Soapbox Topic
Shannon D. Burton
I've been struggling some time with my some of my lifelong relationships, which seem to have become less healthy and supportive since we really embraced unschooling several months ago.
Today, I was finally able to send an email that ended up truly clarifying many of my sensed but not understood beliefs about unschooling and what it has meant to our lives, and what more gentleness might mean to my friend and her 3.5 yo son, who will soon start preschool...
I don't want to post the whole thing here, as it's pretty long. If anyone is interested in reading and/or commenting on it, it is here:
http://memismommy.blogspot.com/
The heading is Open Letter to a Childhood Friend.
After allowing myself to really work through all the tangled reactions this snag has revealed, I feel as though I can now accept my friend as herself compassionately,and offer her support and a window into another way of being, but from a clear position of knowing where my own priorities are, and being true to those, first.
Regardless of what happens with the friendship, pondering and putting in writing where I am is already helping me to see where I can be better! Well worth it!
Shan
Today, I was finally able to send an email that ended up truly clarifying many of my sensed but not understood beliefs about unschooling and what it has meant to our lives, and what more gentleness might mean to my friend and her 3.5 yo son, who will soon start preschool...
I don't want to post the whole thing here, as it's pretty long. If anyone is interested in reading and/or commenting on it, it is here:
http://memismommy.blogspot.com/
The heading is Open Letter to a Childhood Friend.
After allowing myself to really work through all the tangled reactions this snag has revealed, I feel as though I can now accept my friend as herself compassionately,and offer her support and a window into another way of being, but from a clear position of knowing where my own priorities are, and being true to those, first.
Regardless of what happens with the friendship, pondering and putting in writing where I am is already helping me to see where I can be better! Well worth it!
Shan
Lyla Wolfenstein
shannon, i found your letter very moving. i could "receive" it both as someone who wishes someone had written that to me many years ago, and as someone who could imagine writing something similar today. thank you! did you send it? i am curious if it gets a response. but even if it doesn't - it most certainly will provide food for thought. warmly, Lyla
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
>I tried leaving this as a comment there but it wouldn't let me, so I'll just put it here:
> The heading is Open Letter to a Childhood Friend.
I bet it was very soul-cleansing to get this all out on paper. I hope there can be healing between you and your friend.
I wish parents could think about how it would feel to lose a child and whether they might want back those five days a week the child ends up spending at school with paid strangers, rather than family.
Ren
radicalunschooling.blogspot.com
Darcel
I liked it. It was very thoughtful. I'm still new to radical unschooling, and I took away alot from the part you wrote about being with your children, and them always being at your elbows. So true! Thanks for posting.
Darcel
Http://www.luvnharmony.wordpress.com
Darcel
Http://www.luvnharmony.wordpress.com
Shannon D. Burton
--- In [email protected], "Lyla Wolfenstein" <lylaw@...> wrote:
I did send the email - reread it at least twice, then sent it on its way with love. No reply, as of this time, but I really don't need one. I do hope, for the sake of her child, who often seems very anxious, that she is moved to consider it in the spirit offered. But, if not, it was an exercise in mindfulness to work through my emotions, and to reflect on what a remarkable change unschooling has wrought in our lives. We were a happy, loving family before...but now... Now we are a joyful bunch, excited each day to be together, and it keeps getting better and better. My 5yo, Annalise, often says, "Remember in the old days, Mommy? You would've yelled at me for this, right?"
A child doesn't need to be very big to appreciate a good thing!
Thanks for the feedback. Knowing my words touched someone here makes it even more worthwhile, whatever comes of sending it to my friend.
Peace!
Shan
>Lyla - thanks. I would have liked to have received a letter like this, too, when Jeremiah was a toddler. We might have avoided a lot of ugliness - or, perhaps, I might just have been offended by it. I thought I knew how to be a good parent, then, despite all the evidence to the contrary and that out-of-control feeling that plagued me constantly, despite Miah being a very sweet, kind, funny, and eager to please type of kid...
> shannon, i found your letter very moving. i could "receive" it both as someone who wishes someone had written that to me many years ago, and as someone who could imagine writing something similar today. thank you! did you send it? i am curious if it gets a response. but even if it doesn't - it most certainly will provide food for thought. warmly, Lyla
>
I did send the email - reread it at least twice, then sent it on its way with love. No reply, as of this time, but I really don't need one. I do hope, for the sake of her child, who often seems very anxious, that she is moved to consider it in the spirit offered. But, if not, it was an exercise in mindfulness to work through my emotions, and to reflect on what a remarkable change unschooling has wrought in our lives. We were a happy, loving family before...but now... Now we are a joyful bunch, excited each day to be together, and it keeps getting better and better. My 5yo, Annalise, often says, "Remember in the old days, Mommy? You would've yelled at me for this, right?"
A child doesn't need to be very big to appreciate a good thing!
Thanks for the feedback. Knowing my words touched someone here makes it even more worthwhile, whatever comes of sending it to my friend.
Peace!
