2 1/2 yo in love with Dora
DaBreeze21
Hello-
I have a question -- well really a few questions -- about some things
that I think you all could help me with. I'll give you some
background. My daughter is 2 1/2. She is currently IN LOVE with Dora,
which means that it is either on the TV or computer whenever we are
home. (and on the DVD player in the car too!) Currently we are home a
lot for various reasons -- I babysit two other children and it is
winter here so we haven't been getting out as much as I like.
Intellectually I have really embraced unschooling and having no
restrictions on TV, but I know that I am still struggling with it
because I have been thinking a lot about it lately. I have a couple of
concerns.
My first concern is that maybe I am not doing enough other things to
engage her. I realize that this is not a question that you can answer
since you do not know our daily life and how we interact. I guess I am
more wondering if she is happy and I talk on the phone for half an
hour, is that ok? (I'm thinking of Sandra's chart and how much time
you spend with your child based on age) Or cleaning up... or anything
else. I often watch with her and know all the story lines, and can
talk with her about it etc. I am also very aware of making sure to get
her food, make sure she's comfortable etc. But she is only 2 1/2 -- I
guess I think if I were trying harder to do more different things she
might watch less. But then I get in an argument with myself -- is less
better? This seems to be what she really wants right now. Today I
wanted to go outside and play in the snow and she really insisted that
she wanted to stay and watch Dora. I tried convincing her for about an
hour. Then I feel bad because I don't want her to think that I am not
listening to her (we didn't end up going out). However, she often
changes her mind after saying no several times, and I know she would
have had fun outside. It was a rare free morning for us and I wanted
to respect her wish to stay in as much as I wanted to go out. But when
do you start (or do you ever?) saying that "Mommy wants to do this now
and we will do more of what you want later?"
I'm sorry this is long and convoluted. I had a really long
philosophical conversation with my mom about parenting. I am very
lucky to have an open minded and supportive mother, but I know she
even struggles with all these ideas I have. I'm having a hard time
straightening this out in my mind, it seems like there are too many
considerations. But I think to answer my own question, I have to keep
our relationship first in my mind (my daughter's and mine) and I
always think that if I am feeling guilty than maybe that means I
should be offering (strewing) more (or more involved). Any input would
be greatly appreciated! I really feel like with kids, even really
little ones, most people in our society thinks, they need to learn
that they don't always get their way, or to entertain themselves, or
many other things... So I still have many voices in my head that I are
in disagreement with each other.
Thanks again!
Susan May
I have a question -- well really a few questions -- about some things
that I think you all could help me with. I'll give you some
background. My daughter is 2 1/2. She is currently IN LOVE with Dora,
which means that it is either on the TV or computer whenever we are
home. (and on the DVD player in the car too!) Currently we are home a
lot for various reasons -- I babysit two other children and it is
winter here so we haven't been getting out as much as I like.
Intellectually I have really embraced unschooling and having no
restrictions on TV, but I know that I am still struggling with it
because I have been thinking a lot about it lately. I have a couple of
concerns.
My first concern is that maybe I am not doing enough other things to
engage her. I realize that this is not a question that you can answer
since you do not know our daily life and how we interact. I guess I am
more wondering if she is happy and I talk on the phone for half an
hour, is that ok? (I'm thinking of Sandra's chart and how much time
you spend with your child based on age) Or cleaning up... or anything
else. I often watch with her and know all the story lines, and can
talk with her about it etc. I am also very aware of making sure to get
her food, make sure she's comfortable etc. But she is only 2 1/2 -- I
guess I think if I were trying harder to do more different things she
might watch less. But then I get in an argument with myself -- is less
better? This seems to be what she really wants right now. Today I
wanted to go outside and play in the snow and she really insisted that
she wanted to stay and watch Dora. I tried convincing her for about an
hour. Then I feel bad because I don't want her to think that I am not
listening to her (we didn't end up going out). However, she often
changes her mind after saying no several times, and I know she would
have had fun outside. It was a rare free morning for us and I wanted
to respect her wish to stay in as much as I wanted to go out. But when
do you start (or do you ever?) saying that "Mommy wants to do this now
and we will do more of what you want later?"
I'm sorry this is long and convoluted. I had a really long
philosophical conversation with my mom about parenting. I am very
lucky to have an open minded and supportive mother, but I know she
even struggles with all these ideas I have. I'm having a hard time
straightening this out in my mind, it seems like there are too many
considerations. But I think to answer my own question, I have to keep
our relationship first in my mind (my daughter's and mine) and I
always think that if I am feeling guilty than maybe that means I
should be offering (strewing) more (or more involved). Any input would
be greatly appreciated! I really feel like with kids, even really
little ones, most people in our society thinks, they need to learn
that they don't always get their way, or to entertain themselves, or
many other things... So I still have many voices in my head that I are
in disagreement with each other.
