[email protected]

Hello!!! My name is Jennifer. I have a wonderful husband, Sean and
three handsome and extremely fun boys, Cody (18), Mikey (9) & Scotty
(7). We live in San Bernardino County in Southern California. We
live in the snowy part with all the squirrels and coyotes and
friendly mountain neighbors.

We have been teaching our kids at home for 5 years for some, 9 or 7
for others. My oldest, Cody, went to private school, then public
school, then we pulled him out and taught through a charter school
when he was in 8th grade. My other two did charter for a while too.
Kind of hated it. So, then we went all crazy.... and then we are now
our own private school. Cody really wanted to play sports, so we
enrolled him in a private school that has a homeschool division that
we can teach anyway or whatever we want to. That works. He loves
football, baseball and is having fun playing soccer. He will
officially graduate in June, however, he could now, he just wants to
delay higher education until he's done being a kid. He'll start
college in fall of this year. Still trying to decide what he wants
to be.

Mikey & Scotty are "unschooled". We tried doing the text/workbooks,
but that just did not work for us. How boring. They really didn't
care at all about sentance structure as much as they did about
building hotwheel tracks and lego structures. So, we decided to
play, watch tv, play video games, go to the park, have sleep overs in
our tent on the deck, go to Dad's work and use his date stamper a
billion times, etc.

I am learning to enjoy unschooling, but still am a little fearful
that my little kids will never learn to write properly or read a
chapter book all on their own. I'm hoping to learn from you all here
how to relax and let them learn on their own.

Thanks for listing!!!

Jen

Jenny C

We live in San Bernardino County in Southern California. We
> live in the snowy part with all the squirrels and coyotes and
> friendly mountain neighbors.

I grew up visiting my grandparents in Big Bear City. I love it there a
lot!


> I am learning to enjoy unschooling, but still am a little fearful
> that my little kids will never learn to write properly or read a
> chapter book all on their own. I'm hoping to learn from you all here
> how to relax and let them learn on their own.


My oldest daughter, Chamille 14, doesn't write very well, if by that,
you mean handwriting skills. Her writing skills, as in communication
through text, is very good. She types very well, faster than me and she
spells things correctly and uses punctuation correctly. I didn't teach
her those things, she learned them through reading things she was
interested in like websites and games.

Chapter books are ok, if you really like reading. Reading serves a
function other than reading for the sake of reading and it might help to
see that. There are many adults who never read chapter books, but read
online, or magazines, or job applications, or any of the other numerous
applications of reading.

One thing that really helped our family, was to get books on cd and tape
from the library, and listen to stories. Hearing stories and ideas, and
written word, went a long way! Book for book, Chamille had acquired
more than most of her schooled peers, without ever opening one and
reading it herself. So, by the time she was 11/12 and figuring out how
to read, she had a lot of understanding of written language that helped
her figure it out in a book form.

Yesterday, we had a neighbor kid over and Margaux, my 7 yr old, and her
were trying to figure out something to do. Margaux said, "hey, we could
read some Nancy Drew books!". Her friend said "eeeww, I'm not reading,
I'm not at school!". So, Margaux doesn't know how to read fluently
yet, and loves the idea of it and would do it for fun and play, and her
friend, who does know how to read, won't because she finds it to be a
chore, homework, something unpleasant that is done to her in school.

So, what is the point of reading? Is it to be able to read chapter
books one day? Or are there other better reasons to read?

The best reason to do ANYthing, is simply because you want to and have a
reason to do so!

Sandra Dodd

On Jan 27, 2009, at 2:27 PM, Jenny C wrote:

> is the point of reading? Is it to be able to read chapter
> books one day? Or are there other better reasons to read?
-------------------------

I've collected some ideas about reading here:
http://sandradodd.com/reading

And as to the term "chapter books": as far as I know it has to do
with elementary school book reports, and I think it's not a great term
for unschooling purposes. If anyone knows a different origin for it,
I'd be interested!

