Etiquette & Politeness
prism7513
In reading over responses on various issues, I'm confused about how to
help a child understand both simple politeness as well as more refined
etiquette practices for our culture.
For example, I've read several times where a parent will talk about
not forcing a child to share or say "Thank You". Some parents will say
"Thank You" themselves for the child, or toys that the child might
hold dear should be set aside before a play date, but I'm wondering
what other options people use?
On the other hand, I've now seen two people use the word "coach" when
describing how they helped their child(ren) respond politely in a
given situation.
So are there times when I *should* tell my child to share, or do I
step in and find other solutions?
I supposed this would also depend on age...my 6 year old understands
the idea of sharing, as does my 4 year old. But with both of them I
always did the "You need to share. In a few minutes, let them have a
turn..."
With my twins I find it especially difficult just between them as they
are both the same age (17 mo.) and often want the same thing of
course. But if one takes the toy from the other, I'm not sure that me
taking the toy back and returning it to the original child is modeling
the right idea, either.
Also, in light of reinforcing positive behavior, I've noticed that
unschoolers tend to put down the idea of saying things like, "good
boy" or "good job" to their toddlers or children. Or at least that's
the impression I get. I don't try to do this in a childish or
manipulative "do what makes mommy happy" sort of way, but in a way
that I'm hoping makes the child feel proud in an accomplishment of
theirs. Like when one of the babies first put a piece of garbage in
the trash can on their own without me even explaining what trash was,
I said, "Good job, Logan!" And he grinned really big because he knew
he had picked up on something that "big people" do that he now did.
Is that kind of acknowledgment petty or simply what I meant it to be -
an affirmation that he figured something out?
Deb
help a child understand both simple politeness as well as more refined
etiquette practices for our culture.
For example, I've read several times where a parent will talk about
not forcing a child to share or say "Thank You". Some parents will say
"Thank You" themselves for the child, or toys that the child might
hold dear should be set aside before a play date, but I'm wondering
what other options people use?
On the other hand, I've now seen two people use the word "coach" when
describing how they helped their child(ren) respond politely in a
given situation.
So are there times when I *should* tell my child to share, or do I
step in and find other solutions?
I supposed this would also depend on age...my 6 year old understands
the idea of sharing, as does my 4 year old. But with both of them I
always did the "You need to share. In a few minutes, let them have a
turn..."
With my twins I find it especially difficult just between them as they
are both the same age (17 mo.) and often want the same thing of
course. But if one takes the toy from the other, I'm not sure that me
taking the toy back and returning it to the original child is modeling
the right idea, either.
Also, in light of reinforcing positive behavior, I've noticed that
unschoolers tend to put down the idea of saying things like, "good
boy" or "good job" to their toddlers or children. Or at least that's
the impression I get. I don't try to do this in a childish or
manipulative "do what makes mommy happy" sort of way, but in a way
that I'm hoping makes the child feel proud in an accomplishment of
theirs. Like when one of the babies first put a piece of garbage in
the trash can on their own without me even explaining what trash was,
I said, "Good job, Logan!" And he grinned really big because he knew
he had picked up on something that "big people" do that he now did.
Is that kind of acknowledgment petty or simply what I meant it to be -
an affirmation that he figured something out?
Deb
Sandra Dodd
-=-So are there times when I *should* tell my child to share, or do I
step in and find other solutions? -=-
I told my kids to share lots of times.
More often I was persuasive and made suggestions that would help them
choose to share and feel good about it.
-=-I supposed this would also depend on age...my 6 year old
understands the idea of sharing, as does my 4 year old. But with both
of them I always did the "You need to share. In a few minutes, let
them have a turn..." -=-
Depending on the toy and situation, sometimes I just said "When he's
done, you can play with it if you still want to," and that worked
pretty well.
-=-But if one takes the toy from the other, I'm not sure that me
taking the toy back and returning it to the original child is
modeling the right idea, either.-=-
Depending on the method of the taking, and the attitude of the one
who had it first, I might return it to the original child. But one
of the best ways to get a kid to drop a toy (or an adult, for that
matter) is to offer something interesting in its place. If they
choose another more exciting thing, cool. (Either kid.)
