Feeling Isolated
krissy8444
Hi Unschoolers,
We've been unschooling for about 4 yrs now after I pulled my children out of school and read
John Holt. Since then, I've noticed that when people ask me about WHAT I do at home, I try
to explain the philosophy of child led learning, etc. I have noticed that most of my "friends"
avoid me, my children's friends from school definitely do.
Because we live in San Jose and don't want to travel an hour north, have not really found a
support group or friendly, accepting people. Has anyone had the same experience? and if
so, do you have any ideas?
I didn't realize how lonely and isolated I would feel. I mean we go out into society and do
things and meet people but just don't seem to make lasting connections.
Regards,
Christine
unschooling mom to Sam 13, Zack 12, and Nicole 30 months
We've been unschooling for about 4 yrs now after I pulled my children out of school and read
John Holt. Since then, I've noticed that when people ask me about WHAT I do at home, I try
to explain the philosophy of child led learning, etc. I have noticed that most of my "friends"
avoid me, my children's friends from school definitely do.
Because we live in San Jose and don't want to travel an hour north, have not really found a
support group or friendly, accepting people. Has anyone had the same experience? and if
so, do you have any ideas?
I didn't realize how lonely and isolated I would feel. I mean we go out into society and do
things and meet people but just don't seem to make lasting connections.
Regards,
Christine
unschooling mom to Sam 13, Zack 12, and Nicole 30 months
Sandra Dodd
-=-I've noticed that when people ask me about WHAT I do at home, I try
to explain the philosophy of child led learning, etc. I have noticed
that most of my "friends"
avoid me, my children's friends from school definitely do.-=-
Maybe just say "we're homeschooling." If they ask for details say
it's different different days, or you go to museums, or something
happy and perky and vague.
-=-I didn't realize how lonely and isolated I would feel. I mean we
go out into society and do things and meet people but just don't seem
to make lasting connections.-=-
When my kids were that age they hung out at a gaming store. It was
the height of Pokemon card tournaments, and they had friends from that.
What about clubs based on interests, or doing overnight visits to
other unschooling families? What about state-organization sponsored
camping trips? (I'm guessing you're already hooked up with HSC, but
if not, HSC.org.)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
to explain the philosophy of child led learning, etc. I have noticed
that most of my "friends"
avoid me, my children's friends from school definitely do.-=-
Maybe just say "we're homeschooling." If they ask for details say
it's different different days, or you go to museums, or something
happy and perky and vague.
-=-I didn't realize how lonely and isolated I would feel. I mean we
go out into society and do things and meet people but just don't seem
to make lasting connections.-=-
When my kids were that age they hung out at a gaming store. It was
the height of Pokemon card tournaments, and they had friends from that.
What about clubs based on interests, or doing overnight visits to
other unschooling families? What about state-organization sponsored
camping trips? (I'm guessing you're already hooked up with HSC, but
if not, HSC.org.)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn L. Coburn
Living in Los Angeles, that big spread out endless plain of cities and
suburbs, driving an hour doesn't sound like much to me. We do it all the
time to visit Jayn's special friends who live north and south, just as they
come to us sometimes.
Personally knowing some of the lovely unschooling families who live in the
Bay area, all I can say is that doing that kind of drive once or twice week
would be totally worth it!
Try posting at [email protected] to find some folks
closer to you maybe.
When people ask me what we do, I tell them about our activities (play games,
read, watch tv, sew and craft, write stories, draw, outings) and Jayn's
passions (dolls, mysteries, computer games, dance, swimming). I can be
brief, or talk longer if needed. I can talk longer than anyone would want to
listen about all the stuff we can do. I don't even try and make it sound
like schooly subjects. One of the points about unschooling is that our days
don't look like school-at-home, so I don't try and give that impression even
when I know that people mean "what do you do for school" when they ask "what
do you do".
Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com
suburbs, driving an hour doesn't sound like much to me. We do it all the
time to visit Jayn's special friends who live north and south, just as they
come to us sometimes.
Personally knowing some of the lovely unschooling families who live in the
Bay area, all I can say is that doing that kind of drive once or twice week
would be totally worth it!
Try posting at [email protected] to find some folks
closer to you maybe.
