Renee McGraw

Youngest dd, Kirsten is 4 1/2.
Dh likes to wrap up presents and have them under the tree. Yes, it makes
for a pretty tree, but it feels like pure torture for Kirsten. She has sat
beside that tree holding one of her presents asking to open it off and on
since she noticed it was there. It seems to be making her
miserable.......the exact opposite of the intention!

I'm struggling to find a balance between dh's and dd's desires. ~Not to
mention my sanity!

Dh wants dd to learn to wait. He tells stories of how his mom used to have
to run him away from the presents and such so now, it seems, the
anticipation is just fun for him. However it's not fun for Kirsten. It's
causing much frustration that seems to be completely avoidable.

I waited to put out her birthday presents until just a few hours before her
party this past summer and she was literally miserable. She didn't even
want to go on with her party she just wanted to open her presents.

On one hand it concerns me. I don't want her to be selfish and only think
about the presents, but on the other hand she's only 4! I don't feel that
the expectation of her waiting patiently is a realistic one at this age. Is
selfish even the right word? Maybe *impatient* is better. But aren't we
all impatient at times? She *has* learned to wait for things and be as
patient as her age and temperament allows her to be.

I suppose *I* am frustrated because I don't want to undermine dh yet I don't
want to put my child through what I see as unnecessary frustration.

......thoughts, ideas, examination of perceptions are appreciated!
--
Renee
And the turtles, of course... All the turtles are free -- As turtles and,
maybe, all creatures should be. ~Dr. Seuss
http://awrinkleformybrain.blogspot.com/


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ed Wendell

Could you come to an agreement with hubby to wrap a small gift - go buy another small one if you have to - and let her open that one? See if that helps maybe. You could even have the 12 days of Christmas tradition where you give a small gift each day until Christmas. Maybe a trip to the thrift store or the dollar store would do the trick for these gifts. I remember when the dollar store and thrift store held great fascination and inexpensive items for our son at that age.

Are there gifts your daughter could help wrap for others so she gets in on the other end of the specialness of surprises and gift giving? Maybe craft projects of making gifts for others. You know everyone thinks they are fantastic if the kid made them no matter what they look like. I saw at Wal-Mart the other day packages of craft projects - like decorating a snowflake or tree made out of craft foam - there were something like 25 to a package for 4.98!!!!! Oh and they had photo frame ornaments too in the shape of a snowman, penguin and something else for the same price - even drawing and coloring pictures for others, tracing your hands to make a wreath, a Christmas tree, etc.

Maybe fill her life up with other fun filled activities - maybe let her set the gift of her choice (her gift from under the tree) right beside her - let her carry it around. If the paper gets worn out or ripped you can always tape it or wrap it again. OH how about a colorful cloth sack - or a gift bag to carry it in so it won't be as likely to get worn out or messed up.


Lisa W.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-Youngest dd, Kirsten is 4 1/2.
Dh likes to wrap up presents and have them under the tree. Yes, it makes
for a pretty tree, but it feels like pure torture for Kirsten. She
has sat
beside that tree holding one of her presents -=-



Did you tell her it was hers?

I figure a gift belongs to the giver until the day/time/place where
it's presented to the person. At a birthday, that's when the gifts
are opened during or after the party, but if someone comes and says
"Please open this one now, because I have to leave," the reason
that's okay is that the gift belongs to the giver at some point.

When my kids were little I told them not to touch the gifts because
some were fragile and some could be guessed, and I didn't want that
to happen. When they got older I started to disguise gifts by
putting noisy things in with them or packing them so they didn't make
noise. Marty loved to pick them up and rearrange them, so by the
time he was four or five, I let them do that if they wanted to. But
by then they weren't wanting to open them, just play around with
artistically arranging the packages.



Maybe it was a mistake to say "This is yours." I'd say "These are
ours, it's part of Christmas tradition, that they stay here until
Christmas." And if you've make the point that the gift has an
intended time and place for opening, she won't be so confused if
someone gives your family cookies or a decoration and says "open it
now."



Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

susanleeb52

The idea that people learn good things (restraint, or responsibility,
or whatever) from being miserable is a common one. It's also
flawed. People learn all the time, so they do learn from bad
experiences--but they are probably not learning what you want them to
learn.

Perhaps you could explore with your husband the things your daughter
may actually be learning from having the presents under the
tree: "Mom and Dad care more about when presents get opened than
about whether I'm happy."

If that seems too difficult (after all, that would involve your
husband also admitting that his parents made this mistake, and that
can be hard), maybe you can look at some other examples of "learning
from misery" that he already agrees are wrong, and then draw the
parallel to the current situation.

You might also point out the many opportunities life affords people
to learn about waiting (until the store opens, until the cookies come
out of the oven, until the rain stops, and nineteen zillion other
examples), and that your ds will have plenty of chances to learn
about waiting without her parents making her miserable with it.

Frank Smith's "The Book of Learning and Forgetting" is a quick read
and includes some great explorations of the unintended consequences
of intended-to-be-educational situations.

Sandra Dodd

-=-Perhaps you could explore with your husband the things your daughter
may actually be learning from having the presents under the
tree: "Mom and Dad care more about when presents get opened than
about whether I'm happy."-=-

That's too harsh, and those aren't the only two options.

Her dad isn't AT ALL trying to be cruel, and it shouldn't be
presented or considered in that light.



Big gift occasions (birthdays, Christmas, weddings, graduations) are
like feasts. The difference between a feast and a meal is that
feasts have TOO MUCH food. They are, purposely, symbolic of
abundance. If there weren't leftovers, it wasn't a proper feast.

So when you're making spaghetti on a Thursday and a kid wants a
sandwich, no big deal. If you're making Thanksgiving dinner or a
formal Christmas dinner and a kid wants a sandwich, that's
different. I'd still give a child snacks or let them taste what's
cooking, but I wouldn't provide a whole meal in the couple of hours
before a formal feast-style dinner.

And a pile of gifts is like a feast, in that way.

But there is a traditional thing to help kids know how long until the
pile of gifts: Advent calendars. You can buy one or make one, and
they sometimes involve a little gift every day (candy or a charm or
something very small).



Sandra

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Pamela Sorooshian

On Dec 14, 2008, at 5:47 AM, Renee McGraw wrote:

>
> I waited to put out her birthday presents until just a few hours
> before her
> party this past summer and she was literally miserable. She didn't
> even
> want to go on with her party she just wanted to open her presents.
>
> On one hand it concerns me. I don't want her to be selfish and only
> think
> about the presents, but on the other hand she's only 4!

Holy cow. FOUR? She's so little.

Wrap some presents and put them where she can't see them, but your
husband can. Then HE can have the joy of anticipating her joy when she
does see them and gets to open them.

Give her others to open and rewrap as she feels like it. My kids
unwrapped and rewrapped gifts all the time when they were that age.
That was the norm for us.

Also, for birthday parties, we opened each gift as it arrived with the
guest - we didn't pile them up and have a massive present-opening
session. That always seemed a bit much to expect of the other kids -
to sit and watch one kid open a bunch of presents. Fun for older kids
who enjoy seeing what the birthday kid got, maybe. But not for little
kids.

-pam

And, by the way, they are grown up now and they're not selfish,
materialistic, or greedy. They love getting presents, but it truly
doesn't seem to matter that much to them what it is, they like seeing
what someone else has thought of giving them. THAT is the fun of it,
for them.

hamsder clan

Hi,

We had a similar recent experience with a similar age kid, so I
thought I'd let you know how things played out here in case it is at
all useful.

Our daughter (Larkin) will be 4 on christmas eve and our son will be 2
on dec. 30th, so there's a whole lot of winter holidays at our house.
:) Emile and I have been trying to come up with ways to make birthdays
feel special in the face of all the holiday hoopla (this is the first
year it will really matter since they are both so young). So we went
out and bought a bunch of fireworks after the fourth of July. About a
month ago, Larkin found them where they were not particularly hidden
in the pantry. She was *very* excited and wanted to set them off right
away.

