Sharon Hockenbury

Hello,
My name is Sharon. I have been on this list for a while but I never
posted. I was wondering if you all could help me sort something in my
head.

I have always homeschooled. Nine children, 26 years. I have really
vaccilated back and forth, thinking I should DO more and then buying
some stupid cirriculum and then never using it...defaulting back to
the natural flow of our lives, facilitating the children's interest to
the best of my ability....most of the time. My oldest at home right
now is 17 and is taking 3 classes at the high school, which she
absolutely loves and wanted to do. She is not interested in attending
full time.

I would say that I have experience alot more freedom the last few
years. Most of that freedom has been letting go of religious
expectations of myself and my children AND my husband. Even though I
would have been considered an "unschooler", I was still an
authoritarian parent. That is another story. That has changed also.

It is the challenge in my head right now...that I deal with. I had to
go back to work. I drop my daughter off at school, workout, deliver
mail, pick my daughter up from school and we are home at about 11:00.
(I leave at 7:00) My other children at home are 15, 12, 10, 6. They
usually sleep or get up and get on the computer or play Wii. When I
get home we read outloud (something we all enjoy and have agreed on
together) and then everyone does there own thing. Everyone buzzes
around all day. My "job" is to run here and there responding to
"mommy come here", "mommy come and see", "mommy, look what I made",
"mommy can you help with this" and then all the other
mommy/wife/homemaker/home business responsibilities require.

My question is; Can you be a true radical unschooler and not be
available to your children all the time? Are there things I might
consider with this type of situation? Maybe there is no need to be
concerned at all? Maybe part of the challenge is that I am not
"needed" as much as my children have grown older. The 17, 15, and 12
year olds are avid readers. You might get a chuckle or a sigh out of
the fact that they are enjoying the Harry Potter series on tape for
the first time because I would NOT ALLOW them when it first came out.
They have read the Twilight series and just seem to always be DOING
something. My 10 year old is in the VERY beginning stages of reading
and has NO interest in writing at all. Does math in his head
amazingly. My 17 year old is a very good writer. Doesn't have all
the "formal" stuff down, but I am sure after you are done reading
this, you will see I do not either and I am a college graduate! LOL.
She is taking Japanese and loves it.. I think I am writing all this
out as part of my processing and you all, if you have read this far,
are part of it.

Any thoughts?

Thanks for the listening eyes.
Sharon

PS...did not proof read...

Pamela Sorooshian

I've always worked part time and I think it sounds like you should not
be concerned at all about those few hours away from home. It sounds
like there is a LOT going on there, with a bunch of kids and things to
do.

-pam

On Jan 26, 2009, at 3:48 PM, Sharon Hockenbury wrote:

> My question is; Can you be a true radical unschooler and not be
> available to your children all the time? Are there things I might
> consider with this type of situation? Maybe there is no need to be
> concerned at all?

Jenny C

> My question is; Can you be a true radical unschooler and not be
> available to your children all the time? Are there things I might
> consider with this type of situation? Maybe there is no need to be
> concerned at all? Maybe part of the challenge is that I am not
> "needed" as much as my children have grown older.

Sometimes when kids get older, parents are needed differently. My older
daughter needs my attention about as much as my younger daughter, they
just need different kinds of attention. They are 14 and 7.

Have you considered having official mom/child times for each individual
child? It helps to really connect with each individual child and may
ease your mind about wether or not you are providing for each child,
what they want and need because they will have a chance to tell you.

Sharon Hockenbury

I have thought of that, but it seems that it is working to be
available when they are ready instead of a scheduled time. I will
think on this and talk with them to see if they would like this.
Thanks of the thoughts.


