I feel so bad!
mnbyelich
Tonight we had the firemen come out to our house to search for the
source of some smokey smells my son and I were smelling. Everything
turned out fine except for how I handled this whole incident with my
son. He was so scared, as expected! However, I handled trying to
make him feel better so badly, I feel like such a horrible mom!
We smelled smoke but after searching the house twice I couldn't find
the source of the smell. There was no smoke and no fire so I tried
to tell my frightened son that it was fine and that I couldn't see
anything wrong. Needless to say, I was a bit frightened too but was
not very comforting nor reassuring towards my son. He needed me to
really listen and validate his fears (he wanted to go outside) and I
was not listening and responding to his needs AT ALL...I was trying
to make him calm down and not be scared. My husband (who was at
work) told me to call 911...I know, I should have done this right
away but I come from a place (in my history) where I hate to bother
people...and since I didn't see anything, I just didn't call. Of
course, now I KNOW i should have and will if this ever happens again
but that's not my point here...My point is I really let my son down
and I feel so bad!!
Tomorrow morning (he went to bed really early tonight) I plan on
talking and apologizing profusely to him but in the meantime I just
want to do this whole night over again!! I'd go outside with him as
he needed me to without question and grumpiness, hold him tight and
I'd call 911! I know I'm not perfect but this stinks! I'm using it
as a lesson to me and I'm hopeful next time he needs me so badly I
won't fail him. I know I've put a chink in our relationship tonight
but I'm hopeful I can mend some of it back tomorrow morning. Just
needed to talk about this a little, thanks for listening...
source of some smokey smells my son and I were smelling. Everything
turned out fine except for how I handled this whole incident with my
son. He was so scared, as expected! However, I handled trying to
make him feel better so badly, I feel like such a horrible mom!
We smelled smoke but after searching the house twice I couldn't find
the source of the smell. There was no smoke and no fire so I tried
to tell my frightened son that it was fine and that I couldn't see
anything wrong. Needless to say, I was a bit frightened too but was
not very comforting nor reassuring towards my son. He needed me to
really listen and validate his fears (he wanted to go outside) and I
was not listening and responding to his needs AT ALL...I was trying
to make him calm down and not be scared. My husband (who was at
work) told me to call 911...I know, I should have done this right
away but I come from a place (in my history) where I hate to bother
people...and since I didn't see anything, I just didn't call. Of
course, now I KNOW i should have and will if this ever happens again
but that's not my point here...My point is I really let my son down
and I feel so bad!!
Tomorrow morning (he went to bed really early tonight) I plan on
talking and apologizing profusely to him but in the meantime I just
want to do this whole night over again!! I'd go outside with him as
he needed me to without question and grumpiness, hold him tight and
I'd call 911! I know I'm not perfect but this stinks! I'm using it
as a lesson to me and I'm hopeful next time he needs me so badly I
won't fail him. I know I've put a chink in our relationship tonight
but I'm hopeful I can mend some of it back tomorrow morning. Just
needed to talk about this a little, thanks for listening...
Sandra Dodd
-=-My husband (who was at
work) told me to call 911...I know, I should have done this right
away but I come from a place (in my history) where I hate to bother
people...and since I didn't see anything, I just didn't call. -=-
I wouldn't have called 911. I would've taken my child outside, see
if the smell is coming from outside the house (in through vents or on
the wind), unplug anything that heats up and might have been
stinking, and talk to him about what could cause a smoky smell.
Had you recently turned on the furnace? Did you vacuum out the vents?
Had a neighbor recently lit a fireplace for the first time this
year? Was someone maybe burning leaves and the wind blowing the
smell toward you? Was there a forest fire or brush fire some
distance away that was wafting smoke toward you? There was a big
forest fire 150 or 200 miles from here once, and the wind brought the
smell all the way here.
What did the firemen say?
If you checked the house with confident, speaking aloud what you were
looking at and for, he'll start building his own checklist of what to
look for.