-=-Also, in light of reinforcing positive behavior, I've noticed that
unschoolers tend to put down the idea of saying things like, "good
boy" or "good job" to their toddlers or children. Or at least that's
the impression I get. I don't try to do this in a childish or
manipulative "do what makes mommy happy" sort of way, but in a way
that I'm hoping makes the child feel proud in an accomplishment of
theirs. Like when one of the babies first put a piece of garbage in
the trash can on their own without me even explaining what trash was,
I said, "Good job, Logan!" And he grinned really big because he knew
he had picked up on something that "big people" do that he now did.
-=-Is that kind of acknowledgment petty or simply what I meant it to
be -
an affirmation that he figured something out?-=-
To toddlers, "Good" is often fun for them to hear. Some people avoid
it because it's the opposite of "bad" and they don't want to set up
that dichotomy, I think. Some people combine it with ideas of
intrinsic motivation and say kids should put things in the trash
because of logical larger reasons, but babies don't have logical
larger reasons.
There are ways to communicate approval, relief, joy, and other
positive feedback. What I use in my own life to gauge whether I'm
being condescending to my kids (or just talking too much) is to think
whether I would say it to an adult friend or to my husband.
The other day Holly and I left the mall and I walked right through
the door without touching it, without looking back, and then I
noticed Holly had stopped and held it open for an older man and two
older women. Yikes! I hadn't even noticed they were there. I don't
know if I started to drop the door right in their faces or what, and
I was glad Holly had noticed and held the door. They were nice to
her and thanked her, and when we were alone, I said I was glad she
had seen them and held the door.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
step in and find other solutions? -=-
I told my kids to share lots of times.
More often I was persuasive and made suggestions that would help them
choose to share and feel good about it.
-=-I supposed this would also depend on age...my 6 year old
understands the idea of sharing, as does my 4 year old. But with both
of them I always did the "You need to share. In a few minutes, let
them have a turn..." -=-
Depending on the toy and situation, sometimes I just said "When he's
done, you can play with it if you still want to," and that worked
pretty well.
-=-But if one takes the toy from the other, I'm not sure that me
taking the toy back and returning it to the original child is
modeling the right idea, either.-=-
Depending on the method of the taking, and the attitude of the one
who had it first, I might return it to the original child. But one
of the best ways to get a kid to drop a toy (or an adult, for that
matter) is to offer something interesting in its place. If they
choose another more exciting thing, cool. (Either kid.)
-=-Also, in light of reinforcing positive behavior, I've noticed that
unschoolers tend to put down the idea of saying things like, "good
boy" or "good job" to their toddlers or children. Or at least that's
the impression I get. I don't try to do this in a childish or
manipulative "do what makes mommy happy" sort of way, but in a way
that I'm hoping makes the child feel proud in an accomplishment of
theirs. Like when one of the babies first put a piece of garbage in
the trash can on their own without me even explaining what trash was,
I said, "Good job, Logan!" And he grinned really big because he knew
he had picked up on something that "big people" do that he now did.
-=-Is that kind of acknowledgment petty or simply what I meant it to
be -
an affirmation that he figured something out?-=-
To toddlers, "Good" is often fun for them to hear. Some people avoid
it because it's the opposite of "bad" and they don't want to set up
that dichotomy, I think. Some people combine it with ideas of
intrinsic motivation and say kids should put things in the trash
because of logical larger reasons, but babies don't have logical
larger reasons.
There are ways to communicate approval, relief, joy, and other
positive feedback. What I use in my own life to gauge whether I'm
being condescending to my kids (or just talking too much) is to think
whether I would say it to an adult friend or to my husband.
The other day Holly and I left the mall and I walked right through
the door without touching it, without looking back, and then I
noticed Holly had stopped and held it open for an older man and two
older women. Yikes! I hadn't even noticed they were there. I don't
know if I started to drop the door right in their faces or what, and
I was glad Holly had noticed and held the door. They were nice to
her and thanked her, and when we were alone, I said I was glad she
had seen them and held the door.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ariana Zora Ziminsky
Deb wrote:
cookie-cutter praise, "Good job!" said in that certain tone of voice, used
over and over again. After a while, it loses its meaning and value. I don't
think unschoolers are against acknowledging wonderful things their children
do; I think the issue is offering a fake "Good job!" vs. being really
authentic and true to yourself and your children when expressing to them how
much you truly like what they did. It sounds like you actually have a handle
on the main idea, but I'll elaborate anyways:
I have a 3-year-old who loves to throw things in the trash and close any
open drawer/cabinet he sees. When I'm in the vicinity and he does that, I'll
often say, "Thanks, Jaiden!" or "That was nice of you to throw that away for
me - thanks, I appreciate it." He has been closing drawers and tossing trash
for months now, and I can see that he's happy every time he closes a
drawer - happy for *himself* and the situation; he doesn't look up at me
after closing a drawer and ask for approval or praise with that "look" of
"Did I do a 'good job'?"