We told her that we bought them for her birthday party and if we set
them off before then there wasn't any way to buy more for the party
(although in retrospect there might be online...). We then gave her
the choice to use them immediately or save them (the point, after all,
was mostly to make her happy in the first place) and she chose to save
them: "But let's hide them better so they don't keep taunting me." So
we found a place to keep them where she wouldn't come into daily
contact with them and she talks about them occasionally but has not
wanted to get them out. She actually ran laughing from the room in
which they are hidden in the closet at some point because she could
hear them calling to her. :)

Similarly, we talked about the awkwardness at birthday parties when
one kid is opening lots of presents and all the other kids are
watching them. Sounds like you could hardly devise a better torture
for young children to me! She's been on the watching side of that one
and didn't enjoy it very much. She suggested we put the presents in
our room (and close the door!) during the party so she can play
without seeing them and they can be opened after the other kids go
home. I think it would have been a very tricky situation to negotiate
if we hadn't discussed it beforehand and let her have a say in the
decision making process.

We'll wait until the kids are older (and think it sounds like fun)
before putting out gifts with a long timeline before opening.

All the best,

Jenny (Larkin, almost 4; Finn, almost 2)

On Sun, Dec 14, 2008 at 5:47 AM, Renee McGraw <woman.evolving@...> wrote:
> Youngest dd, Kirsten is 4 1/2.
> Dh likes to wrap up presents and have them under the tree. Yes, it makes
> for a pretty tree, but it feels like pure torture for Kirsten. She has sat
> beside that tree holding one of her presents asking to open it off and on
> since she noticed it was there. It seems to be making her
> miserable.......the exact opposite of the intention!

Sandra Dodd

-=-Give her others to open and rewrap as she feels like it. My kids
unwrapped and rewrapped gifts all the time when they were that age.
That was the norm for us.-=-

Christmas wrapping paper is not usually expensive. If it seems so to
you, buy lots right after Christmas and stash it. Sometimes you can
buy it for nearly nothing then.



I always did let my kids wrap things up--their own toys, gifts for
their dolls and stuffed animals, gifts for each other, and to play
around with things that way.

I understand the point of view of the dad who wants the gifts under
the tree. It's that way here. The gifts are part of the
decorations. The tree looks cool with gifts under it. It's
something kids will see elsewhere, too, and they can't open gifts
under other people's trees, or public trees with empty boxes wrapped
for decoration.



Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-Similarly, we talked about the awkwardness at birthday parties when
one kid is opening lots of presents and all the other kids are
watching them. Sounds like you could hardly devise a better torture
for young children to me! She's been on the watching side of that one
and didn't enjoy it very much.-=-



My kids have always enjoyed both ways, being the guest or being the
birthday kid. Maybe it was the explanations and preparation they had
when they were little? I remember when it was just Kirby and I
would coach him to say "Thanks for inviting me" when he left a
birthday party, and such. I think some kids are told "We're going to
a party! It will be FUN!" instead of "This is Liam's party and
here's the deal: ..."



Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Pamela Sorooshian

On Dec 14, 2008, at 9:05 AM, Sandra Dodd wrote:

> My kids have always enjoyed both ways, being the guest or being the
> birthday kid. Maybe it was the explanations and preparation they had
> when they were little? I remember when it was just Kirby and I
> would coach him to say "Thanks for inviting me" when he left a
> birthday party, and such. I think some kids are told "We're going to
> a party! It will be FUN!" instead of "This is Liam's party and
> here's the deal: ..."

Some kids do have a harder time than others though - I coached all of
my three the same way, but Roya was especially awesome, from the
beginning, at being a great guest. She had no problem with it being
someone else's birthday or with someone else getting all the gifts.
She "got it" that her turn would come, but, even more importantly, she
completely got into making the birthday kid feel special. Roya was
happy if the birthday kid was happy. But my other two had a little
less of that kind of strong empathy and were a little more wishing it
was them getting certain of the presents or being the center of
attention. Not awful - they behaved just fine, but I knew they were
feeling envious.