Thanks again!
Susan May
k
What about taking the babysat kids with you on outings with your daughter...
maybe to find or go see more Dora stuff together?
~Katherine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
maybe to find or go see more Dora stuff together?
~Katherine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn L. Coburn
Jayn used to love Max and Ruby like that - we recorded every episode, I
bought DVD's when we could. We have stuffed Max and Ruby too. She liked
Dora, and we have a bunch of the dolls, but it was not the same adoration as
Max and Ruby. Now she's 9. She doesn't care about Max and Ruby at all.
Moreover she will also, now, happily leave a recording of any of her current
favorite to play, and know that she can come back to it later.
Part of it is experience - knowing that she really will have the opportunity
to watch again later, regardless of how often she has watched an episode.
Part of it is maturity - she has a much clearer understanding of time, and
time passing now. "Later" doesn't feel like forever to her any more. She is
more willing to allow me something.
If I were you I would find something to do near her and continue to invite
her outside or elsewhere when the episode is over. I might even go on
outside and play in the snow and enjoy it - even if she didn't come out
until her show was over.
<<<<<But when
will absolutely be closed, this is when my doctor's appointment is, the
plane leaves at this time. If the consequences would impact Jayn negatively
I tell her that too. I don't think missing playing in the snow really fits
this.
Jayn has become much more patient and tolerant of my activities with
maturity also. And yes, I love it when she is happy to watch tv for a whole
half hour - but usually she still wants stuff and attention from me as well
during those times.
Off to do some cleaning - Jayn's idea.
Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com
bought DVD's when we could. We have stuffed Max and Ruby too. She liked
Dora, and we have a bunch of the dolls, but it was not the same adoration as
Max and Ruby. Now she's 9. She doesn't care about Max and Ruby at all.
Moreover she will also, now, happily leave a recording of any of her current
favorite to play, and know that she can come back to it later.
Part of it is experience - knowing that she really will have the opportunity
to watch again later, regardless of how often she has watched an episode.
Part of it is maturity - she has a much clearer understanding of time, and
time passing now. "Later" doesn't feel like forever to her any more. She is
more willing to allow me something.
If I were you I would find something to do near her and continue to invite
her outside or elsewhere when the episode is over. I might even go on
outside and play in the snow and enjoy it - even if she didn't come out
until her show was over.
<<<<<But when
> do you start (or do you ever?) saying that "Mommy wants to do this nowFor me the answer to that is "when it is genuinely essential". The store
> and we will do more of what you want later?">>>>
will absolutely be closed, this is when my doctor's appointment is, the
plane leaves at this time. If the consequences would impact Jayn negatively
I tell her that too. I don't think missing playing in the snow really fits
this.
Jayn has become much more patient and tolerant of my activities with
maturity also. And yes, I love it when she is happy to watch tv for a whole
half hour - but usually she still wants stuff and attention from me as well
during those times.
Off to do some cleaning - Jayn's idea.
Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com
Brad Holcomb
> Today IWhen you said you "tried convincing" her, I got a picture of you essentially
> wanted to go outside and play in the snow and she really insisted that
> she wanted to stay and watch Dora. I tried convincing her for about an
> hour.
trying to push her out into the snow, accompanied by you, but really with an
agenda of getting her away from Dora. Why not just put on your coat and
boots and head out into the snow by yourself? I bet she'd pause the show
and join you. -=b.
DaBreeze21
The go outside idea would be great if we didn't live on the 9th floor
of a condo and she wasn't 2 1/2. Actually what I do to try to convince
her is much like what you said -- get myself ready, get some of her
stuff ready where she can see it, ask her if she had fun yesterday,
etc. I am really, REALLY not into forcing her and rarely (if ever) do.
Thanks for the ideas!
oh and my agenda is really more about me wanting to get out,
socialize, and get fresh air... and sincerely NOT about getting her
away from Dora.
Susan
of a condo and she wasn't 2 1/2. Actually what I do to try to convince
her is much like what you said -- get myself ready, get some of her
stuff ready where she can see it, ask her if she had fun yesterday,
etc. I am really, REALLY not into forcing her and rarely (if ever) do.
Thanks for the ideas!
oh and my agenda is really more about me wanting to get out,
socialize, and get fresh air... and sincerely NOT about getting her
away from Dora.
