Comments wanted on school debate..
Julie Anderson
The following are some things said to me by my sil..she and I have been
discussing hm'schooing..I usually stay away from this topic with family..but
it went pretty far this time. I was very upset over some of these last
things she said..mostly her comment that all hm'school kids should be
'monitered' and 'tested'. I think my anger is clouding rational thought at
this point. I wish I could put things into words better. I doubt if I will
ever change her mind.. but still can't help but hope that something I say,
might cause her to pause and reconsider.. She has 2 kids..one is a 21 yo son
who graduated hs, has stumbled from job to job so far and a 19yo dd who is
attending a photography school out in SanFrancisco. They are a millitary
family who moved around a lot. Would any of you..care to comment and help me
out?
Julie in MO
" I really didnt miss the point, the public school system needs work. I
prefer not to dwell on how the system failed, because I cant do anything
about the past, blaming history and the NEA doesnt correct the problem.
Those of you that chose an alternate form of education can't be absolved
from working to effect a change for those who dont have that option. I
feel that a choice to home school is a wonderful option, and works well if
the parent and child are motivated. But to run away from the system is
isolationism and believing that the world is all bad isn't a way to make the
world a better place. It is most optimal to be on the School Board as an
individual, or to vote for the right people to be on the School Board rather
than to let it be taken over by "subversives." Voting for checks on the
teachers, being a volunteer in the schools (did you know that the Red Cross
trains teachers aides to be helpful in the classroom so that the teacher can
spend more time teaching and less time babysitting?) There are so many
ways to help, and I have seen schools all across America that are wonderful,
caring places to send our children. But what are you doing about the
problem? In the places where my kids went to school, I worked to better the
system and am still involved with that. I will try to be more active in
pursuing changes through political avenues, and will do all I can to stress
learning for my grandchildren. Ever the optimist, I believe that we can
effect a change if we work at it, and I am happy to say that not all corrupt
individuals get on the school board. Parents have every right to ask for
better education for their kids. When the parents don't get involved, don't
listen to their kids about the bad teachers, and don't care, that is when
the schools break down. Ultimately it is our obligation, when we bring
children into this world, to do the best that we can for them and take
responsibility for them. Some of us don't have the time, because of the
need to make a living, or the abilities to teach, or even the inclination to
home school. Often, because they feel that their children need more than
they can deliver. So we go to PTA meetings, are active with the schools,
and take board positions.
We (the American people) don't need to justify our choices in the way we
educate ourselves and our children. We just need to do the best we are able
to do. I have found that we can learn as much as we want to learn...my
optimism is showing here. It would be great if there was a perfect system,
but those who want to be educated can be, in spite of the system. And the
wonderful thing is that we and our children can choose to continue learning
all our life. If we goofed up, we can try again and again.
We may have a flawed public school system in some cases. Likewise, there are
some inherent flaws with the Home Schooling system. For example, a lack of
constant monitoring to ensure progress is being made. There should be
annual testing to ensure that the teaching is being accomplished so that the
children will stand a fighting chance when they enter the real world. I
didn't feel qualified to take on the responsibility for teaching all the
diverse information that my kids need in these high-technology times. I
admire you for being confident enough to accept that awesome job.
Lets hope that in the long run, in spite of us, in spite of our parents and
in spite of the system, our families will be happy and take responsibility
for the way they want to live. We make mistakes, we learn, we try, then we
trust that we all choose the right road."
discussing hm'schooing..I usually stay away from this topic with family..but
it went pretty far this time. I was very upset over some of these last
things she said..mostly her comment that all hm'school kids should be
'monitered' and 'tested'. I think my anger is clouding rational thought at
this point. I wish I could put things into words better. I doubt if I will
ever change her mind.. but still can't help but hope that something I say,
might cause her to pause and reconsider.. She has 2 kids..one is a 21 yo son
who graduated hs, has stumbled from job to job so far and a 19yo dd who is
attending a photography school out in SanFrancisco. They are a millitary
family who moved around a lot. Would any of you..care to comment and help me
out?
Julie in MO
" I really didnt miss the point, the public school system needs work. I
prefer not to dwell on how the system failed, because I cant do anything
about the past, blaming history and the NEA doesnt correct the problem.
Those of you that chose an alternate form of education can't be absolved
from working to effect a change for those who dont have that option. I
feel that a choice to home school is a wonderful option, and works well if
the parent and child are motivated. But to run away from the system is
isolationism and believing that the world is all bad isn't a way to make the
world a better place. It is most optimal to be on the School Board as an
individual, or to vote for the right people to be on the School Board rather
than to let it be taken over by "subversives." Voting for checks on the
teachers, being a volunteer in the schools (did you know that the Red Cross
trains teachers aides to be helpful in the classroom so that the teacher can
spend more time teaching and less time babysitting?) There are so many
ways to help, and I have seen schools all across America that are wonderful,
caring places to send our children. But what are you doing about the
problem? In the places where my kids went to school, I worked to better the
system and am still involved with that. I will try to be more active in
pursuing changes through political avenues, and will do all I can to stress
learning for my grandchildren. Ever the optimist, I believe that we can
effect a change if we work at it, and I am happy to say that not all corrupt
individuals get on the school board. Parents have every right to ask for
better education for their kids. When the parents don't get involved, don't
listen to their kids about the bad teachers, and don't care, that is when
the schools break down. Ultimately it is our obligation, when we bring
children into this world, to do the best that we can for them and take
responsibility for them. Some of us don't have the time, because of the
need to make a living, or the abilities to teach, or even the inclination to
home school. Often, because they feel that their children need more than
they can deliver. So we go to PTA meetings, are active with the schools,
and take board positions.