Still, I figured most kids weren't probably that thrilled to sit and
watch another kid open a lot of cool gifts - so we started opening
gifts as the guests arrived. Turned out to be very very nice - that
meant each gift was accepted and oohed and ahhed over and thanks given
individually, rather than as part of a slew of gifts. We also tended
to have open-ended get-togethers for birthdays and people were coming
and going at different times.

-pam

Sandra Dodd

-=-We also tended
to have open-ended get-togethers for birthdays and people were coming
and going at different times.-=-



That would make a difference. Ours were (still are) fairly
choreographed, with food and games and cake/candles.



Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

An online advent calendar with photos of "real" advent calendars and
lots of Christmas links:

http://www.christmascountdown.com.au/adventcalendar.htm

Might not be fun for a four year old, but some kids somewhere might
like it. I would have LOVED it when I was a kid. I always liked
books about how holidays and birthdays were celebrated in other
countries, and I recently bought (for myself) "Throw Your Tooth on
the Roof," about what people do with baby teeth in different places.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 12/14/2008 12:02:58 PM Eastern Standard Time,
Sandra@... writes:

<<<I always did let my kids wrap things up--their own toys, gifts for
their dolls and stuffed animals, gifts for each other, and to play
around with things that way.>>>



My kids have a huge amount of things they like to wrap. From old toys to
snacks to letters to a bit of fuzz found underneath something, they like to wrap
it. Sometimes it needs Wrapping Paper, sometimes just a piece of notebook
paper, sometimes it is all tape, sometimes it is scraps of other things found
around the house or in the recycle container. They ask me to wrap things for
them, sometimes, to open. Something they pick, something I dig around and pick
out for the surprise... often they like to wrap some small something or a
note or drawing they've made, for me to open, so they can see the surprise and
happiness on my face. Wrapping and unwrapping are big, here, all year 'round.
In a way, it is kind of like hide and seek, but they're "outside" the game,
watching, when they give a gift. I make sure we have *plenty* of tape at all
times, and I try to have scissors available, but those aren't always
necessary-tape is required most of the time, so I make sure I buy a dispenser of the
cheap stuff every time I go to the grocery store.

Peace,
De
**************Make your life easier with all your friends, email, and
favorite sites in one place. Try it now.
(http://www.aol.com/?optin=new-dp&icid=aolcom40vanity&ncid=emlcntaolcom00000010)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ed Wendell

I'd be very disappointed if the person receiving the gift from me set it aside in another room, shut the door and never opened it while I was there. The joy in giving a gift for me is to see the person open it - to see their reaction and joy or surprise. Though I do mail gifts to family all the time and do not get to see them open it. Still, if I handed it to them, I'd like to see them open it.

I've often seen young children - well anyone - hover and urge the receiver to open the gift as they too are experiencing the joy of gifting.

Maybe it is just family history playing a part in this - my family was a huge extended farm family. For Christmas Eve we'd gather and a few people at a time would open gifts and "show" everyone else and even pass it around so everyone could see what each person received. It was an informal ritual, noisy & very fun that lasted the evening. We moved around, got snacks, drinks, chatted and played around. When I married, my husband's family would pass out all the gifts and open them all at the same time (in about 5 minutes) and I was very disappointed as I did not know what people "got" and did not get to see them open my gifts to them - it seemed like we were not sharing the experience together - it was more of a "what did I get" feeding frenzy.

Lisa W.