That's where the distinction, I think, of societal praise vs. unschooling
praise comes in to play. We are authentically acknowleding what we
appreciate in their behavior; we aren't just giving them an A+ for putting
trash in the trash can.
I also want to add, though, that there are times when a small deed like this
seeks to be acknowledged with a huge "YAY!" or even a "Way to go, bud!!!
Good job!," in my opinion. But in such times, it's still very authentic.
Usually, the kiddo is waaaaay excited about the trash, and his newly found
success, and you just want to reflect that big energy back to him.
- Ariana
(Mama to Josiah, 6, and Jaiden, 3)
> Also, in light of reinforcing positive behavior, I've noticed thatI know that from an unschooling perspective, what bugs me is the
> unschoolers tend to put down the idea of saying things like, "good
> boy" or "good job" to their toddlers or children. Or at least that's
> the impression I get. I don't try to do this in a childish or
> manipulative "do what makes mommy happy" sort of way, but in a way
> that I'm hoping makes the child feel proud in an accomplishment of
> theirs. Like when one of the babies first put a piece of garbage in
> the trash can on their own without me even explaining what trash was,
> I said, "Good job, Logan!" And he grinned really big because he knew
> he had picked up on something that "big people" do that he now did.
cookie-cutter praise, "Good job!" said in that certain tone of voice, used
over and over again. After a while, it loses its meaning and value. I don't
think unschoolers are against acknowledging wonderful things their children
do; I think the issue is offering a fake "Good job!" vs. being really
authentic and true to yourself and your children when expressing to them how
much you truly like what they did. It sounds like you actually have a handle
on the main idea, but I'll elaborate anyways:
I have a 3-year-old who loves to throw things in the trash and close any
open drawer/cabinet he sees. When I'm in the vicinity and he does that, I'll
often say, "Thanks, Jaiden!" or "That was nice of you to throw that away for
me - thanks, I appreciate it." He has been closing drawers and tossing trash
for months now, and I can see that he's happy every time he closes a
drawer - happy for *himself* and the situation; he doesn't look up at me
after closing a drawer and ask for approval or praise with that "look" of
"Did I do a 'good job'?"
That's where the distinction, I think, of societal praise vs. unschooling
praise comes in to play. We are authentically acknowleding what we
appreciate in their behavior; we aren't just giving them an A+ for putting
trash in the trash can.
I also want to add, though, that there are times when a small deed like this
seeks to be acknowledged with a huge "YAY!" or even a "Way to go, bud!!!
Good job!," in my opinion. But in such times, it's still very authentic.
Usually, the kiddo is waaaaay excited about the trash, and his newly found
success, and you just want to reflect that big energy back to him.
- Ariana
(Mama to Josiah, 6, and Jaiden, 3)
Betsy
Re: twins and good jobbing--
I have twins, too (they just turned three) and we handled the sharing issue a couple of
different ways--
1. If it was a toy that was in high demand, we just had two of them.
2. Honestly, I let them work it out. It worked for us, but usually the takee would just go
find something else, and if I got involved I created a problem where there wasn't one.
The good jobbing--in that instance, if he'd done something I'd asked of him, I'd just say
"Thank you." If I asked someone else to throw something in the trash, or hand me
something, that's what I'd say, not "good job."
I have twins, too (they just turned three) and we handled the sharing issue a couple of
different ways--
1. If it was a toy that was in high demand, we just had two of them.
2. Honestly, I let them work it out. It worked for us, but usually the takee would just go
find something else, and if I got involved I created a problem where there wasn't one.
The good jobbing--in that instance, if he'd done something I'd asked of him, I'd just say
"Thank you." If I asked someone else to throw something in the trash, or hand me
something, that's what I'd say, not "good job."
>
> With my twins I find it especially difficult just between them as they
> are both the same age (17 mo.) and often want the same thing of
> course. But if one takes the toy from the other, I'm not sure that me
> taking the toy back and returning it to the original child is modeling
> the right idea, either.