Sandra



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Rod Thomas

How do you convey to your husband how important it is to make a connection
with his children, that he is running out of time.

How do you do this without badgering, annoying, or making him withdraw.



kathy











[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

diana jenner

you can send him this link: hannahsashes.blogspot.com
Let me know if it helps :)
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
hannahsashes.blogspot.com
dianas365.blogspot.com


On Tue, Jan 27, 2009 at 4:43 PM, Rod Thomas <rodneykathy@...>wrote:

> How do you convey to your husband how important it is to make a
> connection
> with his children, that he is running out of time.
>
> How do you do this without badgering, annoying, or making him withdraw.
>
> kathy
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Nicole Willoughby

I love that blog. Every time I look at it I want to both hug my 9.5 year old tighter and more often ....and smile at all the places she has been.

Nicole

Don't worry that children never listen to you : worry that they are always watching you--Robert Fulghum



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

My husband started to come home from work and flip on the tv and eat
his dinner (he gets home after we have already eaten most days). The
kids would sit with him on the couch and all stare like droens at the
television. It bothered me as I knew the kids missed him and he missed
them during the day and they both had a lot they could share with each
other. However, I also see the need that my husband needs to relax
and unwind after a long day at the office. So... I started to put
interesting toys out on the coffee table about the time my husband
would come home from work. Bionicles, legos, hot wheels, cool books
with vivid pictures. The kids would be all into their play and my
husband would not want to turn the tv on and distract them. He got to
eat, in relative peace, and watch the kids play. Then, 10 times out of
10, when he was finished with his dinner, he would get into playing
with them.

I also (gently) addressed the topic of how he was acting like his
father did to him. If he wanted that relationship, he was headed in
the right direction. If not, there is plenty of reason to make that
change now.

[email protected]

Thank you Jenny C. & Sandra!! I appreciate your feedback.

My thought in having the kids read is many fold (and all are just my
dumb excuses).

Part is that my husband, oldest son and I all have such a passion for
reading that we hope the two littles do too. I know, we all have
different likes and dislikes, I just truly hope that they love it
like
we do.

Another thing is that I feel a lot of pressure from family who don't
understand homeschooling, let alone UNschooling. If they could see
my
children excelling at something "schoolish" I might relax more.
Again,
I see my own excuses here.

Those are just some of my paranoid reasons for them to read early.
My
oldest son had the base of elementary school and the desire to
continue
on studing American & European classics. As well as a strong base
in "school" math, which he also continued and is learning calculus,
because he wants to.

My little ones have only had unschooling and no base in a
public/private school, so I guess that is where my fear comes in.
They
are not doing the things that my oldest did at his age. I see them
learing to read their video games, as we don't want to sit there with
them the entire time to read through every scene. So, I guess they
will learn and are learning at their own pace. I just have to learn
to
trust them and continue providing opportunities for them to read.

k

>>>> I see them learing to read their video games, as we don't want to sit
there with
them the entire time to read through every scene. <<<<

>>>> I just have to learn to trust them and continue providing opportunities
for them to read. <<<<

Part of providing opportunities to read is to read for children much of the
time that they want us to (whether we always want to or not). That takes
the pressure off children to feel responsible for reading and lets them
relax around the printed word while others are reading and they are watching
and listening as others read. Eventually they'll be reading with you,
silently and then maybe even aloud at some point. Karl has begun to read
aloud to me a word here and there, but I'm doing the bulk of reading,
whether that's onscreen, on the page, from signage everywhere we go.....

>>>> They are not doing the things that my oldest did at his age. <<<<

And since your younger children are unschooling, that's true. Your oldest
went to private school. What your youngers are doing is not going to look
like schooling because they're UNschooling.

~Katherine


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jenny C

> Part is that my husband, oldest son and I all have such a passion for
> reading that we hope the two littles do too. I know, we all have
> different likes and dislikes, I just truly hope that they love it
> like
> we do.