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 12/14/2008 1:03:23 PM Eastern Standard Time,
Sandra@... writes:

<<<An online advent calendar with photos of "real" advent calendars and
lots of Christmas links:>>>




Which reminds me: we also try to celebrate as many things during the season
as we can. It kind of takes the huge "pressure cooker" feel off of one day a
year (and one day that month), and it lets us spread out the wonderful
feelings over a long period of time. Hanukkah is good, because it is 8 days of
little things-we just put them in little decorated lunch bags with some gelt and
we light candles and talk about traditions and history of the holiday.
SinterKlaas is different and fun as well, and again, lots of history and
differences in the way folks do things. There's Los Posadas, Solstice, Festivus,
Advent, Boxing Day, Kwanzaa, Family Day, Feast of the Sacrifice, just to name a
few. Here's where I found most of what we celebrate:
_http://www.earthcalendar.net/index.php_ (http://www.earthcalendar.net/index.php) I look at it as an
opportunity to give a little trinket, learn about other cultures, beliefs and
traditions and a way to diffuse the "is it Christmas, yet??" anxiety. They
still get a huge kick out of The Big Day, but it tends to take the "torture"
aspect out of it and lends it more toward "anticipation". That might just be my
kids, it might not work for everyone, but we have so much fun with it!

Peace,
De
**************Make your life easier with all your friends, email, and
favorite sites in one place. Try it now.
(http://www.aol.com/?optin=new-dp&icid=aolcom40vanity&ncid=emlcntaolcom00000010)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

John and Amanda Slater

--<<<An online advent calendar with photos of "real" advent calendars and

lots of Christmas links:>>>



Which reminds me: we also try to celebrate as many things during the season

as we can. It kind of takes the huge "pressure cooker" feel off of one day a

year (and one day that month), and it lets us spread out the wonderful

feelings over a long period of time.

***We do something similar.  We don't celebrate all the holidays, but we have been busier this month than usual.  Some of it is things only available (and often free) around Christmas and some of it things always available.  I did not want the kids focused on Christmas all month, but instead we are focusing on making the whole month special and fun.
AmandaEli 7, Samuel 6






















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Renee McGraw

On Sun, Dec 14, 2008 at 11:41 AM, Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:

> Her dad isn't AT ALL trying to be cruel,


Exactly! That's why I want to find a happy balance for both of them.
We explored the advent calendar options, but didn't follow through.
This will be something we will plan early for next year. I love the dollar
store items too. They are perfect since they are completely "guilt free"
disposable once they wear out or break and are just the thing
to keep present-itis at bay. :-)


--
Renee
And the turtles, of course... All the turtles are free -- As turtles and,
maybe, all creatures should be. ~Dr. Seuss
http://awrinkleformybrain.blogspot.com/


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Renee McGraw

On Sun, Dec 14, 2008 at 11:33 AM, susanleeb52 <jgsbmg@...> wrote:

> The idea that people learn good things (restraint, or responsibility,
> or whatever) from being miserable is a common one. It's also
> flawed. People learn all the time, so they do learn from bad
> experiences--but they are probably not learning what you want them to
> learn.


I know of many examples of deprivation that you are talking about and agree
that there are many times when we parents probably don't think through the
way our intentions are interpreted by our children.


>
> maybe you can look at some other examples of "learning
> from misery" that he already agrees are wrong, and then draw the
> parallel to the current situation.


This is a great idea for us to springboard from. We do want her to learn
that there things that we must wait for, yet find a happy medium as others
have suggested like having a few things she can wrap and unwrap and the
gift-a-day activities.
Thanks!


--
Renee
And the turtles, of course... All the turtles are free -- As turtles and,
maybe, all creatures should be. ~Dr. Seuss
http://awrinkleformybrain.blogspot.com/


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Renee McGraw

On Sun, Dec 14, 2008 at 11:52 AM, Pamela Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...>wrote:

>
> Also, for birthday parties, we opened each gift as it arrived with the
> guest - we didn't pile them up and have a massive present-opening
> session. That always seemed a bit much to expect of the other kids -
> to sit and watch one kid open a bunch of presents. Fun for older kids
> who enjoy seeing what the birthday kid got, maybe. But not for little
> kids.
>

That is a great idea Pam. I never even considered that. It's such a
tradition to visit, have cake and ice cream then gather around to open
presents. It IS overwhelming for the younger children.

