[email protected]

How do folks handle saying yes or no about things that cost money?

When the kids ask me to stop by McDonald's to buy their lunch is it OK to
say, "no, because I don't want to spend $5-6 on lunch for two kids."? I
have certainly said something like that to my dh when he suggests eating
out and I say that we really shouldn't spend the money. (bc right now we
shouldn't)

Is it acceptable to ask that the TV is off and everyone at the table
together for dinner?

Reading this thread has made me realize that I have primarily been giving
my kids choices about stuff that isn't so important - the whole "choose
your battles" thing. It makes sense to me to let them make real choices,
but it's scary too.

Mary Ellen

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/4/02 5:54:10 PM, megates@... writes:

<< When the kids ask me to stop by McDonald's to buy their lunch is it OK to
say, "no, because I don't want to spend $5-6 on lunch for two kids."? I
have certainly said something like that to my dh when he suggests eating
out and I say that we really shouldn't spend the money. (bc right now we
shouldn't) >>

Every single time?

Your husband knows more about $5 than kids do, and those toys can last a long
time. My kids got a TON of use out of fast-food toys. Hours and hours of
playing, sorting, artwork (they loved the Wendy's camp stuff and art stuff),
and we still have *all* of it, in boxes, which occasionally come out.

<<Is it acceptable to ask that the TV is off and everyone at the table
together for dinner?>>

Most people would say absolutely so, and so if you want "absolutely so," you
have that. I would wonder whether the purpose was discipline or table
manners or what. Or are you worried about what "they" would think if "they"
came over and found the kids eating at one table watching a video and the
parents sitting together being able to talk about adult stuff? What do the
kids want to do? (Does it matter to you what the kids would prefer?)

We have very rarely asked our kids specifically to come and sit. Mostly when
there was company or someone had made a fancy meal that needed steak knives
(practicality), but the older they get, the more likely they are to WANT to
come and sit and eat with us.

In my family when I was a kid, and in other houses I was familiar with, as
kids got older they found more and more excuses to get out of dinner, adn NOT
being there was the desirable thing. I think it's very cool that my kids are
the other way, and have no aversion to sitting and hanging out with us.

We have at least two and sometimes three tables set up at any one time (one
in the library which is often for games but sometimes for meals) and when
there are extra people, some might eat at the dining table and some in the
library (one room away--also off the kitchen). Or if just a table big enough
for six or seven, the first six or seven who want to sit down might sit there
and the rest wander off elsewhere. I've never seen hurt feelings yet about
not getting a place.

Somehow it's become smooth.

Sandra

Pam Hartley

----------
From: megates@...
To: [email protected]
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] question about saying yes
Date: Mon, Feb 4, 2002, 4:47 PM


How do folks handle saying yes or no about things that cost money?

When the kids ask me to stop by McDonald's to buy their lunch is it OK to
say, "no, because I don't want to spend $5-6 on lunch for two kids."? I
have certainly said something like that to my dh when he suggests eating
out and I say that we really shouldn't spend the money. (bc right now we
shouldn't)

Is it acceptable to ask that the TV is off and everyone at the table
together for dinner?

Reading this thread has made me realize that I have primarily been giving
my kids choices about stuff that isn't so important - the whole "choose
your battles" thing. It makes sense to me to let them make real choices,

----------

We have a monthly family budget that includes a fast food line item. If the
money's there, it's there, if it's not, it's not. Mostly, it's there. It
makes it easier because we put the budget together in advance, based on what
we can actually afford, so there's no on-the-spot morality to it. If the
girls began to feel seriously shorted in the fast-food department, we'd
review the budget with them and figure out where some extra money could come
from, but so far they're fine with how it works.

If it's important to you that the family eat dinner together with the TV
off, you might ask yourself why. What do you gain from that? Why do you feel
that that's more right than watching TV during dinner?

I am not a believer in the magic of family dinners. When I grew up, we had
such dinners, just as directed by all the parenting experts, and they were
torture sessions with my brother and I playing court jester to distract my
step-father from emotionally thrashing our other two siblings. It's no
wonder I was a thin child.

