Funerals (again)
Mel
Hi All,
I just want to thank everyone for their ideas last month when I brought up the topic of approaching funeral visitations.
Yesterday was the funeral in question. Both our boys attended and we had some discussions beforehand about what to expect, what they might see, how others may be acting, etc. We skipped the gravesite part as the boys both didn't want to see Auntie being put into the ground. My mother protested but surprisingly, my other aunt came to our defense. (We wouldn't have gone anyways, even if my aunt had been siding with my mother.)
At the reception which later followed, the boys found in a corner, a grove of fake palm trees and ferns and went to sit under them with their hotwheel cars. Before long other children gathered and played hotwheels while sharing a plate of tea sandwiches.
Since the funeral, the boys have made no mention of it. I'm hoping we approached this event as respectfully as possible. I'm thinking that one of the boys may have some questions in a few days about death or even about the body. Then again, maybe they took from the experience all that they needed at this time.
Mel
I just want to thank everyone for their ideas last month when I brought up the topic of approaching funeral visitations.
Yesterday was the funeral in question. Both our boys attended and we had some discussions beforehand about what to expect, what they might see, how others may be acting, etc. We skipped the gravesite part as the boys both didn't want to see Auntie being put into the ground. My mother protested but surprisingly, my other aunt came to our defense. (We wouldn't have gone anyways, even if my aunt had been siding with my mother.)
At the reception which later followed, the boys found in a corner, a grove of fake palm trees and ferns and went to sit under them with their hotwheel cars. Before long other children gathered and played hotwheels while sharing a plate of tea sandwiches.
Since the funeral, the boys have made no mention of it. I'm hoping we approached this event as respectfully as possible. I'm thinking that one of the boys may have some questions in a few days about death or even about the body. Then again, maybe they took from the experience all that they needed at this time.
Mel
Sandra Dodd
-=Since the funeral, the boys have made no mention of it. I'm hoping
we approached this event as respectfully as possible. I'm thinking
that one of the boys may have some questions in a few days about death
or even about the body. Then again, maybe they took from the
experience all that they needed at this time.-=-
For each of them, it will be a part of his own personal knowledge.
Sometimes it's none of our business what other people think. :-)
They might not have a question until after they've been to three
funerals, and it might be about the range of traditions, or the
legalities of this or that. Why coffin liners? Why only half of the
coffin opens? Why a sermon about hell? Who knows what individuals
will take from those ceremonies they might only observe very rarely in
a lifetime. I know a woman who's past 30 and has never had any
relative or friend die. She's never been to a funeral.
I knew a family growing up whose dad owned the biggest funeral home in
town, and the daughter studied mortuary science in Mexico City and
came back with all kinds of modern techniques, and history and
anthropological information about how people have dealt with death and
psychological information about how within our culture death and
grieving work and how people can help.
I hung out for a few years with a couple of people, one of whom did
makeup and hair at a mortuary, and one of whom worked embalming. They
had interesting stories about lightning strikes and spontaneous
combustion and scars (pre- and post-death) and the guy told me one
little boy was buried with all his Star Wars toys in the coffin with
him. I thought that was really nice of his parents.
Quite a range of amounts of exposure, but there's no sense pressing it
on kids who didn't ask.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
we approached this event as respectfully as possible. I'm thinking
that one of the boys may have some questions in a few days about death
or even about the body. Then again, maybe they took from the
experience all that they needed at this time.-=-
For each of them, it will be a part of his own personal knowledge.
Sometimes it's none of our business what other people think. :-)
They might not have a question until after they've been to three
funerals, and it might be about the range of traditions, or the
legalities of this or that. Why coffin liners? Why only half of the
coffin opens? Why a sermon about hell? Who knows what individuals
will take from those ceremonies they might only observe very rarely in
a lifetime. I know a woman who's past 30 and has never had any
relative or friend die. She's never been to a funeral.
I knew a family growing up whose dad owned the biggest funeral home in
town, and the daughter studied mortuary science in Mexico City and
came back with all kinds of modern techniques, and history and
anthropological information about how people have dealt with death and
psychological information about how within our culture death and
grieving work and how people can help.
I hung out for a few years with a couple of people, one of whom did
makeup and hair at a mortuary, and one of whom worked embalming. They
had interesting stories about lightning strikes and spontaneous
combustion and scars (pre- and post-death) and the guy told me one
little boy was buried with all his Star Wars toys in the coffin with
him. I thought that was really nice of his parents.
Quite a range of amounts of exposure, but there's no sense pressing it
on kids who didn't ask.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Laura Flynn Endres
***********
At the reception which later followed, the boys found in a corner, a grove of fake palm trees and ferns and went to sit under them with their hotwheel cars. Before long other children gathered and played hotwheels while sharing a plate of tea sandwiches.
***********
I must've missed the original thread, but this stood out to me. We have a very large extended family so funerals and most weddings are populated with many, many children. I'm struck anew, each time, when I see the kids frolicking together in their finest duds, giggling and chasing each other through cemeteries or in church parking lots, and I always watch and think, "What an amazing, beautiful legacy."
Laura
*~*~*~*~*
"Keep company with those who make you better." ~ English saying
*~*~*~*~*
www.piscesgrrrl.blogspot.com
*~*~*~*~*
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
At the reception which later followed, the boys found in a corner, a grove of fake palm trees and ferns and went to sit under them with their hotwheel cars. Before long other children gathered and played hotwheels while sharing a plate of tea sandwiches.
***********
I must've missed the original thread, but this stood out to me. We have a very large extended family so funerals and most weddings are populated with many, many children. I'm struck anew, each time, when I see the kids frolicking together in their finest duds, giggling and chasing each other through cemeteries or in church parking lots, and I always watch and think, "What an amazing, beautiful legacy."
Laura
*~*~*~*~*
"Keep company with those who make you better." ~ English saying
*~*~*~*~*
www.piscesgrrrl.blogspot.com
*~*~*~*~*
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]