Confidence
Verna
I lack confidence in myself and my actions. Always second guessing,
wondering if I am doing the right thing etc.. At homeschool groups I
go to I hear mothers go on and and on about curriculums and stategies
and what grade level their kids are working in- because they lack
confidence. Even when they say things about how they homeschool so
their kids can learn at their own pace, they really mean as long as
that pace doesnt embarress them and they can still say they are above
grade level. They can not let go of that dillusion of control.
I come here cause I dont hear that in the posts of the more
experienced unschoolers. Confidence that this is the way to a more
peaceful, harmonious, living and learning experience comes out in the
posts. That I have the power to change my attitudes and outlook is
huge for me. I am certainly not there yet, but where as I used to
just be full of guilt that I dont do everything right, now I have a
goal and a mindset. And rather than be so focused on how I want my
kids and husband to change, I can focus on how I would like myself to
change.
wondering if I am doing the right thing etc.. At homeschool groups I
go to I hear mothers go on and and on about curriculums and stategies
and what grade level their kids are working in- because they lack
confidence. Even when they say things about how they homeschool so
their kids can learn at their own pace, they really mean as long as
that pace doesnt embarress them and they can still say they are above
grade level. They can not let go of that dillusion of control.
I come here cause I dont hear that in the posts of the more
experienced unschoolers. Confidence that this is the way to a more
peaceful, harmonious, living and learning experience comes out in the
posts. That I have the power to change my attitudes and outlook is
huge for me. I am certainly not there yet, but where as I used to
just be full of guilt that I dont do everything right, now I have a
goal and a mindset. And rather than be so focused on how I want my
kids and husband to change, I can focus on how I would like myself to
change.
H Sand
that's awesome! It's a process I'm working on too!
On Sat, Sep 27, 2008 at 10:40 PM, Verna <lalow@...> wrote:
> I lack confidence in myself and my actions. Always second guessing,
> wondering if I am doing the right thing etc.. At homeschool groups I
> go to I hear mothers go on and and on about curriculums and stategies
> and what grade level their kids are working in- because they lack
> confidence. Even when they say things about how they homeschool so
> their kids can learn at their own pace, they really mean as long as
> that pace doesnt embarress them and they can still say they are above
> grade level. They can not let go of that dillusion of control.
> I come here cause I dont hear that in the posts of the more
> experienced unschoolers. Confidence that this is the way to a more
> peaceful, harmonious, living and learning experience comes out in the
> posts. That I have the power to change my attitudes and outlook is
> huge for me. I am certainly not there yet, but where as I used to
> just be full of guilt that I dont do everything right, now I have a
> goal and a mindset. And rather than be so focused on how I want my
> kids and husband to change, I can focus on how I would like myself to
> change.
>
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-And rather than be so focused on how I want my
kids and husband to change, I can focus on how I would like myself to
change. -=-
I don't think I've seen a situation yet in which the mom blossomed
into a calmer, happier more confident person and it didn't then cause
a change in the children or the husband or both.
Good for you, and I'm glad this list is helping.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kids and husband to change, I can focus on how I would like myself to
change. -=-
I don't think I've seen a situation yet in which the mom blossomed
into a calmer, happier more confident person and it didn't then cause
a change in the children or the husband or both.
Good for you, and I'm glad this list is helping.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
diana jenner
-=-And rather than be so focused on how I want my
kids and husband to change, I can focus on how I would like myself to
change. -=-
My favorite version of the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the Serenity to accept those I cannot change,
the Courage to change the one I can,
And the Wisdom to know it's ME.
Saved me eons of frustration :D
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
hannahsashes.blogspot.com
dianas365.blogspot.com __,_._,__
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kids and husband to change, I can focus on how I would like myself to
change. -=-
My favorite version of the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the Serenity to accept those I cannot change,
the Courage to change the one I can,
And the Wisdom to know it's ME.
Saved me eons of frustration :D
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
hannahsashes.blogspot.com
dianas365.blogspot.com __,_._,__
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sarah
Last night at my 9yo DS soccer party, there was a card set out for
all the boys to sign for the coach. My DS looked a little nervous
and came up to me and very quietly said "I always forget which way
J's go, this way or that way?" I showed him by *drawing* a J in the
air.