The occasional family dinner we have now (very occasional, except when we
eat out, as the dining room table doubles as our shipping department and is
often unusable for more than two people at a time) is relaxed and happy and
nice, but that's because our family is relaxed and happy and nice, not
because there is something inherently marvelous about the location and time.
And conversation and being together happen spontaneously through the days,
weeks and months here, without being scheduled from 6 to 7 p.m.

Pam

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

zenmomma *

>>How do folks handle saying yes or no about things that cost money?>>

I try to be as honest as possible.

>>When the kids ask me to stop by McDonald's to buy their lunch is it OK to
>>say, "no, because I don't want to spend $5-6 on lunch for two kids."? I
>>have certainly said something like that to my dh when he suggests eating
>>out and I say that we really shouldn't spend the money. (bc right now we
>>shouldn't)>>

I've told the kids when we just don't have the money. If you don't got it,
you don't got it. And when my kids ask about the cash they might have seen
in my wallet, I explain what that money is needed for. I'm honest. I'm also
honest if we've got a little breathing space one month. Those are the times
I say yes. I think they understand the reasons. But, of course, my kids are
8 and 12.

>>Is it acceptable to ask that the TV is off and everyone at the table
>together for dinner?>>

If my kids are in the middle of a program, I don't insist they eat at the
table. Sometimes they eat at the coffee table in front of the tv. Sometimes,
it's a program they've already seen or don't really care about and they
delight in turning it off and joining us. Sometimes I bring my food in there
with them.

>>Reading this thread has made me realize that I have primarily been giving
>>my kids choices about stuff that isn't so important - the whole "choose
>>your battles" thing. It makes sense to me to let them make real choices,
>>but it's scary too.>>

One step at a time. You don't have to try it all at once. :o)

~Mary


_________________________________________________________________
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Nancy Wooton

on 2/4/02 5:08 PM, Pam Hartley at pamhartley@... wrote:

> If it's important to you that the family eat dinner together with the TV
> off, you might ask yourself why. What do you gain from that? Why do you feel
> that that's more right than watching TV during dinner?

Maybe the poster was watching "Matilda," which is on TBS in our house at
this moment. The family snarfing off TV trays every night is enough to make
me think twice about our nearly-every-night TV-meals. We usually watch
"Jeopardy," though, so I have a schooly justification <ggg>

(I also love The Simpson's episode where Marge blesses the TV dinners with
"Lord, as we peel the foil away from Your bounty...")

Nancy

Cindy

megates@... wrote:
>
> When the kids ask me to stop by McDonald's to buy their lunch is it OK to
> say, "no, because I don't want to spend $5-6 on lunch for two kids."? I
> have certainly said something like that to my dh when he suggests eating
> out and I say that we really shouldn't spend the money. (bc right now we
> shouldn't)
>
I don't stop at McDonalds or other fast food type places because I
don't wish to support businesses which are run like they are. I am
very fortunate that I live in an area with a number of alternative
quick food places. My children have learned that we don't stop there
any longer and don't ask. Of course again, most of the time we are
out and about there are no fast food places to see. They'd rather
go to Upper Crust - that's the usual answer when I ask where to eat
lunch! (It's a local pizza place.) This change occurred for us when
we moved to a new location so it was just part of the transition of
moving.

> Is it acceptable to ask that the TV is off and everyone at the table
> together for dinner?
>
Family dinners are big for us. Most nights the kids help me cook or
at least supervise and ask a lot of questions. Since we usually have
dinner within 30 minutes of my husband returning home from his work,
it's a good time for us to touch base about our days. If someone is
watching a TV show, we work out an accomodation - sometimes the show
gets taped to watch later, sometimes we hold dinner til the show or
tape is done, whatever seems to work for that situation. The TV is
off though - since it's far enough from the table that no one would
be able to watch it or hear it - and I live in CA which has high
electricity rates. Everyone in my family eats in the kitchen; nobody
has the right to eat in other parts of the house.

> Reading this thread has made me realize that I have primarily been giving
> my kids choices about stuff that isn't so important - the whole "choose
> your battles" thing. It makes sense to me to let them make real choices,
> but it's scary too.
>
For me it's all about family harmony and finding a way so that everyone
wins. The children are not considered to be lesser or greater than any
other member of the family.

--

Cindy Ferguson
crma@...

