What about Dad?
Linda Adair
Okay, I have listened to some choice advice from all. I agree about the diet after 3 days! Habits die hard. But what about Dad? I have eased up on controlling the boys in the area of chores...but of course Dad has outside stuff he asks them to do. No real problem. Last night though, my husband awoke around 11:00pm (he goes to sleep around 9:00pm) and found the kids watching t.v. and I was on the computer. He sleepily asked why I was letting the kids stay up so late. I just told him they weren't bothering me. He wanted them to go to bed. I have talked of unschooling and lifestyle of learning etc...he knows we have been eclectic and I am not a structured person myself. He, more so, but not pushing anything on us. I don't think he will wrap his head around some of the freedoms unschooling suggests, especially in those two areas; chores and bedtimes. I do think however, he must have noticed by now, mom (me!) is not as crabby and
barking orders to my boys all the time! Anyway, I just thought I would mention my 'problem', in case someone has a suggestion in how you relate unschooling to a husband that likes the idea of discipline! (One thing that drives him crazy is the boys bedroom when it gets in a mess...he absolutely won't tolerate that...whereas I would! so I am finding myself saying to the boys..."come on now, get your room picked up...you know daddy will bark at you if he finds it like this...etc.etc....) Thanks for your input.
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barking orders to my boys all the time! Anyway, I just thought I would mention my 'problem', in case someone has a suggestion in how you relate unschooling to a husband that likes the idea of discipline! (One thing that drives him crazy is the boys bedroom when it gets in a mess...he absolutely won't tolerate that...whereas I would! so I am finding myself saying to the boys..."come on now, get your room picked up...you know daddy will bark at you if he finds it like this...etc.etc....) Thanks for your input.
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Sandra Dodd
-=-But what about Dad?-=-
You shouldn't "change the rules" without your husband at least
understanding somewhat, agreeing mostly, or trusting you hugely.
If it's too soon, it's too soon. Go gradually.
http://sandradodd.com/gradualchange
http://sandradodd.com/divorce
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You shouldn't "change the rules" without your husband at least
understanding somewhat, agreeing mostly, or trusting you hugely.
If it's too soon, it's too soon. Go gradually.
http://sandradodd.com/gradualchange
http://sandradodd.com/divorce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
guideforthree
==== Last night though, my husband awoke around 11:00pm (he goes to sleep around 9:00pm) and found the kids watching t.v. and I was on the computer. He sleepily asked why I was letting the kids stay up so late. I just told him they weren't bothering me. He wanted them to go to bed. =====
I know with Charles, the issue was not that the kids were up. The problem was that I was up. He didn't like sleeping alone, and he missed me.
I now try to make a special effort to spend a few hours in our room with Charles a few evenings every week. Sometimes Abby (4) is in the room with us quietly playing a computer game or watching a movie with headphones. Sometimes she is downstairs with her older brothers. When the kids had a bedtime, Charles and I used to sit in bed together and read, talk, etc. before we went to sleep. He missed that. These days I often get back up and take care of the kids again after Charles falls asleep, but I am trying to restore the part of his evening where he has my attention. For now, this is working. For now, everyone seems happy.
=====I do think however, he must have noticed by now, mom (me!) is not as crabby and barking orders to my boys all the time! =====
This is why Charles likes the lifestyle choices we have made. Before, when he would come home from work, he would get hit with a barrage of problems that he would have to fix. Now, any one who is not busy runs up to happily greet him. Everyone else at least looks up and says hi. Home is now someplace he likes to come home to. He told me once that he used to dread coming home. He could feel the tension building as he drove. Before he felt like he was leaving one job only to go to another. Now, he just feels welcome.
=======(One thing that drives him crazy is the boys bedroom when it gets in a mess...he absolutely won't tolerate that...whereas I would! so I am finding myself saying to the boys..."come on now, get your room picked up...you know daddy will bark at you if he finds it like this...etc.etc....) ======
This sets daddy up as the kids' enemy. I clean my kids rooms - sometimes with help, but mostly by myself. When I do have help, it is always voluntary. If there is anything I know will bother Charles, I try to get it taken care of before he gets home.
We sat down and talked about the things that bother him and the things that make him happy, and based on that information, I try as hard as I can to make his home a comfortable place - just like I do for the kids.
Tina
I know with Charles, the issue was not that the kids were up. The problem was that I was up. He didn't like sleeping alone, and he missed me.
I now try to make a special effort to spend a few hours in our room with Charles a few evenings every week. Sometimes Abby (4) is in the room with us quietly playing a computer game or watching a movie with headphones. Sometimes she is downstairs with her older brothers. When the kids had a bedtime, Charles and I used to sit in bed together and read, talk, etc. before we went to sleep. He missed that. These days I often get back up and take care of the kids again after Charles falls asleep, but I am trying to restore the part of his evening where he has my attention. For now, this is working. For now, everyone seems happy.
=====I do think however, he must have noticed by now, mom (me!) is not as crabby and barking orders to my boys all the time! =====
This is why Charles likes the lifestyle choices we have made. Before, when he would come home from work, he would get hit with a barrage of problems that he would have to fix. Now, any one who is not busy runs up to happily greet him. Everyone else at least looks up and says hi. Home is now someplace he likes to come home to. He told me once that he used to dread coming home. He could feel the tension building as he drove. Before he felt like he was leaving one job only to go to another. Now, he just feels welcome.
=======(One thing that drives him crazy is the boys bedroom when it gets in a mess...he absolutely won't tolerate that...whereas I would! so I am finding myself saying to the boys..."come on now, get your room picked up...you know daddy will bark at you if he finds it like this...etc.etc....) ======
This sets daddy up as the kids' enemy. I clean my kids rooms - sometimes with help, but mostly by myself. When I do have help, it is always voluntary. If there is anything I know will bother Charles, I try to get it taken care of before he gets home.
We sat down and talked about the things that bother him and the things that make him happy, and based on that information, I try as hard as I can to make his home a comfortable place - just like I do for the kids.
Tina