bigforkmom

I've been homeschooling my children since 1988. Older kids (30,
28, 26, and 22) are grown and moved on. We still have four younger
kids (15, 14, 13, 12) at home, all internationally adopted. We've
had a mom-directed approach. Never very formal in that I've never
been into formal curricula, but I have definitely controlled the
operation. We do "school". It feels to me like the right time to
shift, to give up my control. But what holds me back are two
things.

First, my 15 year old has severe learning issues. We are not sure
of the whole story (she came to us when six from a bad Chinese
orphanage), but it's clear that her difficulties are complex and in
large part connected to a low IQ, that would probably classify her
as borderline retarded/slow learner. We know she has a major
language processing disorder, but that is complicated by the low
IQ. She has been unable to learn to tell time or handle money.
Her reading skills are adequate but her comprehension is very poor.
There is some possibility that she has fetal alcohol exposure,
although we have no history to confirm this, but we definitely see
signs of the type of brain impairments that would go with this. I
worry about whether she would benefit by unschooling or if her
serious learning problems require more structure......and yet, I
realize she's not learning certain things even with my imposed
structure. Her therapists have long supported our homeschooling
over putting her in institutional school, but the assumption has
been that I am actively working with her.

Secondly, I just don't know how to make the switch from mom-directed
to unschooling. Is this something that I should introduce with the
girls by an announcement? Should I just stop directing and see
what happens? How do I get four girls who totally expect me to
direct their learning to make a switch and assume some
responsibility?

How have people made this transition? My girls have never been in
institutional school, but they are used to my imposed structure. I
have planned time for my reading to them, and I typically pick the
books I want to read based on my concept of what material I want to
cover. I pick out math texts and I have structured time for doing
math lessons, where I make myself available to assist. I
pick "living books" for history and science, and I "assign" what the
girls read, although of course they also choose their own books at
libraries and bookstores. There is definitely free time during the
day where they make their own schedule, but I am definitely
maintaining control of an academic atmosphere.

All girls are heavily involved in dance. They take multiple
lessons each week, ranging from four classes for the youngest to
seven for the older two. Add on rehearsals for Nutcracker and
spring performances. We spend two to four weeks every year in
Florida where the girls read obsessively and swim, a nice break from
a Montana winter. We spend our summers at a cottage on a Canadian
lake, and the girls do lots of whining there because they are away
from the dance studio. Three of the girls take piano lessons and
all four take a knitting class at a local shop, which we've
continued well past their picking up basic knitting skills becausre
we've enjoyed it so much. The girls knit quite a bit, making gifts
for friends.

I should add that we live 25 miles from town, so they are dependent
on my driving to get to town to the library or other activities.

I never direct during the summer months or the weeks we spend in
Florida. This fall I thought about just not making a switch in
September, but the girls kept talking about what we would be doing
for "school" and I feel back into traditional territory of my
planning, my directing. This is what we're all used to. They
expect it, and I'm in a rut. One of the girls is getting major
pressure from friends to go to public school. She likes the idea
of being able to talk about what she's doing in a way that her
public school friends can relate to. I'm not sure if she would see
unschooling as adequate initially.

One motivation for making a change is that I'm slowing down because
I'm aging. I turn 62 in December, and because we started our
family late (first child born when I was 31) and then we adopted six
after the two bio sons, my husband and I are still parenting and
will be until the 12 year old moves on. I love parenting. I've
loved homeschooling. But I'm tired. I don't want to feel I'm
bailing out of homeschooling, but I'm tired of the "school" nature
to our lives. I just don't know how to change. I don't want it to
look as if I'm abandoning the mom control because I'm OLD. I would
like the girls to see this as a positive move in our lives, but I
just don't know how to go about making a change.

Any advice on how to make the switch?

Elaine in Montana

Sandra Dodd

The other post with the links is the more important one, but this is
commentary on some particulars:

-=-She has been unable to learn to tell time or handle money. -=-


Why don't you say "I have been unable to teach her to tell time or
handle money"?

And then you can start to think about the difference between teaching/
learning and REAL, natural learning that happens all the time
(especially out of the range of teaching).

I bet that gradually, in real-world ways, she can learn to tell time
and handle money.

http://sandradodd.com/teaching/

-=-Her reading skills are adequate but her comprehension is very
poor. -=-

Let that go for a while. Do other things where she can learn without
any of her own reading. Videos. Fun webpages.