[email protected]

On Mon, 04 Feb 2002 18:35:00 -0800 Cindy <crma@...> writes:
> They'd rather
> go to Upper Crust - that's the usual answer when I ask where to eat
> lunch! (It's a local pizza place.)

Hey, we have an Upper Crust pizza right down the street. I wonder if it's
a chain... it's really good, I thought it was indie.

>Everyone in my family eats in the kitchen;
> nobody
> has the right to eat in other parts of the house.
>
We generally all eat together on tv trays watching the Simpsons. If my
dad gets home late then it's Arizona Illustrated.

Dar
________________________________________________________________
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zenmomma *

>>If it's important to you that the family eat dinner together with the TV
>>off, you might ask yourself why. What do you gain from that? Why do you
>>feel that that's more right than watching TV during dinner?>>

Maybe it's all those parenting , family education experts talking about how
important it is to have the family meal. They usually mention turning off
the tv and unplugging the phone. But these suggestions seem aimed at people
who are apart all day due to work, school and daycare. Some families need
the push towards connecting with each other. We of the unschooling
persuasion are sure to get oodles of time together each and every day. We
don't have to schedule it in at dinnertime.

Tonight we had one of my favorite dinnertimes. We each ate something
different while sitting at the kitchen table playing Life. I didn't win,
though. :-/

~Mary

_________________________________________________________________
Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com

Cindy

freeform@... wrote:
>
> On Mon, 04 Feb 2002 18:35:00 -0800 Cindy <crma@...> writes:
> > They'd rather
> > go to Upper Crust - that's the usual answer when I ask where to eat
> > lunch! (It's a local pizza place.)
>
> Hey, we have an Upper Crust pizza right down the street. I wonder if it's
> a chain... it's really good, I thought it was indie.
>
I don't know - I thought they were a local to Santa Cruz operation. The
restaurant on Mission Street has a really cool mural of the town.

Does yours make square Sicilian style pizza? They make the regular round
pizzas too but the square ones are best IMO! And their pesto is terrific.
When you get back to CA, come over and we can check it out!

--

Cindy Ferguson
crma@...

Karen

>
>>If it's important to you that the family eat dinner together with the TV
>>off, you might ask yourself why. What do you gain from that? Why do you
>>feel that that's more right than watching TV during dinner?>>

When dh is home on the weekends, I try to have a family dinner that night or
the next day just to touch base on all fronts. Otherwise during the week
with just me and kids, we may eat together or separately. Tonight I
announced EMFH (every man for himself) and dd had her pb/j/banana favorite,
ds finished up the tomato soup, I wandered around with a banana. I was
reading mail, one was watching TV, one was reading a book. Didn't feel
disconnected at all, since we'd spent three hours this afternoon trying to
find Dogz 3 in stores and getting increasingly grumpy with each other.
(Never did find it; it's now on its way from ebay.)

Some time ago I started saying yes as much as possible, and respecting their
no's. It's helped me to remember that my kids and I are soul-equivalents
(for lack of a better term) and the mere fact of my having 30+ years on them
is no basis for arbitrary judgement.

Mattie



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Pat Cald...

From: zenmomma *
>Maybe it's all those parenting , family education experts talking about how
>important it is to have the family meal. They usually mention turning off
>the tv and unplugging the phone. But these suggestions seem aimed at people
>who are apart all day due to work, school and daycare. Some families need
>the push towards connecting with each other. We of the unschooling
>persuasion are sure to get oodles of time together each and every day. We
>don't have to schedule it in at dinnertime.

Maybe it is from a "family time is a priority" mind set that makes dinner together a good thing. We do not watch tv during dinner and everyone sits at the table. I feel this is a good thing and here are my reasons. Dh is not home all day and this is a good time for us to catch up with him. In addition to the dinner tradition, I try to spend some time one-on-one with each dd at night before I go to bed. I spend plenty of time with them during the day but this time is diffenent and special, like dinner time can be.

The TV is never on because it would take away from our interaction with one another. The *message* being conveyed is that we feel spending time listening to each other and giving each other our full attention is important. Yes this can be done in many different ways and I'm not implying that anyone without the sit-down-together dinner tradition feels it is less important. I'm saying this is one way we show it is a priority.