When people ask me what we do, I tell them about our activities (play games,
read, watch tv, sew and craft, write stories, draw, outings) and Jayn's
passions (dolls, mysteries, computer games, dance, swimming). I can be
brief, or talk longer if needed. I can talk longer than anyone would want to
listen about all the stuff we can do. I don't even try and make it sound
like schooly subjects. One of the points about unschooling is that our days
don't look like school-at-home, so I don't try and give that impression even
when I know that people mean "what do you do for school" when they ask "what
do you do".
Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com
www.allthingsdoll.blogspot.com
DJ250
I'd say stick with the "we're homeschoolers" response and leave it at
that. Only elaborate if you feel comfortable. I've had that "oh"
reaction a couple of times and it's a crummy feeling, isn't it!? I have
found, though, that most people are understanding when you say "it just
works for us" and smile and then proceed to ask how school is going for
them, does their kid like their teacher this year, have they gone on any
exciting field trips, blah blah blah. :-) My daughter did receive some
crummy treatment just this last year (she's 9) from some of the kids in
the neighborhood but they just really were jealous of her, didn't know
where to 'put' her in their little worlds, and were belittling her
because they felt poorly about themselves (low self-esteem). She
doesn't bother with these kids, now. Others in the neighborhood are
more accepting and just want to get down to the business of playing!
Are you just looking for an unschooling group, specifically or would a
group of homeschoolers suffice? We have a couple of schooled friends in
the neighborhood and at ballet class, some unschooled friends, and some
homeschooled (school-at-home) friends. I think what helps is to go
after interests. My girls like to ride horses, take ballet, bowl with a
homeschool group (small), play at the park, attend a cool science class
once a month at an environmental research center, arrange playdates, go
to a homeschool P.E. class, go to a homeschool open gym at a gymnastics
place, etc. I might get to talking with a mom or they might come out
from the activity and say "Can you talk to so-and-so's mom and arrange a
playdate for us?". Now, my elder gal is the extrovert while my younger
is the introvert, so I find a difference in how many friends they want
and want to play with at a time.
Join some local Yahoo groups and homeschool groups and post about
getting together based on interest and/or age. Keep at it, it will
click!
Also, I find that just having certain activities on certain days each
week is really helpful. The girls know that Monday we might go ice
skating (just us! :-)), Tuesday is riding, Wed. is open gym and later
ballet, Thursday is riding again, Friday I babysit three unschooled boys
(brothers) and we all go to the homeschool P.E. class in the winter and
the park in the warmer months. We usually fit in playdates before or
after these activities or just lay low at home until it's time for the
activity (or run errands!). If $ is a concern, park days are free and
even just two activities a week can be a real boost and a way to meet
others.
Best wishes,
~Melissa :-)
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of krissy8444
Sent: Thursday, January 22, 2009 1:40 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Feeling Isolated
Hi Unschoolers,
We've been unschooling for about 4 yrs now after I pulled my children
out of school and read
John Holt. Since then, I've noticed that when people ask me about WHAT I
do at home, I try
to explain the philosophy of child led learning, etc. I have noticed
that most of my "friends"
avoid me, my children's friends from school definitely do.
Because we live in San Jose and don't want to travel an hour north, have
not really found a
support group or friendly, accepting people. Has anyone had the same
experience? and if
so, do you have any ideas?
I didn't realize how lonely and isolated I would feel. I mean we go out
into society and do
things and meet people but just don't seem to make lasting connections.
Regards,
Christine
unschooling mom to Sam 13, Zack 12, and Nicole 30 months
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
that. Only elaborate if you feel comfortable. I've had that "oh"
reaction a couple of times and it's a crummy feeling, isn't it!? I have
found, though, that most people are understanding when you say "it just
works for us" and smile and then proceed to ask how school is going for
them, does their kid like their teacher this year, have they gone on any
exciting field trips, blah blah blah. :-) My daughter did receive some
crummy treatment just this last year (she's 9) from some of the kids in
the neighborhood but they just really were jealous of her, didn't know
where to 'put' her in their little worlds, and were belittling her
because they felt poorly about themselves (low self-esteem). She
doesn't bother with these kids, now. Others in the neighborhood are
more accepting and just want to get down to the business of playing!
