jenbgosh

My DD, who is 11, is very quick to cry, especially when disappointed
or if she sees a situation as being unfair. Most kids seem to be able
to shake off these situations and move on, but my DD (Pearl) is just
not able to.

I know that if she could change this about herself, she would. I
often see her fighting back tears.

It's difficult for her, and I see the effect it has on others. I know
tears make most adults uncomfortable, and often folks try to fix the
problem or kind of talk her out of crying, which doesn't usually help.

I could be wrong, but judging from body language, I'm feeling like
some of the other kids are thinking "here she goes again" when Pearl
starts to cry.

My immediate concern is that Pearl has decided she wants to be in a
play that our homeschool group is doing. Today they had an acting
workshop for those who are interested in auditioning. They played an
acting game at the workshop. The director asked who'd like to
participate (it was something where one kid would join in, later
another, then another.) Pearl thought everyone would be called on to
participate. The director thought everyone who wanted to participate
would volunteer. So what ended up happening was that Pearl was never
called on and never volunteered and did not get a chance to be in the
game. This made her cry.

This is a typical example of what brings her to tears. The director
was very nice, and even apologized for the lack of clarity.

I've always said yes to whatever the kids wanted to participate in.
I've also been sure to let Pearl know just what to expect, where I
could foresee possible injustices that might occur, and ask her if she
thought she could handle it.

But I'm wondering if I should tell her that I think she should not be
in the play (which is how I'm feeling right now.) I don't know if
she'll be able to handle the feedback, (slow down, speak louder, etc.)
and there are bound to be situations that come up that she does not
agree with, and she's likely to cry. I'm just feeling like it's not
worth it, that the positives couldn't possibly outweigh the negatives.
I also think the director is going to have enough on her plate
without the added complication of a not-so-easy-going actress in the
show.

I hesitate to do a "try it and see how it goes" thing, because if she
is cast, it's not cool to drop out, it affects the other people in the
show.

Thanks in advance for any wisdom, advice, that you can offer.

Jennie

Sandra Dodd

-=-But I'm wondering if I should tell her that I think she should not be
in the play (which is how I'm feeling right now.) I don't know if
she'll be able to handle the feedback, (slow down, speak louder, etc.)
and there are bound to be situations that come up that she does not
agree with, and she's likely to cry. I'm just feeling like it's not
worth it, that the positives couldn't possibly outweigh the negatives.
I also think the director is going to have enough on her plate
without the added complication of a not-so-easy-going actress in the
show. -=-



I used to cry easily.

Holly went to a group interview, kind of audition/games, for a job,
and she ended up in tears, but she got the job, too. It's not always
a disaster. She wasn't happy that she got tearful.

I used to cry sometimes at music lessons--not boo-hoo cry, just tears
in my eyes. I could carry on, but it upset my teacher. I figured
out what it was, though, over the years. I wasn't breathing.
Especially when the instrument involved was a wind instrument. But
at piano lessons too, I was sitting stiffly, not relaxed, and holding
my breath listening to the teacher, staring at the music, trying to
figure out whether I could do it one more time, better.

With my kids, that was valuable information. I've been able to help
them find the huge value in deep, relaxing breaths, even while
they're still in position to do whatever they're doing.

Maybe talk to her about the feelings she has before the tears come.
Tight throat? Breathe. Hardness behind the eyes? She might toss
her hair (which will shake off some of the building charge of
electricity/stress around her neck) and smile. And breathe. I bet
that will help.

Being able to cry on cue is valuable for actors, though!



Sandra

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