Sandra Dodd
In a two-hour space, two similar comments:
"Focusing on the positive only goes so far"
and
"Well, polluting seems a little strong of a word." (in response to
"Instead of polluting the present with your concerns about the past
and the future..."
Unschooling does work better when people are cheerful and positive
and hopeful and at peace.
Anything that harms or mars or dilutes cheer, positivity, hope and
peace is in the negative column.
OF COURSE people are sad sometimes, and grumpy, and sometimes there
are frustrations and setbacks. If you accept those as inevitable and
good and no worse than joy and laughter, your unschooling won't be
optimal. If you have no preference for a joyful life, how will you
achieve one?
If a person justifies negativity and clings to it and defends it, she
is not choosing joy.
When you're making those thousands of choices you make every day,
have a focus.
In any moment, if a mom is reviewing for herself the bad things her
child experienced in school, then she's in school, and he's in school
in her head, and she's not with him NOW, at home, in her house, in
that moment.
That is pollution. That doesn't go at ALL far toward focusing on
positive things.
We can't change our children's pasts. We can fail to improve this
moment by dwelling in the past.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"Focusing on the positive only goes so far"
and
"Well, polluting seems a little strong of a word." (in response to
"Instead of polluting the present with your concerns about the past
and the future..."
Unschooling does work better when people are cheerful and positive
and hopeful and at peace.
Anything that harms or mars or dilutes cheer, positivity, hope and
peace is in the negative column.
OF COURSE people are sad sometimes, and grumpy, and sometimes there
are frustrations and setbacks. If you accept those as inevitable and
good and no worse than joy and laughter, your unschooling won't be
optimal. If you have no preference for a joyful life, how will you
achieve one?
If a person justifies negativity and clings to it and defends it, she
is not choosing joy.
When you're making those thousands of choices you make every day,
have a focus.
In any moment, if a mom is reviewing for herself the bad things her
child experienced in school, then she's in school, and he's in school
in her head, and she's not with him NOW, at home, in her house, in
that moment.
That is pollution. That doesn't go at ALL far toward focusing on
positive things.
We can't change our children's pasts. We can fail to improve this
moment by dwelling in the past.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
swissarmy_wife
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
would love to, adding the 3rd child left me with slightly less
internet time. <g>
funny, when I went back and read Tara's posts I really had no idea
that we were both essentially on the same page. What's funny is that
we are friends. Coincidence.
agree with that. I wanted to hear other's experiences, yet in another
post. Still, this has brought me to another similar thought. Isn't
there a difference between "dwelling in the past" and learning about
or from the past?
I feel that I do not dwell in the past, yet I see it creep up in him
sometimes. So, what I'm getting is that I should just accept it for
what it is, for who he is, and not worry about the "why" or the
"where" it came from? I can definitely do that. That would be
equivalent to giving him a label. Like "school syndrome".
(I feel like I'm talking to myself in public - LOL)
>I don't always have time to read all the posts here. As much as I
> In a two-hour space, two similar comments:
>
> "Focusing on the positive only goes so far"
>
> and
>
> "Well, polluting seems a little strong of a word." (in response to
> "Instead of polluting the present with your concerns about the past
> and the future..."
would love to, adding the 3rd child left me with slightly less
internet time. <g>
funny, when I went back and read Tara's posts I really had no idea
that we were both essentially on the same page. What's funny is that
we are friends. Coincidence.
> That is pollution. That doesn't go at ALL far toward focusing onI still don't think my questions pollute the present. I might never
> positive things.
>
> We can't change our children's pasts. We can fail to improve this
> moment by dwelling in the past.
agree with that. I wanted to hear other's experiences, yet in another
post. Still, this has brought me to another similar thought. Isn't
there a difference between "dwelling in the past" and learning about
or from the past?
I feel that I do not dwell in the past, yet I see it creep up in him
sometimes. So, what I'm getting is that I should just accept it for
what it is, for who he is, and not worry about the "why" or the
"where" it came from? I can definitely do that. That would be
equivalent to giving him a label. Like "school syndrome".
(I feel like I'm talking to myself in public - LOL)
Sandra Dodd
-=-. So, what I'm getting is that I should just accept it for
what it is, for who he is, and not worry about the "why" or the
"where" it came from? I can definitely do that. That would be
equivalent to giving him a label. -=-
I don't see how acceptance of a child's actual life and history is
labelling him other than by his name.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
what it is, for who he is, and not worry about the "why" or the
"where" it came from? I can definitely do that. That would be
equivalent to giving him a label. -=-
I don't see how acceptance of a child's actual life and history is
labelling him other than by his name.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
swissarmy_wife
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
the why's and and the where's, it wouldn't be dissimilar to using a
label.