We (the American people) don't need to justify our choices in the way we
educate ourselves and our children. We just need to do the best we are able
to do. I have found that we can learn as much as we want to learn...my
optimism is showing here. It would be great if there was a perfect system,
but those who want to be educated can be, in spite of the system. And the
wonderful thing is that we and our children can choose to continue learning
all our life. If we goofed up, we can try again and again.
We may have a flawed public school system in some cases. Likewise, there are
some inherent flaws with the Home Schooling system. For example, a lack of
constant monitoring to ensure progress is being made. There should be
annual testing to ensure that the teaching is being accomplished so that the
children will stand a fighting chance when they enter the real world. I
didn't feel qualified to take on the responsibility for teaching all the
diverse information that my kids need in these high-technology times. I
admire you for being confident enough to accept that awesome job.
Lets hope that in the long run, in spite of us, in spite of our parents and
in spite of the system, our families will be happy and take responsibility
for the way they want to live. We make mistakes, we learn, we try, then we
trust that we all choose the right road."
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/12/02 10:39:43 AM, anderclan@... writes:
<< I was very upset over some of these last
things she said..mostly her comment that all hm'school kids should be
'monitered' and 'tested'. >>
Tell her in some states they are.
Just say something to her to shush her so she doesn't keep pounding you with
noise.
When my mother in law said (in a restaurant, with all my kids at the table)
"Do you get them tested?"
"No."
"How do you know they aren't behind?"
"I know they ARE behind in some things, and they're ahead in others."
It shut her up.
Maybe you could just give your sister some general homeschooling sites to
read. HEM, NHEN introductions online (they're linked from
sandradodd.com/unschooling , down at the bottom--I don't learn them, I just
go click on my own links, sorry). You could tell her that until she knows
more about it, she's wasting your time discussing it. That if she wants to
do some research and THEN come talk to you, you'll talk.
Sandra
<< I was very upset over some of these last
things she said..mostly her comment that all hm'school kids should be
'monitered' and 'tested'. >>
Tell her in some states they are.
Just say something to her to shush her so she doesn't keep pounding you with
noise.
When my mother in law said (in a restaurant, with all my kids at the table)
"Do you get them tested?"
"No."
"How do you know they aren't behind?"
"I know they ARE behind in some things, and they're ahead in others."
It shut her up.
Maybe you could just give your sister some general homeschooling sites to
read. HEM, NHEN introductions online (they're linked from
sandradodd.com/unschooling , down at the bottom--I don't learn them, I just
go click on my own links, sorry). You could tell her that until she knows
more about it, she's wasting your time discussing it. That if she wants to
do some research and THEN come talk to you, you'll talk.
Sandra
Julie Anderson
>>Maybe you could just give your sister some general homeschooling sites toread. HEM, NHEN introductions online (they're linked from
sandradodd.com/unschooling , down at the bottom--I don't learn them, I just
go click on my own links, sorry). You could tell her that until she knows
more about it, she's wasting your time discussing it. That if she wants to
do some research and THEN come talk to you, you'll talk.
Sandra<<
Yes.. I've thought about saying something similar..as she obiviously isn't
really interested in how hm'schooling works. I haven't the guts to even
mildly go into 'unschooling' with her.. she would freak for sure. We have
side-stepped this for many years.. but I know she has always thought my kids
are 'behind' hers..and will never have the opportunities for college and
stuff. I know it shouldn't matter, but it is hard for me with family. I'll
send her the links.. who knows, she may get curious enough to actually go
take a look.
Thanks
Julie in MO
oh, and put me on the list for your idea cards and un-math book!!
[email protected]
Why debate? :) She said: "We (the American people) don't need to justify our
choices in the way we educate ourselves and our children. We just need to do
the best we are able to do."
Your reply? My suggestion is:
"Yes! Thank you for understanding."
Her letter reads less like an attack on your choice than a passionate defense
of her own. Your own mention of her son's shows it's a sticky point for her
in the family dynamics. Like most such family debates, the real issue isn't
ever just the words themselves. You're each defending (and seeing attacks on)
your own parenting.
It's usually wisest, I think, just to stay out of the swamp altogether, by
neatly sidestepping whenever the other party lobs something over the fence.
