9yr old
Kasey Frazier
O.K so my oldest son is going to be turning 9 tomorrow!! Yea!! But we
have been noticing new behaviors that I do not know how to respond to.
He is on the autism spec. very high functioning. So I do realize things
developmentally will be different, but all of a sudden he is telling us
to SHUT UP!! and that we are jerks and does not want any help at all
with anything and screams if he can not do it himself. I am so ready
to pull my hair out.
Now we are unschoolers here in our home and I am also struggling with
those issues latley for some reason. I guess I am doubting what I
already know. But it seems that since the weather is so crappy here in
the northwest now all he wants to do is play video games and he will
play for 8-12 hours if allowed. Now I am too a gamer too ( world of
warcraft)but I am having all these issues with it because his behaviour
has changed since playing the games. I do not know , maybe it is just
because of his develpomental changes maybe it is just coincidence? I
am just so confused sometimes with our unschooling principles.
Thanks for listening,,
Kasey
have been noticing new behaviors that I do not know how to respond to.
He is on the autism spec. very high functioning. So I do realize things
developmentally will be different, but all of a sudden he is telling us
to SHUT UP!! and that we are jerks and does not want any help at all
with anything and screams if he can not do it himself. I am so ready
to pull my hair out.
Now we are unschoolers here in our home and I am also struggling with
those issues latley for some reason. I guess I am doubting what I
already know. But it seems that since the weather is so crappy here in
the northwest now all he wants to do is play video games and he will
play for 8-12 hours if allowed. Now I am too a gamer too ( world of
warcraft)but I am having all these issues with it because his behaviour
has changed since playing the games. I do not know , maybe it is just
because of his develpomental changes maybe it is just coincidence? I
am just so confused sometimes with our unschooling principles.
Thanks for listening,,
Kasey
Sandra Dodd
-=-he will play for 8-12 hours if allowed-=-
http://sandradodd.com/ifilet
I won't add yours, because you seem to have tried it. Marty has a
new video game and he played for about 12 hours the other day,
talking to his brother on the headset a lot of the time (Marty in
Albuquerque, Kirby in Austin). I didn't mind. There are lots of
days he doesn't touch it at all.
-=-Now I am too a gamer too ( world of
warcraft)but I am having all these issues with it because his behaviour
has changed since playing the games. I do not know , maybe it is just
because of his develpomental changes maybe it is just coincidence?-=-
Maybe none of those. Are there things he needs to make the gaming
work better?
Has he had traumatic relations with another kid or another adult lately?
Did something embarrassing happen, or did he want something he
couldn't have?
-=-all of a sudden he is telling us to SHUT UP!! and that we are
jerks and does not want any help at all with anything and screams if
he can not do it himself. -=-
http://sandradodd.com/breathing
That might help (you or him; maybe you could share the ideas with him
when he's happy and not frustrated, suggesting that he try it when he
feels the beginnings of frustration coming.
"Shut up" is pretty harsh. Maybe you could suggest other things for
him to say, so that he's making a choice about what to say when he's
angry.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
http://sandradodd.com/ifilet
I won't add yours, because you seem to have tried it. Marty has a
new video game and he played for about 12 hours the other day,
talking to his brother on the headset a lot of the time (Marty in
Albuquerque, Kirby in Austin). I didn't mind. There are lots of
days he doesn't touch it at all.
-=-Now I am too a gamer too ( world of
warcraft)but I am having all these issues with it because his behaviour
has changed since playing the games. I do not know , maybe it is just
because of his develpomental changes maybe it is just coincidence?-=-
Maybe none of those. Are there things he needs to make the gaming
work better?
Has he had traumatic relations with another kid or another adult lately?
Did something embarrassing happen, or did he want something he
couldn't have?
-=-all of a sudden he is telling us to SHUT UP!! and that we are
jerks and does not want any help at all with anything and screams if
he can not do it himself. -=-
http://sandradodd.com/breathing
That might help (you or him; maybe you could share the ideas with him
when he's happy and not frustrated, suggesting that he try it when he
feels the beginnings of frustration coming.