Are you just looking for an unschooling group, specifically or would a
group of homeschoolers suffice? We have a couple of schooled friends in
the neighborhood and at ballet class, some unschooled friends, and some
homeschooled (school-at-home) friends. I think what helps is to go
after interests. My girls like to ride horses, take ballet, bowl with a
homeschool group (small), play at the park, attend a cool science class
once a month at an environmental research center, arrange playdates, go
to a homeschool P.E. class, go to a homeschool open gym at a gymnastics
place, etc. I might get to talking with a mom or they might come out
from the activity and say "Can you talk to so-and-so's mom and arrange a
playdate for us?". Now, my elder gal is the extrovert while my younger
is the introvert, so I find a difference in how many friends they want
and want to play with at a time.
Join some local Yahoo groups and homeschool groups and post about
getting together based on interest and/or age. Keep at it, it will
click!
Also, I find that just having certain activities on certain days each
week is really helpful. The girls know that Monday we might go ice
skating (just us! :-)), Tuesday is riding, Wed. is open gym and later
ballet, Thursday is riding again, Friday I babysit three unschooled boys
(brothers) and we all go to the homeschool P.E. class in the winter and
the park in the warmer months. We usually fit in playdates before or
after these activities or just lay low at home until it's time for the
activity (or run errands!). If $ is a concern, park days are free and
even just two activities a week can be a real boost and a way to meet
others.
Best wishes,
~Melissa :-)
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of krissy8444
Sent: Thursday, January 22, 2009 1:40 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Feeling Isolated
Hi Unschoolers,
We've been unschooling for about 4 yrs now after I pulled my children
out of school and read
John Holt. Since then, I've noticed that when people ask me about WHAT I
do at home, I try
to explain the philosophy of child led learning, etc. I have noticed
that most of my "friends"
avoid me, my children's friends from school definitely do.
Because we live in San Jose and don't want to travel an hour north, have
not really found a
support group or friendly, accepting people. Has anyone had the same
experience? and if
so, do you have any ideas?
I didn't realize how lonely and isolated I would feel. I mean we go out
into society and do
things and meet people but just don't seem to make lasting connections.
Regards,
Christine
unschooling mom to Sam 13, Zack 12, and Nicole 30 months
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joanna Murphy
Christine--
Have you joined the SFBUN group on yahoo? That's short for San Francisco Bay Area
Unschooling Network. I'm from the other end of the bay area, and we do travel an hour to
make connections with this amazing group, but there are members from all over. I'd
recommend joining, posting, and seeing if anyone from your area responds. We have
members from as far away as the Santa Cruz area.
We also do events in different locations, including an excellent campout in July at Caswell
State Park. You and your kids would be welcome to join up for anything you could make.
Joanna
Have you joined the SFBUN group on yahoo? That's short for San Francisco Bay Area
Unschooling Network. I'm from the other end of the bay area, and we do travel an hour to
make connections with this amazing group, but there are members from all over. I'd
recommend joining, posting, and seeing if anyone from your area responds. We have
members from as far away as the Santa Cruz area.
We also do events in different locations, including an excellent campout in July at Caswell
State Park. You and your kids would be welcome to join up for anything you could make.
Joanna
Jenny C
Since then, I've noticed that when people ask me about WHAT I do at
home, I try
programs in CA, I think it's harder for the actual stay at home
homeschoolers to find and meet like minded others.
We have friends in the Modesto area that definitely run into this! They
finally conceded and enrolled their daughter in a homeschool charter
after looking for 6 mos for ANY homeschoolers at all. Even though this
family has lived in CA off and on over the course of their daughter's
life, and they homeschooled most of it, they didn't even know about the
private schooling option for registering. I think that is probably the
case for a lot of people, especially those that leave the public school
system, who get their information form the schools that say they must
enroll in a homeschool charter.
I know there are homeschoolers in the bay area though, so I'd say keep
looking and be open to driving. The older your kids get, the more
important it will be to have other kids to hang out with and do things
with!
Have you considered going to the Life Is Good Conference
<http://www.lifeisgoodconference.com/> ? It's in the NW, but there a
lot of folks that come from all along the west coast, and there are more
than a few from CA. It's been very instrumental in finding friends for
myself and my kids!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
home, I try
> to explain the philosophy of child led learning, etc. ......Has anyonehad the same experience? and if
> so, do you have any ideas?out into society and do
> I didn't realize how lonely and isolated I would feel. I mean we go
> things and meet people but just don't seem to make lastingconnections.
