There is hope for teens leaving high school
carnationsgalore
My daughter Claire (17) left public school at the end of 10th grade in May 2008. Until then, she had been in school since age 5. Her first year home was a learning experience for both of us. I now understand why the idea of deschooling is often mentioned for a child leaving school. Claire spent the year living in a very passive mode. It was hard for me but she really needed time and space to just BE.
Then about 2 months ago she got the urge to get her learner's driving permit and a part-time job. With a new job, she opened a bank account. She's worked at her job for a couple of months now and this past week received two job offers from other stores in the mall. She doesn't know what she is going to do just yet, but is feeling free and happy. Her schooled friends are starting their senior high school year on Monday and she is ecstatic that she not only isn't going but that she feels really good about her lifestyle. The start of last school year was rough because she questioned her choice to leave, especially with her friends and her dad & stepmom freaking out. She told me yesterday that life is good. :)
Just wanted to share,
Beth M.
Then about 2 months ago she got the urge to get her learner's driving permit and a part-time job. With a new job, she opened a bank account. She's worked at her job for a couple of months now and this past week received two job offers from other stores in the mall. She doesn't know what she is going to do just yet, but is feeling free and happy. Her schooled friends are starting their senior high school year on Monday and she is ecstatic that she not only isn't going but that she feels really good about her lifestyle. The start of last school year was rough because she questioned her choice to leave, especially with her friends and her dad & stepmom freaking out. She told me yesterday that life is good. :)
Just wanted to share,
Beth M.
Sandra Dodd
-=-Then about 2 months ago she got the urge to get her learner's
driving permit and a part-time job. -=-
The great thing is that when she got the urge, you helped her do it.
That's rare and wonderful.
Millions of teens are either told to take driver's ed NOW, no option,
or NO you can't take driver's ed (because I said so). Maybe Claire is
in a place where driver's ed isn't a requirement and it's just about
learning from parents. Still, some are pressed learn while others are
forbidden. My kids went to a driving school near here and some of
the sessions are during the spring break from school, I think six or
seven days straight, so they were in with high school kids whose
entire break was "back in school" and they were resentful, but my kids
were happy to be there, and excited to be around kids their age, and
to be learning.
About jobs, same as above. I wanted a job as a teen and my dad said
no. Other parents tell their teens they "have to" get a job. What a
luxury for a person to wait until "the urge" comes and then get
approval and maybe assistance right then.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
driving permit and a part-time job. -=-
The great thing is that when she got the urge, you helped her do it.
That's rare and wonderful.
Millions of teens are either told to take driver's ed NOW, no option,
or NO you can't take driver's ed (because I said so). Maybe Claire is
in a place where driver's ed isn't a requirement and it's just about
learning from parents. Still, some are pressed learn while others are
forbidden. My kids went to a driving school near here and some of
the sessions are during the spring break from school, I think six or
seven days straight, so they were in with high school kids whose
entire break was "back in school" and they were resentful, but my kids
were happy to be there, and excited to be around kids their age, and
to be learning.
About jobs, same as above. I wanted a job as a teen and my dad said
no. Other parents tell their teens they "have to" get a job. What a
luxury for a person to wait until "the urge" comes and then get
approval and maybe assistance right then.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
g-liberatedlearning
The other night I was out with my sisters-in-law -- five of the six of
them. One told us that she'd recently told her 16 year old that he
had to get a job or get his haircut. She reported that he protested,
"That doesn't make any sense!" The sentiment she expressed at the
table and that was supported by some of the other sisters-in-law was,
"Tough, I say it so you must do as I say." This is one of the many
times that I decided it was better to just sit quiet and act dumb.
Poor kid, it's a tough time to find a job and he doesn't really need
one. The family is well enough off to take care of his needs and even
most of his wants. School is about to start up again and he is
planning to take a pretty rigorous schedule of classes. Why must he
get a job? <sigh>
Chris
Radically Unschooling in Iowa
The Unzone
them. One told us that she'd recently told her 16 year old that he
had to get a job or get his haircut. She reported that he protested,
"That doesn't make any sense!" The sentiment she expressed at the
table and that was supported by some of the other sisters-in-law was,
"Tough, I say it so you must do as I say." This is one of the many
times that I decided it was better to just sit quiet and act dumb.
Poor kid, it's a tough time to find a job and he doesn't really need
one. The family is well enough off to take care of his needs and even
most of his wants. School is about to start up again and he is
planning to take a pretty rigorous schedule of classes. Why must he
get a job? <sigh>
Chris
Radically Unschooling in Iowa
The Unzone
On Aug 8, 2009, at 12:09 PM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
> About jobs, same as above. I wanted a job as a teen and my dad said
> no. Other parents tell their teens they "have to" get a job. What a
> luxury for a person to wait until "the urge" comes and then get
> approval and maybe assistance right then.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robin Bentley
When I think back to my teenage years, I feel lucky that I had the
parents I had. And they knew nothing about unschooling!
I decided to get my driver's license at 16, because my friends were
getting theirs. I did it through the school program. But I really
didn't want to drive. My parents were fine with that and drove me
places or I took a bus or had a friend take me places. I didn't get my
license until I turned 21.