--- In [email protected], "Jenny C" <jenstarc4@...>
wrote:
>
>
> > My question is; Can you be a true radical unschooler and not be
> > available to your children all the time? Are there things I might
> > consider with this type of situation? Maybe there is no need to be
> > concerned at all? Maybe part of the challenge is that I am not
> > "needed" as much as my children have grown older.
>
> Sometimes when kids get older, parents are needed differently. My
older
> daughter needs my attention about as much as my younger daughter,
they
> just need different kinds of attention. They are 14 and 7.
>
> Have you considered having official mom/child times for each
individual
> child? It helps to really connect with each individual child and
may
> ease your mind about wether or not you are providing for each child,
> what they want and need because they will have a chance to tell you.
>

Sandra Dodd

On Jan 26, 2009, at 4:48 PM, Sharon Hockenbury wrote:

> My question is; Can you be a true radical unschooler and not be
> available to your children all the time? Are there things I might
> consider with this type of situation?

I hope you're being extra generous with your older children who are
watching younger ones while you're gone. Maybe cater to them
sometimes too--their favorite foods, or gifts, or clean their rooms or
do their laundry in extra nice ways, as they're making it possible for
you to work without paying for a babysitter.

As to learning, with that many kids there, the kids will be learning
all kinds of things and there will be helpers if they need assistance
or answers.

-=-h as my children have grown older. The 17, 15, and 12
year olds are avid readers. You might get a chuckle or a sigh out of
the fact that they are enjoying the Harry Potter series on tape for
the first time because I would NOT ALLOW them when it first came out.-=-

If they're busy and happy, maybe there's nothing to worry about.
The relief I feel as my children get older is balanced by regret that
I can't spend more time with them as little kids. (That's not very
clearly worded, but moms of older kids might be able to rephrase for
me.)

There's a chart here of my careful analysis (ahem...) of how much time
a mom should spend with a child:
http://sandradodd.com/howto

-=- I think I am writing all this
out as part of my processing and you all, if you have read this far,
are part of it.-=-

Do you have a blog? No pressure, just thinking if writing helps you
process, they can be wonderful, and by linking to other unschoolers'
blogs, you'll have other "listening eyes." <g>

If you're thinking about blogs and you want ideas or inspiration,
there are quite a few linked on the lefthand column here:
http://thinkingsticks.blogspot.com

Sandra

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Jenny C

> If they're busy and happy, maybe there's nothing to worry about.
> The relief I feel as my children get older is balanced by regret that
> I can't spend more time with them as little kids. (That's not very
> clearly worded, but moms of older kids might be able to rephrase for
> me.)
>


Chamille's not out of the realm of needing my help with things, but
she's independent for sure, much more than Margaux. I would be easy to
let her be and go and do, but conscious connection makes such a big
difference in which direction she goes to do and be.

Seeing her grow more independent really does cause me to pause and turn
toward my younger daughter and get involved in whatever she's doing,
since those young childhood years really are fleeting! Margaux is 7
1/2, but before I know it she'll be 10 and then almost 15 and soon to be
driving like her sister.

It's easy to miss all those moments! I love how unschooling gives me a
reason to really be present for all those moments, to live for them and
just really BE there!

Jenny C

> I have thought of that, but it seems that it is working to be
> available when they are ready instead of a scheduled time. I will
> think on this and talk with them to see if they would like this.
> Thanks of the thoughts.
>


It doesn't have to be formally scheduled. It could be casual, like
going on a 15 min walk, or asking one to go to the store with you. Just
small one on one things help to check in with an individual child. I
don't know your kids, but I know this has been really helpful to both of
my kids. When my time and energy is split, they don't necessarily tell
me their heart and mind in those moments. It's when I have just one
with me, that they talk and talk and talk.

Lesa M.

Hi, Sharon. :) I'm been on this list for quite some time and don't think
I've ever posted either.

I look forward to hearing everyone's thoughts on your situation.

Lesa

On Mon, Jan 26, 2009 at 5:48 PM, Sharon Hockenbury <
loveinthehouse@...> wrote:

> Hello,
> My name is Sharon. I have been on this list for a while but I never
> posted.
>


--
Lesa in IL
DD12/4th year homeschooling/unschooling
http://delicious.com/lifeschool
http://lifeacademy.homeschooljournal.net/
When you grasp just a small fraction of what this moment offers, you'll rush
to give it all you have.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]