>
> Also, in light of reinforcing positive behavior, I've noticed that
> unschoolers tend to put down the idea of saying things like, "good
> boy" or "good job" to their toddlers or children. Or at least that's
> the impression I get. I don't try to do this in a childish or
> manipulative "do what makes mommy happy" sort of way, but in a way
> that I'm hoping makes the child feel proud in an accomplishment of
> theirs. Like when one of the babies first put a piece of garbage in
> the trash can on their own without me even explaining what trash was,
> I said, "Good job, Logan!" And he grinned really big because he knew
> he had picked up on something that "big people" do that he now did.
harmonyhogan
>I don't think you should make a child share when they really don't
> For example, I've read several times where a parent will talk about
> not forcing a child to share or say "Thank You".
want to, but they can learn to want to share. We talk about why we
share, how we feel when we share or don't share, and how the other
person feels about it. We also talk about our options. You can give
the toy to the other person, play together, or politely let them know
that you are going to play with it and they can have it when your
done. I also let the children choose for themselves when they are
going to be done. If you were reading messages on the computer and
your spouse said "okay, you only get 5 minutes, then it's someone
elses turn" you wouldn't be very happy and you would feel rushed, so
you wouldn't enjoy it.
I also think it is important to talk to children about it before they
are at play dates with other kids, so they already know. There is a
game I play with my preschoolers where we build a block circular wall
and put stuffed animals in the middle. The object of the game is to
rescue the "friends" from the middle. We go around the group and
each one says a nice thing you can do for a friend(say please, thank
you, share, let them play with you, don't hit, etc.)when you say
something nice you can take one block. Once all the blocks are down
you can rescue the stuffed animal friends. the kids love playing it.
Harmony
Nancy Wooton
On Dec 15, 2008, at 5:30 AM, Ariana Zora Ziminsky wrote:
at least every other day myself. When she reported this deed, I
asked, "Whaddya want, a medal?" To which she replied, "Yes, please."
That, apparently, is her standard answer when asked that question.
(FYI, my dd is 21 years old, and that was the first time she's ever
cleaned any part of the bathroom <g>)
Nancy
> We are authentically acknowleding what weMy dd wiped the bathroom fixtures down the other day, something I do
> appreciate in their behavior; we aren't just giving them an A+ for
> putting
> trash in the trash can.
at least every other day myself. When she reported this deed, I
asked, "Whaddya want, a medal?" To which she replied, "Yes, please."
That, apparently, is her standard answer when asked that question.
(FYI, my dd is 21 years old, and that was the first time she's ever
cleaned any part of the bathroom <g>)
Nancy
Joanna Murphy
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
my child do ..." and you are looking for something new, you can choose to not make them
do something, but then you might find yourself in the realm of "unparenting." Talking
with our kids, helping them to move beyond a "no" into a softer place of considering the
feelings of others, and some of their own more subtle feelings of happiness when they can
help make another person happy--this is a place of truer empowerment and connection.
I consider that my kids often have many answers inside of them-sometimes a no is a no,
but often a no changes when the information they are considering changes. And every so
often, if they are stuck in place that seems pretty clearly off base to me, I give them a
nudge over to a different track.
Sometimes I need a nudge over to a different track, and sometimes they are the ones to
give it to me. It goes both ways--sometimes we are just flat out wrong--and it's not just
children that are wrong! In the end, I always appreciate that someone I love has gone out-
on-a-limb with me to point out that it's me that needs to shift, not the world. LOL
understanding that turns with a toy didn't need to be cut short, but that the child with the
toy would say, "You can have it when I'm done." The second child would feel heard and
that they were the next in line. It worked almost all of the time.
too easily turn from a communication between two people to manipulation. If you think
that a child needs to hear that they did "good" then you might be missing some larger
issues of dignity and self-knowledge. (Note that I said "might") A child knows he did
good, because his/her actions help create more peace, cleanliness, order, etc. etc.
There is power in not acknowledging actions that are part of everyday life, just as there
can be power in acknowledging them. I've been one of those parents who automatically
said "good" every time my kids did something desirable so that they would repeat the
action. Blech! Since I've stopped that (long ago now) I see how powerful it can be for
them to just be a part of a working system. In some ways, my commentary pointed out
that they weren't part of the family in some way. I don't comment every time my hubby
takes out the garbage, but every so often I do, if it was especially full and it really makes
my life easier for it to be emptied, and then he does, for instance.
