krissy8444

I had this discussion with a church friend of mine who said I was "playing interference" between my children and other adults. She noticed that I would sometimes step in and "rescue" them if they were silent when an adult asked a question, I would speak for them, or, if someone was reprimanding them or disciplining them for doing something wrong. I explained that I don't believe it is someone else's responsibility to teach or correct my children. Her response: How will they ever learn how to deal with other people on their own if you are stepping in and saving them all the time?
What do you think?
I should add that this woman thinks my children "get away with" crying when they don't get what they want, or 'manipulating' me into doing something they want vs. what I want. I tried to explain that I am in control of my decisions and I make my choices, but she just didn't get it.

Sandra Dodd

-=-I had this discussion with a church friend of mine -=-

My primary advice on this is not to have discussions with church
friends. Not about liberal childrearing practices. Not with most
churches.

-=-I should add that this woman thinks my children "get away with"
crying when they don't get what they want, or 'manipulating' me into
doing something they want vs. what I want. I tried to explain that I
am in control of my decisions and I make my choices, but she just
didn't get it.-=-

Her beliefs are parroted after what has been parroted after others for
a hundred years. You can ignore her, or you can say "I'll think about
it," or "Do you really think so?" or you can avoid her, but she
doesn't WANT to get it, and she's not going to get it.

Sandra

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k

>>>> I had this discussion with a church friend of mine who said I was
"playing interference" between my children and other adults. She noticed
that I would sometimes step in and "rescue" them if they were silent when an
adult asked a question, I would speak for them, or, if someone was
reprimanding them or disciplining them for doing something wrong. I
explained that I don't believe it is someone else's responsibility to teach
or correct my children. Her response: How will they ever learn how to deal
with other people on their own if you are stepping in and saving them all
the time?
What do you think? <<<<

You might not find a church that fits anymore. That's been my problem for
close to 2 1/2 decades now. As to the way I chose to raise Karl, I don't
care what other adults think. No one gets to discipline him unless they
have the law on their side. Right now, I'm in charge. This includes my own
folks. If they try, I stop going over for a while and cool off. I don't
face off with them about it because I want to keep up with them but they
know I always side with Karl. I don't let them take charge because I know
what they believe about children. As for what they say about it, it's the
same stuff as your church lady says. I thank them and change the subject
immediately. These days, I'm pretty adept at it cuz they started as soon as
he was born. ;)

~Katherine


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Pam Sorooshian

On 3/29/2009 7:38 PM, krissy8444 wrote:
> How will they ever learn how to deal with other people on their own if you are stepping in and saving them all the time?
> What do you think?
>
I think that IS how they will learn - to be helpful and kind,
especially, and not to let someone else suffer needlessly when they
could make things better. But, also, they'll learn from you how to
respond to awkward or hostile situations (or even pleasant ones).

I'd rescue my husband in the same way. It is the kind thing to do.

I can look back and vaguely remember when I thought all the time about
what my kids were or were not learning.

It is way better to think about how "I" am behaving - am I being
interesting and kind and gentle and supportive and understanding and
sympathetic and realistic and so on.


-pam

Terry

I'd rescue my husband in the same way. It is the kind thing to do.
>

I'm a very social talker. Can talk with anyone anywhere. But my husband and son are not that way. I rescue them all the time. They are very thankful for it. My son 16 years old, has commented that he feels he relates to others better since he has had me to watch all these years. My husband doesn't enjoy talking. With anyone. He is very quite. He likes it that way. He is not rude or disrespectful, just quite.

Terry

[email protected]

**I had this discussion with a church friend of mine who said I was
"playing interference" between my children and other adults.**

Good for you! I think that "playing interference" - being a buffer between
our children and the rest of the world - is one of the prime functions of a good
parent.

Children learn how to deal with other people by having it modeled for them.

Deborah in IL


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