I decided I wanted a job when I was 15, so I applied and got a retail
job over the Christmas rush. My parents were really supportive and
drove me to work if I needed a ride. I didn't have to keep my job - I
was done by January. I didn't work until I left college to work full-
time, at 19.
It was all cool with my folks. I wish I'd told them how much I
appreciated that.
Robin B.
parents I had. And they knew nothing about unschooling!
I decided to get my driver's license at 16, because my friends were
getting theirs. I did it through the school program. But I really
didn't want to drive. My parents were fine with that and drove me
places or I took a bus or had a friend take me places. I didn't get my
license until I turned 21.
I decided I wanted a job when I was 15, so I applied and got a retail
job over the Christmas rush. My parents were really supportive and
drove me to work if I needed a ride. I didn't have to keep my job - I
was done by January. I didn't work until I left college to work full-
time, at 19.
It was all cool with my folks. I wish I'd told them how much I
appreciated that.
Robin B.
On Aug 8, 2009, at 10:09 AM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
>
> The great thing is that when she got the urge, you helped her do it.
> That's rare and wonderful.
<snip>
>
>
> About jobs, same as above. I wanted a job as a teen and my dad said
> no. Other parents tell their teens they "have to" get a job. What a
> luxury for a person to wait until "the urge" comes and then get
> approval and maybe assistance right then.
>
g-liberatedlearning
> When I think back to my teenage years, I feel lucky that I had theZach (18) still doesn't have his license. He has his permit and is
> parents I had. And they knew nothing about unschooling!
learning, but is not very interested or motivated to get his license.
His dad and I are a bit more motivated for him. It'd be nice to have
another driver in the house. When he was 16 he wanted a job, so he
got one at a local used video game store. We drove him to and from
work every day -- he worked sometimes 5 days per week -- for eight
months. No complaints from me or hubby. We were happy to do it!
Chris
Radically Unschooling in Iowa
The Unzone
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny C
> I decided to get my driver's license at 16, because my friends wereI didn't get my license until I was 24 and only because I moved somewhat
> getting theirs. I did it through the school program. But I really
> didn't want to drive. My parents were fine with that and drove me
> places or I took a bus or had a friend take me places. I didn't get my
> license until I turned 21.
rurally and I had an infant and no way of getting to and fro. Prior to
that I used mass transit, I knew the whole entire transit system by
heart and could get anywhere I needed.
Chamille wanted to get her driver's permit, so I registered her with her
local school district just so she could get it (driver's permits and
licensing is connected with school performance where we live), and then
she changed her mind! Rats! She has to take state mandated testing
next year because of. I'm in no hurry though, my insurance rates will
go up and right now, I get to drive her places, which means I get to
have nice conversations in the car with her and her friends. She's
figuring out the transit system here, which is really super cool, and
way cheaper than driving around. She was going to take the bus this
morning to get to a friend's house, but her dad offered to drive her and
that was even better because they got to talk a bit and his car uses
less gas than mine!
> I decided I wanted a job when I was 15, so I applied and got a retailChamille goes back and forth about having a job. She'd love to be able
> job over the Christmas rush. My parents were really supportive and
> drove me to work if I needed a ride. I didn't have to keep my job - I
> was done by January. I didn't work until I left college to work full-
> time, at 19.
to make money, she just really doesn't want a huge work schedule
interfering with other stuff, so thus far, she's fine without a job.
The other day I offered to pay her to do work around the house. She
looked at me and said, "Mom, no! I don't want you to be like every
other parent out there. Can't you just ask me to do stuff and give me
money when you have it?", (this was after a conversation about earning
money by doing chores that we'd had with a few of her friends) then she
went on to say that I never ask her to help out, which is kind of true,
I don't do that so much. I have the full go ahead now to ask her to
help out with any household work that I need and she's said that she
will help out as much as she can. It's sweet and genuine. She's 15,
she has a lifetime of working for money ahead of her and I'd love for it
to be enjoyable, not something she feels stuck in.
My parents encouraged me not to get a job as a teen. My dad had a side
business and he paid me to do that work. It was real work and he paid
well for it. All in all, it was a great situation for me, especially in
hindsight having seen many of my friends struggle to maintain employment
and school and friendships. My sister opted to get a very part time job
when she was a senior in highschool. She didn't like the side business
as much as I did.
carnationsgalore
Claire didn't feel she was ready to drive when she turned 15 (first opportunity to get a learners permit) and again at age 16. I certainly wasn't about to pressure her into it if she didn't want to drive. Her dad tried numerous times to guilt her into getting the license. She used excuses because he wouldn't listen to her. He's my ex-husband and didn't care to hear my opinion. When she decided to get her permit, she started driving like she had been doing it for a long time. We don't need a driving program because she'll be 18 just before she'll be eligible for her regular license, and because our insurance company doesn't provide discounts for drivers education.
Oh, her high school offered drivers education. They have the kids take one semester of drivers education and one semester of P.E. which is beyond the general P.E. requirement. That was a huge turnoff for Claire so she never bothered with it.