>With more and more homeschooling families doing homeschool charter
programs in CA, I think it's harder for the actual stay at home
homeschoolers to find and meet like minded others.
We have friends in the Modesto area that definitely run into this! They
finally conceded and enrolled their daughter in a homeschool charter
after looking for 6 mos for ANY homeschoolers at all. Even though this
family has lived in CA off and on over the course of their daughter's
life, and they homeschooled most of it, they didn't even know about the
private schooling option for registering. I think that is probably the
case for a lot of people, especially those that leave the public school
system, who get their information form the schools that say they must
enroll in a homeschool charter.
I know there are homeschoolers in the bay area though, so I'd say keep
looking and be open to driving. The older your kids get, the more
important it will be to have other kids to hang out with and do things
with!
Have you considered going to the Life Is Good Conference
<http://www.lifeisgoodconference.com/> ? It's in the NW, but there a
lot of folks that come from all along the west coast, and there are more
than a few from CA. It's been very instrumental in finding friends for
myself and my kids!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Gwen
Good Vibrations is being held in San Diego in September.
http://goodvibrationsconference.com/
Gwen
http://goodvibrationsconference.com/
Gwen
--- On Fri, 1/23/09, Jenny C <jenstarc4@...> wrote:
Have you considered going to the Life Is Good Conference
<http://www.lifeisgoodconference.com/> ? It's in the NW, but there
a lot of folks that come from all along the west coast, and there are more
than a few from CA. It's been very instrumental in finding friends for
myself and my kids!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
c n
I second what Johanna said about joining SFBUN, and I know that one
unschooler is/or used to be part of some group down your way called
Parkhoppers or something. I found the link!: http://www.parkhoppers.org/ When
I used to live in Santa Clara about 10 years ago I was part of a group
called All Ways Learning, and they seemed rather snooty toward non-
unschoolers at the time. I cannot find that link. Prehaps the group is
gone.
There are also a lot of unschoolers taking nature studies classes at Riekes
in Menlo park: http://www.riekes.org/
If you don't mind traveling a lot of unschoolers go to the SFhomeschoolers(
http://www.sfhomeschoolers.org/) Parkday on Mondays. We go there even
though we live in Alameda.
Besides the regular activities of SFBUN(or BUNnies) on Thursdays, there is
also a regular Friday hike in the East Bay that is set up by an unschooler
which has many unschooling regulars, but I do not know what theory the
majority follow.
If you are interested in the hike, email me and I will pass your address on
to the organizer of the list.
Hope to see you around!
Caroline
ifbearswerebees@...
unschooler is/or used to be part of some group down your way called
Parkhoppers or something. I found the link!: http://www.parkhoppers.org/ When
I used to live in Santa Clara about 10 years ago I was part of a group
called All Ways Learning, and they seemed rather snooty toward non-
unschoolers at the time. I cannot find that link. Prehaps the group is
gone.
There are also a lot of unschoolers taking nature studies classes at Riekes
in Menlo park: http://www.riekes.org/
If you don't mind traveling a lot of unschoolers go to the SFhomeschoolers(
http://www.sfhomeschoolers.org/) Parkday on Mondays. We go there even
though we live in Alameda.
Besides the regular activities of SFBUN(or BUNnies) on Thursdays, there is
also a regular Friday hike in the East Bay that is set up by an unschooler
which has many unschooling regulars, but I do not know what theory the
majority follow.
If you are interested in the hike, email me and I will pass your address on
to the organizer of the list.
Hope to see you around!
Caroline
ifbearswerebees@...
On Thu, Jan 22, 2009 at 10:09 PM, Joanna Murphy <ridingmom@...> wrote:
> Christine--
>
> Have you joined the SFBUN group on yahoo? That's short for San Francisco
> Bay Area
> Unschooling Network. I'm from the other end of the bay area, and we do
> travel an hour to
> make connections with this amazing group, but there are members from all
> over. I'd
> recommend joining, posting, and seeing if anyone from your area responds.