>
>
> -pam
>
> And, by the way, they are grown up now and they're not selfish,
> materialistic, or greedy. They love getting presents, but it truly
> doesn't seem to matter that much to them what it is, they like seeing
> what someone else has thought of giving them. THAT is the fun of it,
> for them.
>

My other children are 21 and 18 and they are the same way. They love the
anticipation just like dh and it really is about the fact that someone
thought about them.
I was talking to oldest dd yesterday about what she wanted for Christmas and
I defined what my definition of what a "gift" is to me: (at least for the
older crowd)
It's something that you would like, but wouldn't ordinarly buy for yourself.

--
Renee
And the turtles, of course... All the turtles are free -- As turtles and,
maybe, all creatures should be. ~Dr. Seuss
http://awrinkleformybrain.blogspot.com/


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robyn L. Coburn

Jayn has also not been good at waiting, and becomes very agitated. She
really feels the taunting thing if she can see the boxes. Especially when we
have a fairly steady stream of things coming in the mail. Sometimes I am
able to intercept the box and hide it before she sees it, but if a box is
emblazoned with the name of the toy company as many are, it is futile to try
to hide that the gift is for her. She was not of the temperament to happily
play with boxes.

Jayn opens her presents as they arrive if she wants to, and sometimes she
just wants to know which have her name on it. Dh was saying that he wanted
to be able to keep gifts for Christmas morning, so his idea was to change
how he did things, rather than try to change Jayn. If we want to keep gifts
for Christmas day, we hide them out of the house, like in the trunk of dh's
car. Hiding them in our house, which was possible when Jayn was smaller,
doesn't work as we don't have hiding places (full to overflowing closets
already) and she snoops. The only consequence for her is that she will have
fewer on the day.

I'm thinking that last year we had a sequence of small gifts for her to open
in the week leading up to the big day. We sometimes re-wrap also, and we
will arrange the opened things from the couple of weeks under the tree to
look at also. Jayn is very clear on what is a "Christmas present" as against
just a doll, for example. Meanwhile we see her aunt at some point and give
and get gifts so sometimes Christmas keeps going on.

However this year, Jayn being 9, she had the opportunity to pick up her gift
from her grandfather well in advance of Christmas. It is a doll ordered from
a local toy store. Instead she chose to wait until he arrives here to spend
the holidays with us, and make an outing of going to pick it up with him on
Christmas eve. Doing this was all her delightful idea.

As for the tree looking nice, there are plenty of other gifts for other
family members under it, an a porcelain village that I put under when the
gifts go to keep it pretty. We don't miss Jayn's parcels.


Robyn L. Coburn
www.Iggyjingles.etsy.com
www.iggyjingles.blogspot.com

Sandra Dodd

-=-Also, for birthday parties, we opened each gift as it arrived with
the
> guest - we didn't pile them up and have a massive present-opening
> session.-=-

One problem I fear from that is that if one of the gifts is so
exciting that it distracts the child from being a good party host, or
if it's something he really wants to play with but there are guests
and it's not great for sharing, it could cause frustration or bad
feelings.

Sometimes our kids had already had their main gift, or they got it
last (whatever we had gotten them, if it was going to be something
they would become engrossed in).

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Angela Shaw

<For Christmas Eve we'd gather and a few people at a time would open gifts
and "show" everyone else and even pass it around so everyone could see what
each person received. It was an informal ritual, noisy & very fun that
lasted the evening. >



This is also what we do on Christmas morning both at home and at my mom's
house. That sharing of the special moments for other is a large part of
what makes Christmas special to me. (that and the great food!) I love the
giving part of Christmas and seeing the faces of the gift receivers too. I
also coached my kids when they were younger before going to a party about
how to behave and they have always loved going to parties and they
especially love watching someone open a gift they brought them. They would
sometimes try to place their gift near the front on the pile in hopes that
it would be one of the first ones opened.

Although I do love the looks of presents under the tree, the only ones we
put under the tree before late Christmas eve are ones that people deliver to
us personally and only if they want us to wait until Christmas and not open
it when they give it to us. I did it mostly so it would be a big surprise
when Santa came and all the kids would wake to see them all. I grew up in a
large family and I always loved walking down the stairs to see the huge
amount of presents under the tree. My tree always looks a bit barren
compared to our tree when I was a kid.

