Chris and Kelli Bailey

 
2 weeks ago my family and i were returning home from some errand and passed the back of our property, where we saw 2 of the neighborhood kids at the fence.  i honked and waved, they were startled, and waved back.  when we got home, they came to the door and i teased them about roaming the neighborhood, looking for trouble.  they laughed and said they were just "walking around."
 
these boys are always respectful, polite, and friendly.  they are 10 and 11.  one lives on our street with his single, divorcing mother and the other lives a couple of streets over, i don't know much about his family.  both boys go to public school.  they come over several times a month and play with our kids, usually outside, goofing around on the trampoline or building forts and such.  on a few occasions i have had to remind them not to gang up in horseplay on the smaller kids.  a few times, the younger boy zack (the neighbor) has played video games here with my 7 year old son.
 
well, yesterday while cutting grass i noticed some markings scratched into the back of my wood fence.  there are seemingly meaningless pictures and phrases like "i need to poop"  i need crack!" (i want to ask, as in female anatomy or drugs?)  "zack was here" etc.
 
we are at an impasse about how to handle it in a peaceful way.  it's difficult to apply unschool-y principles when dealing with families who don't live that way.  the younger boy  doesn't have any family life to speak of.  he plays some sports, has several game systems at home on the big screen t.v. (though i don't know how he has time to relax and play, with school and sports), and basically these things are all babysitters so mom can work part time and deal with her problems.  i know he's having a hard time dealing with what his parents are going through, etc.  still, none of these things can be used as an excuse to deface other people's property.  and i feel like i'm taking it personally because of the way they acted when i saw them (although i didn't know i was "catching" them doing anything wrong at the time).
 
anyway, have any of you experienced dealing with this sort of thing?  would you approach the parents, the kids or both?  i'm feeling unclear about what to do, partly because i know the boys will likely be "punished" in some way.  also their parents may want to force the kids to make reparation of some sort.  or worse, the parents may not care at all!
 
any wise words would be appreciated!  thanks!






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Sandra Dodd

-=-well, yesterday while cutting grass i noticed some markings
scratched into the back of my wood fence. -=-

Is the back of your fence on your property too, or theirs?

I'm thinking they're 10, they scratched it and didn't paint it with
spraypaint, they didn't break the fence or set it on fire.

Next time you see them, you could say "Hey, don't scratch on my fence,
please."

Sandra

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cathyandgarth

--- In [email protected], Chris and Kelli Bailey <cdbailey_99@...> wrote:
> we are at an impasse about how to handle it in a peaceful way.  it's difficult to apply unschool-y principles when dealing with families who don't live that way.  >
>

Maybe you could get a big ol' flat sheet at a thrift store and staple it to the fence, use string to hang a bunch of washable markers from the fence, and post a message that says "Please refrain from the use of profanity and seuxal innuendo. Thanks, The Management" When it gets full, or if anything gets *posted* that you think the neighbors might find offensive you could always pull down the sheet and thrown it in the washing machine, then staple it up again.

I don't know, just thinking outside the box here. Could be a total disaster to do that, your neighbors might complain, but your fence wouldn't get any more scratches or other permanent grafitti.

Cathy

Chris and Kelli Bailey

to clarify, only half of the backyard is fenced, so i was behind the fence when i saw it, cutting the area which is not in the surround.  we have no houses behind us, just a sidewalk and then the main road, but there is no way to mistake that they were on our property and writing on our fence.

i feel ridiculous, really, even asking, but my thoughts are clogged with frustration and annoyance, and knowing they are considered "trouble" by some of the neighbors (even though we have not seen that personally).  hubby thinks we should "nip it in the bud" and be more reactive.

thanks for taking the emotion out of it.  i need a fresh perspective! 




________________________________
From: Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, April 4, 2009 3:43:27 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] neighborhood vandalism


-=-well, yesterday while cutting grass i noticed some markings
scratched into the back of my wood fence. -=-

Is the back of your fence on your property too, or theirs?

I'm thinking they're 10, they scratched it and didn't paint it with
spraypaint, they didn't break the fence or set it on fire.

Next time you see them, you could say "Hey, don't scratch on my fence,
please."

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]







[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robyn L. Coburn

<<<< to clarify, only half of the backyard is fenced, so i was behind the
fence when i saw it, cutting the area which is not in the surround. we have
no houses behind us, just a sidewalk and then the main road, but there is no
way to mistake that they were on our property and writing on our fence.

i feel ridiculous, really, even asking, but my thoughts are clogged with
frustration and annoyance, and knowing they are considered "trouble" by some
of the neighbors (even though we have not seen that personally). hubby
thinks we should "nip it in the bud" and be more reactive.>>>>

I think I would calmly and privately - by which I mean not bring either
their parents or my child into it - tell them I was saddened by the damage
to the fence, that we valued their friendship so please don't do it again. I
might offer to be an ear for what is troubling them.

I might ask if they wanted join us all for some wood carving or other
creative work, like some art journalling, or some paint ball fun in the
yard. (I wish I had a yard of my own). I like the balloons of paint thing in
"The Princess Diaries" where they threw darts at the balloons until paint
ran all over the canvas.

I might ask them if they wanted to help me sand the damage off too. That
might help them feel better, as I imagine they might feel a bit guilty about
it.

I might also consider fully fencing the property to eliminate any confusion
about where your property starts and public land ends.

Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com

Jenny C

>
>>> we are at an impasse about how to handle it in a peaceful way. it's
difficult to apply unschool-y principles when dealing with families who
don't live that way. >>> anyway, have any of you experienced dealing
with this sort of thing? would you approach the parents, the kids or
both? i'm feeling unclear about what to do, partly because i know the
boys will likely be "punished" in some way. also their parents may want
to force the kids to make reparation of some sort. or worse, the
parents may not care at all!>>>

A couple of years ago, we came home to our neighbor girl, 7 ish, drawing
all over our front door with chalk. I didn't get mad or say much
really, but I went and got a bucket of water and a rag and asked her to
please clean it off and not do that again, and told her that it would be
nice if she wasn't over when we weren't home, getting into our chalk
bucket on our patio.

She never did it again. Maybe you could hand the boys some sand paper
and ask them to erase the marks and to please not do it again, that you
were slightly amused and upset by it at the same time, but would really
like it gone.

Sandra Dodd

-=-I might ask them if they wanted to help me sand the damage off too.
That
might help them feel better, as I imagine they might feel a bit guilty
about
it.-=-

That's a really good idea.

Sandra

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