He is definitely beginning to notice things he cannot do as well as
others can. Writing is the big one right now. It is just not
something that interests him at all so he rarely writes. While we
do have unschooling friends to play and hangout with, we also have a
lot of family (the boys have 12 cousins) nearby that we see fairly
often...all of whom are in public school.
I'm looking for ways to be more confident in this area around other
people. I don't want my son to feel embarrassed around other kids.
I also realize that I see his difficulties as being a reflection of
ME. I'm sure people would say, WOW...you homeschool and your kids
can't even write!! I feel fairly confident in all other areas but
writing and spelling are really hard for me. I think just because it
is VERY obvious when someone cannot write or spell simple words
correctly. I am beginning to DREAD situations where we will be
around non unschooling families and I don't want to feel like that.
How do I gain the confidence and help my son be OK with his current
abilities in situations like the one above?
Thanks!
Sarah
all the boys to sign for the coach. My DS looked a little nervous
and came up to me and very quietly said "I always forget which way
J's go, this way or that way?" I showed him by *drawing* a J in the
air.
He is definitely beginning to notice things he cannot do as well as
others can. Writing is the big one right now. It is just not
something that interests him at all so he rarely writes. While we
do have unschooling friends to play and hangout with, we also have a
lot of family (the boys have 12 cousins) nearby that we see fairly
often...all of whom are in public school.
I'm looking for ways to be more confident in this area around other
people. I don't want my son to feel embarrassed around other kids.
I also realize that I see his difficulties as being a reflection of
ME. I'm sure people would say, WOW...you homeschool and your kids
can't even write!! I feel fairly confident in all other areas but
writing and spelling are really hard for me. I think just because it
is VERY obvious when someone cannot write or spell simple words
correctly. I am beginning to DREAD situations where we will be
around non unschooling families and I don't want to feel like that.
How do I gain the confidence and help my son be OK with his current
abilities in situations like the one above?
Thanks!
Sarah
Pamela Sorooshian
On Nov 10, 2008, at 8:33 AM, Sarah wrote:
protecting your son from the kind of damage that is so OFTEN done,
especially to young boys, by pushing reading and writing on them when
they are developmentally not quite ready.
When it happens that something comes up like the signing of the card,
be prepared to do what it takes to protect him from being embarrassed.
Do it with confidence that YOU are doing the right thing, because you
truly are! It might help if you read some of the literature about the
effect of pushing early academics - David Elkind's "Miseducation" or
"The Hurried Child" might be helpful to you.
Be proud of yourself for being the mom who has the insight AND the
gumption to protect her son in spite of societal pressures.
As far as helping your son, changing your own attitude will almost
certainly rub off on him. Also, be sure that he has an answer for
situations in which someone actually says out loud to him, "You write
like a baby," or something like that, if that is a possibility. He can
say, "I don't write well yet, but I can ...... really well." And, for
his own sake, if there are comparisons being made with cousins, be
sure he is aware of what he does and knows that his cousins don't.
-pam
> I think just because itYou could turn this around in your own head. What you're doing is
> is VERY obvious when someone cannot write or spell simple words
> correctly. I am beginning to DREAD situations where we will be
> around non unschooling families and I don't want to feel like that.
> How do I gain the confidence and help my son be OK with his current
> abilities in situations like the one above?
protecting your son from the kind of damage that is so OFTEN done,
especially to young boys, by pushing reading and writing on them when
they are developmentally not quite ready.
When it happens that something comes up like the signing of the card,
be prepared to do what it takes to protect him from being embarrassed.
Do it with confidence that YOU are doing the right thing, because you
truly are! It might help if you read some of the literature about the
effect of pushing early academics - David Elkind's "Miseducation" or
"The Hurried Child" might be helpful to you.
Be proud of yourself for being the mom who has the insight AND the
gumption to protect her son in spite of societal pressures.