Like when one of the babies first put a piece of garbage in
something else. I have a cousin who is very clear that everything her daughter does is a
"great job" because she is "training" her to do the right thing. There is not trust that
goodness will emerge in a nurturing environment.
I know that positive reinforcement works with my dogs and horses. Maybe "thank you" is
more appropriate with people?
Joanna
>I really liked this response. I think that when a parent is trying to move beyond "making
> -=-So are there times when I *should* tell my child to share, or do I
> step in and find other solutions? -=-
>
> I told my kids to share lots of times.
>
> More often I was persuasive and made suggestions that would help them
> choose to share and feel good about it.
my child do ..." and you are looking for something new, you can choose to not make them
do something, but then you might find yourself in the realm of "unparenting." Talking
with our kids, helping them to move beyond a "no" into a softer place of considering the
feelings of others, and some of their own more subtle feelings of happiness when they can
help make another person happy--this is a place of truer empowerment and connection.
I consider that my kids often have many answers inside of them-sometimes a no is a no,
but often a no changes when the information they are considering changes. And every so
often, if they are stuck in place that seems pretty clearly off base to me, I give them a
nudge over to a different track.
Sometimes I need a nudge over to a different track, and sometimes they are the ones to
give it to me. It goes both ways--sometimes we are just flat out wrong--and it's not just
children that are wrong! In the end, I always appreciate that someone I love has gone out-
on-a-limb with me to point out that it's me that needs to shift, not the world. LOL
>I was in a playgroup that did a version of this that worked nicely. We had an
> -=-I supposed this would also depend on age...my 6 year old
> understands the idea of sharing, as does my 4 year old. But with both
> of them I always did the "You need to share. In a few minutes, let
> them have a turn..." -=-
>
> Depending on the toy and situation, sometimes I just said "When he's
> done, you can play with it if you still want to," and that worked
> pretty well.
>
understanding that turns with a toy didn't need to be cut short, but that the child with the
toy would say, "You can have it when I'm done." The second child would feel heard and
that they were the next in line. It worked almost all of the time.
> unschoolers tend to put down the idea of saying things like, "goodAll of the current pop-child rearing info is on rewards and behavior modification. This can
> boy" or "good job" to their toddlers or children. Or at least that's
> the impression I get. I don't try to do this in a childish or
> manipulative "do what makes mommy happy" sort of way, but in a way
> that I'm hoping makes the child feel proud in an accomplishment of
> theirs.
too easily turn from a communication between two people to manipulation. If you think
that a child needs to hear that they did "good" then you might be missing some larger
issues of dignity and self-knowledge. (Note that I said "might") A child knows he did
good, because his/her actions help create more peace, cleanliness, order, etc. etc.
There is power in not acknowledging actions that are part of everyday life, just as there
can be power in acknowledging them. I've been one of those parents who automatically
said "good" every time my kids did something desirable so that they would repeat the
action. Blech! Since I've stopped that (long ago now) I see how powerful it can be for
them to just be a part of a working system. In some ways, my commentary pointed out
that they weren't part of the family in some way. I don't comment every time my hubby
takes out the garbage, but every so often I do, if it was especially full and it really makes
my life easier for it to be emptied, and then he does, for instance.
Like when one of the babies first put a piece of garbage in
> the trash can on their own without me even explaining what trash was,An honest exclamation of pleasure in the moment is one thing, a pattern of "reward" is
> I said, "Good job, Logan!" And he grinned really big because he knew
> he had picked up on something that "big people" do that he now did.
>
> -=-Is that kind of acknowledgment petty or simply what I meant it to
> be -
> an affirmation that he figured something out?-=-
>
something else. I have a cousin who is very clear that everything her daughter does is a
"great job" because she is "training" her to do the right thing. There is not trust that
goodness will emerge in a nurturing environment.
I know that positive reinforcement works with my dogs and horses. Maybe "thank you" is
more appropriate with people?
Joanna
Sandra Dodd
-=-Sometimes I need a nudge over to a different track, and sometimes
they are the ones to
give it to me. It goes both ways--sometimes we are just flat out
wrong--and it's not just
children that are wrong! In the end, I always appreciate that someone
I love has gone out-
on-a-limb with me to point out that it's me that needs to shift, not
the world. LOL-=-
Me too. My kids will tell me when they think I'm being unfair or
unreasonable or whatever.
