Pat Cald...

>Now, your situation was a little different because you are not related to
>the child spitting.
>If this was an adult, what would you do?

I have never been in a situation with an adult where something so totally unprovoked has occurred. So I guess I would think the adult was a little crazy and leave.

>"He knew I wouldn't do anything" you mean you would
>just sit and take it? Or do you mean you wouldn't hit or yell?

I tend to want other people to take care of their own kids bad behavior if they are there. I told him to stop. I guess I could explain why what he was doing wasn't nice and ask him to leave. I have taken kids by the hand and brought them to their mothers when they would not behave. That is probably the route I would have taken if he persisted. I would have made the mother's child her problem by bugging her enough to take care of it.

We pretty much tell the kids to remove themselves from the situation as you mentioned. Dh was brought up to fight back with the idea that you won't get picked on if you end the problem right there. I've seen kids in the neighborhood take this approach and things seem to escalate. Also, these same kids can become bullies themselves because they like the power. I don't know what the answer is.

My kids were being bullied by a neighbor friend's brother for years. The kid wanted to control his sister's time and decide when she could play with my girls and when she could not. Whenever the kid would do something rotten to my girls the mother would say that her daughter and my girls somehow provoked it. I told my girls to come home and not play with the little girl when her brother was bad. The boy got his way because the sister did not have anyone to play with and the mother got mad at me because she said I was disciplining her kid. I thought I would try monitoring the situation and letting the girls handle things. The kid is small for his age and unless he had a weapon he could not do too much harm (terrible thing to think and say because you never know). Anyway we went from being total enemies and not speaking to one another as neighbors to trying to let them play. This went back and forth for years. The final straw came when the kid, at 8 years old, climbed on Virginia's back and put a rope around her neck, trying to choke her. He was light enough so she threw him off. When I called the mother to let her know what had happened, she said we were to do anything we wanted because she could no longer control him.

I called the police to ask what my legal rights were. I wanted to know if we could physically escort him off our yard if he would not leave and if he hit one of the kids, could they hit him back. The police officer said the situation was beyond normal kid stuff and suggested we have the kid charged with assault the next time it happens. He said the family needs help and they would be required to take him to counseling if he was brought in front of the court. I called the mother and told her what I had been advised to do. That was the last time we had any problem with the boy. Sad it had to come to that.

Pat


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In a message dated 2/8/02 8:58:43 AM, homeschoolmd@... writes:

<< I have never been in a situation with an adult where something so totally
unprovoked has occurred. So I guess I would think the adult was a little
crazy and leave. >>

I've been in the SCA since 1977. Camping events with hundreds of people
dressed in weird costumes and drinking.

I've been, in that group, often in a position of responsibility, leadership,
authority. It's MUCH better for other adults to say "Not cool" than for them
all to just walk away from a trouble maker. If enough people gaze back and
say "no" and "stop," people will tone down, at least.

Sandra

Nancy Wooton

on 2/8/02 7:54 AM, Pat Cald... at homeschoolmd@... wrote:

> I would have made the mother's child her problem by bugging her enough to take
> care of it.

You might have told the little spitter to show his mommy his cute new trick
by doing it to *her.*

<eg>
Nancy