Re: [AlwaysLearning] Digest Number 217
[email protected]
In a message dated 02/08/2002 11:26:13 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
be an issue, the main reason women stay with their batterers are that they
are less likely to get killed staying than leaving. Most of the women you
hear about being killed by their husbands and boyfriends left or were trying
to leave. For many women the thing that made them decide the risk was worth
it was when he started hurting the kids. I heard this over and over.
Another reason is a lack of resources. Most batterers not only use physical
violence, but psychological. Frequently the batterer has set things up so the
woman has no friends, and also alienates the woman's family.
Kathryn Baptista
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
> >This drives me crazy. Organizations spend tons of money every yearI spent many years working with battered women, and wile low self-eteem can
> >helping grown women get away from abusive partners and yet we tell kids
> >they have to learn to work things out for themselves.
>
> This is an interesting connection. I always thought that women that stayed
> in abusive relationships had low self-esteem. Some how they have been
> given the message that they need to put up with crap.
>
>
be an issue, the main reason women stay with their batterers are that they
are less likely to get killed staying than leaving. Most of the women you
hear about being killed by their husbands and boyfriends left or were trying
to leave. For many women the thing that made them decide the risk was worth
it was when he started hurting the kids. I heard this over and over.
Another reason is a lack of resources. Most batterers not only use physical
violence, but psychological. Frequently the batterer has set things up so the
woman has no friends, and also alienates the woman's family.
Kathryn Baptista
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pat Cald...
I am assuming the men that turn out to be batterers exhibit some of those tendencies before they become husbands, maybe in a controlling manipulative manner. Would that be typical?
One thing we talk about a lot here is manipulative behavior. Girls usually say to my daughters "I won't be your friend if you don't ......." Or they will cry to make my daughters feel sorry and let them have their way. We have gotten so calloused to this type of thing it has become a joke in our house. I know it sounds cruel but my daughters will not be victims of manipulative behavior. They tell their friends how they feel and they are direct in their communications.
Pat
One thing we talk about a lot here is manipulative behavior. Girls usually say to my daughters "I won't be your friend if you don't ......." Or they will cry to make my daughters feel sorry and let them have their way. We have gotten so calloused to this type of thing it has become a joke in our house. I know it sounds cruel but my daughters will not be victims of manipulative behavior. They tell their friends how they feel and they are direct in their communications.
Pat
----- Original Message -----
From: KathrynJB@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, February 09, 2002 12:18 AM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Digest Number 217
In a message dated 02/08/2002 11:26:13 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
> >This drives me crazy. Organizations spend tons of money every year
> >helping grown women get away from abusive partners and yet we tell kids
> >they have to learn to work things out for themselves.
>
> This is an interesting connection. I always thought that women that stayed
> in abusive relationships had low self-esteem. Some how they have been
> given the message that they need to put up with crap.
>
>
I spent many years working with battered women, and wile low self-eteem can
be an issue, the main reason women stay with their batterers are that they
are less likely to get killed staying than leaving. Most of the women you
hear about being killed by their husbands and boyfriends left or were trying
to leave. For many women the thing that made them decide the risk was worth
it was when he started hurting the kids. I heard this over and over.
Another reason is a lack of resources. Most batterers not only use physical
violence, but psychological. Frequently the batterer has set things up so the
woman has no friends, and also alienates the woman's family.
Kathryn Baptista
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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