Susan
> When you said you "tried convincing" her, I got a picture of youessentially
> trying to push her out into the snow, accompanied by you, but reallywith an
> agenda of getting her away from Dora. Why not just put on your coat andshow
> boots and head out into the snow by yourself? I bet she'd pause the
> and join you. -=b.
>
Sandra Dodd
On Jan 28, 2009, at 12:17 PM, DaBreeze21 wrote:
you, cool! I'm assuming you'd be willing to say "Oh, gotta go" to
your phone buddy if your daughter did need you. You're still there.
You're right there.
-=- I often watch with her and know all the story lines, and can
talk with her about it etc. I am also very aware of making sure to get
her food, make sure she's comfortable etc. But she is only 2 1/2 -- I
guess I think if I were trying harder to do more different things she
might watch less. But then I get in an argument with myself -- is less
better? -=-
With Kirby it was Ninja Turtles. He LOVED that show, for many years.
I knew all the characters. I scouted out board games and action
figures for him. I encouraged and maintained his collections. I
didn't always sit and watch it with him, but I did often enough to ask
intelligent questions and to know what he was talking about if he
wanted to discuss what the foot clan might be like in other stories,
or about the differences between the comics and the TV show.
-=- Today I
wanted to go outside and play in the snow and she really insisted that
she wanted to stay and watch Dora. I tried convincing her for about an
hour. Then I feel bad because I don't want her to think that I am not
listening to her (we didn't end up going out). However, she often
changes her mind after saying no several times, and I know she would
have had fun outside. It was a rare free morning for us and I wanted
to respect her wish to stay in as much as I wanted to go out. But when
do you start (or do you ever?) saying that "Mommy wants to do this now
and we will do more of what you want later?"-=-
Was it recorded? Was it something you could record and then come in
and watch later?
That would make a big difference.
Was it snowing, or had it already stopped snowing? Another difference.
In the future instead of wheedling for an hour, maybe spend some of
that energy thinking of a clear and interesting proposal to make about
WHAT to do in the snow and why and where and what would make it really
memorable and fantastic.
-=- I'm having a hard time
straightening this out in my mind, it seems like there are too many
considerations. But I think to answer my own question, I have to keep
our relationship first in my mind (my daughter's and mine) and I
always think that if I am feeling guilty than maybe that means I
should be offering (strewing) more (or more involved). Any input would
be greatly appreciated-=-
These might help. Even if you've looked at them before, looking again
with this snow-and-Dora situation in mind might help you find some
clarity.
There ARE many considerations, but if you work from a principle and
make the better choice, you're not floundering in what seems to be an
endless landscape of "what if"s.
htp://sandradodd.com/choice
http://sandradodd.com/parentingpeacefully
http://sandradodd.com/spoiled
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I guess I amSure! If she's watching Dora or playing and she really doesn't need
> more wondering if she is happy and I talk on the phone for half an
> hour, is that ok?
you, cool! I'm assuming you'd be willing to say "Oh, gotta go" to
your phone buddy if your daughter did need you. You're still there.
You're right there.
-=- I often watch with her and know all the story lines, and can
talk with her about it etc. I am also very aware of making sure to get
her food, make sure she's comfortable etc. But she is only 2 1/2 -- I
guess I think if I were trying harder to do more different things she
might watch less. But then I get in an argument with myself -- is less
better? -=-
With Kirby it was Ninja Turtles. He LOVED that show, for many years.
I knew all the characters. I scouted out board games and action
figures for him. I encouraged and maintained his collections. I
didn't always sit and watch it with him, but I did often enough to ask
intelligent questions and to know what he was talking about if he
wanted to discuss what the foot clan might be like in other stories,
or about the differences between the comics and the TV show.
-=- Today I
wanted to go outside and play in the snow and she really insisted that
she wanted to stay and watch Dora. I tried convincing her for about an
hour. Then I feel bad because I don't want her to think that I am not
listening to her (we didn't end up going out). However, she often
changes her mind after saying no several times, and I know she would
have had fun outside. It was a rare free morning for us and I wanted
to respect her wish to stay in as much as I wanted to go out. But when
do you start (or do you ever?) saying that "Mommy wants to do this now
and we will do more of what you want later?"-=-
Was it recorded? Was it something you could record and then come in
and watch later?
That would make a big difference.
Was it snowing, or had it already stopped snowing? Another difference.
In the future instead of wheedling for an hour, maybe spend some of
that energy thinking of a clear and interesting proposal to make about
WHAT to do in the snow and why and where and what would make it really
memorable and fantastic.