>Jumbled paragraph, my aologies. I'm saying that if I were to focus on
> -=-. So, what I'm getting is that I should just accept it for
> what it is, for who he is, and not worry about the "why" or the
> "where" it came from? I can definitely do that. That would be
> equivalent to giving him a label. -=-
>
>
>
> I don't see how acceptance of a child's actual life and history is
> labelling him other than by his name.
the why's and and the where's, it wouldn't be dissimilar to using a
label.
Sandra Dodd
-=-funny, when I went back and read Tara's posts I really had no idea
that we were both essentially on the same page. What's funny is that
we are friends. Coincidence.-=-
Coincidence, maybe, but...
Moods are contagious, and some people have never really been around a
lot of joy and happiness, which is just another reason for me to keep
the mood here as up and light as possible. Joy should be promoted
here.
We could all wallow and this could be a place for people to come when
they wanted support for their hope that life sucked and it was okay
to acknowledge that in every moment. This could be a place for that
if it weren't my list, but I know the danger of negativity to
people's lives. It's bad in any life, but it's deadly for unschooling.
Sandra
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?
res=9D0CE6D91131F936A25753C1A967958260
http://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/getArticle.cfm?id=1931
http://www.vanguardngr.com/content/view/16803/82/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
that we were both essentially on the same page. What's funny is that
we are friends. Coincidence.-=-
Coincidence, maybe, but...
Moods are contagious, and some people have never really been around a
lot of joy and happiness, which is just another reason for me to keep
the mood here as up and light as possible. Joy should be promoted
here.
We could all wallow and this could be a place for people to come when
they wanted support for their hope that life sucked and it was okay
to acknowledge that in every moment. This could be a place for that
if it weren't my list, but I know the danger of negativity to
people's lives. It's bad in any life, but it's deadly for unschooling.
Sandra
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?
res=9D0CE6D91131F936A25753C1A967958260
http://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/getArticle.cfm?id=1931
http://www.vanguardngr.com/content/view/16803/82/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
lyeping2008
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
This is what I share with my kid. We all make mistakes. It's part and
parcel of life. Every moment of our lives, decisions are made. Some
are informed ones, some are not. Some good, some bad. But we can
always try to see the positive side of everything. A lesson in
disguise, is how I approach my bad decisions. Flip the bad, and it'll
tunr over to something good. Always 2 side to evrything.
And I honestly cannot say I regret sending my kid to school. Not
because I'm cruel or heartless but because, how can I regret making
that decision when at that time I seriously thought I was doing the
best I can for my child? I didn't know any better then.
But because it was a bad decision, and a HUGE one, this means me and
my kid is now very very well informed and wont' be making that same
mistake again. So to me, it had to happened for we couldn't have gone
into homeschooling and unschooling without it happening.
We talked alot about it, somewhere towards the end of our 1st year out
of school. It's ok to talk, it is part and parcel of our learning and
living.
I agree it's not good if one is constantly focusing on the pain and
negativity, and cannot see the positiveness infront of them. So it is
important to help "contrast that" to the child by pointing out the
postiviness and freedom of life now.
It helps to remind them, they're no longer living in the past, for the
past is only images, and cannot hurt them. In the beginning, I find it
helpful to point out the freedom of choice placed infront of my son.
What would he want to do now, at this moment? I encouraged him to try
to breakout of that box in his mind, and do something radical and non
conforming. Afterall, like I tell my son, who's gonna stop you?
So we not only talk, but we are very pro-active about it too. My son's
idea of freedom and non-conformity means taking a long drive into town
to go to Toy-R-us, just because we can and is allowed to LOL!! I do
think at that time, he was also testing MY genuinity, the offer of
freedom of choice LOL!! This is where our unschooling really begins.
We dont' dwell on it but do still talk about it occasionally when he
brings up a certain situation. But it is more of him now doing
a "comparison" of some sort, between what we're happily doing now and
what they grudgingly had to do in school.
My son understands that school was a decision we made, he thought it's
a fun decision where else mummy and daddy thought it's the best
decision. Until we all realised it wasn't!
We have discarded that bad decision about school, left it behind, and
have moved onto better pasture. We made a decision to homeschool, even
this was discarded in favour of unschooling.
So, now, we're more informed and wiser about the life choices and
freedom we have, than we were ever before. And so, live moves on.
Hugs,
SharonBugs.
> We can't change our children's pasts. We can fail to improve this-----------------------------------------------------------------------
> moment by dwelling in the past. Sandra
This is what I share with my kid. We all make mistakes. It's part and
parcel of life. Every moment of our lives, decisions are made. Some
are informed ones, some are not. Some good, some bad. But we can
always try to see the positive side of everything. A lesson in
disguise, is how I approach my bad decisions. Flip the bad, and it'll
tunr over to something good. Always 2 side to evrything.