"Shut up" is pretty harsh. Maybe you could suggest other things for
him to say, so that he's making a choice about what to say when he's
angry.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kasey Frazier
Thank you for the links and the encouragment. I do not like to do
the "if I let him" and I do not know why I am doing it again. Like I
said I am doubting myself and the unschooling path right now. My
mother is a teacher in NY and I think her doubting us makes it hard
on me. I know I do not have to answer to anyone as far as out
educational path. Is there such a thing as too much? Alot of people
on here and other list say that the gameing T.V gets old and they do
eventually move on. What if they do not? Is it then a love or an
obsession? Could it be a carrer path? Children on the Autism spec.
are known to obsess on things and I an worried about that. We have
come so far from his diagnosis when he was 3yrs old.
the "if I let him" and I do not know why I am doing it again. Like I
said I am doubting myself and the unschooling path right now. My
mother is a teacher in NY and I think her doubting us makes it hard
on me. I know I do not have to answer to anyone as far as out
educational path. Is there such a thing as too much? Alot of people
on here and other list say that the gameing T.V gets old and they do
eventually move on. What if they do not? Is it then a love or an
obsession? Could it be a carrer path? Children on the Autism spec.
are known to obsess on things and I an worried about that. We have
come so far from his diagnosis when he was 3yrs old.
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=-he will play for 8-12 hours if allowed-=-
>
> http://sandradodd.com/ifilet
>
> I won't add yours, because you seem to have tried it. Marty has a
> new video game and he played for about 12 hours the other day,
> talking to his brother on the headset a lot of the time (Marty in
> Albuquerque, Kirby in Austin). I didn't mind. There are lots of
> days he doesn't touch it at all.
>
> -=-Now I am too a gamer too ( world of
> warcraft)but I am having all these issues with it because his
behaviour
> has changed since playing the games. I do not know , maybe it is
just
> because of his develpomental changes maybe it is just coincidence?-
=-
>
> Maybe none of those. Are there things he needs to make the gaming
> work better?
>
> Has he had traumatic relations with another kid or another adult
lately?
>
> Did something embarrassing happen, or did he want something he
> couldn't have?
>
> -=-all of a sudden he is telling us to SHUT UP!! and that we are
> jerks and does not want any help at all with anything and screams
if
> he can not do it himself. -=-
>
> http://sandradodd.com/breathing
>
> That might help (you or him; maybe you could share the ideas with
him
> when he's happy and not frustrated, suggesting that he try it when
he
> feels the beginnings of frustration coming.
>
> "Shut up" is pretty harsh. Maybe you could suggest other things
for
> him to say, so that he's making a choice about what to say when
he's
> angry.
>
> Sandra
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-I know I do not have to answer to anyone as far as out
educational path. Is there such a thing as too much?-=-
I used to say "Unschooling is working well for now. If it stops
working, we'll do something else." Instead of having an "educational
path," you could have a flexible stance, and that will give your
detractors hope that you'll change your mind. Meanwhile, they'll
probably start seeing how cool your kids are. <g>
-=-Alot of people on here and other list say that the gameing T.V
gets old and they do eventually move on. -=-
If they're making a choice instead of reacting to limits, then (and
only then) can they choose to move on.
-=-What if they do not? Is it then a love or an obsession? -=-
Maybe they won't choose to move on.
This was discussed here just a few days ago:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/message/39675
-=-Could it be a career path?-=-
Absolutely.
If some kids are prone to obsession, why not go with that instead of
against it?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
educational path. Is there such a thing as too much?-=-
I used to say "Unschooling is working well for now. If it stops
working, we'll do something else." Instead of having an "educational
path," you could have a flexible stance, and that will give your
detractors hope that you'll change your mind. Meanwhile, they'll
probably start seeing how cool your kids are. <g>
-=-Alot of people on here and other list say that the gameing T.V
gets old and they do eventually move on. -=-
If they're making a choice instead of reacting to limits, then (and
only then) can they choose to move on.
-=-What if they do not? Is it then a love or an obsession? -=-
Maybe they won't choose to move on.
This was discussed here just a few days ago:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/message/39675
-=-Could it be a career path?-=-
Absolutely.