Here are lots of links and some of them require no reading at all.
Maybe you could scout out some good stuff, or explore them with her
and the other kids:

http://sandradodd.com/art

http://sandradodd.com/music

http://sandradodd.com/history

http://sandradodd.com/artaboutart



And about how unschooling works, it's not as much work as school at
home in many ways, but it's more work than that in a whole new and
different way.

http://sandradodd.com/nest

http://sandradodd.com/checklists

Sandra






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Sandra Dodd

-=-Secondly, I just don't know how to make the switch from mom-directed
to unschooling. Is this something that I should introduce with the
girls by an announcement?-=-

I wouldn't do that. Not an all-of-a-sudden thing.

-=-Should I just stop directing and see what happens? -=-

No, not that either. Become less controlling and more creative,
gradually.



-=-How do I get four girls who totally expect me to direct their
learning to make a switch and assume some responsibility?-=-

I think it would be good for you to read more about unschooling
families and what it looks like in everyday practice. I have a
collection, but there are also more and more blogs with photos which
might be more interesting. I'll give you links below, but the reason
I want to send you out is that I think (from what you've written) you
think unschooling will be less work and the girls will take
responsibility to direct their learning.

When unschooling works well, no on is "directing" anyone's learning.
No child is responsible for his own progress or learning. I know
there are people out there saying it, but every time one says it
around me, I object.

-=-and yet, I realize she's not learning certain things even with my
imposed structure. Her therapists have long supported our
homeschooling over putting her in institutional school, but the
assumption has been that I am actively working with her.-=-

There are ways to actively work with her that aren't schoolish. Have
you been limiting movies, or TV, or computer time? Maybe that could
be the first thing to let up on. Encourage lots of movie watching
and computer use, maybe.

http://sandradodd.com/typical

http://thinkingsticks.blogspot.com (on the left column are lots of
unschoolers' blogs)

http://joyfullyrejoycing.com

The front page of Joyce's site talks about not changing all of a sudden.

Sandra

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Jenny C

We know she has a major
> language processing disorder, but that is complicated by the low
> IQ.

She is what she is. IQ testing is an outdated testing system that was
created from a test that was never intended to measure intelligence. It
reached it's height in the 50's. I'd drop the idea of low intelligence
and focus on what she is actually good at.

She has been unable to learn to tell time or handle money.
> Her reading skills are adequate but her comprehension is very poor.


Do you have a digital clock? Can she read numbers? Does she own a
watch? Could you make a sundial? Does she get an allowance? When does
she get a chance to use money?

How are you measuring her reading comprehension? You said that the
girls read on their own, does she understand what she is reading when
she reads her own books?

> over putting her in institutional school, but the assumption has
> been that I am actively working with her.

If you stop the school at home, you will still be actively working with
her, just in a different way, hopefully more meaningful to her.


>
> Secondly, I just don't know how to make the switch from mom-directed
> to unschooling. Is this something that I should introduce with the
> girls by an announcement? Should I just stop directing and see
> what happens? How do I get four girls who totally expect me to
> direct their learning to make a switch and assume some
> responsibility?

Give them more choices. Open up more opportunity for them to do what
they want to do rather than what they think you want them to do. Don't
expect anyone to assume any kind of responsibility. Let them come to a
new way of living and seeing things gradually.


> I have planned time for my reading to them, and I typically pick the
> books I want to read based on my concept of what material I want to
> cover.

Perhaps, next time let them pick the books they want you to read, or get
things on tape or cd to listen to while doing other things like
knitting. If one or 2 of them wander off, don't make a big deal of it.
Get food and drinks and make the focus be fun and relaxing time
together.

>I pick out math texts and I have structured time for doing
> math lessons, where I make myself available to assist.

Maybe play games instead, or find math puzzles to solve together.
Textbook math is very boring and doesn't even begin to encompass what
math is.


> I pick "living books" for history and science, and I "assign" what the
> girls read, although of course they also choose their own books at
> libraries and bookstores.

Find movies and go to science museums. At first you could stop
assigning and let them pick something of their own choosing. After a
while, let them choose not to choose at all. Maybe they don't want to
do those books at all. History is all around us, there are museums and
national monuments and antique stores and all kinds of things around us
that show where we've been.