> We have
> members from as far away as the Santa Cruz area.
>
> We also do events in different locations, including an excellent campout in
> July at Caswell
> State Park. You and your kids would be welcome to join up for anything you
> could make.
>
> Joanna
>
>
>
--
Caroline
alittleblackcloud@...
henrypootel@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meghan Anderson-Coates
<<<<<Good Vibrations is being held in San Diego in September.
http://goodvibratio nsconference. com/
Gwen>>>>>>
Also the HSC (Homeschool Association of California) has a conference in Sacramento in August (http://hscconference.com/index.html). Although it's not specifically an unschooling conference, it's awash in other unschoolers <g>. I've met people from all over Ca there and most of them have been unschoolers. Also, your 13yo might be interested in getting involved with the TCC (Teen Conference Committe). They organize the teen conference - sort of like a conference within a conference. They book a band, organize the dances, book speakers and plan workshops for the teens at the conference. Tamzin's on the TCC this year for the first time and she's excited about it. If you want more info about it, email me offlist and I can give you the contact info for the coordinator.
Meghan
Childhood is not preparation for adulthood - it is a part of life.
~ A. S. Neill
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
http://goodvibratio nsconference. com/
Gwen>>>>>>
Also the HSC (Homeschool Association of California) has a conference in Sacramento in August (http://hscconference.com/index.html). Although it's not specifically an unschooling conference, it's awash in other unschoolers <g>. I've met people from all over Ca there and most of them have been unschoolers. Also, your 13yo might be interested in getting involved with the TCC (Teen Conference Committe). They organize the teen conference - sort of like a conference within a conference. They book a band, organize the dances, book speakers and plan workshops for the teens at the conference. Tamzin's on the TCC this year for the first time and she's excited about it. If you want more info about it, email me offlist and I can give you the contact info for the coordinator.
Meghan
Childhood is not preparation for adulthood - it is a part of life.
~ A. S. Neill
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Michelle Cloud
Christine,
I'm new to this list, but I want you to know that I understand. I've hs-d my children for 8 years - my dd is 15 and my ds is 11. My dd went to school until 1st grade and my son has never been. We've done the "traditional" hs things up until a few months ago. We're a military family and we were stationed in Washington state before here (We're now in Naples, Italy - don't hate). I was incredibly active with our hs group in Washington. I taught some classes with our group, went to trips together, we were all best friends and were at each other's houses almost weekly - if not a few times/week. We moved to Italy and decided to change things up. The hs group here is "okay". They're not that active except to meet once/week for PE. I was somewhat friendly with a few of the parents before but now not so much. I was in touch with many of the moms from Washington for a while, too, but not anymore. What happened? Well, I'd like to say it's NOT because I now unschool, but I can't be so sure. We are here, in a foreign country where we're learning, but don't speak the language, and have no one that has the same hs philosphy as we do. When the HS group here does get together, of course the conversation goes to "what curriculum do you use?", "we did 'x' amount of pages in our book today!", or some magnificent project they're kids are working on with children form all over the globe, LOL! It's alright. I'm closer to my kids now than I have EVER been and they're happier than I've ever seen them. It's worth the trade-off to me.
Michelle
************************************
"Just as eating against one's will is injurious to health, so study without a liking for it spoils the memory, and it retains nothing it takes in."
--Leonardo da Vinci
I'm new to this list, but I want you to know that I understand. I've hs-d my children for 8 years - my dd is 15 and my ds is 11. My dd went to school until 1st grade and my son has never been. We've done the "traditional" hs things up until a few months ago. We're a military family and we were stationed in Washington state before here (We're now in Naples, Italy - don't hate). I was incredibly active with our hs group in Washington. I taught some classes with our group, went to trips together, we were all best friends and were at each other's houses almost weekly - if not a few times/week. We moved to Italy and decided to change things up. The hs group here is "okay". They're not that active except to meet once/week for PE. I was somewhat friendly with a few of the parents before but now not so much. I was in touch with many of the moms from Washington for a while, too, but not anymore. What happened? Well, I'd like to say it's NOT because I now unschool, but I can't be so sure. We are here, in a foreign country where we're learning, but don't speak the language, and have no one that has the same hs philosphy as we do. When the HS group here does get together, of course the conversation goes to "what curriculum do you use?", "we did 'x' amount of pages in our book today!", or some magnificent project they're kids are working on with children form all over the globe, LOL! It's alright. I'm closer to my kids now than I have EVER been and they're happier than I've ever seen them. It's worth the trade-off to me.