By treating it as something that required experts, something that was
an emergency, you might have made the fear worse. You're the
protective, wise adult when you're the only one there.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
work) told me to call 911...I know, I should have done this right
away but I come from a place (in my history) where I hate to bother
people...and since I didn't see anything, I just didn't call. -=-
I wouldn't have called 911. I would've taken my child outside, see
if the smell is coming from outside the house (in through vents or on
the wind), unplug anything that heats up and might have been
stinking, and talk to him about what could cause a smoky smell.
Had you recently turned on the furnace? Did you vacuum out the vents?
Had a neighbor recently lit a fireplace for the first time this
year? Was someone maybe burning leaves and the wind blowing the
smell toward you? Was there a forest fire or brush fire some
distance away that was wafting smoke toward you? There was a big
forest fire 150 or 200 miles from here once, and the wind brought the
smell all the way here.
What did the firemen say?
If you checked the house with confident, speaking aloud what you were
looking at and for, he'll start building his own checklist of what to
look for.
By treating it as something that required experts, something that was
an emergency, you might have made the fear worse. You're the
protective, wise adult when you're the only one there.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Nov 6, 2008, at 1:06 AM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
for even mom to handle. It needs experts to come to your rescue.
Empower your son. Help him feel powerful by modeling being powerful
(and being realistic about when you need help!)
Knowledge is a great cure for fear. He was scared because he didn't
know what to do. Go with him and talk to the firemen and ask for
advice about what to do next time there's a smokey smell. What are
the most likely places it's coming from if it isn't a fire? When
should you call the fire department? What are the signs?
There was a good book (and apparently a similar book still in print)
full of information for kids if they stay home alone. While my
daughter never was home alone, it was useful for her worries because
the world seemed big and scary and too powerful for her. It gave her
information and ways to be powerful:
Disaster Blaster: A Kid's Guide to Being Home Alone (Paperback)
by Karin Kasdin (Author), Laura Szabo-Cohen (Author)
http://tinyurl.com/6f2vyc
There are several used ones starting at a penny. (BTW, for you old
AOLers, Laura Szabo-Cohen was on the unschooling board way back.)
It has things like:
What to do when you're locked out of your house
What to do if the toilet backs up
What to do when the lights go out
What to do if someone is choking
What to do when a stranger comes to the door
What to do if something catches fire
and lots more.
There's also along the same lines (I haven't seen it but it seems to
be the same idea):
Staying Home Alone (Paperback)
by Dottie Raymer (Author), Lauren Scheuer (Illustrator)
http://tinyurl.com/6h67t2
Joyce
> I wouldn't have called 911.I wouldn't have either. Calling 911 says this is too big and scary
for even mom to handle. It needs experts to come to your rescue.
Empower your son. Help him feel powerful by modeling being powerful
(and being realistic about when you need help!)
Knowledge is a great cure for fear. He was scared because he didn't
know what to do. Go with him and talk to the firemen and ask for
advice about what to do next time there's a smokey smell. What are
the most likely places it's coming from if it isn't a fire? When
should you call the fire department? What are the signs?
There was a good book (and apparently a similar book still in print)
full of information for kids if they stay home alone. While my
daughter never was home alone, it was useful for her worries because
the world seemed big and scary and too powerful for her. It gave her
information and ways to be powerful:
Disaster Blaster: A Kid's Guide to Being Home Alone (Paperback)
by Karin Kasdin (Author), Laura Szabo-Cohen (Author)
http://tinyurl.com/6f2vyc
There are several used ones starting at a penny. (BTW, for you old
AOLers, Laura Szabo-Cohen was on the unschooling board way back.)
It has things like:
What to do when you're locked out of your house
What to do if the toilet backs up
What to do when the lights go out
What to do if someone is choking
What to do when a stranger comes to the door
What to do if something catches fire
and lots more.