Angela



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Pamela Sorooshian

> One problem I fear from that is that if one of the gifts is so
> exciting that it distracts the child from being a good party host, or
> if it's something he really wants to play with but there are guests
> and it's not great for sharing, it could cause frustration or bad
> feelings.

Exactly. I've seen it happen that a kid is opening presents, gets to
one that thrills him or her, and starts playing with it and forgets
about the waiting unopened gifts. Or they are tearing into the gifts
and tossing one after another aside without showing much interest,
just obligatory "thank you's," until they get to one they really like.

I was sensitive to people's feelings, even as a little kid or 6 or 7
years old. I'd sit at birthday parties and watch the present-opening
and know when the party child was disappointed in a gift and when they
were thrilled. And I felt bad if it wasn't mine that thrilled them and
I'd feel embarrassed if it was mine that was the big deal and the
other kids gifts were being ignored. And, I'd think about how much
time and care people took to pick out the perfect present to see it
tossed into a pile with a bunch of other presents.

-pam
On Dec 14, 2008, at 2:25 PM, Sandra Dodd wrote:

> -=-Also, for birthday parties, we opened each gift as it arrived with
> the
>> guest - we didn't pile them up and have a massive present-opening
>> session.-=-
>

John and Amanda Slater

> -=-Also, for birthday parties, we opened each gift as it arrived with

> the

>> guest - we didn't pile them up and have a massive present-opening

>> session.-=-

>
*** We often have parties where not everyone brings a gift.  For some friends, an extra gift is a big deal money wise.  Opening gifts as they arrive keeps it simple for not everyone to give a gift. 

AmandaEli 7,  Samuel 6



























[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kim

> We explored the advent calendar options, but didn't follow through.

There are really interesting advent calendars available (probably an
idea for next year, as it's a little late for this year!). My boys
both chose Playmobil calendars, and each picked a different theme.
Each day, they open a numbered box that has one toy in it. Little by
little, they make up a scene (one has a pirate theme, and the other
is a medieval theme ... there are lots of themes available - I found
a nice selection of advent calendars to choose from on eBay).

This year, I also purchased elf cones (I don't know if that's what
they're really called, but it's what they look like) from
Hearthsong.com. I hung them on my sons' bed posts, and each evening,
after they fall asleep, I put a little treat in the cone - could be a
small toy, or some candy. They look forward to checking for their
treats as soon as they open their eyes each morning.

As for the gifts under the tree, we don't do that in our house - I,
too, think it would be torture for my kids. If your husband really
enjoys the look of wrapped gifts under the tree, maybe you could wrap
empty boxes. Your daughter could help you wrap them. As she gets
older, the anticipation might not be so difficult, and may eventually
be fun - until then, at least you'd have a way to enjoy the look of
gifts under the tree.
Kim

harmonyhogan

She has sat
> beside that tree holding one of her presents asking to open it off
and on
> since she noticed it was there. It seems to be making her
> miserable.......the exact opposite of the intention!


When I was a kid my mom had little boxes that hung on the tree with
little gifts in them. She usually bought toys from the quarter
machines at the grocery store (bouncy balls etc)she also would by small
raisin boxes, put money in them (ranging from a penny to a dollar) and
wrap them and hang them on the tree. They made cute decorations and we
always looked forward to finishing dinner so we could "pick a box". It
was exciting for us as kids and she always planned it so when the boxes
were gone it was time to open presents. She had extra toys to refill
boxes if she needed to. That way we still got to open something, and
it wasn't as hard to wait for our presents.
Harmony

Renee McGraw

On Mon, Dec 15, 2008 at 10:44 AM, harmonyhogan <harmony@...>wrote:

> When I was a kid my mom had little boxes that hung on the tree with
> little gifts in them.
>

I love that idea too!
I found this last night and thought it was a pretty neat craft to do:
http://www.dltk-holidays.com/Xmas/advent_calendar.htm

Thanks so much to everyone for their input and ideas!