Michelle
************************************
"Just as eating against one's will is injurious to health, so study without a liking for it spoils the memory, and it retains nothing it takes in."
--Leonardo da Vinci
----- Original Message -----
From: krissy8444
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, January 22, 2009 7:40 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Feeling Isolated
Hi Unschoolers,
We've been unschooling for about 4 yrs now after I pulled my children out of school and read
John Holt. Since then, I've noticed that when people ask me about WHAT I do at home, I try
to explain the philosophy of child led learning, etc. I have noticed that most of my "friends"
avoid me, my children's friends from school definitely do.
Because we live in San Jose and don't want to travel an hour north, have not really found a
support group or friendly, accepting people. Has anyone had the same experience? and if
so, do you have any ideas?
I didn't realize how lonely and isolated I would feel. I mean we go out into society and do
things and meet people but just don't seem to make lasting connections.
Regards,
Christine
unschooling mom to Sam 13, Zack 12, and Nicole 30 months
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Katheryn
In addition to HSC conference (I too consider it mostly unschoolers--at least all the
folks that I hang out with I guess!) I would recommend attending the HSC campouts.
We have about 6-7 a year and the core group are unschoolers (some SF bunnies
and some of us SoCA). The next campout is Camp Krem in about a week or so
and its full. The next is in March at Joshua Tree and the info is going to be posted
soon. www.hsc.org click events or campouts, not sure, and all the info is there.
Kathy
folks that I hang out with I guess!) I would recommend attending the HSC campouts.
We have about 6-7 a year and the core group are unschoolers (some SF bunnies
and some of us SoCA). The next campout is Camp Krem in about a week or so
and its full. The next is in March at Joshua Tree and the info is going to be posted
soon. www.hsc.org click events or campouts, not sure, and all the info is there.
Kathy
----- Original Message -----
From: Meghan Anderson-Coates
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, January 24, 2009 12:57 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Feeling Isolated
<<<<<Good Vibrations is being held in San Diego in September.
http://goodvibratio nsconference. com/
Gwen>>>>>>
Also the HSC (Homeschool Association of California) has a conference in Sacramento in August (http://hscconference.com/index.html). Although it's not specifically an unschooling conference, it's awash in other unschoolers <g>. I've met people from all over Ca there and most of them have been unschoolers. Also, your 13yo might be interested in getting involved with the TCC (Teen Conference Committe). They organize the teen conference - sort of like a conference within a conference. They book a band, organize the dances, book speakers and plan workshops for the teens at the conference. Tamzin's on the TCC this year for the first time and she's excited about it. If you want more info about it, email me offlist and I can give you the contact info for the coordinator.
Meghan
Childhood is not preparation for adulthood - it is a part of life.
~ A. S. Neill
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
carnationsgalore
> I didn't realize how lonely and isolated I would feel. I mean weYeah, our family has experienced the same thing. I got some advice
> go out into society and do things and meet people but just don't
> seem to make lasting connections.
from this list that if we just followed our own interests to keep us
happy and occupied, friends would likely just happen. We didn't do
well when we were going out just to meet people. We had very little in
common with the people we met.
Now, my dd10, Allie, is enrolled in several classes of interest that
are keeping her happy. She isn't making friends really but the
activities are keeping her happy. I hang out with her the rest of the
time. When we get bored, we go find something to do. It sounds
simplistic but the key for us was finding happiness by ourselves.
Beth M.
claire.horsley08
> > the key for us was finding happiness by ourselvesI heartily agree with this. Unfortunately, families following attachment parenting and
unschooling are in the minority. (Why is this the case? Robin Grille's book Parenting for a
Peaceful World offers one theory, that parenting through the ages is slowly evolving from the
utterly barbaric to an authoritarian mode to an attachment mode- most of western society is
currently in the authoritarian mode). I sometimes feel isolated too, but I've learned to keep
my focus on my own family, to enjoy the contact we have with other families and friends, but
not to look for too much in the way of guidance from them. For wonderful role models and
sharing of ideas I come here! I really admire Sandra's modus operandi - to keep on chipping
away at the huge edifice of conventional parenting and schooling, to keep on demonstrating
that there is an alternative that puts your relationship with your child front and centre.