Well I really thought my older daughter would have a passion for dance,
but she doesn't at all! She loves scary movies. I was never a scary
movie fan, but what's been really cool, is how her interest in something
very different from me has expanded my world just that much more! Think
back to when you were first dating your husband, and he brought new and
intersting things to your life, just like you did for him and how cool
it was to explore those things because you loved the person. That's
kind of what it's like to have kids who like very different things from
you!


> Those are just some of my paranoid reasons for them to read early.
> My
> oldest son had the base of elementary school and the desire to
> continue
> on studing American & European classics. As well as a strong base
> in "school" math, which he also continued and is learning calculus,
> because he wants to.

See, now when I read this, it doesn't sound like a good thing. A base
in elementary school sounds very hindering to natural curiosity. A
strong base in school math, sounds like something that someone would
need to get over to begin to know real math and real life applications
of math.

> My little ones have only had unschooling and no base in a
> public/private school, so I guess that is where my fear comes in.

That sounds like a GOOD thing to me! They've never been made to feel
stupid or wrong or bad for liking what they like and knowing what they
know and not what they don't. There is no base anyway. That's a
misconception created by curriculum makers and school systems that build
on linear passing of tests to the next level.


> They
> are not doing the things that my oldest did at his age. I see them
> learing to read their video games, as we don't want to sit there with
> them the entire time to read through every scene. So, I guess they
> will learn and are learning at their own pace. I just have to learn
> to
> trust them and continue providing opportunities for them to read.
>


It's not going to help to compare one child to another in this manner.
Even if your younger kids were going to school, they could be doing
things very differently than your older child did. My oldest daughter
was experiencing a brand new baby at the age of 7. My now 7 yr old
daughter wishes she was experiencing a brand new baby, but is doing
other things. They are completely and totally different people, with
completely different personalities and likes and dislikes and it's been
that way since each of them were born!

One thing that may help you see the learning in the video games, is to
get down there with them and play them too, or sit and read and watch
and talk or look up walk throughs. You may find how incrediblely
difficult those games are that they are playing. You may even find that
they are better at it than you! I love it when that happens!

Nicole Willoughby

One thing that may help you see the learning in the video games, is to
get down there with them and play them too, or sit and read and watch
and talk or look up walk throughs. You may find how incrediblely
difficult those games are that they are playing. You may even find that
they are better at it than you! I love it when that happens!>>>>

yes! please do .. I don't play the games with dd because she is far better than me and i often get really frustrated instead of enjoying but it can be so much fun to watch and let her show me whats going on.
Recently dh went through a little period where he got worried ... they aren't learning , they are going to get behind , they must start doing a curriculum. It happens. I still have moments when I freak thinking ... I only have one chance..am I ruining their lives?!

Just yesterday dh and I watched Courtney playing one of her Wow characters. We also watched her write several sentences to a friend, learn a new word, do several different types of math calculations, and organize a group of people together to acomplish a goal.
That would have been plenty but it dosent stop there. This led to planning on buying more beading stuff, her desire to try to start a business, advertising, pricing so she will make a profit , wether to include postage in the price , and on and on.

If you havent looked at it I suggest going to www.sandradodd.com/checklists


Nicole

Don't worry that children never listen to you : worry that they are always watching you--Robert Fulghum



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

space_and_freedom

--- In [email protected], "Rod Thomas" <rodneykathy@...>
wrote:
>
> How do you convey to your husband how important it is to make a
connection
> with his children, that he is running out of time.
>
> How do you do this without badgering, annoying, or making him withdraw.
>
>
>
> kathy

Can you plan something for him to do with one or more of the kids (one
on one might be less overwhelming for him), that he enjoys and can
share with them? For example: toss him a soccer ball and let him know
DS or DD would like to kick it around with him.

Jen (DD8, DD6, DS3)

Robin Bentley

> I see them learning to read their video games, as we don't want to
> sit there with
> them the entire time to read through every scene.

Why not? If you changed "video games" to "books" in this sentence,
would you feel the same?