Shan
>
Shannon D. Burton
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen" <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
I also hope for healing. In many ways, she has always felt like a sister to me, more so than my own. I understand where she's been in her life - and I suspect strongly that she's modeled her parenting on how I handled Jeremiah, now nearly 8, at her son's age. I know the damage that did to my relationship with my son (he is very large-hearted, and forgives me, but there are things that cannot be undone, and I am very aware of that.). It would be wonderful if my experiences could help her make the shift, sooner rather than later.
e are all here, together, living those moments, and, as time goes by, it seems I have less and less to regret, if any one of us were to die - and a lot more to treasure.
Thanks for the feedback...already, I've got more clarity than I had when I hit that send button... =)
Peace!
Shan
>Sorry about that. I'm still learning how to blog effectively, with lots of trial-and-error. I will see if I can figure out what's up before I post another link to there....thanks for taking the extra time to comment here.
>
> >
> > The heading is Open Letter to a Childhood Friend.
>
> I tried leaving this as a comment there but it wouldn't let me, so I'll just put it here:
> I bet it was very soul-cleansing to get this all out on paper. I hope there can be healing between you and your friend.It was. I work things through best on paper, and many pages of at least two notebooks are filled with about three weeks' worth of rants, musings, etc. When it all came together without rancor, it was very cathartic.
I also hope for healing. In many ways, she has always felt like a sister to me, more so than my own. I understand where she's been in her life - and I suspect strongly that she's modeled her parenting on how I handled Jeremiah, now nearly 8, at her son's age. I know the damage that did to my relationship with my son (he is very large-hearted, and forgives me, but there are things that cannot be undone, and I am very aware of that.). It would be wonderful if my experiences could help her make the shift, sooner rather than later.
>That really resonates with me. Losing a child is a huge part of why we chose to homeschool, then made the shift to unschooling. Life is precious and without guarantees. We don't take things for granted with Miah and Lise, and we definitely don't want to miss out on all those hours, five days a week. When I hear the school bus, I always smile, then go back to sleep, knowing it has no power over us. When I hear commercials for tutoring or changing your child's behavior, I laugh. Life here is loud, messy, chaotic, expansive, and sometimes downright challenging. It is also joyous, surprising, exciting, loving, deeply fulfilling, and just plain fun! W
> I wish parents could think about how it would feel to lose a child and whether they might want back those five days a week the child ends up spending at school with paid strangers, rather than family.
> Ren
> radicalunschooling.blogspot.com
e are all here, together, living those moments, and, as time goes by, it seems I have less and less to regret, if any one of us were to die - and a lot more to treasure.
Thanks for the feedback...already, I've got more clarity than I had when I hit that send button... =)
Peace!
Shan
>
>
Sandra Dodd
Shan, I put this part on the "change" page:
http://sandradodd.com/change
It's beautiful!
Sometimes words go in, and a lashing response comes out, but still the
words and the ideas and the pictures stay in. Like "tiny time
capsules" they can open days or months or years later. Don't judge
the effectiveness of that sort of communication by the first response
to it.
Sandra
http://sandradodd.com/change
It's beautiful!
Sometimes words go in, and a lashing response comes out, but still the
words and the ideas and the pictures stay in. Like "tiny time
capsules" they can open days or months or years later. Don't judge
the effectiveness of that sort of communication by the first response
to it.
Sandra
Shannon D. Burton
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
She is afraid. She says of unschooling, and the choice to enroll him. But I sense she is truly afraid of being the one to make choices that affect her child's future, and it has, in some ways, paralyzed her.
I think I can help (without sacrificing our peace, here). I think she could use to breathe. A lot. And to take it, whatever she does, one moment at a time.
I can, in any event, view her more compassionately now, which is better all around. I'm glad I waited through the time needed to reach out in a way that was kind, rather than the angry energy I had, after our last few conversations.
I think our friendship is likely to survive, and evolve. I didn't think that, this time yesterday. =)
Peace!
Shan
>I'm happy to say, that, after today's chat, I checked me email, and there was a reply from my friend that was in no way scathing. I need more time to process it before I attempt to answer.
> Shan, I put this part on the "change" page:
> http://sandradodd.com/change
>
> It's beautiful!
>
> Sometimes words go in, and a lashing response comes out, but still the
> words and the ideas and the pictures stay in. Like "tiny time
> capsules" they can open days or months or years later. Don't judge
> the effectiveness of that sort of communication by the first response
> to it.
>
> Sandra
>
She is afraid. She says of unschooling, and the choice to enroll him. But I sense she is truly afraid of being the one to make choices that affect her child's future, and it has, in some ways, paralyzed her.
I think I can help (without sacrificing our peace, here). I think she could use to breathe. A lot. And to take it, whatever she does, one moment at a time.
I can, in any event, view her more compassionately now, which is better all around. I'm glad I waited through the time needed to reach out in a way that was kind, rather than the angry energy I had, after our last few conversations.
I think our friendship is likely to survive, and evolve. I didn't think that, this time yesterday. =)
Peace!
Shan