There's also along the same lines (I haven't seen it but it seems to
be the same idea):
Staying Home Alone (Paperback)
by Dottie Raymer (Author), Lauren Scheuer (Illustrator)
http://tinyurl.com/6h67t2
Joyce
mnbyelich
Thank you both, I really appreciate your comments! The smell seems
to be our oil furnace when it turns on. We just moved to this house
this past summer and it seems we need to have the oil company come
out and check the furnace, possibly clean it. I smelled it again
last night after my kids went to bed.
I so agree with your comments about not calling 911 (unless there is
obvious smoke/fire) to avoid blowing the fears out of proportion.
btw, my husand is very protective when he is not home and can't
assess the situation so it was him that asked me to call 911.
However, I do admit, I felt better knowing that they were coming :)
The other thing about calling 911 is responding to the panic of my
son in validating his fear of fire. My husband reminded me that our
son is quite intuitive (based on past founded events) and he really
may have known something we didn't. I had hoped that after the
firemen left he would feel better too.
Now here is the issue I need to work on...coming from a family where
I did not have opportunities to learn for myself, I often don't feel
confident enought to handle "big" situations myself...I now realize
that my son saw the uncertainty in my eyes (as much as I tried to
look nonchalant...LOL) and was responding to that too! Poor kid.
Anyway, your comments have really helped me to take a strong look at
myself and the next time I have a similar event in which I need to be
the strong, calm protective one...I'll work on it :0
We are planning a trip to the firehouse to have him talk to the
firemen and ask about this situation and others like it. I love
those books too, Joyce, and I'm going to get them. Thanks again!
natalie
--- In [email protected], Joyce Fetteroll
<jfetteroll@...> wrote:
to be our oil furnace when it turns on. We just moved to this house
this past summer and it seems we need to have the oil company come
out and check the furnace, possibly clean it. I smelled it again
last night after my kids went to bed.
I so agree with your comments about not calling 911 (unless there is
obvious smoke/fire) to avoid blowing the fears out of proportion.
btw, my husand is very protective when he is not home and can't
assess the situation so it was him that asked me to call 911.
However, I do admit, I felt better knowing that they were coming :)
The other thing about calling 911 is responding to the panic of my
son in validating his fear of fire. My husband reminded me that our
son is quite intuitive (based on past founded events) and he really
may have known something we didn't. I had hoped that after the
firemen left he would feel better too.
Now here is the issue I need to work on...coming from a family where
I did not have opportunities to learn for myself, I often don't feel
confident enought to handle "big" situations myself...I now realize
that my son saw the uncertainty in my eyes (as much as I tried to
look nonchalant...LOL) and was responding to that too! Poor kid.
Anyway, your comments have really helped me to take a strong look at
myself and the next time I have a similar event in which I need to be
the strong, calm protective one...I'll work on it :0
We are planning a trip to the firehouse to have him talk to the
firemen and ask about this situation and others like it. I love
those books too, Joyce, and I'm going to get them. Thanks again!
natalie
--- In [email protected], Joyce Fetteroll
<jfetteroll@...> wrote:
>powerful
>
> On Nov 6, 2008, at 1:06 AM, Sandra Dodd wrote:
>
> > I wouldn't have called 911.
>
> I wouldn't have either. Calling 911 says this is too big and scary
> for even mom to handle. It needs experts to come to your rescue.
>
> Empower your son. Help him feel powerful by modeling being
> (and being realistic about when you need help!)didn't
>
> Knowledge is a great cure for fear. He was scared because he
> know what to do. Go with him and talk to the firemen and ask forprint)
> advice about what to do next time there's a smokey smell. What are
> the most likely places it's coming from if it isn't a fire? When
> should you call the fire department? What are the signs?
>
> There was a good book (and apparently a similar book still in
> full of information for kids if they stay home alone. While mybecause
> daughter never was home alone, it was useful for her worries
> the world seemed big and scary and too powerful for her. It gaveher
> information and ways to be powerful:to
>
> Disaster Blaster: A Kid's Guide to Being Home Alone (Paperback)
> by Karin Kasdin (Author), Laura Szabo-Cohen (Author)
> http://tinyurl.com/6f2vyc
>
> There are several used ones starting at a penny. (BTW, for you old
> AOLers, Laura Szabo-Cohen was on the unschooling board way back.)
