it didn't make any sense to the
> > questioners. It wasn't even very clear to me.
> >
> > The more I thought about what were my spiritual practices, the more
> > similarities I saw between my spiritual practices (being kind,
> recognizing
> > beauty, wanting to know more) and unschooling- it's organically there,
> all
> > the time.
> >
> > Have any of you thought about how unschooling has affected your
> > spirituality? Am I totally off track? I need help being more articulate
> > about this.
> >
> > Best wishes, Cara
> >
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
>
>
>
--
Mandy Ray-Jones
Artsy Mamas Executive Director and Founder
http://artsymamas.org/
Child of God, Supermom, Wife, Aspiring Natural Nutritionist, Truth Seeker,
Lover of Life, Friend, and Geeky Blogger
http://www.bonafidemama.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Cara Barlow
<<<It has to do a lot with emotional maturity, I think. When you recognize
emotions, understand why you're feeling a certain way, understand you can
control your emotions and that they don't control you, it's natural then to
understand choice and freedom, perceptions and connections, ethics and
morality. >>>
This is why I'm wondering if it really is spirituality.
But what makes me think that it might be a spiritual practice is that being
mindful and kind towards my children (and more and more to others in my
life) is that it requires a discipline on my part - I have to pay attention
to the other person and see who they are, not who I think they are, and
respond in a way that is kind. This isn't always easy. it requires not only
emotional maturity (which I sometimes seem to lose!) but awareness and
active intention.
Before I read Sandra's post about philosophy/spirituality I was talking with
a friend, trying to explain to her why I think it's wrong to persistently
separate teens from younger kids and especially adults. When I was talking
with her I described my thoughts as my philosophical take on teens.
Maybe emotional maturity/spirituality/philosophy are so closely intertwined
that I shouldn't be concerned about teasing them out.
Best wishes, Cara
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
emotions, understand why you're feeling a certain way, understand you can
control your emotions and that they don't control you, it's natural then to
understand choice and freedom, perceptions and connections, ethics and
morality. >>>
This is why I'm wondering if it really is spirituality.
But what makes me think that it might be a spiritual practice is that being
mindful and kind towards my children (and more and more to others in my
life) is that it requires a discipline on my part - I have to pay attention
to the other person and see who they are, not who I think they are, and
respond in a way that is kind. This isn't always easy. it requires not only
emotional maturity (which I sometimes seem to lose!) but awareness and
active intention.
Before I read Sandra's post about philosophy/spirituality I was talking with
a friend, trying to explain to her why I think it's wrong to persistently
separate teens from younger kids and especially adults. When I was talking
with her I described my thoughts as my philosophical take on teens.
Maybe emotional maturity/spirituality/philosophy are so closely intertwined
that I shouldn't be concerned about teasing them out.
Best wishes, Cara
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-
Maybe emotional maturity/spirituality/philosophy are so closely
intertwined
that I shouldn't be concerned about teasing them out.=-
I think it's worth considering the terms, though. Some people who are
very scientific don't like to think of anything with a name like
"spirit" anything, because it sounds like ju-ju magic church stuff.
But if we can think of a child's spirit, and no want "to break his
spirit," then perhaps it's possible for that "spirit"--the happy,
lively part of his non-physical being--to survive into teen years, and
if so, can't a 25 year old be spirited, and whole in spirit?
While you're thinking of those terms above, throw in "wisdom." In
Howard Gardner's list, that would be intrapersonal intelligence, or
self-knowing. Maybe younger people do more "unwise" things because
they don't have the years of observation to create a checklist of what
can be harmful in an instant, and what can be harmful over years and
years. Only older people can see that second one, perhaps.
Maybe the secular form of "spirituality" is a kind of unconscious or
natural ability to attend to and control one's emotions and reactions
(biochemistry, at some level). Or if the control is difficult, at
least the ability to have the desire and intention to behave and react
in ways that are good for the other people around us. Generosity and
compassion are considered to be "spiritual" virtues, but there's a
plain vanilla bodily reality that scientists know only a little about
now, but I figure my grandkids will know quite a bit about when it's
clearer and plainer and "scientific."
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Maybe emotional maturity/spirituality/philosophy are so closely
intertwined
that I shouldn't be concerned about teasing them out.=-
I think it's worth considering the terms, though. Some people who are
very scientific don't like to think of anything with a name like
"spirit" anything, because it sounds like ju-ju magic church stuff.
But if we can think of a child's spirit, and no want "to break his
spirit," then perhaps it's possible for that "spirit"--the happy,
lively part of his non-physical being--to survive into teen years, and
if so, can't a 25 year old be spirited, and whole in spirit?
While you're thinking of those terms above, throw in "wisdom." In
Howard Gardner's list, that would be intrapersonal intelligence, or
self-knowing. Maybe younger people do more "unwise" things because
they don't have the years of observation to create a checklist of what
can be harmful in an instant, and what can be harmful over years and
years. Only older people can see that second one, perhaps.
Maybe the secular form of "spirituality" is a kind of unconscious or
natural ability to attend to and control one's emotions and reactions
(biochemistry, at some level). Or if the control is difficult, at
least the ability to have the desire and intention to behave and react
in ways that are good for the other people around us. Generosity and
compassion are considered to be "spiritual" virtues, but there's a
plain vanilla bodily reality that scientists know only a little about
now, but I figure my grandkids will know quite a bit about when it's
clearer and plainer and "scientific."
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]