Sandra Dodd
-=-I really admire Sandra's modus operandi - to keep on chipping
away at the huge edifice of conventional parenting and schooling, to
keep on demonstrating
that there is an alternative that puts your relationship with your
child front and centre.-=-
Thanks. Helping people find options and little tweaks that will
make their children's lives happier seems to be my life's work after
all.
Kids have grown up on ranches and science stations (Sunspot, New
Mexico) and pioneers of various sorts and missionaries have survived
for years in relative isolation and some of their kids did
wonderfully well. Maybe all, but I can't say. Probably most, I can
guess.
Another thing I'm happy to do is to help my adult childless friends
be more at ease in a world of ideas and experiences. Too many people
(because of school and authoritative parenting, perhaps?) become
calcified into acting as they're supposed to act, into "acting their
age" and becoming inflexible rejecters of the joys around them. They
don't look for beauty or humor and they insult those who do. So I do
my little guerilla peace-and-joy bits and sometimes cause a rift in
their space and time. That's all. <g>
Deborah Cunefare brought a link to one of my Thinking Sticks blogs
just this morning which has me enthusiastic. I've already bought a
copy of the book, and am thinking about things around my house I
should photograph and make available for others to see and comment
on. Maybe I can learn more about some of my favorite tools and
containers.
http://thinkingsticks.blogspot.com/2007/12/everyday-art.html
(we have both of those pickups, by the way, and they run, too)
No one needs to be isolated from the world of ideas and music and
art, if they have books, a computer, or a hiking stick and some good
shoes. It just take looking in a different way.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
away at the huge edifice of conventional parenting and schooling, to
keep on demonstrating
that there is an alternative that puts your relationship with your
child front and centre.-=-
Thanks. Helping people find options and little tweaks that will
make their children's lives happier seems to be my life's work after
all.
Kids have grown up on ranches and science stations (Sunspot, New
Mexico) and pioneers of various sorts and missionaries have survived
for years in relative isolation and some of their kids did
wonderfully well. Maybe all, but I can't say. Probably most, I can
guess.
Another thing I'm happy to do is to help my adult childless friends
be more at ease in a world of ideas and experiences. Too many people
(because of school and authoritative parenting, perhaps?) become
calcified into acting as they're supposed to act, into "acting their
age" and becoming inflexible rejecters of the joys around them. They
don't look for beauty or humor and they insult those who do. So I do
my little guerilla peace-and-joy bits and sometimes cause a rift in
their space and time. That's all. <g>
Deborah Cunefare brought a link to one of my Thinking Sticks blogs
just this morning which has me enthusiastic. I've already bought a
copy of the book, and am thinking about things around my house I
should photograph and make available for others to see and comment
on. Maybe I can learn more about some of my favorite tools and
containers.
http://thinkingsticks.blogspot.com/2007/12/everyday-art.html
(we have both of those pickups, by the way, and they run, too)
No one needs to be isolated from the world of ideas and music and
art, if they have books, a computer, or a hiking stick and some good
shoes. It just take looking in a different way.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Tellew
><<Kids have grown up on ranches and science stations (Sunspot, NewI think about this sometimes. Our culture's expectations of
>Mexico) and pioneers of various sorts and missionaries have survived
>for years in relative isolation and some of their kids did
>wonderfully well. Maybe all, but I can't say. Probably most, I can
>guess>>
socialization are VERY culturally based. Most of us grew up with
school so that sort of peer age group social life is our fallback
measuring stick, but that seems way off the mark for what most of
human existence has been. I've even heard - Schuyler can enlighten
us, maybe? - that through most of the past, humans didn't live in
extended families or tribes or villages like we tend to think, but in
nuclear families. Don't know if that's true, but food for thought if it is!
