Janet

>> Well - I'm not sure about that. He ought to at least be made aware that
it is disturbing others - not helping him gain that awareness isn't fair
either. <<

I agree. But I interpreted the original poster as "telling the child to
stuff it because he was disturbing others" as the only reason he should stop
the tantrum. I have heard parents in stores/playgrounds/museums etc.
telling their kids that they had better stop climbing/standing on the
table/behaving poorly because "that lady" (pointing to an employee) will get
mad. No other explanations as to why their behavior was unacceptable for
that place, time, etc. No "please sit down, you may fall" or "please keep
your hands out of the aquarium. The sign says you may accidentally hurt the
fish (or the fish bite, or whatever)".

Janet, mom to Caroline, 7, and Thomas, 3

[email protected]

In a message dated 12/9/2001 3:34:37 PM Pacific Standard Time,
jefhdvm@... writes:


> >> Well - I'm not sure about that. He ought to at least be made aware that
> it is disturbing others - not helping him gain that awareness isn't fair
> either. <<
>
> I agree. But I interpreted the original poster as "telling the child to
> stuff it because he was disturbing others" as the only reason he should
> stop
> the tantrum. I have heard parents in stores/playgrounds/museums etc.
> telling their kids that they had better stop climbing/standing on the
> table/behaving poorly because "that lady" (pointing to an employee) will
> get
> mad. No other explanations as to why their behavior was unacceptable for
> that place, time, etc. No "please sit down, you may fall" or "please keep
> your hands out of the aquarium. The sign says you may accidentally hurt
> the
> fish (or the fish bite, or whatever)".

"Why should I stop screaming and yelling?"
"Because you are disturbing others."

Gosh - I honestly think "because you're disturbing others" often is the real
reason that they should stop and it often is a good reason (not always, but
often) and that, as kids get older, parents owe it to them to help them see
how their behavior is impinging on others. To not help them out that way - to
not help them become aware of how their behavior is discourteous or downright
disruptive to what other people are trying to do that seems unfair to the
kids. They'll miss out on stuff later, when people don't want to invite them
over, for example.

--pam


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