If some kids are prone to obsession, why not go with that instead of
against it?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
On Nov 5, 2008, at 4:00 PM, Kasey Frazier wrote:
instead you could also call it focus, perseverance, dedication,
attentiveness. Help him find things to focus on that he really loves
and help expand on those things in little ways. If he's passionate
about tv, think about what he loves most on tv and help him find more
of that - is it historical stuff? Slapstick comedy? Word play? People/
relationships? And maybe find a way to see a tv show being made. Get a
video camera out and see if he wants to make a show. Buy TV Guide and
read the articles and talk about them. Oh - read "TV without Pity" -
for sure - it is so great for analysis and critical thinking! Does he
like the music in a particular show? Download the music and play it in
the car while driving somewhere. Does he like particular actors? What
else have they been in? Movies? Voices in any animated shows? Watch
those.
-pam
> Alot of peopleA passion. A love. A favored pastime. A deeply enjoyed hobby.
> on here and other list say that the gameing T.V gets old and they do
> eventually move on. What if they do not? Is it then a love or an
> obsession?
> Could it be a carrer path?Of course.
> Children on the Autism spec.That is the nature of your child - whatever label people give it,
> are known to obsess on things and I an worried about that.
instead you could also call it focus, perseverance, dedication,
attentiveness. Help him find things to focus on that he really loves
and help expand on those things in little ways. If he's passionate
about tv, think about what he loves most on tv and help him find more
of that - is it historical stuff? Slapstick comedy? Word play? People/
relationships? And maybe find a way to see a tv show being made. Get a
video camera out and see if he wants to make a show. Buy TV Guide and
read the articles and talk about them. Oh - read "TV without Pity" -
for sure - it is so great for analysis and critical thinking! Does he
like the music in a particular show? Download the music and play it in
the car while driving somewhere. Does he like particular actors? What
else have they been in? Movies? Voices in any animated shows? Watch
those.
-pam
Schuyler
--------snip-------------
Is there such a thing as too much? Alot of people
on here and other list say that the gameing T.V gets old and they do
eventually move on. What if they do not? Is it then a love or an
obsession? Could it be a carrer path?
----------------------snip--------------
If you love something, if you love doing something, if it excites and stimulates and engages you, if it leads you to other things and ideas and people, can it be too much? I have a friend who eats, drinks, breathes, smokes, lives, dances, plays, loves jazz. Everything is jazz. It's amazing; he's amazing. I love listening to him tell stories about the music that he heard in Dubai when he and his wife worked there, or the stories about listening and playing in New Haven when he was growing up. He plays trumpet on Wednesday's in Newcastle. He has made a life out of his love. What is better than that?
When I started graduate school and was talking to my advisor she talked with a little awe about David (my now husband) and the fact that he came knowing what it was he wanted to evolutionary theory to examine. He came to school to explore the thing that interested him, he didn't use school to define his interests. And it continues. His life and interests focus his research and life and interests and so on and so forth.
I'm a scanner, I tend to bounce from interest to interest. I like that. I enjoy so many things in so many ways. But I totally appreciate the more focused folks in my life. Simon focuses so intensely on things. It is amazing the things that he pulls from his focus that I miss in my scanning. And it leads to knowing so much about so many different things, it's just a different path or approach.
Schuyler
http://www.waynforth.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Is there such a thing as too much? Alot of people
on here and other list say that the gameing T.V gets old and they do
eventually move on. What if they do not? Is it then a love or an
obsession? Could it be a carrer path?
----------------------snip--------------
If you love something, if you love doing something, if it excites and stimulates and engages you, if it leads you to other things and ideas and people, can it be too much? I have a friend who eats, drinks, breathes, smokes, lives, dances, plays, loves jazz. Everything is jazz. It's amazing; he's amazing. I love listening to him tell stories about the music that he heard in Dubai when he and his wife worked there, or the stories about listening and playing in New Haven when he was growing up. He plays trumpet on Wednesday's in Newcastle. He has made a life out of his love. What is better than that?
When I started graduate school and was talking to my advisor she talked with a little awe about David (my now husband) and the fact that he came knowing what it was he wanted to evolutionary theory to examine. He came to school to explore the thing that interested him, he didn't use school to define his interests. And it continues. His life and interests focus his research and life and interests and so on and so forth.