People feel comfort in positive traditions. Children also like repitition. Just think about how many times kids can read the same book or watch the same movie over and over again.
Certainly if this time together is not positive, there would be no reason to do it.

TV can be enjoyed as an activity which we do together, like watching the Super Bowl. TV is usually not going to be on if we want to talk and have interesting discussions. This does not mean we are limiting TV. It means we are setting a priority to giving each other our full attention. I find it rude when I visit someone and they are distracted by the TV if our purpose in getting together is to talk and listen.

If for some reason the kids did not want to eat dinner as a family, I would explain why we do and give them the choice. Believe me, they question things that do not make sense to them.

Pat


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/5/02 6:34:28 AM, homeschoolmd@... writes:

<< Certainly if this time together is not positive, there would be no reason
to do it.
>>

Your priority is positivity.

Some families go with eating dinner together no matter how resistent family
members are. Then it's just cruelty.

<<TV can be enjoyed as an activity which we do together, like watching the
Super Bowl. >>

If someone made me watch the super bowl, that would just be cruelty. <g>

Sandra

[email protected]

On Tue, 5 Feb 2002 10:11:12 EST SandraDodd@... writes:
> If someone made me watch the super bowl, that would just be cruelty.
> <g>

I think one of the unexpected side effects of living with my dad has been
watching lots of sports. Well, I usually wander over to the computer
pretty quick, but he and Cacie watch. The other day she was watching
Jeopardy Kids Week and the question was about how many points a field
goal is worth in football, and none of them knew it, and she was jumping
up and down shouting "Three, Three! Come on, you guys, didn't you even
watch the Super Bowl???"

Six months ago, she wouldn't have known. Six months ago, I don't think
she'd ever watched a televised sporting event... now she's contemplated a
career as the first woman in the NFL, and she throw a pretty good
spiral...

;-)

Dar, who watched the last quarter....
________________________________________________________________
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Pam Hartley

----------
From: SandraDodd@...
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] question about saying yes
Date: Tue, Feb 5, 2002, 7:11 AM


<<TV can be enjoyed as an activity which we do together, like watching the
Super Bowl. >>

If someone made me watch the super bowl, that would just be cruelty. <g>

----------

I love football, but I thought so too this year: I mean, here I am a 49er
Faithful and the hated RAMS are in the SUPER BOWL! And the Poor Pathetic
Patriots had NO chance, ask anybody before the game.

Wally coaxed, "Come on, you know you love the Super Bowl commercials. Watch
those and read during the game!" So I grabbed Pride and Prejudice and sat
down with him.

Imagine my shock and glee (and my subsequent inattention to Elizabeth and
Mr. Darcy) when the Patriots proceeded to whup some Ram booty! Imagine my
joy, second only to that of the player himself, watching the Patriot kicker
make the winning field goal in the literal last seconds of the game!

Now I don't watch the Pro Bowl, of course. That would just be SICK.

Pam, who finished Pride and Prejudice later. <g>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Cindy

zenmomma * wrote:
>
> But these suggestions seem aimed at people
> who are apart all day due to work, school and daycare. Some families need
> the push towards connecting with each other. We of the unschooling
> persuasion are sure to get oodles of time together each and every day. We
> don't have to schedule it in at dinnertime.
>

Wow! How did you manage your situation so none of the adults in the
family have to leave the home in order to earn the income needed to
support the family? We are working towards that goal but haven't made
it yet. We are hopeful that when this project my DH is working on is
wrapped up that he can work more from home. He's at home one day a week
now. I love hearing about how others have managed it since it gives me
hope that it can be done and it gives me ideas on how to achieve it for
my family!!

--

Cindy Ferguson
crma@...

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/5/02 12:03:47 PM, crma@... writes:

<< Wow! How did you manage your situation so none of the adults in the
family have to leave the home in order to earn the income needed to
support the family? We are working towards that goal but haven't made
it yet. >>

Even though my husband works a lot, when he IS home, the kids don't have
homework, and they can hang around with him. And when he's home on the
weekends, he can just hang out with kids without them wasting any energy on
school-related discipline issues. I think the peace and togetherness is more
than just time factor.