And I honestly cannot say I regret sending my kid to school. Not
because I'm cruel or heartless but because, how can I regret making
that decision when at that time I seriously thought I was doing the
best I can for my child? I didn't know any better then.
But because it was a bad decision, and a HUGE one, this means me and
my kid is now very very well informed and wont' be making that same
mistake again. So to me, it had to happened for we couldn't have gone
into homeschooling and unschooling without it happening.
We talked alot about it, somewhere towards the end of our 1st year out
of school. It's ok to talk, it is part and parcel of our learning and
living.
I agree it's not good if one is constantly focusing on the pain and
negativity, and cannot see the positiveness infront of them. So it is
important to help "contrast that" to the child by pointing out the
postiviness and freedom of life now.
It helps to remind them, they're no longer living in the past, for the
past is only images, and cannot hurt them. In the beginning, I find it
helpful to point out the freedom of choice placed infront of my son.
What would he want to do now, at this moment? I encouraged him to try
to breakout of that box in his mind, and do something radical and non
conforming. Afterall, like I tell my son, who's gonna stop you?
So we not only talk, but we are very pro-active about it too. My son's
idea of freedom and non-conformity means taking a long drive into town
to go to Toy-R-us, just because we can and is allowed to LOL!! I do
think at that time, he was also testing MY genuinity, the offer of
freedom of choice LOL!! This is where our unschooling really begins.
We dont' dwell on it but do still talk about it occasionally when he
brings up a certain situation. But it is more of him now doing
a "comparison" of some sort, between what we're happily doing now and
what they grudgingly had to do in school.
My son understands that school was a decision we made, he thought it's
a fun decision where else mummy and daddy thought it's the best
decision. Until we all realised it wasn't!
We have discarded that bad decision about school, left it behind, and
have moved onto better pasture. We made a decision to homeschool, even
this was discarded in favour of unschooling.
So, now, we're more informed and wiser about the life choices and
freedom we have, than we were ever before. And so, live moves on.
Hugs,
SharonBugs.
lyeping2008
Ooops! Sorry, didn't realised I was replying to a thread about
Sandra talking about pollution to the list.
So, I'm gonna flip this to something cheerful.
My kid's just turned 8, 2 days ago. It's also the 23rd month of our
homeschooling/ unschooling. My son surprises me all the time with
his understanding of alot of things around him. Like , I said 23rd
month, he'll reply 1 yr and 11 months. When it comes to money, he's
lightning speed with how much he's got, and what he's gonna buy LOL!
Our unschooling life is so different from where we started. I feel
like we have come a long way. Hey, what do I know, my "year long
holiday break" trick worked, and we have successfully progressed
into almost 2 years of unschooling - and my son is still in one
piece, and alive, and has managed to progress many grade ahead of
his peers.
And surprised surprised, I'm happy and content, and not in an asylum
LOL!!
Let me share a typical picture of our unschooling life. It is
absolutely sloth-like, just how we like it.
We wake up and have breakfast. I'm on emails and DS watches tv or
play with his PSP or DS. Currently he's either playing Lego Batman
or training his puppy on NintenDogs. Around lunch time, we're washed
and changed and we continue what we're doing. DS normally fit in
some Lego building sometime during the day. Sometimes, we both sit
down and go on his Jumpstart or Cluefinders program.
The past weeks he has progressed into the garden, burning stuff. And
of course, in the past 1 month, we had his best friend coming over
daily after lunch, so the boys basically just play until it's dinner
time. Of which DS then goes home to best friend's house till hubby
picks him up at 8.30pm. At the moment, they have managed to convert
my dining table into a whole Lego City, with little buildings and
cars and all.
We do go out for long walks to shops and best friend's house to pick
him up sometimes, but rarely venture out anyway far nowadays because
we're car-less. The boys are also into skate boarding so this means
I'll have to get the car situation sorted out.
Tonight is Halloween. My kid's gone with his bfriend and family to
visit someone else, so I'm feeling lonely and abandoned <sniff
sniff>. It strange when you get the house all to yourself and it's
so quiet LOL!
But it wn't be long, the chaos will descent again for the sleepover
is in my house tonight !!!
Happy trick-a-treating Everyone.
Big Higs,
SharonBugs.
Sandra talking about pollution to the list.
So, I'm gonna flip this to something cheerful.
My kid's just turned 8, 2 days ago. It's also the 23rd month of our
homeschooling/ unschooling. My son surprises me all the time with
his understanding of alot of things around him. Like , I said 23rd
month, he'll reply 1 yr and 11 months. When it comes to money, he's
lightning speed with how much he's got, and what he's gonna buy LOL!