-=- I'm having a hard time
straightening this out in my mind, it seems like there are too many
considerations. But I think to answer my own question, I have to keep
our relationship first in my mind (my daughter's and mine) and I
always think that if I am feeling guilty than maybe that means I
should be offering (strewing) more (or more involved). Any input would
be greatly appreciated-=-
These might help. Even if you've looked at them before, looking again
with this snow-and-Dora situation in mind might help you find some
clarity.
There ARE many considerations, but if you work from a principle and
make the better choice, you're not floundering in what seems to be an
endless landscape of "what if"s.
htp://sandradodd.com/choice
http://sandradodd.com/parentingpeacefully
http://sandradodd.com/spoiled
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
>>>> For me the answer to that is "when it is genuinely essential". Thestore
will absolutely be closed, this is when my doctor's appointment is, the
plane leaves at this time. If the consequences would impact Jayn negatively
I tell her that too. I don't think missing playing in the snow really fits
this. <<<<
And also the store will open again the next day or two, appointments can be
rescheduled most of the time, and if absolutely necessary, the ticket might
be moved to another date. Point being, some of those examples wouldn't hold
as so ironclad for adults as for children ... for instance, contrasted to
an adult deciding to postpone going to the store, to the doctor or flying
someplace, how do we decide to allow children to postpone activities they're
not as into as what they're currently doing?
*
*quoted from http://sandradodd.com/priorities
*On valuing children's activities:*
Generally speaking, kids are Busy people. Its good to see that and value
what they are doing. When we don't, its easy to slip into resenting them for
"just goofing off" while we grown ups are busy doing the "important" stuff.
An important aspect of radical unschooling is valuing kids as kids, not
adults-in-training, and so valuing kid-stuff. Playing Green Dinosaur smashes
Legoland, watching tv, daydreaming, all are just as important as cleaning
the kitchen. Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
(UnschoolingBasics list, November 2008)
http://sandradodd.com/priorities
When things are needful like shopping for groceries, Karl has rarely enjoyed
grocery shopping or shopping in general and we bring the gameboy or DS with
us so that Karl has something he really likes to do while we shop *and*
we're all together, which Karl loves since his dad works long hours.
Other ideas are going to store alone when someone else is home with Karl,
scheduling appointments on Brian's day off, and not even bothering to fly
but driving to a destination instead. Another idea, I would think it's
possible to bring the dvd player for use with Dora videos on a flight.
~Katherine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Laura
Thanks for this post because we have had much the same issue with our
two year old daughter but for her it's Sesame Street, Maisy, and
Signing Time. She's bounced back and forth but is absolutely obsessed
when she decides it's time for one. ie she didn't care about signing
time for 6 months and now she's obsessed again but is picking up a ton
of new signs and words. Problem is she would spend the greater part of
her day watching if she could and all I can think of is all the
studies about how rapidly changing images are so bad for the little
ones :( We try to spend time inbetween or watch with her when we can
but we've got a budding business and have had to spend a lot of time
lately working (in our home).
didn't mean to try to hijack, just curious how this might differ since
she's a bit younger.
Laura
two year old daughter but for her it's Sesame Street, Maisy, and
Signing Time. She's bounced back and forth but is absolutely obsessed
when she decides it's time for one. ie she didn't care about signing
time for 6 months and now she's obsessed again but is picking up a ton
of new signs and words. Problem is she would spend the greater part of
her day watching if she could and all I can think of is all the
studies about how rapidly changing images are so bad for the little
ones :( We try to spend time inbetween or watch with her when we can
but we've got a budding business and have had to spend a lot of time
lately working (in our home).
didn't mean to try to hijack, just curious how this might differ since
she's a bit younger.
Laura
--- In [email protected], k <katherand@...> wrote:
>
> >>>> For me the answer to that is "when it is genuinely essential". The
> store
> will absolutely be closed, this is when my doctor's appointment is, the
> plane leaves at this time. If the consequences would impact Jayn
negatively
> I tell her that too. I don't think missing playing in the snow
really fits
> this. <<<<
>
> And also the store will open again the next day or two, appointments
can be
> rescheduled most of the time, and if absolutely necessary, the
ticket might
> be moved to another date. Point being, some of those examples
wouldn't hold
> as so ironclad for adults as for children ... for instance,
contrasted to
> an adult deciding to postpone going to the store, to the doctor or
flying
> someplace, how do we decide to allow children to postpone activities
they're
> not as into as what they're currently doing?