I'm a scanner, I tend to bounce from interest to interest. I like that. I enjoy so many things in so many ways. But I totally appreciate the more focused folks in my life. Simon focuses so intensely on things. It is amazing the things that he pulls from his focus that I miss in my scanning. And it leads to knowing so much about so many different things, it's just a different path or approach.
Schuyler
http://www.waynforth.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny C
> My mother is a teacher in NY and I think her doubting us makes it hardYour mother should know through experience how schools squash children
> on me.
with autism. Schools focus on helping them fit in, when in fact they
can't be forced that way.
>Is there such a thing as too much?Is there such a thing as too much happiness, too much peace?
>Alot of peopleYes, it can be a passion, a love, an obsession. Yes, it can be a career
> on here and other list say that the gameing T.V gets old and they do
> eventually move on. What if they do not? Is it then a love or an
> obsession? Could it be a carrer path? Children on the Autism spec.
> are known to obsess on things and I an worried about that. We have
> come so far from his diagnosis when he was 3yrs old.
path. Children with autism do obsess on things. I've seen it, I've
known children with autism. You can either embrace that aspect of your
child, or worry about it.
It will help a lot to find value in whatever your child is doing,
especially if it's something they seem so passionate about. If the
focus is on worrying about it, it's not on your child. Find a way to
see what your child loves so much about video games, let that be the
focus.
Have you read Anne Ohman's I am what I am
<http://www.livingjoyfully.ca/anneo/I_Am_What_I_Am.htm> ?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Nicole Willoughby
What if they do not?>>>>
Then they dont :) ...what if they cut their hair, fall off a ladder, become president , dont become president...........?
Is it then a love or an
obsession?>>>> You could label it as both if you want. Personaly Id much rather my child obsess over something they love than dislike
Could it be a carrer path?>>> absolutely!! 5 years ago I admittedly got disgusted with my dh because he was playing games 9 hours a day and said if you love those damn games so much why dont you get a job and make some ! He took me up on that suggestion and graduates with a BA in programming in 4 weeks.
College isnt the only or even the best path but an example :)
Children on the Autism spec.
are known to obsess on things and I an worried about that. We have
come so far from his diagnosis when he was 3yrs old.>>>>>
regular children have been know to obsess on things. Aspies get very stressed when what they love is taken away from them. Breathe deeply , talk about maybe a gameboy or nintendo ds as a sort of transitional object to help get him out of the house if you really think he needs to. He can get as much or little social interaction as he chooses and then retreat with the gamboy...it can also be a good "social tool" as most other kids enjoy then and its a topic to talk about.
ps. I have a severaly autistic 7 year old, an aspie 9 year old and an 8 year old aspie godchild so if you want to talk off group feel free to e-mail me
Nicole
Don't worry that children never listen to you : worry that they are always watching you--Robert Fulghum
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Then they dont :) ...what if they cut their hair, fall off a ladder, become president , dont become president...........?
Is it then a love or an
obsession?>>>> You could label it as both if you want. Personaly Id much rather my child obsess over something they love than dislike
Could it be a carrer path?>>> absolutely!! 5 years ago I admittedly got disgusted with my dh because he was playing games 9 hours a day and said if you love those damn games so much why dont you get a job and make some ! He took me up on that suggestion and graduates with a BA in programming in 4 weeks.
College isnt the only or even the best path but an example :)
Children on the Autism spec.
are known to obsess on things and I an worried about that. We have
come so far from his diagnosis when he was 3yrs old.>>>>>
regular children have been know to obsess on things. Aspies get very stressed when what they love is taken away from them. Breathe deeply , talk about maybe a gameboy or nintendo ds as a sort of transitional object to help get him out of the house if you really think he needs to. He can get as much or little social interaction as he chooses and then retreat with the gamboy...it can also be a good "social tool" as most other kids enjoy then and its a topic to talk about.
ps. I have a severaly autistic 7 year old, an aspie 9 year old and an 8 year old aspie godchild so if you want to talk off group feel free to e-mail me
Nicole
Don't worry that children never listen to you : worry that they are always watching you--Robert Fulghum
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Nancy Wooton
On Nov 6, 2008, at 11:57 AM, Nicole Willoughby wrote:
day, but the rest are guys he met at Pokemon (card game) league and
playing in Smash Brothers (video game) tournaments. There is a friend
here, or he's spending a night away, nearly every weekend. You can
develop quite a social network through games.