Sandra

Pam Hartley

----------
From: Cindy <crma@...>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] question about saying yes
Date: Tue, Feb 5, 2002, 10:58 AM


We are working towards that goal but haven't made
it yet. We are hopeful that when this project my DH is working on is
wrapped up that he can work more from home. He's at home one day a week
now. I love hearing about how others have managed it since it gives me
hope that it can be done and it gives me ideas on how to achieve it for
my family!!
----------


For us, it was dog training and then internet bookselling. There are many
possibilities for being self-employed (where the kids can come to the
workplace, too) or home-based. Make a list of your skills and hobbies and
your husband's skills and hobbies and start thinking about what people might
pay for your knowledge or service or products.

I know a guy here in our town who desperately wanted his own business so he
bought an old truck and a half dozen garbage cans and now operates a
thriving poop-scooping business, where people pay a monthly fee and he comes
and cleans up after their dogs. In our commute town, such a service is in
high demand. He said he works about three or four hours a day, including
driving, five days a week, and supports his family doing it.

The possibilities are literally endless. I started bookselling as a hobby,
and it turned out I'm amazingly good at it (modest, too <g>). Good enough
that my husband could quit his job and come home 18 months ago.

There is a little work outside the home, still. I have to go and buy the
books. :) But that usually involves about 5 or 10 hours a week. Tomorrow, we
leave for a 5-day book-buying trip, all four of us and the dog going.

That reminds me <g>, I won't be here from late-late tonight until late-late
Sunday night, so if anyone writes to me in the meantime, I'm not ignoring
you.

Pam



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/5/02 12:41:13 PM, pamhartley@... writes:

<< Tomorrow, we
leave for a 5-day book-buying trip, all four of us and the dog going. >>

Well cool! Have fun!

Sandra

zenmomma *

>
>>Wow! How did you manage your situation so none of the adults in the
>family have to leave the home in order to earn the income needed to
>support the family?>>

Well, actually my dh does go off to work each day. He works from home some
too. We're planning a family business so we will *all* be home each day. I
see your point. But I don't have any problem getting my dh to the dinner
table. <g> He connects with the kids in their own space, usually.

~Mary

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Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com

Nanci Kuykendall

>Reading this thread has made me realize that I have
>primarily been giving my kids choices about stuff
>that isn't so important - the whole "choose your
>battles" thing. It makes sense to me to let them
>make real choices, but it's scary too.
>Mary Ellen

Hey! Mary Ellen, I'm so glad that you're here! We
are struggling with this same thing as well. What do
you do when you get tantrums in response to reasonable
requests or irrationality in the face of simple rules
of the house? Ugh...I have a lot more to say about
that but I am sick and not very soherent today. I
have very little patience for the kids either,
unfortunately, and have almost no voice for talking to
them.

Nanci K.

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[email protected]

snip>>>What do you do when you get tantrums in response to reasonable
requests or irrationality in the face of simple rules of the house>>>>

Rules that I think are reasonable are not always truly reasonable. The
most effective thing I can do is to talk, talk, talk, and listen, listen,
listen. Tell them my reasons and really listen to their reasons.
Unfortunately, I don't always react effectively. But I'm trying! The
"How to Talk" book by Faber & Mazlich was helpful to me. (I have an
extra copy and some cassettes that go with it, if you want to borrow it,
Nanci) Tantrums are rare, but maybe that has to do with their ages?

I am one of those who didn't think about parenting until I was pregnant.
I did NOT have discussions with my fiance about what kind of parents we
wanted to be or even what our future goals were. Dh is not in the same
space that I am in so many ways and usually resorts to authoritarianism
with the kids when he is stressed. I am so envious of those of you with
spouses with shared goals! But I have to deal with where I am and where
dh is.

I am really excited about "saying yes". I had a talk with my girls about
it. Told them that I had been making decisions about what they should
eat and other stuff bc I was the parent and felt it was my job to keep
them healthy, etc. That I am going to let them make decisions but it
might be hard for me bc it is something new. That I will answer their
questions about decisions they want to make.

We just went on a field trip with our local hs group to tour a candy and
ice cream factory. I told the girls that I would buy them a treat there
and suggested that they each bring some of their own money to buy
something, if they wanted to. I overheard one of the moms tell her dd
that she couldn't have any candy bc she hadn't eaten lunch yet. (Sounded
like the old me). Another mom was telling her kid to pay attention and
ask questions so she would learn something bc that's why they came. It
was so great to just let my kids be there. How could they NOT learn
something? I learned that freshly made caramel is much better than old
hard stuff :-)

Mary Ellen

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Pat Cald...