>
> *
> *quoted from http://sandradodd.com/priorities
> *On valuing children's activities:*
>
> Generally speaking, kids are Busy people. Its good to see that and
value
> what they are doing. When we don't, its easy to slip into resenting
them for
> "just goofing off" while we grown ups are busy doing the "important"
stuff.
> An important aspect of radical unschooling is valuing kids as kids, not
> adults-in-training, and so valuing kid-stuff. Playing Green Dinosaur
smashes
> Legoland, watching tv, daydreaming, all are just as important as
cleaning
> the kitchen. Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
> (UnschoolingBasics list, November 2008)
> http://sandradodd.com/priorities
>
>
>
> When things are needful like shopping for groceries, Karl has rarely
enjoyed
> grocery shopping or shopping in general and we bring the gameboy or
DS with
> us so that Karl has something he really likes to do while we shop *and*
> we're all together, which Karl loves since his dad works long hours.
>
> Other ideas are going to store alone when someone else is home with
Karl,
> scheduling appointments on Brian's day off, and not even bothering
to fly
> but driving to a destination instead. Another idea, I would think it's
> possible to bring the dvd player for use with Dora videos on a flight.
>
> ~Katherine
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Sandra Dodd
On Jan 28, 2009, at 8:58 PM, Laura wrote:
Do you have those shows on DVD or tivo? LET her watch as much as she
wants. Glory in it. Revel in her learning and her joy.
Those "studies" are bogus crap designed to support the methods of
public schooling.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Problem is she would spend the greater part ofShe can't choose to stop if she doesn't have a choice.
> her day watching if she could and all I can think of is all the
> studies about how rapidly changing images are so bad for the little
> ones :(
Do you have those shows on DVD or tivo? LET her watch as much as she
wants. Glory in it. Revel in her learning and her joy.
Those "studies" are bogus crap designed to support the methods of
public schooling.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Verna
you could make a tent to sit in while you watch it. make special
cookies or a snack you can eat while you watch it. have a dora
marathon, fine dora pictures to color, play dora games online. my kids
have one for the wii. they like it.
cookies or a snack you can eat while you watch it. have a dora
marathon, fine dora pictures to color, play dora games online. my kids
have one for the wii. they like it.
k
>>>> you could make a tent to sit in while you watch it. make specialcookies or a snack you can eat while you watch it. have a dora
marathon, fine dora pictures to color, play dora games online. my kids
have one for the wii. they like it. <<<<
Also for a child who is in love with Dora (or any other character) one could
sculpt or mold from a cake pan or printed out stencil the shape of the head
of Dora (or whoever) in the snow and make a small snow person for your child
outside.
~Katherine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
DaBreeze21
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
Thank you for all of the responses and links!
> > Was it recorded? Was it something you could record and then come
in and watch later? That would make a big difference.<<
Actually they are all on the computer, a DVD, or our DVR -- so all may
be watched later and I'm pretty sure that she understands that because
she will sometimes "pause" them voluntarily. I think it may be more
her age, or the level of her love right now, and also what you said
about later just seeming too long from now.
> Was it snowing, or had it already stopped snowing? Another difference.<
Good point. It was not snowing at that moment, and it was the day
before when she agreed to go out.
> In the future instead of wheedling for an hour, maybe spend some of
that energy thinking of a clear and interesting proposal to make about
WHAT to do in the snow and why and where and what would make it really
memorable and fantastic.<
I tried to do this but probably not in the most effective way. I AM
getting better at coming up with things that will entice her, so that
she is the one that finally chooses to do something with me.
> These might help. Even if you've looked at them before, looking
again with this snow-and-Dora situation in mind might help you find
some clarity.There ARE many considerations, but if you work from a
principle and make the better choice, you're not floundering in what
seems to be an endless landscape of "what if"s.
htp://sandradodd.com/choice
http://sandradodd.com/parentingpeacefully
http://sandradodd.com/spoiled<
I especially enjoyed the first link about choice and the "balloon
analogy" written by Joyce. Thank you!
Ok, Marisol needs me! :-)
Thanks again, I'll be back!
Susan
Margaret
Could you buy a handheld dvd player? I saw some designed for small
children that were between 100 and 150, I think. The screen was
small, but they were supposed to be pretty sturdy. Perhaps she would
be more amenable to transitioning to the handheld at the end of the
episode. You could go to the park or take a walk and she could sit
down and watch her show if she wanted to or run around and play if she
wanted to do that. We live in a rural area and so I play tv in the
car for the kids when we have a long ride ahead of us. It makes
transitions out of the house easier.