--
Renee
And the turtles, of course... All the turtles are free -- As turtles and,
maybe, all creatures should be. ~Dr. Seuss
http://awrinkleformybrain.blogspot.com/


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Heather

*As for the gifts under the tree, we don't do that in our house*

We don't do gifts under the tree either, although it started out with
having a cat that ate ribbons and wrap, then was sick everywhere! Now,
our 8yo has difficulty with the concept of time, so it is easier for
him NOT to have presents in plain sight.

My 11yo son said to me the other day that one of his favorite Christmas
traditions is having the decorated tree up with nothing there and then
watching me bring all of the presents out the day before Christmas and
putting them under the tree. He said that it gets him all excited,
seeing the colorful paper and wondering what's in them. My husband and
I had no idea that avoiding cat sick could start such a nice tradition!!

You never know how things will turn out.

Heather

Keely Noffsinger Massie

Let me say up front that I haven't read all the posts in this thread



Just wanted to throw in what has come about at our house-



One year, my MIL gave gifts in sturdy, reusable decorated gift boxes. After
Christmas, we put them away with the holiday decorations. When we pulled
them out the following year, we put them empty under the tree until we were
ready to wrap gifts, really just for lack of space to put them anywhere
else. The next day, the kids started using them to "play Christmas"- putting
various toys and belongings in them and "giving" them to each other. They
now do this every year. I usually wait until Christmas Eve to actually put
gifts out under the tree and they always get to open one gift that night.



Anyway, thought I'd throw that idea out there.



Usually a lurking reader :-),



Keely

mom to Emma (8), Evan (6) and Eli (3)



_____

From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
On Behalf Of Heather
Sent: Monday, December 15, 2008 1:04 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Joyous Anticipation or Pure Frustration?



*As for the gifts under the tree, we don't do that in our house*

We don't do gifts under the tree either, although it started out with
having a cat that ate ribbons and wrap, then was sick everywhere! Now,
our 8yo has difficulty with the concept of time, so it is easier for
him NOT to have presents in plain sight.

My 11yo son said to me the other day that one of his favorite Christmas
traditions is having the decorated tree up with nothing there and then
watching me bring all of the presents out the day before Christmas and
putting them under the tree. He said that it gets him all excited,
seeing the colorful paper and wondering what's in them. My husband and
I had no idea that avoiding cat sick could start such a nice tradition!!

You never know how things will turn out.

Heather





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

melissa_hice

>
> When I was a kid my mom had little boxes that hung on the tree with
> little gifts in them. She usually bought toys from the quarter
> machines at the grocery store (bouncy balls etc)she also would by
small
> raisin boxes, put money in them (ranging from a penny to a dollar)
and
> wrap them and hang them on the tree. They made cute decorations
and we
> always looked forward to finishing dinner so we could "pick a
box".
>

That reminds me of what we started doing a couple of years ago. I
cut out some small stockings (probably about 6 inches tall or so) out
of different colored felt (not just the traditional Christmas colors)
and the kids and I decorated them with fabric paint, felt scraps,
jewels, etc. I attached little ribbon loops for hanging them. I
then put either small gifts in each stocking, or pieces of candy, or
even notes that I made using gift tags with things written on them
like "Let's make sugar cookies!" or "Let's watch a Christmas movie
together" or I write a specific Christmas craft we get to do as a
family such as decorating gingerbread houses (made from graham
crackers) or doing one of those cheap oriental trading company crafts
which I have a ton of, or another craft that I found online. Each
day my two children get to take turns opening the stocking for that
day. There are always two items in each stocking, one for each of
them, except for the notes.

I had a large piece of stiff white fabric (I think it was some sort
of pellon) that is probably 5 feet long. I sewed different buttons
on it, 4 across and 6 down, to hang the stocking on. I made a hem in
the top, ran a dowel rod through it, attached a ribbon which I tied
to both ends of the dowel rod to hang it on the wall. It makes a
nice Christmas decoration and the kids have had a blast with it.
This is our third year to use it.

Melissa