Julie Stauffer

We live in Texas and do not have to justify our homeschooling education so I
have no experience in this area. My karate students just passed their belt
tests (yea!) and my instructor, who tests them, asked to see grades next
time. This is standard in his testing procedure. Most of the kids are
school-at-homers so it isn't a problem for them. I attempted to talk to my
instructor about unschooling, but he thinks homeschoolers are kind of nuts,
that "everyone" goes to college these days, and "how are you going to know
they are properly progressing" if you don't test them. It doesn't help that
I'm the resident "pinko" in a nest of Republicans <g>.You get the picture.
Amazingly, I love this guy dearly and he tolerates me quite well too :)

I refuse to grade my dd but I don't want my instructor to subconsciously
think less of her (I don't think he would purposely fail her on her belt
test or anything like that.) My plan was to write a brief summary of the
things she likes to do and "schooly" skills that she possesses. Thoughts?

Now for the "aha" moment. I have been actively working for about 2 years to
lessen the coercion with my kids. I have always tried to listen to them,
work with them gently, etc., but there was no question that I was the boss.
Most days we do pretty good, when I am stressed, not so good. I easily
resort back to control and have to actively watch myself. My 5yo, Marsie,
is the real life version of Junie B. Jones and I adore her. She is a prima
donna which is quite difficult when you are the middle of 5 children. She
is very dramatic and when things don't go her way, she is given to loud and
tearful exits. I usually see these things coming (usually when she is not
in sufficient control of everything and everybody to suit her) and would
suggest going for a walk, playing with me, etc.. Nothing helped much. Then
it finally dawned on me......why not give her a place where she can be in
total control? We talked about "Marsie time" and when she starts to feel
out of sorts she now asks for it. It is complete and total control over her
domain for as long as she wants it. She goes to her room and locks the door
and plays and plays and plays. She wears her princess crown and the magician
cape I made for her (she likes to make us disappear when we have offended
her sensibilities <g>), takes a tape player and listens to "Problem Child"
by AC/DC very loud (hmmmm.) From the outside, it looks no different than
Marsie going to her room until she feels like being civil (which is what
used to be asked of her and she would melt into a tantrum) but by couching
it in terms of her needs, how to meet those needs rather than control them,
she thinks it is a great idea and actively participates in utilizing it. I
think there is hope for us yet.

Julie

[email protected]

Wow, Julie! "Marsie time". I like that. My dd needs lots of control and
loves to stomp to her room, fling herself on the bed, cry long and lustily,
and then "mooch" her way back onto my lap. I think we can start to have
"Mira time" if I can couch it in cool language like that.

I, too, revert to "THE GENERAL" when under stress...especially when we are
running late. I am trying to modify my behavior so as to reduce the amount
of yelling that happens. It really helps when I think of how the
"old-timers" must have had to deal with all this stuff, too, and that Sandra
was not born with the wisdom she has now. Ah, someday....

Thanks for some great food for thought.

DiAnna