too many buts...
carnationsgalore
As I was cleaning the bathroom today, I had random thoughts in my mind. I thought about how I liked cleaning the bathroom and how my husband likes to do the laundry. It doesn't mean we don't stick to just those things, we have developed preferences over other jobs (I hate the word chores) in the house.
So then I thought about how my children have never had specific jobs in our home. I had other parents tell me that my children would never learn to do chores if I didn't make them work. They would never learn responsibility and perseverence if I didn't give them things to do that taught those lessons. I've always tried to argue my position by explaining how I was never asked to do things I didn't like while growing up. The responses I hear are that I am obviously an exception but not to expect my children to learn without being taught.
That led me to thinking about the 'buts' I've heard since I discovered unschooling. I feel they are an obstacle not only to parenting with a peaceful attitude, but also to unschooling.
I hear, "Oh, I unschool..."
but I have to make the kids do chores because I can't do them all myself.
but I do think it's important to teach reading, or formal math, or whatever subject.
but I don't let my kids play video games, or watch tv, or have electronics.
but we have reading time every day because I want them to appreciate good books.
and others, I'm sure.
When looking back to the first 10 years I have been a parent, I remember being negative enough that I often thought about how sad I was all the time. It's like I had very little joy in my heart when I was certain being a parent would make me happier than I was before. One of the obstacles I've had to face is letting go of those `buts'. I still catch myself thinking them occasionally but I'm happy to say that they are few and far between. I have learned not to depend on my children, or anyone, for my own happiness. It's kind of nice to like myself.
So then I thought about how my children have never had specific jobs in our home. I had other parents tell me that my children would never learn to do chores if I didn't make them work. They would never learn responsibility and perseverence if I didn't give them things to do that taught those lessons. I've always tried to argue my position by explaining how I was never asked to do things I didn't like while growing up. The responses I hear are that I am obviously an exception but not to expect my children to learn without being taught.
That led me to thinking about the 'buts' I've heard since I discovered unschooling. I feel they are an obstacle not only to parenting with a peaceful attitude, but also to unschooling.
I hear, "Oh, I unschool..."
but I have to make the kids do chores because I can't do them all myself.
but I do think it's important to teach reading, or formal math, or whatever subject.
but I don't let my kids play video games, or watch tv, or have electronics.
but we have reading time every day because I want them to appreciate good books.
and others, I'm sure.
When looking back to the first 10 years I have been a parent, I remember being negative enough that I often thought about how sad I was all the time. It's like I had very little joy in my heart when I was certain being a parent would make me happier than I was before. One of the obstacles I've had to face is letting go of those `buts'. I still catch myself thinking them occasionally but I'm happy to say that they are few and far between. I have learned not to depend on my children, or anyone, for my own happiness. It's kind of nice to like myself.
Sandra Dodd
-=-I had other parents tell me that my children would never learn to
do chores if I didn't make them work. They would never learn
responsibility and perseverence if I didn't give them things to do
that taught those lessons. I've always tried to argue my position by
explaining how I was never asked to do things I didn't like while
growing up. The responses I hear are that I am obviously an exception
but not to expect my children to learn without being taught.-=-
There are plenty of people who won't touch a piano because they were
forced to take lessons, people who were forced to chop wood who just
seal their fireplaces up when they're grown up rather than ever cut
wood again. Forcing, "making" and "have to" aren't the road to joy or
choice.
Your list reminded me of this collection of "how to screw up
unschooling":
http://sandradodd.com/screwitup
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
do chores if I didn't make them work. They would never learn
responsibility and perseverence if I didn't give them things to do
that taught those lessons. I've always tried to argue my position by
explaining how I was never asked to do things I didn't like while
growing up. The responses I hear are that I am obviously an exception
but not to expect my children to learn without being taught.-=-
There are plenty of people who won't touch a piano because they were
forced to take lessons, people who were forced to chop wood who just
seal their fireplaces up when they're grown up rather than ever cut
wood again. Forcing, "making" and "have to" aren't the road to joy or
choice.
Your list reminded me of this collection of "how to screw up
unschooling":
http://sandradodd.com/screwitup
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Gwen
After four years of having to wear plaid skirts for school (private school uniform) - I have rarely worn a skirt and never, ever even a hint of plaid.
Gwen
Gwen
On Sep 26, 2009, at 5:25 PM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
-=-I had other parents tell me that my children would never learn to
do chores if I didn't make them work. They would never learn
responsibility and perseverence if I didn't give them things to do
that taught those lessons. I've always tried to argue my position by
explaining how I was never asked to do things I didn't like while
growing up. The responses I hear are that I am obviously an exception
but not to expect my children to learn without being taught.-=-
There are plenty of people who won't touch a piano because they were
forced to take lessons, people who were forced to chop wood who just
seal their fireplaces up when they're grown up rather than ever cut
wood again. Forcing, "making" and "have to" aren't the road to joy or
choice.
Your list reminded me of this collection of "how to screw up
unschooling":
http://sandradodd.com/screwitup
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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