Nancy
> it can also be a good "social tool" as most other kids enjoy thenMy 18 y.o. son has three friends he met through our homeschool park
> and its a topic to talk about.
day, but the rest are guys he met at Pokemon (card game) league and
playing in Smash Brothers (video game) tournaments. There is a friend
here, or he's spending a night away, nearly every weekend. You can
develop quite a social network through games.
Nancy
lyndaquincunx
Could you play with him? Does he play on a PC, or on a console that
you could have multi player games? Do you share interests in the games
he plays - discussing strategies, what game to buy next, how he feels
about playing.....? Would being actively involved in his playing
change how you feel about it?
Do you think its the presence of lots of gaming, or the absence of
something else that you think might be influencing how he's behaving?
My DS is sometimes more inclined to be cranky or frustrated if he
hasn't had enough to eat or drink, and if he's absorbed in
something(gaming, watching youtube, reading a book, or whatever)
that's more likely to happen. I try to help by getting him a drink
when I make one for myself, sometimes he doesn't want to break off for
lunch, so I take a sandwich through to him. Sometimes it helps to
suggest a break for something to eat 'before you carry on' so that
he's reminded that he can go back to what he's doing.
Lynda
you could have multi player games? Do you share interests in the games
he plays - discussing strategies, what game to buy next, how he feels
about playing.....? Would being actively involved in his playing
change how you feel about it?
Do you think its the presence of lots of gaming, or the absence of
something else that you think might be influencing how he's behaving?
My DS is sometimes more inclined to be cranky or frustrated if he
hasn't had enough to eat or drink, and if he's absorbed in
something(gaming, watching youtube, reading a book, or whatever)
that's more likely to happen. I try to help by getting him a drink
when I make one for myself, sometimes he doesn't want to break off for
lunch, so I take a sandwich through to him. Sometimes it helps to
suggest a break for something to eat 'before you carry on' so that
he's reminded that he can go back to what he's doing.
Lynda
Kasey Frazier
I just wanted to say that this list group has to be by far the most
loving and encouraging one out there.!!!
Thanks so much for the encouragment and friendship and for the love of
unschooling. You guys rock..
I am new to this journey and I am happy to say THANKS for helping me on
my way to learning what feel right for my kids!!
Kasey
loving and encouraging one out there.!!!
Thanks so much for the encouragment and friendship and for the love of
unschooling. You guys rock..
I am new to this journey and I am happy to say THANKS for helping me on
my way to learning what feel right for my kids!!
Kasey
lyeping2008
--- In [email protected], "Kasey Frazier" <Fraziermk@...>
wrote: >> O.K so my oldest son is going to be turning 9 tomorrow!!
Yea!! But we have been noticing new behaviors that I do not know how
to respond to. all of a sudden he is telling us to SHUT UP!! and that
we are jerks and does not want any help at all with anything and
screams if he can not do it himself. but I am having all these issues
with it because his behaviour > has changed since playing the games.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Kasey,
My aspie kid just turn 8. In my experience, when he is playing a new
game, it never fail to frustrate and stresses him out becuase the game
is new, and it challenges him from all angle. From the continous
trying to get pass the same level over and over again, to making the
same mistake over and over again. And also not quite knowing what to
do in each and every new scenario, and new level.
He will bang and throw the controller, scream and cry and shout at the
tv. It is all just pure frustration that needs to be worked out of his
system. Tho my kid don't tell me to shut up, but he will rant that the
game is stupid, he's stupid and that nothing i can to can help him.
Very similar behaviour, isn;t it?
In my experience, DS is just ranting because the emotions is just too
big and strong inside him. He is not asking for help, and do not WANT
me to help, because he seriously just wants to work or play out this
game problem out himself. It's just that it is SO hard emotionally for
him.