Reading is reading. There are times when my dh and I would rather buy
books than anything else because we love to read ourselves. We started
reading to dd when she was a baby because we wanted to be together, to
tell stories, to share something, to "bathe her in words". It was fun.
We read some very cool books together.

But she didn't pick them up to read herself. Not at 7, not at 8, not
at 9, 10 or even 11. But, she began to play Zoo Tycoon, Impossible
Creatures and horse riding games on the computer. She wanted to learn
to read the words in the games herself, but when she needed us to read
something, we sat with her and did it. Soon she didn't need to ask.
She had her own reasons to learn to read - to get to the next level or
create a new exhibit. By 12, she was reading and playing World of
Warcraft (some pretty sophisticated language) *and* was re-reading her
favorite book series and asking for more.

Your kids don't need to read early. They'll read when they are ready.
There's so much learning your boys can do without reading. Let them.

Try not to compare unschooling to schooling. And don't believe that
everything your eldest excels at is because of school <g>.

Read more about reading here:

http://sandradodd.com/reading

and here:

http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/academics/reading/notreadingyet.html

Robin B.

Joanna Murphy

So... I started to put
> interesting toys out on the coffee table about the time my husband
> would come home from work. Bionicles, legos, hot wheels, cool books
> with vivid pictures. The kids would be all into their play and my
> husband would not want to turn the tv on and distract them. He got to
> eat, in relative peace, and watch the kids play. Then, 10 times out of
> 10, when he was finished with his dinner, he would get into playing
> with them.

I think there is such incredible wisdom and sensitivity in this response. I'm so glad you've
joined this list!

Joanna

Michelle Cloud

Quote:
Why not? If you changed "video games" to "books" in this sentence, would you feel the same?
********
I've read this on several websites and I have to say that no, I would not feel the same. When I read to my children (they're 15 and 11), I am on the sofa, we're snuggled up under a blanket or we're all lying on the sofa, we're interacting about the book, using our imagination, we may have some classical music in the background etc.

Sorry, but when the video games are on, the kids are not paying attention to me. (My children have been reading for a long time, way before we got video games so this is not an issue for us.) They are into the game, and if I were to read the story to them it would be just so that they could get to the next screen. Then there's the beeps and boops, the noises, the distractions of the on-screen goings-on and such. I just can not see how this is in any way like reading a book to my child, I really can't. I am not trying to start anything, but I've only been unschooling for a short time and I logged onto several of these lists and I've read this at least a dozen times in the last few weeks. It, imho, is just not the same.

Michelle
************************************
"Just as eating against one's will is injurious to health, so study without a liking for it spoils the memory, and it retains nothing it takes in."
--Leonardo da Vinci


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

> > I see them learning to read their video games, as we don't want to
> > sit there with
> > them the entire time to read through every scene.


You could "sit there" doing something else. Put your computer in that
room, or if you do any handwork or needlework, do it there. Or fold
laundry. But be nearby enough to read something if needed.

People have recommended the reading pages, but you might look here, too:
http://sandradodd.com/videogames
Definitely go to the link about tales of happy gamers.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

On Jan 27, 2009, at 9:42 PM, Nicole Willoughby wrote:

>
> If you havent looked at it I suggest going to www.sandradodd.com/checklists

http://sandradodd.com/checklists

to make links "live" on a yahoolist mailing, put the http:// in front
of it.

That link goes to suggestions on how to enrich experiences if you're
worried about how to coach an unschooled kid into more exploration
(and more importantly to start to see as an unschooling parent how
things are connected and what value there is in side stories).

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Rod Thomas

Any suggestions for a party, gathering or ceremony for a soon to be 16 yo?

what could make it memorable,.