Pam
Sandra Dodd
-=-that through most of the past, humans didn't live in
extended families or tribes or villages like we tend to think, but in
nuclear families. Don't know if that's true, but food for thought if
it is!-=-
I think extended families and villages are more common than nuclear
families. The pioneer stories aren't my favorites, I'm just sayin'
people find things to do and they still can learn even in the absence
of cities and libraries and museums. People who feel isolated aren't
isolated from opportunities to do, see and learn.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
extended families or tribes or villages like we tend to think, but in
nuclear families. Don't know if that's true, but food for thought if
it is!-=-
I think extended families and villages are more common than nuclear
families. The pioneer stories aren't my favorites, I'm just sayin'
people find things to do and they still can learn even in the absence
of cities and libraries and museums. People who feel isolated aren't
isolated from opportunities to do, see and learn.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
Probably humans have largely hung out in nuclear families within an extended kin group within a larger group for much of human prehistory. So, if you picture humans in a longhouse or whatever big weather-protective, community shelter, the mom, dad, and kids are all together with grandma and grandpa and aunts and uncles as you move down the row to inlaws or less related individuals. Of course pre-agriculture is 10,000 years ago. Serious change in a species has been shown to occur in 40 generations, so if you assume 25 years for a generation (birth to reproductive) it is arguable that humans have changed from pre-agricultural adaptations to post-agricultural adaptations, 10 times over. If living away from family, farming your own patch and living nearer to it, gave you better returns and lower mortality and higher reproductive rates, than moving from extended kin longhouses to more isolated households is certainly going to be selected for. We moved, at a
rush, from the country to the city. We seriously believed that the city was going to give us a better return than the country was. Moving from the country moved us away from our extended kin networks. We moved to isolation. Of course we often took our cultural identities with us, the food we loved, moved to the neighborhoods that was most filled with folks from our part of the world, the clothes we wore. We like to be a part of a group. I assume because being a part of a group gives us an advantage over being all by ourselves.
So, I'm no help whatsoever.
I read Sandra's response first. My mom sends me these fantastic diaries from women, often teachers to start, who lived in Minnesota and South Dakota in the 1800's and life was really fairly social then. I think I am stuck in an Old Jules view of the early settlers that makes me think it is all like the Mosquito Coast .
Schuyler
________________________________
From: Pam Tellew <pamtellew@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, 26 January, 2009 5:23:56 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Feeling Isolated
socialization are VERY culturally based. Most of us grew up with
school so that sort of peer age group social life is our fallback
measuring stick, but that seems way off the mark for what most of
human existence has been. I've even heard - Schuyler can enlighten
us, maybe? - that through most of the past, humans didn't live in
extended families or tribes or villages like we tend to think, but in
nuclear families. Don't know if that's true, but food for thought if it is!
Pam
------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rush, from the country to the city. We seriously believed that the city was going to give us a better return than the country was. Moving from the country moved us away from our extended kin networks. We moved to isolation. Of course we often took our cultural identities with us, the food we loved, moved to the neighborhoods that was most filled with folks from our part of the world, the clothes we wore. We like to be a part of a group. I assume because being a part of a group gives us an advantage over being all by ourselves.
So, I'm no help whatsoever.
I read Sandra's response first. My mom sends me these fantastic diaries from women, often teachers to start, who lived in Minnesota and South Dakota in the 1800's and life was really fairly social then. I think I am stuck in an Old Jules view of the early settlers that makes me think it is all like the Mosquito Coast .
Schuyler
________________________________
From: Pam Tellew <pamtellew@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, 26 January, 2009 5:23:56 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Feeling Isolated
><<Kids have grown up on ranches and science stations (Sunspot, NewI think about this sometimes. Our culture's expectations of
>Mexico) and pioneers of various sorts and missionaries have survived
>for years in relative isolation and some of their kids did
>wonderfully well. Maybe all, but I can't say. Probably most, I can
>guess>>
socialization are VERY culturally based. Most of us grew up with
school so that sort of peer age group social life is our fallback
measuring stick, but that seems way off the mark for what most of
human existence has been. I've even heard - Schuyler can enlighten
us, maybe? - that through most of the past, humans didn't live in
extended families or tribes or villages like we tend to think, but in
nuclear families. Don't know if that's true, but food for thought if it is!
Pam
------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Tellew
Thanks, Schuyler! I knew you'd have something, even if it was equivocal!
Pam
Pam