Lindsey

We had a bit of drama at the park 2 days ago when Isaac, 7, was stung by a bee. He had a major reaction and we had to go to urgent care. When we were leaving to go to the Dr. he asked me if he could die. I told him that he could if we didn't go to the Dr. He was obviously very upset and started crying.

I know that I could have answered a little better, maybe the if we didn't go to the Dr. part first. Honestly, I was pretty freaked and not thinking at the time. But my mom thinks that I shouldn't have told him that at all.

In the past when he fell and needed stiches I was honest that he would get a shot and they would sew it up. Yes, it would hurt a little. It seemed to help him to know what was coming. With this major allergy to bees I feel like if I down played that he might not understand the seriousness of the situation.

Is there a better way for me to go about this? We've included him in learning about the EpiPen and trained him how to use it even though it'll always be someone else who does it. He picked out a medical alert bracelet he likes.

Did I scare him to much?

Mary Hickcox

I am always honest with the kids but maybe in that situation you could have lightened the mood a bit by explaining that it was important to get to the hospital and helping through what would be happening once he got there.  Maybe the part about you could die could have been kept until afterward when he clearly was not dying.  That way he is still getting the real information but just not at a time when he was already upset and scared.  He certainly needs to know that truth though as like you said he needs to be careful.

Mary mama to Dylan (10), Colin (5 1/2) and Theo Benjamin (born 8-28-07)
"Be who you want your children to be."    Unknown   "Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

Maybe instead of saying "IF" and doctor/hospital, you could've said
(or say next time) "Not if I can help it!" or "No, I don't think you
will!" (in a confident and happy way).

Sandra

Pam Sorooshian

Kids that age cannot judge probabilities. He couldn't judge whether your
answer meant he was likely to die or very unlikely. So - if you consider
how he can understand your words, you were not being entirely honest.
Being honest would be to say, "No, you are not going to die." Because -
given the probabilities - he was way more likely to make it to urgent
care on time and get treatment on time. You went with the most unlikely
answer, instead of the most likely outcome. Not honest. You said,
"...could...' not "....will...." but that's not a very meaningful
distinction to a young kid being told, "You might die." Save it for when
it really is a strong possibility and hope that time never comes.

Have you told him he could die every time he gets in the car? Gets in
the bathtub? It is possible, but would you think it was necessary to
scare him about those things in the name of complete honesty?

My nephew is also allergic to bee stings. He's been stung once - he's 15
years old. My own first bee sting was when I was pregnant - so I must
have been 32 or older. Two of my three kids have never been stung and
one of them has been stung once - they are 18, 21, and 24. Even if he
gets stung again, he'll probably get treatment right away and be fine.

-pam

On 4/4/2009 12:22 AM, Lindsey wrote:
> I know that I could have answered a little better, maybe the if we didn't go to the Dr. part first. Honestly, I was pretty freaked and not thinking at the time. But my mom thinks that I shouldn't have told him that at all.
>
> In the past when he fell and needed stiches I was honest that he would get a shot and they would sew it up. Yes, it would hurt a little. It seemed to help him to know what was coming. With this major allergy to bees I feel like if I down played that he might not understand the seriousness of the situation.
>
> Is there a better way for me to go about this? We've included him in learning about the EpiPen and trained him how to use it even though it'll always be someone else who does it. He picked out a medical alert bracelet he likes.
>
> Did I scare him to much?
>

k

>>>> He certainly needs to know that truth though as like you said he needs
to be careful. <<<<

Maybe you mean this differently than I took it. It's hard to be careful
that bees *not* sting you when clearly they are able to sting at will.

Did you mean "be careful" as in "take care" of any stings that do take
place?

~Katherine


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Sandra Dodd

-=-It's hard to be careful
that bees *not* sting you when clearly they are able to sting at will.-
=-

Lying in a clover field or hiking through apple orchards is not being
as careful as a bee-allergic person can be.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

highparkpoet

It was clearly a frightening time for all of you, so I don't think you should judge yourself too harshly about what you should and shouldn't have said. The fact that you are so concerned about what was the right thing to say to your son shows that next time you're in a moment of crisis, you'll do better. What I often do is think about what I would have wanted said to me in such a situation. Or I would ask my son if I had made him more scared by answering his question the way I did. He'll let you know, and then you can learn from the experience.


--- In [email protected], "Lindsey" <lao80@...> wrote:
>
> We had a bit of drama at the park 2 days ago when Isaac, 7, was stung by a bee. He had a major reaction and we had to go to urgent care. When we were leaving to go to the Dr. he asked me if he could die. I told him that he could if we didn't go to the Dr. He was obviously very upset and started crying.
>
> I know that I could have answered a little better, maybe the if we didn't go to the Dr. part first. Honestly, I was pretty freaked and not thinking at the time. But my mom thinks that I shouldn't have told him that at all.
>
> In the past when he fell and needed stiches I was honest that he would get a shot and they would sew it up. Yes, it would hurt a little. It seemed to help him to know what was coming. With this major allergy to bees I feel like if I down played that he might not understand the seriousness of the situation.
>
> Is there a better way for me to go about this? We've included him in learning about the EpiPen and trained him how to use it even though it'll always be someone else who does it. He picked out a medical alert bracelet he likes.
>
> Did I scare him to much?
>

Lindsey

I meant be careful as in don't just brush off being stung as it being no big deal. Not avoiding all places that might have a bee.

Pam, your reply made a lot of sense, I didn't think about it like that. He asked me something like, 'If i can't breathe more can I die.' In the future I'd like to respond the way Sandra was saying.

--- In [email protected], k <katherand@...> wrote:
>
> >>>> He certainly needs to know that truth though as like you said he needs
> to be careful. <<<<
>
> Maybe you mean this differently than I took it. It's hard to be careful
> that bees *not* sting you when clearly they are able to sting at will.
>
> Did you mean "be careful" as in "take care" of any stings that do take
> place?
>
> ~Katherine
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>