Our unschooling life is so different from where we started. I feel
like we have come a long way. Hey, what do I know, my "year long
holiday break" trick worked, and we have successfully progressed
into almost 2 years of unschooling - and my son is still in one
piece, and alive, and has managed to progress many grade ahead of
his peers.
And surprised surprised, I'm happy and content, and not in an asylum
LOL!!
Let me share a typical picture of our unschooling life. It is
absolutely sloth-like, just how we like it.
We wake up and have breakfast. I'm on emails and DS watches tv or
play with his PSP or DS. Currently he's either playing Lego Batman
or training his puppy on NintenDogs. Around lunch time, we're washed
and changed and we continue what we're doing. DS normally fit in
some Lego building sometime during the day. Sometimes, we both sit
down and go on his Jumpstart or Cluefinders program.
The past weeks he has progressed into the garden, burning stuff. And
of course, in the past 1 month, we had his best friend coming over
daily after lunch, so the boys basically just play until it's dinner
time. Of which DS then goes home to best friend's house till hubby
picks him up at 8.30pm. At the moment, they have managed to convert
my dining table into a whole Lego City, with little buildings and
cars and all.
We do go out for long walks to shops and best friend's house to pick
him up sometimes, but rarely venture out anyway far nowadays because
we're car-less. The boys are also into skate boarding so this means
I'll have to get the car situation sorted out.
Tonight is Halloween. My kid's gone with his bfriend and family to
visit someone else, so I'm feeling lonely and abandoned <sniff
sniff>. It strange when you get the house all to yourself and it's
so quiet LOL!
But it wn't be long, the chaos will descent again for the sleepover
is in my house tonight !!!
Happy trick-a-treating Everyone.
Big Higs,
SharonBugs.
Anne Mills
We could all wallow and this could be a place for people to come when
they wanted support for their hope that life sucked and it was okay
to acknowledge that in every moment. This could be a place for that
if it weren't my list, but I know the danger of negativity to
people's lives. It's bad in any life, but it's deadly for unschooling.
¨¨¨¨
******
But for children whom benefit from your clarity, delivered in response to some negativity
expressed, isn't there some major lifting of the weight present in their lives ?
Is counter arguments beneficial for the really almost hopeless situations ?
The energy shifts from neg to positive if/when the "lost'' causes are defended.
I have been awaken several times by just reading some of those. For instance you spoke a
while ago about mothers whom might alleviate their own lives by jumping onto unschooling.
I have been weary of not falling in such category and by all means
I m not always 100 p cent confident that I manage.
Some portraits of wrong can scare for life. I believe it can be useful.
Anyway I guess I am saying thank you !
Anne
________________________________
Téléphonez gratuitement à tous vos proches avec Windows Live Messenger ! Téléchargez-le maintenant !
http://www.windowslive.fr/messenger/1.asp
they wanted support for their hope that life sucked and it was okay
to acknowledge that in every moment. This could be a place for that
if it weren't my list, but I know the danger of negativity to
people's lives. It's bad in any life, but it's deadly for unschooling.
¨¨¨¨
******
But for children whom benefit from your clarity, delivered in response to some negativity
expressed, isn't there some major lifting of the weight present in their lives ?
Is counter arguments beneficial for the really almost hopeless situations ?
The energy shifts from neg to positive if/when the "lost'' causes are defended.
I have been awaken several times by just reading some of those. For instance you spoke a
while ago about mothers whom might alleviate their own lives by jumping onto unschooling.
I have been weary of not falling in such category and by all means
I m not always 100 p cent confident that I manage.
Some portraits of wrong can scare for life. I believe it can be useful.
Anyway I guess I am saying thank you !
Anne
________________________________
> To: [email protected]_________________________________________________________________
> From: Sandra@...
> Date: Fri, 31 Oct 2008 08:38:08 -0600
> Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] pollution
>
>
> -=-funny, when I went back and read Tara's posts I really had no idea
> that we were both essentially on the same page. What's funny is that
> we are friends. Coincidence.-=-
>
> Coincidence, maybe, but...
>
> Moods are contagious, and some people have never really been around a
> lot of joy and happiness, which is just another reason for me to keep
> the mood here as up and light as possible. Joy should be promoted
> here.
>
> We could all wallow and this could be a place for people to come when
> they wanted support for their hope that life sucked and it was okay
> to acknowledge that in every moment. This could be a place for that
> if it weren't my list, but I know the danger of negativity to
> people's lives. It's bad in any life, but it's deadly for unschooling.
>
> Sandra
>
> http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?
> res=9D0CE6D91131F936A25753C1A967958260
>
> http://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/getArticle.cfm?id=1931
>
> http://www.vanguardngr.com/content/view/16803/82/
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
Téléphonez gratuitement à tous vos proches avec Windows Live Messenger ! Téléchargez-le maintenant !
http://www.windowslive.fr/messenger/1.asp