*6 How does unschooling teach children to truly compromise?
Sandra Dodd
-=-How does unschooling teach children to truly compromise?-=-
I had just answered that question this afternoon on this list, and
yet the same day, I was accused of not answering questions! :-)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/message/40039
My former answer:
We don't think of it as "compromise" here, but as consideration and
generosity. When the priorities are known (at our house, happiness
and learning) then when there's a conflict, the thing that leads more
toward learning or fulfilling obligations (kids being at work on
time, getting purchases to the post office) or things that lead to
more peace will get the first car keys and money. Other things can
wait.
When the kids were babies, we tried to make them comfortable. In no
time at all, we started seeing them trying to make other people
comfortable, too.
My further answer:
My husband and I do lots of things for each other. We did before we
had children. It wasn't always "compromise"--there were more
creative solutions many times. For example, if we were at a party
and he was ready to go home and I wasn't (I'm an extrovert and he's
not), sometimes he would get a ride home, or he would take the car
and I would get a ride home later. That's a win/win, not a
compromise. Sometimes if other rides weren't going to work, he would
stay a little later than he wanted to, and I would leave earlier than
I would have liked. That's a compromise.
We have not "taught" our children to "truly compromise." Yet my
children are very considerate of other people in situations in which
different desires are expressed (Holly not so much when it involves
which restaurant to go to, but she's gotten better over the years).
They have lots of experience in finding solutions to disagreements
and disparate wishes. Because we've been nice to them, they're full
of niceness for others.
Had our goal been to teach them to truly compromise, they wouldn't be
nearly as cool and easy to get along with as they are.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I had just answered that question this afternoon on this list, and
yet the same day, I was accused of not answering questions! :-)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/message/40039
My former answer:
We don't think of it as "compromise" here, but as consideration and
generosity. When the priorities are known (at our house, happiness
and learning) then when there's a conflict, the thing that leads more
toward learning or fulfilling obligations (kids being at work on
time, getting purchases to the post office) or things that lead to
more peace will get the first car keys and money. Other things can
wait.
When the kids were babies, we tried to make them comfortable. In no
time at all, we started seeing them trying to make other people
comfortable, too.
My further answer:
My husband and I do lots of things for each other. We did before we
had children. It wasn't always "compromise"--there were more
creative solutions many times. For example, if we were at a party
and he was ready to go home and I wasn't (I'm an extrovert and he's
not), sometimes he would get a ride home, or he would take the car
and I would get a ride home later. That's a win/win, not a
compromise. Sometimes if other rides weren't going to work, he would
stay a little later than he wanted to, and I would leave earlier than
I would have liked. That's a compromise.
We have not "taught" our children to "truly compromise." Yet my
children are very considerate of other people in situations in which
different desires are expressed (Holly not so much when it involves
which restaurant to go to, but she's gotten better over the years).
They have lots of experience in finding solutions to disagreements
and disparate wishes. Because we've been nice to them, they're full
of niceness for others.
Had our goal been to teach them to truly compromise, they wouldn't be
nearly as cool and easy to get along with as they are.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]