My husband and I do not mind taking her to and from work. She actually does the driving as she does anytime she can. Once a week, we make it a family affair because we love Haagen Daz ice cream and her employee discount is 50% for families. :)
Beth M.
Oh, her high school offered drivers education. They have the kids take one semester of drivers education and one semester of P.E. which is beyond the general P.E. requirement. That was a huge turnoff for Claire so she never bothered with it.
My husband and I do not mind taking her to and from work. She actually does the driving as she does anytime she can. Once a week, we make it a family affair because we love Haagen Daz ice cream and her employee discount is 50% for families. :)
Beth M.
kelly_sturman
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
2005 after spending the majority of his childhood in a Chinese
orphanage. He is 17 (or thereabout; his age is a guess, really)
now.
He goes to school by his choice.
He chooses not to drive, but has learnt the bus system well
enough to go anywhere he wants to go. (And it is inexpensive,
and good for the environment!)
He got his first job this summer, through a program for
disabled people (he has Spina Bifida), and he loved it.
He got his second job, on his own, by networking. He talked
to teachers, former teachers, friends, friends of friends...
This is a young man, who, when he first came to this country,
literally would not speak in public for the first six months,
lest he make a mistake and be laughed at. (A totally
understandable reaction to life's circumstances, I think...)
Now, he is getting work, in a depressed economy, on his own,
without a job coach, by talking to EVERYBODY. He is taking risks.
That is a VERY big deal. And he is being rewarded for it, in tangible ways that matter to him. His first job will end August 14th. His new job starts August 15th.
He is accomplishing things he wasn't expected to accomplish.
Well, *we* expected him to do these things, but were told we
were expecting too much...
He is happy doing what he is doing. He may or may not choose
to drive. (Doesn't matter; he can get where he wants to go
on the bus.)
He chooses to go to school... after a lifetime of very structured
living, the structure of school comforts him. He makes friends
with other immigrants. They are a close-knit group.
He is blossoming, and it is an honor to witness it. He is happy.
Most people would overlook this quiet young man with the slight
limp who works at jobs that most people would not describe
as glamourous (janitor, shelf stocker).
We look at him and see a happy young man who is achieving
every goal he sets for himself, and we are happy for him,
because he is happy with the life he is making for himself,
and to our minds, that means he is a success.
Making the transition from eclectic homeschooling to unschooling,
I have to say, that for me, letting go of fear and living in
the realm of what is possible and what brings joy (rather than
what is expected), is the most challenging and most rewarding challenge for me as an unschooling parent. But the more
I trust my children, the more I focus on showing I love them by
*assisting* them, rather than by *controlling* them, the happier we
all are.
And some of us are accomplishing things things that few people
thought possible.
Kelly Sturman
http://kelly-livingjoyfully.blogspot.com
>Our oldest (but not first born) joined our family in December
> -=-Then about 2 months ago she got the urge to get her learner's
> driving permit and a part-time job. -=-
>
> The great thing is that when she got the urge, you helped her do it. That's rare and wonderful.
2005 after spending the majority of his childhood in a Chinese
orphanage. He is 17 (or thereabout; his age is a guess, really)
now.
He goes to school by his choice.
He chooses not to drive, but has learnt the bus system well
enough to go anywhere he wants to go. (And it is inexpensive,
and good for the environment!)
He got his first job this summer, through a program for
disabled people (he has Spina Bifida), and he loved it.
He got his second job, on his own, by networking. He talked
to teachers, former teachers, friends, friends of friends...
This is a young man, who, when he first came to this country,
literally would not speak in public for the first six months,
lest he make a mistake and be laughed at. (A totally
understandable reaction to life's circumstances, I think...)
Now, he is getting work, in a depressed economy, on his own,
without a job coach, by talking to EVERYBODY. He is taking risks.
That is a VERY big deal. And he is being rewarded for it, in tangible ways that matter to him. His first job will end August 14th. His new job starts August 15th.
He is accomplishing things he wasn't expected to accomplish.
Well, *we* expected him to do these things, but were told we
were expecting too much...
He is happy doing what he is doing. He may or may not choose
to drive. (Doesn't matter; he can get where he wants to go
on the bus.)
He chooses to go to school... after a lifetime of very structured
living, the structure of school comforts him. He makes friends
with other immigrants. They are a close-knit group.
He is blossoming, and it is an honor to witness it. He is happy.
Most people would overlook this quiet young man with the slight
limp who works at jobs that most people would not describe
as glamourous (janitor, shelf stocker).
We look at him and see a happy young man who is achieving
every goal he sets for himself, and we are happy for him,
because he is happy with the life he is making for himself,
and to our minds, that means he is a success.
Making the transition from eclectic homeschooling to unschooling,
I have to say, that for me, letting go of fear and living in
the realm of what is possible and what brings joy (rather than
what is expected), is the most challenging and most rewarding challenge for me as an unschooling parent. But the more
I trust my children, the more I focus on showing I love them by
*assisting* them, rather than by *controlling* them, the happier we
all are.
And some of us are accomplishing things things that few people
thought possible.
Kelly Sturman
http://kelly-livingjoyfully.blogspot.com