>
> It has things like:
>
> What to do when you're locked out of your house
> What to do if the toilet backs up
> What to do when the lights go out
> What to do if someone is choking
> What to do when a stranger comes to the door
> What to do if something catches fire
>
> and lots more.
>
> There's also along the same lines (I haven't seen it but it seems
> be the same idea):
>
> Staying Home Alone (Paperback)
> by Dottie Raymer (Author), Lauren Scheuer (Illustrator)
> http://tinyurl.com/6h67t2
>
> Joyce
>
Cameron Parham
I know I've put a chink in our relationship tonight
but I'm hopeful I can mend some of it back tomorrow morning. Just
needed to talk about this a little, thanks for listening...
I guess that I think that you are the best judge of whether this would put a chink in your relationship. I do use the (frequent) mistakes I make to apologize, as you said that you would. I hope that it helps my kids to know that when they make mistakes it's all right. They usually do show me when the have broken something, etc, or tell me when they feel bad about something they have done. So modeling how to apologize and move on is great, and a rich learning experience. Having said that, I do still worry that even if they forgive me they will be less trusting in our relationship next time and that hurts a lot. You could ask your son how he feels about the whole thing. If there is anything he wishes that you would change if a similar thing happens again. Sometimes my kids are more satisfied than I thought, or they will offer very good comments on what they would rather see me do. That is better than assuming what they would wish
for out of us. Cameron P
________________________________
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
but I'm hopeful I can mend some of it back tomorrow morning. Just
needed to talk about this a little, thanks for listening...
I guess that I think that you are the best judge of whether this would put a chink in your relationship. I do use the (frequent) mistakes I make to apologize, as you said that you would. I hope that it helps my kids to know that when they make mistakes it's all right. They usually do show me when the have broken something, etc, or tell me when they feel bad about something they have done. So modeling how to apologize and move on is great, and a rich learning experience. Having said that, I do still worry that even if they forgive me they will be less trusting in our relationship next time and that hurts a lot. You could ask your son how he feels about the whole thing. If there is anything he wishes that you would change if a similar thing happens again. Sometimes my kids are more satisfied than I thought, or they will offer very good comments on what they would rather see me do. That is better than assuming what they would wish
for out of us. Cameron P
________________________________
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-We just moved to this house
this past summer and it seems we need to have the oil company come
out and check the furnace, possibly clean it. I smelled it again
last night after my kids went to bed.-=-
Every year every furnace has a smell, even if you've lived in the
house a long time.
-=-I so agree with your comments about not calling 911 (unless there
is obvious smoke/fire) to avoid blowing the fears out of proportion.
btw, my husand is very protective when he is not home and can't
assess the situation so it was him that asked me to call 911. -=-
There are other reasons not to call 911 besides avoiding the
enlargement of fearfulness. While the fire truck is at your house,
it's not at the ready to respond to other calls.
If you treat this as something that you did because your husband told
you to, that's another way of making yourself more helpless and
dependent than necessary. If you treat it as something you did to
prove that you love your child, there seems a risk of causing doubt
of your love if you opt out of calling 911 another time in the future.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
this past summer and it seems we need to have the oil company come
out and check the furnace, possibly clean it. I smelled it again
last night after my kids went to bed.-=-
Every year every furnace has a smell, even if you've lived in the
house a long time.
-=-I so agree with your comments about not calling 911 (unless there
is obvious smoke/fire) to avoid blowing the fears out of proportion.
btw, my husand is very protective when he is not home and can't
assess the situation so it was him that asked me to call 911. -=-
There are other reasons not to call 911 besides avoiding the
enlargement of fearfulness. While the fire truck is at your house,
it's not at the ready to respond to other calls.