Oh, it might help to select one episode instead of play all... it just
wraps around and plays over and over again. Be available to start the
next one, of course, without any negativity about watching another
episode. If it stops, it is easier to have a minute break to talk
about what would be most fun to do next.
If you don't have them already, there are Dora duplo sets and there is
a Dora dollhouse. Maybe if you had interesting exciting things in the
area where she watches TV you could feel more comfortable that she is
watching TV because she really wants to, not because she doesn't see
the other options. Might be fun to play with the dollhouse or build
things during the episodes too.
We have a small trampoline and legos near the TV and a whole bunch of
toys nearby, but not right right next to the TV. We rearrange things
depending on what is interested and there are several areas with fun
things (toys, art table, etc.) where they can see the TV and play.
We downloaded some dora video games from bigfishgames. They had a 1
hour trial so you can try them first to see if she can play them (or
enjoys playing with you). I know that there were games my two year
old could play, but he can use the computer and our Wii quite well.
He liked the diego dinosaur game the most, but there was a dora game
that both my kids liked too.
If you are worried about her doing it alone while you get things done,
perhaps you could find something you can do while sitting with her.
Reading? Knitting? She might interact with you more if she is on
your lap, even if you are looking at something else. Maybe you could
do that more often, even if you still do talk on the phone or clean up
during some of the time when she is watching Dora.
Margaret
children that were between 100 and 150, I think. The screen was
small, but they were supposed to be pretty sturdy. Perhaps she would
be more amenable to transitioning to the handheld at the end of the
episode. You could go to the park or take a walk and she could sit
down and watch her show if she wanted to or run around and play if she
wanted to do that. We live in a rural area and so I play tv in the
car for the kids when we have a long ride ahead of us. It makes
transitions out of the house easier.
Oh, it might help to select one episode instead of play all... it just
wraps around and plays over and over again. Be available to start the
next one, of course, without any negativity about watching another
episode. If it stops, it is easier to have a minute break to talk
about what would be most fun to do next.
If you don't have them already, there are Dora duplo sets and there is
a Dora dollhouse. Maybe if you had interesting exciting things in the
area where she watches TV you could feel more comfortable that she is
watching TV because she really wants to, not because she doesn't see
the other options. Might be fun to play with the dollhouse or build
things during the episodes too.
We have a small trampoline and legos near the TV and a whole bunch of
toys nearby, but not right right next to the TV. We rearrange things
depending on what is interested and there are several areas with fun
things (toys, art table, etc.) where they can see the TV and play.
We downloaded some dora video games from bigfishgames. They had a 1
hour trial so you can try them first to see if she can play them (or
enjoys playing with you). I know that there were games my two year
old could play, but he can use the computer and our Wii quite well.
He liked the diego dinosaur game the most, but there was a dora game
that both my kids liked too.
If you are worried about her doing it alone while you get things done,
perhaps you could find something you can do while sitting with her.
Reading? Knitting? She might interact with you more if she is on
your lap, even if you are looking at something else. Maybe you could
do that more often, even if you still do talk on the phone or clean up
during some of the time when she is watching Dora.
Margaret
On Wed, Jan 28, 2009 at 11:17 AM, DaBreeze21 <susanmay15@...> wrote:
> Hello-
>
> I have a question -- well really a few questions -- about some things
> that I think you all could help me with. I'll give you some
> background. My daughter is 2 1/2. She is currently IN LOVE with Dora,
> which means that it is either on the TV or computer whenever we are
> home. (and on the DVD player in the car too!) Currently we are home a
> lot for various reasons -- I babysit two other children and it is
> winter here so we haven't been getting out as much as I like.
>
> Intellectually I have really embraced unschooling and having no
> restrictions on TV, but I know that I am still struggling with it
> because I have been thinking a lot about it lately. I have a couple of
> concerns.
>
> My first concern is that maybe I am not doing enough other things to
> engage her. I realize that this is not a question that you can answer
> since you do not know our daily life and how we interact. I guess I am
> more wondering if she is happy and I talk on the phone for half an
> hour, is that ok? (I'm thinking of Sandra's chart and how much time
> you spend with your child based on age) Or cleaning up... or anything
> else. I often watch with her and know all the story lines, and can
> talk with her about it etc. I am also very aware of making sure to get
> her food, make sure she's comfortable etc. But she is only 2 1/2 -- I
> guess I think if I were trying harder to do more different things she
> might watch less. But then I get in an argument with myself -- is less
> better? This seems to be what she really wants right now. Today I
> wanted to go outside and play in the snow and she really insisted that
> she wanted to stay and watch Dora. I tried convincing her for about an
> hour. Then I feel bad because I don't want her to think that I am not
> listening to her (we didn't end up going out). However, she often
> changes her mind after saying no several times, and I know she would
> have had fun outside. It was a rare free morning for us and I wanted
> to respect her wish to stay in as much as I wanted to go out. But when
> do you start (or do you ever?) saying that "Mommy wants to do this now
> and we will do more of what you want later?"