He likes surfing, music, friends.



kathy



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robyn L. Coburn

<<<<The kids would sit with him on the couch and all stare like droens at
the
> television. It bothered me as I knew the kids missed him and he missed
> them during the day and they both had a lot they could share with each
> other. >>>>

I'm glad that this is working for you, but my first thought was to wonder
whether your husband and kids missed that tv watching togetherness. Watching
programs they both enjoy has been a very important way for Jayn and my dh to
connect with each other, after work and at other times. It seems like
saying "stare like drones" (as I assume you meant) shows a pretty negative
judgment about tv watching and an assumption that it precludes connecting.
That has not been my observation.

Also at our house having toys and games out certainly does not preclude
watching tv. Jayn has been multitasking in front of the tv her whole life.
If kids are distracted from interesting play by the tv, that sounds to me
like maybe they don't get enough tv.

For me having the tv on quietly in the background while she and I play, draw
or craft, has sometimes been a lifesafer in allowing me to keep my energy up
enough to continue playing with her, especially if I am tired. We have lots
of shows we love and quote back and forth to each other.

Jayn also needs and demands her father's attention when he gets home from
work. He needs a few minutes to transition and decompress, and is often
physically exhausted. My part in helping Jayn get her need met from her
father pleasantly instead of being angry and aggressive was not to try to
manipulate them both into some activity that I approved of, but to be really
straightforward and tell dh my observation of Jayn's behavior and what I
thought she was telling him. He then talked to Jayn and together they came
up with the daily routine that they now follow more or less.

He always speaks to her when he first comes in and asks for time to get
settled, then he calls her in and they wrestle and/or watch tv and/or look
on the computer. They have games that are totally separate and different
from the games and interests that she and I share.

Recently they have started what I can only describe as a research project
together. They go out on the weekends together and have been observing and
photographing the progress of a major dredging project on the beach near us.
Last weekend they even spoke to the engineer or foreman in charge about what
the sand was and other questions. They bought little notebooks to dedicate
to the thing. It is very fun for them, and it was an idea that they
generated together from just being out driving and doing errands one
Saturday a few weeks ago, when they noticed the work beginning. But I have
no doubt that part of the plan to follow the work was inspired by a shared
enjoyment of a bunch of shows about amazing engineering that they have
watched together at different times.

Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com

Sandra Dodd

On Jan 28, 2009, at 9:01 AM, Michelle Cloud wrote:

> When I read to my children (they're 15 and 11), I am on the sofa,
> we're snuggled up under a blanket or we're all lying on the sofa,
> we're interacting about the book, using our imagination, we may have
> some classical music in the background etc.

You could be interacting about the game, but you're resisting all
possibility.
Do you really think kids aren't using their imaginations when they're
playing a video game?
Have you heard some of the music from the final fantasy games?

I have nothing to gain from you feeling differently about video
games. I don't make a commission on people who become better
unschoolers.

-=-Sorry, but when the video games are on, the kids are not paying
attention to me. -=-

So? Are you there to be supportive of their learning, or are they
there to pay attention to you?

-=-They are into the game, and if I were to read the story to them it
would be just so that they could get to the next screen.-=-

Exactly. A mom who reads to a non-reading child is helping him get to
a place he couldn't have gotten on his own, whether it's to picture a
battle in a Redwall book or to find out there are things on the menu
beyond grilled cheese or a hot dog.

-=-Then there's the beeps and boops, the noises, the distractions of
the on-screen goings-on and such. I just can not see how this is in
any way like reading a book to my child, I really can't. I am not
trying to start anything...-=-

Start something. Start looking about learning happening in the child
instead of at the comfort of the mother.

I think you've missed the point on the parallel between a child
playing a game and a child reading a book. It's not about the
parent. A child being engrossed in a game is like a child engrossed
in a book (or movie, or music, or Lego project or learning a
skateboard trick). If some reading is required, the parent should
help. If the parent would be willing to be near enough to help with
words a child didn't know in a book, but not to help with words a
child didn't know in a video game, that shows a prejudice on the part
of the parents.

http:/sandradodd.com/bookworship
If you look around there it might help it make sense. If it doesn't,
please feel free to keep asking. This list is perfect for sorting
through and analyzing confusions such as that one!

