Meryl

My son Logan just turned 2 years old.

One of his favorite activities is to sit in my lap, or my DH's lap and watch videos on the
computer.

He's learned many things, watching Sesame Street clips, or They Might Be Giants videos
from "Here Come the ABC's". Along with us reading to him, these videos got his interest
sparked about the alphabet, numbers, and shapes. I know they have also helped increase
his vocabulary.

That being said, there are some days that he would like to sit and veg in front of the
computer for hours. I can intice him away on occasion with coloring or painting, which he
also loves, or banging wooden spoons on our metal garbage can. I also tell him we can go
to a museum or the park, but it's been a cold winter here in NYC, and he doesn't want to
go outside as much as I'd like to, hesays, "Stay home". I'm hoping in the Spring we'll be
outside more, and this will run it's natural course.

He will watch TV on occasion, but I think he prefers the computer for a few reasons.
One is the intimacy of sitting on my husband's lap, or my lap, where he will nurse while
viewing the computer. He also can point to videos he likes to watch on different web sites,
it gives him some control. I can open another window or work on the computer, or I
sing along with him. We both get something out of it.

So, here is my problem. I feel like a lazy parent when I let him watch for long periods of
time. Yesterday he got bored with it on his own, but that rarely happens.
Anybody go through anything similar? What would be an "Unschooling" approach to this?

Thanks,
Meryl

Sandra Dodd

-=-So, here is my problem. I feel like a lazy parent when I let him
watch for long periods of
time. Yesterday he got bored with it on his own, but that rarely
happens.
Anybody go through anything similar? What would be an "Unschooling"
approach to this?-=-

I liked your account of how much he's learning and how comfortable he
is. So in the context of your whole post, one phrase jumps out as
not matching the rest:

-=-there are some days that he would like to sit and veg in front of the
computer for hours-=-

I think a better way for you to see this and think of it would to
consider words and prejudices. He's a nursing baby, for one thing.
How can he "veg"?

You also wrote:

-=-He's learned many things, watching Sesame Street clips, or They
Might Be Giants videos

from "Here Come the ABC's". Along with us reading to him, these
videos got his interest
sparked about the alphabet, numbers, and shapes. I know they have
also helped increase
his vocabulary.-=-

That's not "vegging."

When you use negative words, even just in your own thoughts, it's not
best for your relationship with him. Our culture is full of put-
downs of kids. While your son is still young, you can start weeding
those out of your vocabulary. That will help.

Some of these might help:

http://sandradodd.com/phrases

http://sandradodd.com/art (there are some good baby-friendly sites
there--art and music from boobah)

http://sandradodd.com/videogames (just for reassurance)

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

k

Karl is very technically inclined at this point in his life. One of the
things that can be done for ourselves as parents is like Sandra says ....
change our perception and way of talking about these things. Karl may not
continue to be interested in the stuff on the computer. It's a strong
current interest though.

Lately I've seen signs of him wanting more and different things to do too.
Along with his regular computer, gameboying activities, I place extra things
I think he might like. Karl enjoys sound effects. I just accidentally
found out a couple of days ago that he likes the voice on Storynory
(Natasha) and played it to wake up by in the morning as well as for his
bedtime story in the dark, which he has not been as interested in lately (we
usually tell our own stories). Just to change things up a bit. Little by
little. Introducing possible new interests ... for however long they last.

That way, continuing to find things new to him is a way to keep our
experiences lively in the home.

Thank goodness for childhood. There's nothing wrong with vegging out.
That's strong work ethic talking, which is fine but not the *only* thing to
aspire to.

