Megan

Hello, I am new here and could use some advice. We are a family of 7 who have homeschooled from the beginning. We have used what I would call a relaxed approach, but definitely not unschooling. I try to combine the desires of each child, what works best for him/her, and what I want them to learn. We have used mostly Sonlight materials, at our own speed. So here we are: my older 2 boys (15 and 13) are good kids, not at all rebellious or disrespectful. They mostly do the work we decide on, but with NO enthusiasm. I feel like I am pulling dead weight. They are not pulling the other way, but they are just laying there like dead bodies! :-) I'm tired. I'm trying to change my thinking for their sake. My oldest was recently diagnosed with mild depression. Now, I'm not saying that depression comes as a result of schooling choices, but it is causing us to reevaluate. He says he is bored with school. Just boxes to check off. So I took all expectations off of him about 2 weeks ago. I told him to do whatever he wanted. He is much more relaxed and happy. But I think he is still thinking, "I need to be doing something". He is artistic and has been spending most of his time drawing, scanning, and photoshopping. I told him that was fine. I encouraged him that since he is 15, maybe he could just think about setting some goals. Nothing rigid, just, "this is where I want to be by next fall because I am interested in taking a class at a junior college", (which he is interested in). What is the best way to support him as he deschools? I have so many questions, thanks for any help, Megan
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=They mostly do the work we decide on, but with NO enthusiasm. I feel
like I am pulling dead weight. -=-

Passive resistence. That's good.

Where are you trying to drag them TO? What direction are you
pulling? (That's not an answering question; that's a private
contemplation question.)

-= I'm tired. I'm trying to change my thinking for their sake. -=-

But you're tired, so it would be for your sake, too.

-=-My oldest was recently diagnosed with mild depression. Now, I'm not
saying that depression comes as a result of schooling choices...-=-

You don't have to say it. We can think it because you mentioned the
connection yourself, and you're there!

-=He says he is bored with school. -=-

You mean school at home, right? Bored with home schooling?

-=- I told him to do whatever he wanted. He is much more relaxed and
happy. But I think he is still thinking, "I need to be doing
something". -=-

That's because for fifteen years you've been telling him what to do,
and justifying it for whatever all reasons you've justified it. You
taught him to think he needs to be doing something.

And you still believe it too, because you're telling him "think about
setting some goals."

-=-He is artistic and has been spending most of his time drawing,
scanning, and photoshopping. I told him that was fine. I encouraged
him that since he is 15, maybe he could just think about setting some
goals. Nothing rigid, just, "this is where I want to be by next fall
because I am interested in taking a class at a junior college", (which
he is interested in). What is the best way to support him as he
deschools? -=-

Not by telling him to set goals. If he takes a class at a junior
college, that does NOT need preparation. Kirby got the highest test
score on a junior college math class he took, and he didn't even know
what the notation looked like when he went in there. Preparation for
college has turned LOTS of kids off to the idea of going to college.

If you want him to deschool, stop talking about junior college or
preparations or goals. Don't live in next year or next month. Don't
live in later today. Live in the moment you look at him and in the
moment you speak to him. Make him comfortable and calm now. Find
ways for him to be at peace for one moment. If that works, try it
again.

Holly's at the flower shop where she works. She's thinking of
quitting her job at the mall because the flower shop pays more.
Although the deal was she would work in exchange for learning (all
except Monday afternoon), she was so quick and reliable and helpful
that they just started paying her for all of her hours after the
second week. She worked a LOT just before mother's day.

She was offered $20 an hour to keep a website for a gallery. She
doesn't know that. She wasn't offered that. The owner talked to me.
I suggested $10 an hour, so she wouldn't be unhappy with the $8 an
hour she makes at the flower shop. It won't be lots of hours. But
the reason she was asked is that her MySpace page is really nice, and
she has helped with some other people's images and pages, and this
friend knew all that. She made them a title they LOVE and it took
her fifteen minutes.

Holly didn't "prepare" for any of that, and she didn't even set
goals. She did what was interesting and fun, and she did it
happily. She has jobs.

Kirby didn't "prepare" for his jobs, but he played at the same gaming
shop for a long time and was helpful and polite and they noticed him.

Marty didn't "prepare" for jobs, and his jobs don't sound impressive
either. He worked in a grocery store for 14 or 16 months, and at a
restaurant. Before those, he was making boots and pouches. But when
he has a job the owners and managers love him because he's happy and
reliable.

No matter how much preparation or education someone might have, if
he's depressed or has come to think being deadweight is the way to
survive, no one will want to hire them.

http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
The way to help your son deschool is to read every word there, and
follow all the links, and then read it again, and leave him alone to
discover happy things online and in his memories and his hopes,
without anything that looks, sounds or smells like school or
"education."