If you treat this as something that you did because your husband told
you to, that's another way of making yourself more helpless and
dependent than necessary. If you treat it as something you did to
prove that you love your child, there seems a risk of causing doubt
of your love if you opt out of calling 911 another time in the future.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
On Nov 6, 2008, at 2:46 AM, Joyce Fetteroll wrote:
front and back, and the smell was stronger in the house than outside.
We had a fire that started in our attached garage - a lot of our house
was destroyed. The majority of fires start in wiring inside walls, so
if you really do smell smoke and can't find the source of it, it is
very likely to be in a wall.
The firefighters are always super super nice when they're called for
this kind of thing, even if it turns out not to have been necessary.
They make a point to reassure people that it was all right to have
called them.
-pam
>> I wouldn't have called 911.I would have called 911 if I'd checked the house and gone outdoors,
>
> I wouldn't have either.
front and back, and the smell was stronger in the house than outside.
We had a fire that started in our attached garage - a lot of our house
was destroyed. The majority of fires start in wiring inside walls, so
if you really do smell smoke and can't find the source of it, it is
very likely to be in a wall.
The firefighters are always super super nice when they're called for
this kind of thing, even if it turns out not to have been necessary.
They make a point to reassure people that it was all right to have
called them.
-pam
mnbyelich
Yes, they were very, very nice about it and told me it is so much
better to call to be safe than wait and have a disaster on your
hands. He did tell me to call again if we started to smell smoke
again and if it got worse. In fact, my husband called the station
directly at first to see if just one person could come out to check
the house (house check) but they told him to call 911 directly so
that's why we ended up with 911. They were very thorough and very
nice. We are going to bake some cookies for them and do a visit at
the firehouse for my son.
Sorry to hear about your house! How awful.
natalie
--- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
better to call to be safe than wait and have a disaster on your
hands. He did tell me to call again if we started to smell smoke
again and if it got worse. In fact, my husband called the station
directly at first to see if just one person could come out to check
the house (house check) but they told him to call 911 directly so
that's why we ended up with 911. They were very thorough and very
nice. We are going to bake some cookies for them and do a visit at
the firehouse for my son.
Sorry to hear about your house! How awful.
natalie
--- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
>outdoors,
>
> On Nov 6, 2008, at 2:46 AM, Joyce Fetteroll wrote:
>
> >> I wouldn't have called 911.
> >
> > I wouldn't have either.
>
> I would have called 911 if I'd checked the house and gone
> front and back, and the smell was stronger in the house thanoutside.
> We had a fire that started in our attached garage - a lot of ourhouse
> was destroyed. The majority of fires start in wiring inside walls,so
> if you really do smell smoke and can't find the source of it, itis
> very likely to be in a wall.for
>
> The firefighters are always super super nice when they're called
> this kind of thing, even if it turns out not to have beennecessary.
> They make a point to reassure people that it was all right to have
> called them.
>
> -pam
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-In fact, my husband called the station
directly at first to see if just one person could come out to check
the house (house check) but they told him to call 911 directly so
that's why we ended up with 911. -=-
Good idea (your husband's). Seems they could've gone with that, with
the truck at the ready in case the advance guy did need them.
Maybe my thoughts have to do, in part, with the distances in New
Mexico, and the dryness, and the fact that every traffic accident
beyond a fender-bender gets a fire truck, police car AND ambulance.
-=-We are going to bake some cookies for them and do a visit at the
firehouse for my son.-=-
This is very cool. One of the unschooling dads (of one of the first
unschooling families I ever knew) is a firefighter and it's helped to
hear his stories and advice. My boys have had fire station tours. I
couldn't swear Holly has had, but we've had lots of discussions and
she has a fire escape ladder we just saw and moved to a place nearer
the window yesterday.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
directly at first to see if just one person could come out to check
the house (house check) but they told him to call 911 directly so
that's why we ended up with 911. -=-
Good idea (your husband's). Seems they could've gone with that, with
the truck at the ready in case the advance guy did need them.