> All girls are heavily involved in dance. They take multiple
> lessons each week, ranging from four classes for the youngest to
> seven for the older two. Add on rehearsals for Nutcracker and
> spring performances.

Ballet is living history. There is fascinating history in dance alone.
Here's a sample of where one "subject" called dance can lead a person...
http://jenniferstar.blogspot.com/2008/05/how-dance-is-educational.html
<http://jenniferstar.blogspot.com/2008/05/how-dance-is-educational.html>
And that was just the tip of the iceberg!

> I never direct during the summer months or the weeks we spend in
> Florida.

What did they do in the summer?

> Any advice on how to make the switch?
>


Slowly and gradually shift to seeing learning in every thing a person
does. Your kids have passions, help them follow what they love. Start
with changing your schedule around, don't expect and don't force. When
you go to the library, let them pick what they want and you can pick
things you think they might enjoy. Give more choices.



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Sandra Dodd

-=-Ballet is living history. There is fascinating history in dance
alone. -=-

If you got to amazon.com I'm sure there will be a category of "best
dance movies." Maybe at netflix.com, too.
White Nights will get you geography and the Soviet Union, ballet and
tap.

Singing in the Rain has dancing and some of the history of movies.

Most early Fred Astaire stuff gets you The Great Depression, and what
people liked as fantasy escapism when they were very poor but a
Saturday movie matinee was affordable.

But don't show a movie and say "Class, this is The Great
Depression..." or "Please observe that this movie was made just a few
years before the Soviet Union was dissolved."

Strictly Ballroom... Australia and gypsies. I hadn't considered that
there would be Spanish gypsies in Australia. And that's not even
what the movie is about.

The very-new High School Musical 3 has some VERY cool dance scenes.

Let them ask questions, or make comments the same way you would to
adult friends who might know those things already. It might take
years for them to start making their own connections, but they will.

Sandra



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trude_flys

"How do I get four girls who totally expect me to
direct their learning to make a switch and assume some
responsibility?"
the short answer is, 'slowly', it's not their fault that they have
learnt the lesson 'wait to be told what to do' if this is what was
previously rewarded.
When I made the switch from schooling to unschooling with my older son,
I learnt how to do it through the time I was spending with my younger
son.
Through setting a timer (for my benefit not his!) I started with 5 - 15
minutes every day where I concentrated totally on following the
changing focus of my child. If he started a jigsaw puzzle and then
chose to use the puzzle pieces to tell a story, then I went along with
that. Putting the pieces back was no longer our task. it had fallen off
our radar. To start with the 15 minutes were incredibly long, 5 minutes
was only barely sufferable as I learnt not to direct the play. what I
learnt was that as I learnt to let him stay in his changing focus, he
was able to stay in his focus aswell, and didn't look to be to be the
director. In hindsight I would say that it wasn't a problem that he
wouldn't take responsibility, but more that he hadn't been allowed to.
We are now able t play, work, and laugh together and he is (again!
because this is what he was doing as a toddler!) able to both self
inititiate a task and ask for help if/when he needs it. I haven't
abandoned him, I have over time changed my role to that of facilitator.
I have also learnt to be kind to my self (in changing how I am doing
homeschooling I am also unschooling, and I ocassionally fall back into
what I have grown up with. But I no longer need to stay there, even if
I've paid for the workbooks and photocopies - doesn't mean I need to
use them)

wishing you kind days
Trude

Sandra Dodd

-=-In hindsight I would say that it wasn't a problem that he
wouldn't take responsibility, but more that he hadn't been allowed
to. -=-



It's true that traditional parenting has mechanisms that shut kids
down, that prevents their creative thinking, and that punishes
initiative.

Still, to have "taking responsibility" as a goal can be a problem
when people are changing their parenting focus. The parent should
still have responsibility for making sure the child's life is rich
and good and full of opportunity.

It's not any child's job to raise himself, to take care of himself,
or to "direct his own learning" or any of those many phrase that
make me cringe.

Some people criticize unschooling because they don't want their child
to rule the house, or they don't want a "child-led life." That
argument couldn't survive if there weren't people saying their
children should lead their own learning, or make all their own
decisions.

Both of those miss the model that we've been talking about for many
years, in which the parents choose to create an environment in which
natural learning thrives.



Sandra




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