>>snip>>>What do you do when you get tantrums in response to reasonable
>>requests or irrationality in the face of simple rules of the house>>>>

>Rules that I think are reasonable are not always truly reasonable.<snip>

As I look back over the "reasonable" things I have asked my kids to do in the past, that they fought me on, it has always meant they were trying to tell me something. The latest one was my on-going request for dd to make her bed. 10 yo dd had no problem with making her bed and even said how much more she liked her room when it was picked up and the bed was made but 12 yo dd hated it. So I asked her why it was such a big deal. She said she could not see the point in making her bed when she was just going to sleep in it again and it did not matter to her. I told her it really made the house feel good to me when the beds were made so I would be willing to make her bed if she would like to help out in another way. She decided to empty the dishwasher each morning instead of doing the bed. I never have to remind her and I would rather make a bed than empty the dishwasher any day.

Could you give us an example of a tantrum situation?

It could have something to do with something feeling overwhelming. I can look at a job and know exactly where to start, what my steps will be, and even have a visual image of what it will look like when I'm done. I had trouble understanding my dd when she continually said she did not know what to do. So what may seem like an easy request to you might not look so easy to them.

One last thing. One of my kids can't eat artificial dyes, flavorings or preservatives without going into tantrums over the smallest things. So there is always a chance it could be environmental.

Pat


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Nancy Wooton

on 2/6/02 9:50 AM, megates@... at megates@... wrote:

> Another mom was telling her kid to pay attention and
> ask questions so she would learn something bc that's why they came.

I need a reality check. A field trip was planned and announced on another
list, attracting many families. The trip organizer today posted the
following:
***
Summary:
The California Story is a fun filled, two hour walking tour with a specially
trained Disney guide. Students will learn about California history in a
unique way- by discovering how it is built into the newest addition to the
Disneyland Resort, Disney's California Adventure Park. The tour is scheduled
to include a few shows that compliment the content of the tour, and our
group
will visit each of the four geographical regions of California located in
the
three districts of the park.

Vocabulary: It may be helpful, but not necessary for students to know the
following vocabulary words, which will be used frequently during the tour.

Abundance
Architecture
Conservation
Diversity
Landmark
Native
Nostalgia
peninsula
Production
Replica
Agriculture
Climate
Culture
Economy
Industry
Modern
Natural
Opportunity
Population
Tribute

Key Learning Points:
California History: How when and why settlers and immigrants came to
California.
Disney History: Understanding the importance of California for the Walt
Disney Company.
Agriculture: Facts about California's strong agriculture heritage and the
crops produced here.
Geography: Learn about the four geographical regions of California and what
each has to offer.

What to expect:
The California Story is a two-hour in length, including about 90 minutes of
walking. The program takes place inside Disney's California Adventure Park.
Tours are conducted by a Disney Guide.
All materials are provided for the program.
The group will not be able to visit any other Park attractions during the
program.
Tour starts promptly at 11:30am.

Where to meet:
Your Disney Guide will be waiting for you at the Compass located between the
entrance to Disneyland Park and Disney's California Adventure park.

Chaperone involvement:
Chaperones and Coordinator will divide children into groups of 15 or 16.
Each
group will have an adult chaperone with it at all times to assist the Disney
Guide. Chaperones, your job will be to assist the Disney Guide and
Coordinator in keeping students attentive, safe and together as a group so
that they can get the most out of the experience.
Due to limitations, No additional time will be available for shopping or
other attractions during the tour.
There will be a 5 minute break during the tour for a restroom break.

Dress Guidelines:
Wear comfortable clothing, appropriate to outdoor weather conditions.
Wear comfortable walking shoes, shoes must be worn at all times.