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robin Bentley

It's not the act of reading (or a comparison between reading a book
and a screen) I was referring to. It's the connection and intent.

To read what's on the screen because a kid asks you to help is making
a connection. To be nearby, as Sandra mentioned, is to have the intent
to be helpful and involved.

Parents can learn more about what their children like by being
interested themselves. And by the time children are reading on their
own, we can connect with them by playing the games ourselves, buying
strategy guides, looking for cool clothing, going to conventions, and
especially listening and learning from the stories our kids tell us.

Parents new to unschooling can tend to dismiss video/computer games as
a waste of time that could be better spent reading under a blanket.
Adults will tend to put "reading a book together" in a different
category than "a kid enjoying video games." But, they are both
opportunities to get to know a child, to be connected, and supportive.

Robin B.

Joyce Fetteroll

On Jan 28, 2009, at 11:01 AM, Michelle Cloud wrote:

> I've read this on several websites and I have to say that no, I
> would not feel the same.

The original question, though, was about learning to read. The
initial idea that prompted the question was: "I see them learing to
read their video games, as we don't want to sit there with them the
entire time to read through every scene."

So what if it was: "I see them learing to read their books, as we
don't want to sit there with them the entire time to read through
every page."?

I don't think parents should be sitting next to their kids for every
moment as interpreters. It helps to be willingly available as much as
you sincerely can, though. If that's hard for a parent to do with
video games it's worth examining the attitude. If a child is going
through a National Geographic magazine and struggles with the
captions occasionally and asks them to be read, it will help
unschooling if the parent's attitude is the same with the magazine as
it is for the video game. Asking for help shouldn't come with parent
baggage about what kids want help with.

> When I read to my children (they're 15 and 11), I am on the sofa,
> we're snuggled up under a blanket or we're all lying on the sofa,
> we're interacting about the book, using our imagination, we may
> have some classical music in the background etc.

Those kinds of moments are wonderful, but it's not helpful to wrap
reading -- or anything -- up in a goal that may be more important to
you than to the kids.

The kids may certainly enjoy it, but it may not be as important to
them. They may decide they want to draw or bake cookies or build
something while you read to them.

I've heard of plenty of kids who needed to be up and about, playing
or jumping or doing things that look like they aren't paying
attention to the book. Kat used to do that occasionally. It's what
she needed to do to pay attention.

Reading is for extracting information from books. Anything else is an
extra. :-)

Joyce

John and Amanda Slater

On Jan 28, 2009, at 11:01 AM, Michelle Cloud wrote:



> I've read this on several websites and I have to say that no, I

> would not feel the same.







> When I read to my children (they're 15 and 11), I am on the sofa,

> we're snuggled up under a blanket or we're all lying on the sofa,

> we're interacting about the book, using our imagination, we may

> have some classical music in the background etc.



***Could you snuggle up under a blanket while the kids are playing video games?  I do this with my boys.  I can either watch, play or read.  I just enjoy all being together.
AmandaEli 7, Samuel 6





















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

On Jan 28, 2009, at 1:46 PM, Joyce Fetteroll wrote:

> Asking for help shouldn't come with parent
> baggage about what kids want help with.

Unless it's help to cheat or lie. I wouldn't help people do that.
I haven't ever helped my kids be sneaky, not counting surprise parties
and gifts.

-=-Reading is for extracting information from books. Anything else is an
extra. :-)-=-

It can also be for falling into the book in a escapist way. I really
needed that when I was a kid. My own children never did. So I wrote
this:
http://sandradodd.com/bookandsax

It surprised me. I LOVED the escape that books provided. What my
kids use for that purpose is movies and video games. Movies don't
last as long, but they can be much better than books sometimes. And
video games.... It's pretty interesting that some of the same kinds
of arguments against books, that they're passive and don't require or
allow the reader to react or change the story, are all answered by
video games like Fallout 3, yet the same sorts of people came up with
new arguments.