To how I understand, by me trying to help or talk to him, it's just
annoyed him more, because his brain and mind is still in gear, trying
to figure out the solution to his game, and my "talk" interrupts/
distract that.
Plus when I offer suggestions, it is almost like I'm pointing out his
failure to him, which is like rubbing salt into his wound, which gets
him even more angrier with himself, of his in-ability to pass that
level. Which is why he keep saying "you don't understand! you can't
help me, nobody can!"
Does this makes sense to you? Maybe this is why your son's re-action
is so strong.
In situations like this, my kid is possessed by the game, day and
night. It is that challenge, that unless he breaks it, he will never
feel peace. I just let him get on with it, supporting by means of
food and water and sitting down quietly next to him. I can acknowldege
his frustrations by saying "i know, I know", and nothing more, and
lots of hugs as he rants away.
Sometimes, after a few exasperated tries, he'll storm walk, angry with
himself, crying, and then calm down enough to go check out some online
FAQs or cheatcodes, and then go back and try again.
But the minute he makes that breakthru, it's like the most fantastic
achievement ever for him. He'll be jumping and whooping and all of the
sudden, that game is not so hard afterall. And until that happens,
it'll be like the hardest struggle ever, literally, for him.
As for obsessession, this is where I see it best at work. That
stubborness of refusing to step away for a breather. That narrow
obsession of wanting to crack that game, at all cost, no matter how
tired he is. It is this narrow obsession that never allows my child to
give up, and achieve his victory in the end.
I have learnt a more positive word for this too. It is called Passion.
Hope this helps.
BWS
SharonBugs.
wrote: >> O.K so my oldest son is going to be turning 9 tomorrow!!
Yea!! But we have been noticing new behaviors that I do not know how
to respond to. all of a sudden he is telling us to SHUT UP!! and that
we are jerks and does not want any help at all with anything and
screams if he can not do it himself. but I am having all these issues
with it because his behaviour > has changed since playing the games.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Kasey,
My aspie kid just turn 8. In my experience, when he is playing a new
game, it never fail to frustrate and stresses him out becuase the game
is new, and it challenges him from all angle. From the continous
trying to get pass the same level over and over again, to making the
same mistake over and over again. And also not quite knowing what to
do in each and every new scenario, and new level.
He will bang and throw the controller, scream and cry and shout at the
tv. It is all just pure frustration that needs to be worked out of his
system. Tho my kid don't tell me to shut up, but he will rant that the
game is stupid, he's stupid and that nothing i can to can help him.
Very similar behaviour, isn;t it?
In my experience, DS is just ranting because the emotions is just too
big and strong inside him. He is not asking for help, and do not WANT
me to help, because he seriously just wants to work or play out this
game problem out himself. It's just that it is SO hard emotionally for
him.
To how I understand, by me trying to help or talk to him, it's just
annoyed him more, because his brain and mind is still in gear, trying
to figure out the solution to his game, and my "talk" interrupts/
distract that.
Plus when I offer suggestions, it is almost like I'm pointing out his
failure to him, which is like rubbing salt into his wound, which gets
him even more angrier with himself, of his in-ability to pass that
level. Which is why he keep saying "you don't understand! you can't
help me, nobody can!"
Does this makes sense to you? Maybe this is why your son's re-action
is so strong.
In situations like this, my kid is possessed by the game, day and
night. It is that challenge, that unless he breaks it, he will never
feel peace. I just let him get on with it, supporting by means of
food and water and sitting down quietly next to him. I can acknowldege
his frustrations by saying "i know, I know", and nothing more, and
lots of hugs as he rants away.
Sometimes, after a few exasperated tries, he'll storm walk, angry with
himself, crying, and then calm down enough to go check out some online
FAQs or cheatcodes, and then go back and try again.
But the minute he makes that breakthru, it's like the most fantastic
achievement ever for him. He'll be jumping and whooping and all of the
sudden, that game is not so hard afterall. And until that happens,
it'll be like the hardest struggle ever, literally, for him.
As for obsessession, this is where I see it best at work. That
stubborness of refusing to step away for a breather. That narrow
obsession of wanting to crack that game, at all cost, no matter how
tired he is. It is this narrow obsession that never allows my child to
give up, and achieve his victory in the end.