Vague noncomittal responses are my preferred shield. "Thank you for your
concern." "Oh, that's interesting." and change the subject. (Chocolate works
for me)
Deborah in IL
choices in the way we educate ourselves and our children. We just need to do
the best we are able to do."
Your reply? My suggestion is:
"Yes! Thank you for understanding."
Her letter reads less like an attack on your choice than a passionate defense
of her own. Your own mention of her son's shows it's a sticky point for her
in the family dynamics. Like most such family debates, the real issue isn't
ever just the words themselves. You're each defending (and seeing attacks on)
your own parenting.
It's usually wisest, I think, just to stay out of the swamp altogether, by
neatly sidestepping whenever the other party lobs something over the fence.
Vague noncomittal responses are my preferred shield. "Thank you for your
concern." "Oh, that's interesting." and change the subject. (Chocolate works
for me)
Deborah in IL
Julie Anderson
>Her letter reads less like an attack on your choice than a passionatedefense
>of her own. Your own mention of her son's shows it's a sticky point for heron)
>in the family dynamics. Like most such family debates, the real issue isn't
>ever just the words themselves. You're each defending (and seeing attacks
>your own parenting.works
>It's usually wisest, I think, just to stay out of the swamp altogether, by
>neatly sidestepping whenever the other party lobs something over the fence.
>Vague noncomittal responses are my preferred shield. "Thank you for your
>concern." "Oh, that's interesting." and change the subject. (Chocolate
>for me)Your probably right.. that I shouldn't try to change her mind. I am more
>
>Deborah in IL
concerned now, because my middle daughter is wanting very much to spend a
week or two with this Aunt, and I'm afraid she will try to convince our
daughter that she has "missed out on so much by not going to school". So
when this conservation got started last week.. I thought it might be an
opportunity to discuss things and to possibly help her to understand alittle
of why/how we chose to keep our kids at home. My sil is really a very nice
person..just so different from us. She has no idea that we are unschoolers.
My dd would be considered 'behind' in some things (at least according to my
sil) This is the first time they have lived close enough to us to visit and
be around more. I'm just trying to figure out how to deal with the new
circumstances. This maybe wasn't the place for this type of discussion..do
appreciate your thoughts tho.
Julie in MO
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/13/02 4:15:21 PM, anderclan@... writes:
<< I'm just trying to figure out how to deal with the new
circumstances. This maybe wasn't the place for this type of discussion..do
appreciate your thoughts tho. >>
I wouldn't hesitate to tell the sister in law not to bug your daughter or
pressure her about homeschooling.
And you could coach your daughter with some answers (if she's worried about
it) so she could better defend herself. You could send a book with her
during the visit so if the aunt starts anything the daughter could hand her
the book and say "You could read this."
Sandra
<< I'm just trying to figure out how to deal with the new
circumstances. This maybe wasn't the place for this type of discussion..do
appreciate your thoughts tho. >>
I wouldn't hesitate to tell the sister in law not to bug your daughter or
pressure her about homeschooling.
And you could coach your daughter with some answers (if she's worried about
it) so she could better defend herself. You could send a book with her
during the visit so if the aunt starts anything the daughter could hand her
the book and say "You could read this."
Sandra
[email protected]
**I'm just trying to figure out how to deal with the new circumstances.
This maybe wasn't the place for this type of discussion..do appreciate your
thoughts tho.**
Of course it's the place for it. Where else? :)
Hey really, sorry I didn't have any brilliant ideas to change her mind for
you. In 13 years I've never changed anyone's mind with just a few
conversations. I've given people food for thought, and led people farther
down the road sometimes, but the only mind changing has come about over time
because my kids are turning out just fine.
I think in situations where people you care about might hurt your children,
it's important to take an active approach. Address the issue head on if you
feel there might be tension during the visit.
My mother used to quiz my kids and otherwise sabotage us. She meant well, but
it wasn't nice just the same. I told her to cut it out or she'd not get to be
around them unsupervised. Before my daughter got on a plane for a long visit
I called my mom especially to tell her that my daughter was apprehensive
about the visit because she thought sometimes Oma thought her stupid. Oma
behaved better. That time, anyway. :)
Deborah in IL
This maybe wasn't the place for this type of discussion..do appreciate your
thoughts tho.**
Of course it's the place for it. Where else? :)
Hey really, sorry I didn't have any brilliant ideas to change her mind for
you. In 13 years I've never changed anyone's mind with just a few
conversations. I've given people food for thought, and led people farther
down the road sometimes, but the only mind changing has come about over time
because my kids are turning out just fine.
I think in situations where people you care about might hurt your children,
it's important to take an active approach. Address the issue head on if you
feel there might be tension during the visit.
My mother used to quiz my kids and otherwise sabotage us. She meant well, but
it wasn't nice just the same. I told her to cut it out or she'd not get to be
around them unsupervised. Before my daughter got on a plane for a long visit
I called my mom especially to tell her that my daughter was apprehensive
about the visit because she thought sometimes Oma thought her stupid. Oma
behaved better. That time, anyway. :)
Deborah in IL