Maybe my thoughts have to do, in part, with the distances in New
Mexico, and the dryness, and the fact that every traffic accident
beyond a fender-bender gets a fire truck, police car AND ambulance.
-=-We are going to bake some cookies for them and do a visit at the
firehouse for my son.-=-
This is very cool. One of the unschooling dads (of one of the first
unschooling families I ever knew) is a firefighter and it's helped to
hear his stories and advice. My boys have had fire station tours. I
couldn't swear Holly has had, but we've had lots of discussions and
she has a fire escape ladder we just saw and moved to a place nearer
the window yesterday.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Katy
We smell smoke a LOT where I live (southern NM). I talk a lot to Richard directly and indirectly (just commenting out loud) about the different kinds of smoke, the different smells.
During the summer we have a lot of wildfires that last days or weeks. We can not only smell them but sometimes we can see the smoke and the slurry planes and helicopters with buckets flying back and forth, trying to put out the fires. Sometimes there is enough smoke in town to burn my eyes. We also have a lot of people barbequing with mesquite and other wood in my neighborhood. That smells different than wildfires.
During the winter many people around here use fireplaces or woodstoves for warmth. We have experimented with different types of wood in ours, some smell wonderful. We filled our house with smoke the other night when we burned pumpkin seeds in the oven, we had made 3 batches with butter and salt and other seasonings, but my niece wanted to try one with butter and brown sugar. It didn't work out so well, the house smelled great at first, like cinnamon rolls, the burnt sugar smell after they burned was terrible! It was good though because we found out that one of our smoke detectors doesn't work!
<<<<<The majority of fires start in wiring inside walls, so if you really do smell smoke and can't find the source of it, it is very likely to be in a wall.>>>>>
The thought of a fire in the wall is scary, especially since the smell of smoke is so common here. I would hope that it would smell different, acrid or something, at least at first. When we first moved into our new house one of our cats peed on an electrical outlet in Richard's bedroom. The smell was very, well, electrical! Gross. It didn't start a fire but there was a scorched mark all up the wall above the outlet, and the plug for the little portable egg lights that was plugged in was burnt and ruined.
Because we smell smoke so often I would probably spend more time investigating rather than call 911 right away. The fire department in my town is manned by a combination of volunteers and police officers. We have no paid firemen that are not also police. I bet it would be easier around here to get one of the volunteers to come out and have a sniff than it would be in a big city.
Katy J.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
During the summer we have a lot of wildfires that last days or weeks. We can not only smell them but sometimes we can see the smoke and the slurry planes and helicopters with buckets flying back and forth, trying to put out the fires. Sometimes there is enough smoke in town to burn my eyes. We also have a lot of people barbequing with mesquite and other wood in my neighborhood. That smells different than wildfires.
During the winter many people around here use fireplaces or woodstoves for warmth. We have experimented with different types of wood in ours, some smell wonderful. We filled our house with smoke the other night when we burned pumpkin seeds in the oven, we had made 3 batches with butter and salt and other seasonings, but my niece wanted to try one with butter and brown sugar. It didn't work out so well, the house smelled great at first, like cinnamon rolls, the burnt sugar smell after they burned was terrible! It was good though because we found out that one of our smoke detectors doesn't work!
<<<<<The majority of fires start in wiring inside walls, so if you really do smell smoke and can't find the source of it, it is very likely to be in a wall.>>>>>
The thought of a fire in the wall is scary, especially since the smell of smoke is so common here. I would hope that it would smell different, acrid or something, at least at first. When we first moved into our new house one of our cats peed on an electrical outlet in Richard's bedroom. The smell was very, well, electrical! Gross. It didn't start a fire but there was a scorched mark all up the wall above the outlet, and the plug for the little portable egg lights that was plugged in was burnt and ruined.
Because we smell smoke so often I would probably spend more time investigating rather than call 911 right away. The fire department in my town is manned by a combination of volunteers and police officers. We have no paid firemen that are not also police. I bet it would be easier around here to get one of the volunteers to come out and have a sniff than it would be in a big city.
Katy J.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]