-=-We had an understanding that turns with a toy didn't need to be
cut short, but that the child with the toy would say, "You can have
it when I'm done." The second child would feel heard and that they
were the next in line. It worked almost all of the time. -=-
That's how my kids were with the computer, when we only had one and
it worked. Sometimes I was the third in line, but that was okay. By
the time Holly needed long turns we had two computers, and now we
have four, so no waiting.
-=-Since I've stopped that (long ago now) I see how powerful it can
be for them to just be a part of a working system. In some ways, my
commentary pointed out that they weren't part of the family in some
way. -=-
I don't say "Good JOB!" but I do say thanks a lot.
-=-I don't comment every time my hubby takes out the garbage, but
every so often I do, if it was especially full and it really makes my
life easier for it to be emptied, and then he does, for instance.-=-
Keith and I always said please and thanks a lot, before we had kids,
and we haven't stopped. If I need a tissue I'll ask someone to
please pass the box, and then say thanks. If I need a drink of
water, I'll say please and thanks. Saying it about such small things
makes it pretty automatic to say it about bigger things. Holly drove
yesterday. I thanked her. I don't love to drive for fun. Brett
rearranged cars outside because the trashman won't pick up in our cul-
de-sac if there's a single car parked at the curb. I thanked him.
-=-An honest exclamation of pleasure in the moment is one thing, a
pattern of "reward" is something else. I have a cousin who is very
clear that everything her daughter does is a "great job" because she
is "training" her to do the right thing. There is not trust that
goodness will emerge in a nurturing environment.-=-
OH THAT. Yes. It can be creepy when a mom's voice sounds like a
computer character on an educational video game. "FanTAStic!" every
time the kid clicks the right answer or something.
We don't just recite "thank you" in a quoty kind of way. It's
really a thank you. It will be "I'm glad you did that because I
didn't want to put my shoes back on" or "You're so nice to take the
snow off the car for me!" or "Thanks for making this
food!" (Thanking cooks or people who bring us sandwiches is big here.)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
they are the ones to
give it to me. It goes both ways--sometimes we are just flat out
wrong--and it's not just
children that are wrong! In the end, I always appreciate that someone
I love has gone out-
on-a-limb with me to point out that it's me that needs to shift, not
the world. LOL-=-
Me too. My kids will tell me when they think I'm being unfair or
unreasonable or whatever.
-=-We had an understanding that turns with a toy didn't need to be
cut short, but that the child with the toy would say, "You can have
it when I'm done." The second child would feel heard and that they
were the next in line. It worked almost all of the time. -=-
That's how my kids were with the computer, when we only had one and
it worked. Sometimes I was the third in line, but that was okay. By
the time Holly needed long turns we had two computers, and now we
have four, so no waiting.
-=-Since I've stopped that (long ago now) I see how powerful it can
be for them to just be a part of a working system. In some ways, my
commentary pointed out that they weren't part of the family in some
way. -=-
I don't say "Good JOB!" but I do say thanks a lot.
-=-I don't comment every time my hubby takes out the garbage, but
every so often I do, if it was especially full and it really makes my
life easier for it to be emptied, and then he does, for instance.-=-
Keith and I always said please and thanks a lot, before we had kids,
and we haven't stopped. If I need a tissue I'll ask someone to
please pass the box, and then say thanks. If I need a drink of
water, I'll say please and thanks. Saying it about such small things
makes it pretty automatic to say it about bigger things. Holly drove
yesterday. I thanked her. I don't love to drive for fun. Brett
rearranged cars outside because the trashman won't pick up in our cul-
de-sac if there's a single car parked at the curb. I thanked him.
-=-An honest exclamation of pleasure in the moment is one thing, a
pattern of "reward" is something else. I have a cousin who is very
clear that everything her daughter does is a "great job" because she
is "training" her to do the right thing. There is not trust that
goodness will emerge in a nurturing environment.-=-
OH THAT. Yes. It can be creepy when a mom's voice sounds like a
computer character on an educational video game. "FanTAStic!" every
time the kid clicks the right answer or something.
We don't just recite "thank you" in a quoty kind of way. It's
really a thank you. It will be "I'm glad you did that because I
didn't want to put my shoes back on" or "You're so nice to take the
snow off the car for me!" or "Thanks for making this
food!" (Thanking cooks or people who bring us sandwiches is big here.)
Sandra
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