***
(I don't know if the participants will be allowed to stay in the park after
the educational tour is over.)

I started to ask the poster/list - WHY? why is it necessary to turn a trip
to an amusement park into a Teachable Moment? I thought, perhaps it was
required in order to bill one's charter school for one's day at Disneyland,
but these folks would have come after me with pitchforks for suggesting they
use their charters just to get money. We'd just done that argument <g>

Then again, maybe California Adventure does have Educational Value (and of
course, Disneyland does not, being mostly fairy tales and imagination and
not *History* ;-)

I cracked up at the part about California's agriculture; Disneyland and
company pave over some of the world's best citrus land. When I was little,
growing up in Orange County, you could see pockets of buildings amid the
groves. My best friend and I used to play in the one near her house, hours
of imaginative games, nature observation, pure pleasure. Knott's Berry Farm
not only was a real, working farm, admission was *free.* There was an area
called Old MacDonald's Farm, where you put quarters in the putput car ride,
or paid about that for a ride on the mule-powered swing, or put a nickel in
the slot to make the chicken play the toy piano. The only schooly thing was
Independence Hall, where we'd go for field trips to see actors stage the
Signing of the Declaration.

The kids who are traveling to Anaheim to see Disney's fake version of
California could go to their pick of San Diego area Indian reservations'
pow-wow's, or climb atop a boulder at Steltzer Park to see real acorn
grinding holes, and try to figure out why the holes would be on the top of
such a huge rock, and maybe realize that time has eroded the soil away and
it used to be more easily accessible, and that a real river used to flow by
there...They could visit real missions, or drive out to Imperial County to
see real agriculture, or...

Go to Knott's Berry Farm to pan for real gold in another really fake
setting!

Sigh. I think I need to go watch TV.
<ggg>
Nancy

Jorgen & Ann

Wow, the whole idea of schlepping around behind a "specially trained Disney
guide" to hear a version of California history seems just, well, strange. I
picture someone with a Goofy head. And a 5 minute pee break? TV sounds like
one good antidote.

Ann


>Summary:
>
>The California Story is a fun filled, two hour walking tour with a specially
>
>trained Disney guide. Students will learn about California history in a
>
>unique way- by discovering how it is built into the newest addition to the
>
>Disneyland Resort, Disney's California Adventure Park. The tour is scheduled
>
>to include a few shows that compliment the content of the tour, and our
>
>group
>
>will visit each of the four geographical regions of California located in
>
>the
>
>three districts of the park.

[email protected]

On Wed, 06 Feb 2002 10:35:26 -0800 Nancy Wooton <Felicitas@...>

> The California Story is a fun filled, two hour walking tour with a
> specially
> trained Disney guide.

Well, it's a good thing they tell *FUN FILLED* right up front like that
'cuz otherwise how would you have known?

Geez.

Deb L

Nanci Kuykendall

>Rules that I think are reasonable are not always
>truly reasonable.

I understand what you mean, and we are very aware of
whether a request or rule is a reasonable one or not.
Our problem right now is with things that affect
everyone and generally revolve around my more spirited
and "artistically tempermental" child. He doesn't see
the problem with strewing every room in the house with
6" think layer of toys and when I ask if we can please
herd the toys back to his own space so that everyone
else can walk free of injury and etc. I get: "Not
right now thanks" or "No thank you". Every time.
It's never a good time for him.

We are also struggling with going overboard with
sweets around here lately. The boys really need to
learn some moderation and I am trying to maintain my
confidence that this will pass.

>The "How to Talk" book by Faber & Mazlich was helpful
>to me. (I have an extra copy and some cassettes that
>go with it, if you want to borrow it, Nanci)

Sure! Thanks Mary Ellen, ANYTHING would be helpful at
this point.

>Tantrums are rare, but maybe that has to do with
>their ages?

I think that is partially it. I also know a lot of
girls my boys ages whom are more reasonable. I think
some boys this age (5-6) are maybe not very good at
empathy and understanding the needs of others that I
have seen. Thomas in particular is an egomaniac and
doesn't really GET that other people have needs that
may conflict with his desires. On the other hand, my
other son is VERY sensative to others, and almost
always reasonable, despite being younger.

>I overheard one of the moms tell her dd that she
>couldn't have any candy bc she hadn't eaten lunch
>yet. (Sounded like the old me).