I think there is something in many older people that causes them to
put down kids in a kneejerk way. What kids like is stupid. First they
make the judgment and then they look for the justifications.

Sandra

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Schuyler

You can't. But you can make it easier for him to want to join in and play. David will often have a list of jobs that he has to get done floating about in his brain. I can help him to feel free enough to be able to move from that list to hanging out Simon and Linnaea by making sure that I take care of a lot of the household chores that get him buzzing about in a minor frenzy. Keeping the house cleaner, taking care of some of the yardwork, making sure the little things that matter to him are done help him to feel less stressed, less torn between duties he feels must be done and the more enjoyable aspects of life that he sees as leisure time activities, like playing on the Xbox with the kids. Over time he has relaxed his needs for tidiness a lot and changed his perspective on what is leisure and what is important.

The more David feels relaxed and happy and like all that needs doing is done, the more time and attention he feels he has to give to Simon and Linnaea and me. The more he sees me and the kids having a good time together the more he wants to join in. Sometimes it helps to change the scenery, to go to the beach or to go skating or to go to the zoo or a museum or out for lunch or dinner.

Schuyler




________________________________
From: Rod Thomas <rodneykathy@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, 28 January, 2009 12:43:58 AM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] dad connection

How do you convey to your husband how important it is to make a connection
with his children, that he is running out of time.

How do you do this without badgering, annoying, or making him withdraw.



kathy











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------------------------------------

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diana jenner

>
> They are into the game, and if I were to read the story to them it would be
> just so that they could get to the next screen.
>

What if this said: They are into the story and if I were to read the story
to them, it would be just so they could get to the next chapter.

Truly, both scenarios are lost opportunities for connection and relationship
building. Honoring a loved one's passions is the greatest give you can give.
How do you want to be remembered? As the mama who helped, regardless of her
own discomfort with boops and beeps, or the mama who held her discomfort as
more important than bringing her child support and joy?
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
hannahsashes.blogspot.com
dianas365.blogspot.com
>
>


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diana jenner

uh, er, Greatest Gift* you can give!
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
hannahsashes.blogspot.com
dianas365.blogspot.com


On Wed, Jan 28, 2009 at 2:23 PM, diana jenner <hahamommy@...> wrote:

> They are into the game, and if I were to read the story to them it would be
>> just so that they could get to the next screen.
>>
>
> What if this said: They are into the story and if I were to read the story
> to them, it would be just so they could get to the next chapter.
>
> Truly, both scenarios are lost opportunities for connection and
> relationship building. Honoring a loved one's passions is the greatest give
> you can give. How do you want to be remembered? As the mama who helped,
> regardless of her own discomfort with boops and beeps, or the mama who held
> her discomfort as more important than bringing her child support and joy?
> ~diana :)
> xoxoxoxo
> hannahbearski.blogspot.com
> hannahsashes.blogspot.com
> dianas365.blogspot.com
>>
>>


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Verna

My husband comes home very stressed most days. Sometimes he just needs
some t.v. or computer time. The other day I picked up a Samarai Jack
Dvd at the library because my husband used to love to watch it and I
knew the kids would enjoy it too. They have "connected" over Samarai
Jack two evenings in a row. They also play video games together alot
and when the weather is nice play outside. I have found that if the
kids are out when he gets home he will hang out there with them for a
while and play basketball etc. Helps him relax, so some nice
afternoons, i suggest we go out and play and wait for Daddy. The kids
rarely pass that up. I have also expressly bought things for the kids
like erector sets and electronic sets that I know my husband would be
interested in and the kids ask him to help them with them in the
evenings. They often have ongoing projects that they are all working
on. I try not to tell my husband, how important it is that he connects
with him kids, he knows that. I just try to make it easier for him to
do so.

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/28/2009 3:00:19 PM Eastern Standard Time,
cloudfamily4@... writes:

<<<when the video games are on, the kids are not paying attention to me.>>>



I'm a video gamer from 'way back. I'm a voracious reader from even further
back. If pressed, I don't think I could pick one I liked more than the other-I
love them both, in different ways.