~Katherine



On 12/21/08, Sandra Dodd wrote:
>
> -=-So, here is my problem. I feel like a lazy parent when I let him
>
> watch for long periods of
> time. Yesterday he got bored with it on his own, but that rarely
> happens.
> Anybody go through anything similar? What would be an "Unschooling"
>
> approach to this?-=-
>
> I liked your account of how much he's learning and how comfortable he
> is. So in the context of your whole post, one phrase jumps out as
> not matching the rest:
>
> -=-there are some days that he would like to sit and veg in front of the
> computer for hours-=-
>
> I think a better way for you to see this and think of it would to
> consider words and prejudices. He's a nursing baby, for one thing.
> How can he "veg"?
>
> You also wrote:
>
> -=-He's learned many things, watching Sesame Street clips, or They
>
> Might Be Giants videos
>
> from "Here Come the ABC's". Along with us reading to him, these
> videos got his interest
> sparked about the alphabet, numbers, and shapes. I know they have
> also helped increase
> his vocabulary.-=-
>
>
> That's not "vegging."
>
> When you use negative words, even just in your own thoughts, it's not
> best for your relationship with him. Our culture is full of put-
> downs of kids. While your son is still young, you can start weeding
> those out of your vocabulary. That will help.
>
> Some of these might help:
>
> http://sandradodd.com/phrases
>
> http://sandradodd.com/art (there are some good baby-friendly sites
> there--art and music from boobah)
>
> http://sandradodd.com/videogames (just for reassurance)
>
>
> Sandra
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jenny C

> So, here is my problem. I feel like a lazy parent when I let him watch
for long periods of
> time.

My thinking is that any parent willing to let a nursing toddler sit on
their lap for hours at a time watching videos and such on the internet,
isn't a lazy parent. Now if the parent were watching videos on the
internet and ignoring the toddler while the toddler were watching videos
on tv, and there was virtually no interaction between parent and child,
THAT would be lazy parenting.

The distinction I've always made for myself, has been active regular
engagement. If I go for an hour without any kind of active engagement
with one of my kids, then I'm not really mindfully present. With much
older kids you can go for longer stretches, but even with my 14 yro, I
have conversations, and look at things with her, and bring her food and
drinks, and check out her make-up and fashion of the day, or show her
new and interesting things.

Really honestly, any parent that can sit for hours with a toddler is not
lazy!

Meryl Ranzer

Thank you so much for your responses.
Although I have not used the word "Veg" in front of Logan, of course
he can feel my negative energy.
It's time for me to go with the flow, and enjoy the intimacy of our
time in front of the computer.

The link to the "Phrases to Hear and Avoid" brought me right back to
my childhood.
My mom used to say, "Because I'm the mother".
It still gives me anxiety to this day when I think of it.
So much damage can be done with words.

There is some cool stuff on the Art Ideas and links page.
I will continue explore it further.

Meryl

k

One distinction is that if my child is deeply involved and not wanting
interruptions, I don't interact in a way that looks very obvious to others.
I am paying attention, and if Karl needs something like food, drink, some
quick reminder he wants then I'm there and yes he knows. I may seem to be
lazy at times, yet I'm not. As an infant, Karl wanted to be held at *all*
times (it was rare he didn't want me to hold him), and I love those
memories. People thought I wasn't being a "good" parent to let that go on
for months and years at a time. Well. Good thing we had so much holding
because at 5, Karl is not near as interested in it as he once was. :) He
loves hugs and we enjoy them but hugs, let alone holding, are much less
frequent at this time in his life.

~Katherine




On Sun, Dec 21, 2008 at 2:52 PM, Jenny C <jenstarc4@...> wrote:

>
>
> > So, here is my problem. I feel like a lazy parent when I let him watch
> for long periods of
> > time.
>
> My thinking is that any parent willing to let a nursing toddler sit on
> their lap for hours at a time watching videos and such on the internet,
> isn't a lazy parent. Now if the parent were watching videos on the
> internet and ignoring the toddler while the toddler were watching videos
> on tv, and there was virtually no interaction between parent and child,
> THAT would be lazy parenting.
>
> The distinction I've always made for myself, has been active regular
> engagement. If I go for an hour without any kind of active engagement
> with one of my kids, then I'm not really mindfully present. With much
> older kids you can go for longer stretches, but even with my 14 yro, I
> have conversations, and look at things with her, and bring her food and
> drinks, and check out her make-up and fashion of the day, or show her
> new and interesting things.
>
> Really honestly, any parent that can sit for hours with a toddler is not
> lazy!
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]