That reminds me of something. This past weekend we
was visiting some friends near Seattle and we went
with them to a community event with games for
families. There was a mom there with her about 10
year old son and they were both playing Red Light
Green Light. I was sitting on the couch with my older
boy who was feeling moody in the strange setting and
wanting to have his back scratched (which almost
always helps to defuse him and help him to handle
stress better, so he asks a lot.)

Anyways I observed the mom ask her son several times
to remove his sweater because he was sweating and
"looked hot". He waved his mom away and was busy
playing his game. So she eventually tackled him and
focibly removed his pullover. As she pulled it over
his head and he yelled "Mom!" she said "I'm hot."
Huh!? (shrug) It was amusing, in a sad sort of way.
It reminded me of my mom always telling me to put on a
sweater, or jacket, or socks, or whatever, because SHE
is always COLD.

Nanci K.

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Pat Cald...

From: Nanci Kuykendall
>Anyways I observed the mom ask her son several times
>to remove his sweater because he was sweating and
>"looked hot". He waved his mom away and was busy
>playing his game. So she eventually tackled him and
>focibly removed his pullover. As she pulled it over
>his head and he yelled "Mom!" she said "I'm hot."
>Huh!? (shrug) It was amusing, in a sad sort of way.
>It reminded me of my mom always telling me to put on a
>sweater, or jacket, or socks, or whatever, because SHE
>is always COLD.

>Nanci K.

My girls were out playing with their friends one day when it was cold and a little drizzly. The friends were definitely not dressed for the weather. When the friends said they didn't want to play anymore because they were cold, my girls suggested they just go get a hat and gloves and come back and play. Their friends said no because their mom didn't tell them they had to wear them.

Pat


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

On Wed, 6 Feb 2002 12:48:36 -0800 (PST) Nanci Kuykendall

> I think
> some boys this age (5-6) are maybe not very good at
> empathy and understanding the needs of others that I
> have seen. Thomas in particular is an egomaniac and
> doesn't really GET that other people have needs that
> may conflict with his desires.

It might not be that he has no understanding of the needs of others but
that he has difficulty understanding his own.
Unschoolers are really good at believing kids will learn in their own
time, potty training, talking, reading, math. But we don't always think
of communication in this way. Just because a child knows how to talk
doesn't mean they have a complete understanding of communication. Just
like knowing how to count and even add doesn't mean a person has a
complete understanding of math. Full communication skills come to
different kids at different times.
In a loving house, tantrums are almost never done for manipulation or to
make the parent mad. They are real moments of distress for the person
having one and at that moment it's like you and your child are speaking
different languages.
Whatever brings on a tantrum has brought real confusion to a child. It's
not being able to process what you are asking or not being able to
articulate what they are feeling. It's not willful.

> I was sitting on the couch with my older
> boy who was feeling moody in the strange setting and
> wanting to have his back scratched (which almost
> always helps to defuse him and help him to handle
> stress better, so he asks a lot.)

Not to scare you but emotional outbursts and very itchy back were two of
the symptoms my niece exhibited prior to being diagnosed with juvenile
diabetes. She never had the classic symptoms of diabetes, excessive
thirst, frequent urination, but she was often wildly emotional and itchy
and sometimes sleepy at odd times, and craving sweets.

Deb L

Sharon Rudd

> Not to scare you but emotional outbursts and very
> itchy back were two of
> the symptoms my niece exhibited prior to being
> diagnosed with juvenile
> diabetes. She never had the classic symptoms of
> diabetes, excessive
> thirst, frequent urination, but she was often
> wildly emotional and itchy
> and sometimes sleepy at odd times, and craving
> sweets.
>
> Deb L

Itching is a symptom, sometimes the only one, for
adults, too.

Sharon of the Swamp


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In a message dated 2/6/02 1:50:28 PM, aisliin@... writes:

<< We are also struggling with going overboard with
sweets around here lately. The boys really need to
learn some moderation and I am trying to maintain my
confidence that this will pass. >>

Are there other options as readily available?

If the only thing they can pick up and eat is sweet and other stuff takes
preparation, the sweets might go faster.

<<As she pulled it over
his head and he yelled "Mom!" she said "I'm hot." >>

I don't tackle Holly, but sometimes I do say "Holly, it's making me cold to
see you walk around barefooted when there's snow outside." We laugh about
it, but there's a reality to it, too.



Sandra