For my children, right now, reading isn't a big deal. Wyl *loved* being read
to when he was ... well, since he was able to sit up on my lap. We'd read
book after book after book. When he got proficient at reading himself, he went
through a couple books on his own, then we meandered through a couple more
books with me reading to him and since then, he hasn't been interested much in
reading *books*. Magazines, video games, video game hints on t.v., parts of
books (mostly instructional, or non-fiction), comics, yes. Books, not right
now. Storm putters around with it occasionally, wanting me to read to him,
wanting to thumb through a book, then he's done for a while. We have loads and
loads of books of all sorts and age ranges all about the house-in every room,
in fact-even in the hallways! The books are definitely there if they want to
take them up again. We live a 10 minute walk from the library. Books are easy
access-just no interest.

Video games, on the other hand, are huge. And such a different experience
with us (and friends) than books! Books are quiet, one person reading alone,
one person reading to others, not much discussion. Not while reading-afterward,
some discussion, but not *during*. Video games, though, are a huge social
experience!! Everyone is talking, sharing, watching, laughing, offering
suggestions-even if only one person is playing! But we have multiplayer games and
multiple player interactive games for our handhelds and that is even *more*
fun! Tips to share, new critters, new levels, new items to buy, an awesome
replay-all things to share with those nearby. I couldn't even begin to recall how
many times a day one of my guys says, "Hey, Mama, look at THIS!", and I'm
always happy to see what neat thing they have to show me-which often turns into
a good 10-20 minute dialogue afterward about how that particular thing was
accessed or came about. It often also has it's own connections to other
discussions, more opportunities to learn stuff, look stuff up, move on to another
tid bit.

People talk about how "isolating" video games are and that just puzzles me.
It is *so* not isolating in any way at our house! We have systems that are
semi-portable, handheld games for every member of the house, separate rooms we
could be in-yet, everyone likes to play together or at least *be* together
while some play. The only time they really played separately is when we
discovered the remote play possibilities on our DS handhelds and then they liked to
have one upstairs while the other was downstairs for a few games, then they'd
switch places. That fascination was over in one day, because, of course,
they couldn't dialogue over the game! :~)

I don't think my kids are unique in the way they play video games,
especially since we have friends that are the same way. It *could* be different types
of personality, but maybe it is perception. I find the more immersed I get in
unschooling, the more whatever perceived conflict I have is about my
perception of it. Or pre-conceived ideas. If I can stop myself and take a fresh
viewpoint, as if I've never heard of or experienced said thing that's in
conflict, and really see it through "new eyes", I have a much better chance of
removing the source of conflict and discomfort from my life.

Peace,
De
_http://and-the-kitchen-sink.blogspot.com/_
(http://and-the-kitchen-sink.blogspot.com/)
_http://whatshappeningwiththesmiths.blogspot.com/_
(http://whatshappeningwiththesmiths.blogspot.com/)

**************From Wall Street to Main Street and everywhere in between, stay
up-to-date with the latest news. (http://aol.com?ncid=emlcntaolcom00000023)


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Joanna Murphy

> "People talk about how "isolating" video games are and that just puzzles me.
> It is *so* not isolating in any way at our house!"

Our either!! Video games are incredibly social around here. If they aren't getting played
together, then the kids are playing with others, like on WoW. When they get together with
friends, there is always a flurry of activity to see who is at what level on what game and if
anyone needs help getting past a level, etc.

On another note, I've been thoroughly tickled lately to watch my daughter type. In isolation
(except with all of her WoW contacts) she went from VERY slow hunt, search then peck typing
to typing in little flurries. She looks just like a ticket agent at the airport--type-type-type
enter pause...then type-type-type enter pause.... She's probably up to 40-50 wpm when
typing words she knows. It all happened in a short couple of weeks!

Joanna