>
> I'm sorry this is long and convoluted. I had a really long
> philosophical conversation with my mom about parenting. I am very
> lucky to have an open minded and supportive mother, but I know she
> even struggles with all these ideas I have. I'm having a hard time
> straightening this out in my mind, it seems like there are too many
> considerations. But I think to answer my own question, I have to keep
> our relationship first in my mind (my daughter's and mine) and I
> always think that if I am feeling guilty than maybe that means I
> should be offering (strewing) more (or more involved). Any input would
> be greatly appreciated! I really feel like with kids, even really
> little ones, most people in our society thinks, they need to learn
> that they don't always get their way, or to entertain themselves, or
> many other things... So I still have many voices in my head that I are
> in disagreement with each other.
>
> Thanks again!
>
> Susan May
>
>
Laureen
Heya!
On Wed, Jan 28, 2009 at 11:17 AM, DaBreeze21 <susanmay15@...> wrote:
> I have a question -- well really a few questions -- about some things
> that I think you all could help me with. I'll give you some
> background. My daughter is 2 1/2. She is currently IN LOVE with Dora,
> which means that it is either on the TV or computer whenever we are
> home. (and on the DVD player in the car too!) Currently we are home a
> lot for various reasons -- I babysit two other children and it is
> winter here so we haven't been getting out as much as I like.
Here's something I wrote about my son's fascination with Dora, and
what came of it:
http://lifewithoutschool.typepad.com/lifewithoutschool/2007/03/gracias_dora.html
Right now both my boys (they're 6 and 3) are TV-obsessed. We just hit
the Pokemon stage, actually, and I'm learning more about that than I
learned about any of the previous phases. And I'm already plotting
forays into other anime (although they already love Howl's Moving
Castle, so there's precedent...
I thought about being freaked out about the sheer amount of screen
time they're getting. But when there are other things that catch their
attention, they move on, and this sounds goofy, but it's still clearly
a choice they're making. The TV has not made them mind-controlled
zombies; they are genuinely choosing this, despite all kinds of other
offers of things to do with their time.
--
~~L!
~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~
Writing here:
http://www.theexcellentadventure.com/
Evolving here:
http://www.consciouswoman.org/
~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~
DaBreeze21
--==Here's something I wrote about my son's fascination with Dora, and
what came of it:
http://lifewithoutschool.typepad.com/lifewithoutschool/2007/03/gracias_dora.html
==--
That is a great story, thanks for sharing! It is so amazing how much
kids learn all the time. I have really appreciated all of the feedback
and ideas that people have given to me. The best part is that I am
actually doing many of the ideas given to me already which made me
feel much better.
It definitely takes practice to really, REALLY give your child a
choice and mean it -- especially when you really, REALLY want to do
one thing. I am working on it though! And I am also learning that
there are other ways to get my needs met while respecting Marisol's
choices. For example, the day after Marisol did NOT want to play in
the snow and I tried to convince her for so long, we were supposed to
go to a music class in the morning. I mentioned it a couple times and
reminded her of all the fun things that we do there. I think I asked
her 2 times, (ok, maybe 3!) if she wanted to go and she didn't, so we
stayed home (and watched Dora of course!) In my mind I'm worrying,
what if we start skipping every week? We paid for the course, etc.
etc. But I know that the money is gone, I know that we were happy that
morning, and I know that it is likely that we will make most of the
remaining classes, so I feel good about that.
Also later in the day instead of getting out, I opened a window for
fresh air, put some exercise DVDs on the TV and Marisol, myself, and
the 1 year old girl I babysit all "danced" and ran around the
apartment. They loved it! I'm also trying to walk on the weekends when
my husband is home so I am getting some of the fresh air and exercise
that I am craving.
Thanks again for all the input!
Susan
what came of it:
http://lifewithoutschool.typepad.com/lifewithoutschool/2007/03/gracias_dora.html
==--
That is a great story, thanks for sharing! It is so amazing how much
kids learn all the time. I have really appreciated all of the feedback
and ideas that people have given to me. The best part is that I am
actually doing many of the ideas given to me already which made me
feel much better.