I have learnt a more positive word for this too. It is called Passion.
Hope this helps.
BWS
SharonBugs.
Lyla Wolfenstein
my son is exactly like this and he doesn't have aspergers. :-)
----- Original Message -----
From: lyeping2008
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, November 06, 2008 3:27 PM
Subject: [SPAM][AlwaysLearning] Re: 9yr old
--- In [email protected], "Kasey Frazier" <Fraziermk@...>
wrote: >> O.K so my oldest son is going to be turning 9 tomorrow!!
Yea!! But we have been noticing new behaviors that I do not know how
to respond to. all of a sudden he is telling us to SHUT UP!! and that
we are jerks and does not want any help at all with anything and
screams if he can not do it himself. but I am having all these issues
with it because his behaviour > has changed since playing the games.
----------------------------------------------------------
Hi Kasey,
My aspie kid just turn 8. In my experience, when he is playing a new
game, it never fail to frustrate and stresses him out becuase the game
is new, and it challenges him from all angle. From the continous
trying to get pass the same level over and over again, to making the
same mistake over and over again. And also not quite knowing what to
do in each and every new scenario, and new level.
He will bang and throw the controller, scream and cry and shout at the
tv. It is all just pure frustration that needs to be worked out of his
system. Tho my kid don't tell me to shut up, but he will rant that the
game is stupid, he's stupid and that nothing i can to can help him.
Very similar behaviour, isn;t it?
In my experience, DS is just ranting because the emotions is just too
big and strong inside him. He is not asking for help, and do not WANT
me to help, because he seriously just wants to work or play out this
game problem out himself. It's just that it is SO hard emotionally for
him.
To how I understand, by me trying to help or talk to him, it's just
annoyed him more, because his brain and mind is still in gear, trying
to figure out the solution to his game, and my "talk" interrupts/
distract that.
Plus when I offer suggestions, it is almost like I'm pointing out his
failure to him, which is like rubbing salt into his wound, which gets
him even more angrier with himself, of his in-ability to pass that
level. Which is why he keep saying "you don't understand! you can't
help me, nobody can!"
Does this makes sense to you? Maybe this is why your son's re-action
is so strong.
In situations like this, my kid is possessed by the game, day and
night. It is that challenge, that unless he breaks it, he will never
feel peace. I just let him get on with it, supporting by means of
food and water and sitting down quietly next to him. I can acknowldege
his frustrations by saying "i know, I know", and nothing more, and
lots of hugs as he rants away.
Sometimes, after a few exasperated tries, he'll storm walk, angry with
himself, crying, and then calm down enough to go check out some online
FAQs or cheatcodes, and then go back and try again.
But the minute he makes that breakthru, it's like the most fantastic
achievement ever for him. He'll be jumping and whooping and all of the
sudden, that game is not so hard afterall. And until that happens,
it'll be like the hardest struggle ever, literally, for him.
As for obsessession, this is where I see it best at work. That
stubborness of refusing to step away for a breather. That narrow
obsession of wanting to crack that game, at all cost, no matter how
tired he is. It is this narrow obsession that never allows my child to
give up, and achieve his victory in the end.
I have learnt a more positive word for this too. It is called Passion.
Hope this helps.
BWS
SharonBugs.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Hi Kasey, My aspie kid just turn 8. -=-
Please refer to children by name instead of by labels. If you're not
using names online, say "son" rather than "aspie kid."
Thanks.
-=-In my experience, DS is just ranting because the emotions is just
too big and strong inside him. He is not asking for help, and do not
WANT me to help-=-
Because he's getting bigger and stronger himself, he NEEDS your help--
not with the game, but with ideas of how to deal with sudden
emotion. He can put the controller down and then rant, as a first
move. We went through that (and a few controllers) with Kirby.
-=-To how I understand, by me trying to help or talk to him, it's
just annoyed him more, because his brain and mind is still in gear,
trying to figure out the solution to his game, and my "talk"
interrupts/distract that. -=-
This has nothing to do with Asperger's. It's true of all humans.