Sandra



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jenny C

>>>My oldest was recently diagnosed with mild depression. Now, I'm not
saying that depression comes as a result of schooling choices, but it is
causing us to reevaluate. He says he is bored with school. Just boxes to
check off. So I took all expectations off of him about 2 weeks ago. I
told him to do whatever he wanted. He is much more relaxed and happy.
But I think he is still thinking, "I need to be doing something". He is
artistic and has been spending most of his time drawing, scanning, and
photoshopping. I told him that was fine. >>>

I just finished writing a post about creating a happy existence for my
kids because kids learn better when they are happy!

If your son likes art, and you've told him to do whatever he wants and
that is what he's doing, why not support him in that? Instead of being
passive and saying "do whatever you want", be proactive and go to the
art store, get new art supplies, get new inspiration for all that art.

As your kids deschool, they'll start to gravitate towards the things
they love to do the most, watch carefully and really see what they are
doing and exploring and offer more of it. Offer, don't force. Bring
fun and interesting things and ideas into the house, movies, spontaneous
odd purchases, and newness. Go to different stores, and go to different
outings and parks and streets. Make things lively and fun.

Sandra Dodd

-=- Bring
fun and interesting things and ideas into the house, movies, spontaneous
odd purchases, and newness. Go to different stores, and go to different
outings and parks and streets. Make things lively and fun.-=-

http://sandradodd.com/strew

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

meganmom5

Wow, this is so, so helpful. Thanks for the honesty. Megan

--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=They mostly do the work we decide on, but with NO enthusiasm. I feel
> like I am pulling dead weight. -=-
>
> Passive resistence. That's good.
>
> Where are you trying to drag them TO? What direction are you
> pulling? (That's not an answering question; that's a private
> contemplation question.)
>
> -= I'm tired. I'm trying to change my thinking for their sake. -=-
>
> But you're tired, so it would be for your sake, too.
>
> -=-My oldest was recently diagnosed with mild depression. Now, I'm not
> saying that depression comes as a result of schooling choices...-=-
>
> You don't have to say it. We can think it because you mentioned the
> connection yourself, and you're there!
>
> -=He says he is bored with school. -=-
>
> You mean school at home, right? Bored with home schooling?
>
> -=- I told him to do whatever he wanted. He is much more relaxed and
> happy. But I think he is still thinking, "I need to be doing
> something". -=-
>
> That's because for fifteen years you've been telling him what to do,
> and justifying it for whatever all reasons you've justified it. You
> taught him to think he needs to be doing something.
>
> And you still believe it too, because you're telling him "think about
> setting some goals."
>
> -=-He is artistic and has been spending most of his time drawing,
> scanning, and photoshopping. I told him that was fine. I encouraged
> him that since he is 15, maybe he could just think about setting some
> goals. Nothing rigid, just, "this is where I want to be by next fall
> because I am interested in taking a class at a junior college", (which
> he is interested in). What is the best way to support him as he
> deschools? -=-
>
> Not by telling him to set goals. If he takes a class at a junior
> college, that does NOT need preparation. Kirby got the highest test
> score on a junior college math class he took, and he didn't even know
> what the notation looked like when he went in there. Preparation for
> college has turned LOTS of kids off to the idea of going to college.
>
> If you want him to deschool, stop talking about junior college or
> preparations or goals. Don't live in next year or next month. Don't
> live in later today. Live in the moment you look at him and in the
> moment you speak to him. Make him comfortable and calm now. Find
> ways for him to be at peace for one moment. If that works, try it
> again.
>
> Holly's at the flower shop where she works. She's thinking of
> quitting her job at the mall because the flower shop pays more.
> Although the deal was she would work in exchange for learning (all
> except Monday afternoon), she was so quick and reliable and helpful
> that they just started paying her for all of her hours after the
> second week. She worked a LOT just before mother's day.
>
> She was offered $20 an hour to keep a website for a gallery. She
> doesn't know that. She wasn't offered that. The owner talked to me.
> I suggested $10 an hour, so she wouldn't be unhappy with the $8 an
> hour she makes at the flower shop. It won't be lots of hours. But
> the reason she was asked is that her MySpace page is really nice, and
> she has helped with some other people's images and pages, and this
> friend knew all that. She made them a title they LOVE and it took
> her fifteen minutes.
>
> Holly didn't "prepare" for any of that, and she didn't even set
> goals. She did what was interesting and fun, and she did it
> happily. She has jobs.
>
> Kirby didn't "prepare" for his jobs, but he played at the same gaming
> shop for a long time and was helpful and polite and they noticed him.
>
> Marty didn't "prepare" for jobs, and his jobs don't sound impressive
> either. He worked in a grocery store for 14 or 16 months, and at a
> restaurant. Before those, he was making boots and pouches. But when
> he has a job the owners and managers love him because he's happy and
> reliable.
>
> No matter how much preparation or education someone might have, if
> he's depressed or has come to think being deadweight is the way to
> survive, no one will want to hire them.
>
> http://sandradodd.com/deschooling
> The way to help your son deschool is to read every word there, and
> follow all the links, and then read it again, and leave him alone to
> discover happy things online and in his memories and his hopes,
> without anything that looks, sounds or smells like school or
> "education."
>
> Sandra
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>