It definitely takes practice to really, REALLY give your child a
choice and mean it -- especially when you really, REALLY want to do
one thing. I am working on it though! And I am also learning that
there are other ways to get my needs met while respecting Marisol's
choices. For example, the day after Marisol did NOT want to play in
the snow and I tried to convince her for so long, we were supposed to
go to a music class in the morning. I mentioned it a couple times and
reminded her of all the fun things that we do there. I think I asked
her 2 times, (ok, maybe 3!) if she wanted to go and she didn't, so we
stayed home (and watched Dora of course!) In my mind I'm worrying,
what if we start skipping every week? We paid for the course, etc.
etc. But I know that the money is gone, I know that we were happy that
morning, and I know that it is likely that we will make most of the
remaining classes, so I feel good about that.
Also later in the day instead of getting out, I opened a window for
fresh air, put some exercise DVDs on the TV and Marisol, myself, and
the 1 year old girl I babysit all "danced" and ran around the
apartment. They loved it! I'm also trying to walk on the weekends when
my husband is home so I am getting some of the fresh air and exercise
that I am craving.
Thanks again for all the input!
Susan
Sandra Dodd
-=-I think I asked
her 2 times, (ok, maybe 3!) if she wanted to go and she didn't,-=-
Could you tell more about why you asked her?
I would have said excitedly the night before that the next day was
music class so we needed to get up and go at X-o'clock, and then wake
her up happily, reminding her of how much I liked the the class and
wish there had been one when I was little (and I wouldn't be acting,
I really DO love music and get-together), and that it's nearly time
to go.
I wouldn't have stopped to say "Do you want to go?"
If she really didn't want to go, the whimpering or foot-dragging
would be a clue, but did you just flat out ask her "Do you want to go?"
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
her 2 times, (ok, maybe 3!) if she wanted to go and she didn't,-=-
Could you tell more about why you asked her?
I would have said excitedly the night before that the next day was
music class so we needed to get up and go at X-o'clock, and then wake
her up happily, reminding her of how much I liked the the class and
wish there had been one when I was little (and I wouldn't be acting,
I really DO love music and get-together), and that it's nearly time
to go.
I wouldn't have stopped to say "Do you want to go?"
If she really didn't want to go, the whimpering or foot-dragging
would be a clue, but did you just flat out ask her "Do you want to go?"
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
DaBreeze21
I always appreciate your responses and view point. I can tell you
more. I think how you described things is how I go about getting us
ready most of the time too. I say, "Today is music class!" And I am
excited and happy, and we normally get out on time etc. The reason
this morning was different is that we were actually making up a class
that we missed earlier in the week (we missed it due to sleeping in,
due to Marisol recently dropping her nap, on that morning sleep was
more important than music).
So, this particular morning, it was actually ME dragging my feet more
than her. It was friday morning after a long week of babysitting and a
rare free morning for us. Because our schedule is often dictated by
who I am babysitting I felt more freedom. There are 3 music classes
each spaced an hour apart. We can go to any of them. She was having a
great time playing at home and I was putzing. When the last class
approached I told her that if we were going to go we had to get ready.
She didn't want to so I dropped it.
That was kind of the whole situation! I like what you said about how
you would do things though.
Susan
more. I think how you described things is how I go about getting us
ready most of the time too. I say, "Today is music class!" And I am
excited and happy, and we normally get out on time etc. The reason
this morning was different is that we were actually making up a class
that we missed earlier in the week (we missed it due to sleeping in,
due to Marisol recently dropping her nap, on that morning sleep was
more important than music).
So, this particular morning, it was actually ME dragging my feet more
than her. It was friday morning after a long week of babysitting and a
rare free morning for us. Because our schedule is often dictated by
who I am babysitting I felt more freedom. There are 3 music classes
each spaced an hour apart. We can go to any of them. She was having a
great time playing at home and I was putzing. When the last class
approached I told her that if we were going to go we had to get ready.
She didn't want to so I dropped it.
That was kind of the whole situation! I like what you said about how
you would do things though.
Susan
> Could you tell more about why you asked her?
>
> I would have said excitedly the night before that the next day was
> music class so we needed to get up and go at X-o'clock, and then wake
> her up happily, reminding her of how much I liked the the class and
> wish there had been one when I was little (and I wouldn't be acting,
> I really DO love music and get-together), and that it's nearly time
> to go.
>
> I wouldn't have stopped to say "Do you want to go?"
>
> If she really didn't want to go, the whimpering or foot-dragging
> would be a clue, but did you just flat out ask her "Do you want to go?"
>
>
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>