Once someone is in the throes of frustration and anger, someone else
talking about it is likely to escalate it. When that's happening
very often in someone's life, someone on his team, one of his
partners, should find a way to help him overcome the problem of not
being able to live in the world.
If an adult hasn't learned to control his or her temper and not throw
and break things and yell "stupid" (about things or people), they
could end up poor, homeless, or in jail.
Passion is good, but acquiring tools and knowledge to live with
passionate outbursts is crucial to peace and prosperity.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Please refer to children by name instead of by labels. If you're not
using names online, say "son" rather than "aspie kid."
Thanks.
-=-In my experience, DS is just ranting because the emotions is just
too big and strong inside him. He is not asking for help, and do not
WANT me to help-=-
Because he's getting bigger and stronger himself, he NEEDS your help--
not with the game, but with ideas of how to deal with sudden
emotion. He can put the controller down and then rant, as a first
move. We went through that (and a few controllers) with Kirby.
-=-To how I understand, by me trying to help or talk to him, it's
just annoyed him more, because his brain and mind is still in gear,
trying to figure out the solution to his game, and my "talk"
interrupts/distract that. -=-
This has nothing to do with Asperger's. It's true of all humans.
Once someone is in the throes of frustration and anger, someone else
talking about it is likely to escalate it. When that's happening
very often in someone's life, someone on his team, one of his
partners, should find a way to help him overcome the problem of not
being able to live in the world.
If an adult hasn't learned to control his or her temper and not throw
and break things and yell "stupid" (about things or people), they
could end up poor, homeless, or in jail.
Passion is good, but acquiring tools and knowledge to live with
passionate outbursts is crucial to peace and prosperity.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I'm a scanner, I tend to bounce from interest to interest. I like
that. I enjoy so many things in so many ways. But I totally
appreciate the more focused folks in my life. Simon focuses so
intensely on things. It is amazing the things that he pulls from his
focus that I miss in my scanning. And it leads to knowing so much
about so many different things, it's just a different path or
approach.-==
I "leap and linger." It's a phrase used to describe the story arc of
a typical traditional ballad. I know LOTS about traditional ballads,
and have managed to tie in poetry, the evolution and variations of
English, geography and human migration (which ballads have travelled
what routes from NW Europe which parts of other continents?) and some
of the history of "cowboy music" and excuses to play guitar and sing
sometimes and I've met people because of our shared interest in
traditional and Renaissance music, and it just goes on and on. And
each of those other things (language, guitar, geography, friends)
connects to other things.
Whether people have an intense interest or they flit around, it still
all leads to everything.
http://sandradodd.com/connections
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
that. I enjoy so many things in so many ways. But I totally
appreciate the more focused folks in my life. Simon focuses so
intensely on things. It is amazing the things that he pulls from his
focus that I miss in my scanning. And it leads to knowing so much
about so many different things, it's just a different path or
approach.-==
I "leap and linger." It's a phrase used to describe the story arc of
a typical traditional ballad. I know LOTS about traditional ballads,
and have managed to tie in poetry, the evolution and variations of
English, geography and human migration (which ballads have travelled
what routes from NW Europe which parts of other continents?) and some
of the history of "cowboy music" and excuses to play guitar and sing
sometimes and I've met people because of our shared interest in
traditional and Renaissance music, and it just goes on and on. And
each of those other things (language, guitar, geography, friends)
connects to other things.
Whether people have an intense interest or they flit around, it still
all leads to everything.
http://sandradodd.com/connections
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-It will help a lot to find value in whatever your child is doing,
especially if it's something they seem so passionate about. If the
focus is on worrying about it, it's not on your child. Find a way to
see what your child loves so much about video games, let that be the
focus.-=-
Ah. Another article, specifically about video games, is this, by
Mary Gold (zenmomma):
http://sandradodd.com/game/nintendogold
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
especially if it's something they seem so passionate about. If the
focus is on worrying about it, it's not on your child. Find a way to
see what your child loves so much about video games, let that be the
focus.-=-
Ah. Another article, specifically about video games, is this, by
Mary Gold (zenmomma):
http://sandradodd.com/game/nintendogold
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]