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It is funny how similar the growth of unschooling is like the growth of
kids: when you're exposed to the incremental sproutings all day long, every day,
you just don't notice how far they've grown until you turn around one day and
are surprised at how much taller they are...

Gradually, over the last 2 years, my kids have been more willing to spend
time with my parents without either Dave or I-always their choice, but
something keeps drawing Wyl back. I don't think Storm's gotten quite old enough to be
more "controlled child" from the "adored baby" stage, so I don't think he's
really gotten much negativity at their house. Wyl, on the other hand, has at
times, gotten the brunt of their, "He needs discipline" attitude. He wanted
to go with his brother today to visit them. They were gone about 5 hours, and
as he entered the house from being dropped off by them, he said, "Finally-I'm
somewhere where people respect me!" Poor kid... he keeps hoping for the best
from them and they keep disappointing him. (I used to know the feeling)

What a wow for me, though. After I welcomed him home and heard what he had
to say, I wondered when that had become such a "given". The path we were on
before we found unschooling would never have led us here to this point,
certainly. A year ago, a comment like that from my eldest would likely have given me
a feeling of pride, or maybe "ah-HA! I told you so!" kind of feeling. Today,
though, I was sad for my son. Sad that he had to learn that so many adults
have a condescending or even demeaning attitude toward kids, for no other
reason than because they're young.

I am *SO* glad, though, that Dave and I have come far enough as parents that
our kids know they deserve to be respected. I can't begin to imagine how far
this will take them in their lives... to start so many more years younger
than I, to believe - no, to inherently *know* they are whole, respectable
people who deserve better from people than they get sometimes. What kind of
self-confidence and inner knowledge does that give a person? I don't know myself,
but I'm happy to find out what the future brings.

Just one of those, "Wow! When did you grow so much?!" kind of moments I
wanted to share.

Peace,
De
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Sandra Dodd

-=-Today,
though, I was sad for my son. Sad that he had to learn that so many
adults
have a condescending or even demeaning attitude toward kids, for no
other
reason than because they're young.-=-

I note the "had to." He chose to! He's learning it near to home,
with grandparents who love him, and a respectful home to return to!
Many more children learn it with teachers and other public figures
they didnt choose to be with, and then they return home to more of
the same.

Thanks for sharing that story, but I don't think it's so sad, really!



Sandra

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Jenny C

> I am *SO* glad, though, that Dave and I have come far enough as
parents that
> our kids know they deserve to be respected. I can't begin to imagine
how far
> this will take them in their lives... to start so many more years
younger
> than I, to believe - no, to inherently *know* they are whole,
respectable
> people who deserve better from people than they get sometimes. What
kind of
> self-confidence and inner knowledge does that give a person? I don't
know myself,
> but I'm happy to find out what the future brings.
>



With all the neighbor kids being out of school for holidays and snow
days, they've been out and present. Margaux went out several times to
play with them and each time came back almost in tears by their mean
behavior. She's upset by it, but now won't play with them because her
desperation to play with other kids is less than her desire to be
treated kindly.

The other day was particularly bad. Margaux still wanted to be out
playing in the snow, so I told Chamille that Margaux was being dissed by
the neighbor girls and Chamille promptly put on snow gear with me and we
both went out to be her friend. We made a nice snowman together. I
love that while Chamille is so much older than her sister and they
rarely play together, that in time of need, she jumps to the occasion to
be there for her sister.

Chamille never had this issue when she was little. It could be
personality, and I'm sure part of it is, but Chamille said that a huge
difference is that, when she was out playing with neighbor kids, she
played with sibling groups and none of these kids are like that. It's
more like school playground behavior, with a bunch of individual girls,
none of them are very nice, yet they seem to play just fine with each
other. For some reason they ostracize Margaux.

Whatever the reason is, I'm really glad that Margaux doesn't put up with
the behavior just to play with kids, she has more self respect than
that, and I'll be her buddy until she finds some nicer kids in the
neighborhood.

k

Karl has this with relatives and it's evident to me during holidays when we
travel to see them. They are fine with certain things but not Karl who is
used to doing some things he likes and then trading off to do things others
like for a while. At the relatives it's mostly what they like and since he
is only one, he doesn't get a turn much with others playing what he wants
to. When we first got here Monday, the cousin his age wanted to play by his
rules not Karl's, and Karl refused to play for a bit because he thought rule
making should be shared not monopolized. His cousin *really* wanted to play
and agreed when I explained that Karl wanted to make some of the rules too.
Oh. Ok he said. And away they went. Gradually though, not being used to
sharing but more prone to competing for dominance, the cousins have
basically just done what they're used to. I don't expect them to change
what they usually do. Karl is overall glad to go by the time we've been
there for a while (several states away from home). Nice for a visit ... not
the place to live though.

~Katherine


On 12/21/08, Jenny C <jenstarc4@...> wrote:
>
>
> > I am *SO* glad, though, that Dave and I have come far enough as
> parents that
> > our kids know they deserve to be respected. I can't begin to imagine
> how far
> > this will take them in their lives... to start so many more years
> younger
> > than I, to believe - no, to inherently *know* they are whole,
> respectable
> > people who deserve better from people than they get sometimes. What
> kind of
> > self-confidence and inner knowledge does that give a person? I don't
> know myself,
> > but I'm happy to find out what the future brings.
> >
>
>
>
> With all the neighbor kids being out of school for holidays and snow
> days, they've been out and present. Margaux went out several times to
> play with them and each time came back almost in tears by their mean
> behavior. She's upset by it, but now won't play with them because her
> desperation to play with other kids is less than her desire to be
> treated kindly.
>
> The other day was particularly bad. Margaux still wanted to be out
> playing in the snow, so I told Chamille that Margaux was being dissed by
> the neighbor girls and Chamille promptly put on snow gear with me and we
> both went out to be her friend. We made a nice snowman together. I
> love that while Chamille is so much older than her sister and they
> rarely play together, that in time of need, she jumps to the occasion to
> be there for her sister.
>
> Chamille never had this issue when she was little. It could be
> personality, and I'm sure part of it is, but Chamille said that a huge
> difference is that, when she was out playing with neighbor kids, she
> played with sibling groups and none of these kids are like that. It's
> more like school playground behavior, with a bunch of individual girls,
> none of them are very nice, yet they seem to play just fine with each
> other. For some reason they ostracize Margaux.
>
> Whatever the reason is, I'm really glad that Margaux doesn't put up with
> the behavior just to play with kids, she has more self respect than
> that, and I'll be her buddy until she finds some nicer kids in the
> neighborhood.
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>


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