As far as helping your son, changing your own attitude will almost
certainly rub off on him. Also, be sure that he has an answer for
situations in which someone actually says out loud to him, "You write
like a baby," or something like that, if that is a possibility. He can
say, "I don't write well yet, but I can ...... really well." And, for
his own sake, if there are comparisons being made with cousins, be
sure he is aware of what he does and knows that his cousins don't.
-pam
guideforthree
====
I also realize that I see his difficulties as being a reflection of
ME. I'm sure people would say, WOW...you homeschool and your kids
can't even write!!
=====
My son went to school from the time he was three until halfway through
fourth grade, and he can't write. He is 11 now, and when he does
attempt to write, his letters are huge, and most of the words are
misspelled. However, with each attempt, he gets a little better.
Instead of focussing on writing, I focus on the things he does really
well. When we first started unschooling, some family members were
worried that his writing was not improving. My response was along the
lines of "If you are struggling with something, and you find it
difficult, do you want people to keep cajolling you, or would you
rather work it out in your own time without being pestered?"
I made a big leap when I was able to come to the realization that my
kids are not me, and I am not my kids. My self worth and identity has
to come from me, not from someone else. After I was able to make that
mental shift, I was able to understand that my son's developmental time
table is his, and not mine. It did take a while for me to arrive at a
point where I was comfortable with that idea.
===
How do I gain the confidence and help my son be OK with his current
abilities in situations like the one above?
===
Confidence is generally something that comes over time through
experience. Continue to focus your thoughts on the things he does
well, rather than dwelling on what he can't do, yet. Continue to help
him when he asks for it. Although, over time the help you provide in
public may become more discrete, such as using your finger to write a
letter in the palm of his hand, rather than up in the air.
As he has more need of writing, he will use it more, and eventually, he
will stop coming to you for help. Believe it or not, one day you will
miss all this. You will try to look back, and you will not be able to
remember the last time he asked you how to spell a word.
We often celebrate and glorify the first time a child does something,
but we somehow miss all the lasts. Now, I am sad, because I can't
remember the last time Toby held my hand to cross the street; I can't
remember the last time he sat in my lap; and I can't remember the last
time he asked me to read something for him.
Tina
I also realize that I see his difficulties as being a reflection of
ME. I'm sure people would say, WOW...you homeschool and your kids
can't even write!!
=====
My son went to school from the time he was three until halfway through
fourth grade, and he can't write. He is 11 now, and when he does
attempt to write, his letters are huge, and most of the words are
misspelled. However, with each attempt, he gets a little better.
Instead of focussing on writing, I focus on the things he does really
well. When we first started unschooling, some family members were
worried that his writing was not improving. My response was along the
lines of "If you are struggling with something, and you find it
difficult, do you want people to keep cajolling you, or would you
rather work it out in your own time without being pestered?"
I made a big leap when I was able to come to the realization that my
kids are not me, and I am not my kids. My self worth and identity has
to come from me, not from someone else. After I was able to make that
mental shift, I was able to understand that my son's developmental time
table is his, and not mine. It did take a while for me to arrive at a
point where I was comfortable with that idea.
===
How do I gain the confidence and help my son be OK with his current
abilities in situations like the one above?
===
Confidence is generally something that comes over time through
experience. Continue to focus your thoughts on the things he does
well, rather than dwelling on what he can't do, yet. Continue to help
him when he asks for it. Although, over time the help you provide in
public may become more discrete, such as using your finger to write a
letter in the palm of his hand, rather than up in the air.
As he has more need of writing, he will use it more, and eventually, he
will stop coming to you for help. Believe it or not, one day you will
miss all this. You will try to look back, and you will not be able to
remember the last time he asked you how to spell a word.
We often celebrate and glorify the first time a child does something,
but we somehow miss all the lasts. Now, I am sad, because I can't
remember the last time Toby held my hand to cross the street; I can't
remember the last time he sat in my lap; and I can't remember the last
time he asked me to read something for him.
Tina
Sandra Dodd
-=-I'm looking for ways to be more confident in this area around other
people. I don't want my son to feel embarrassed around other kids. -=-
Holly can type wonderfully well. She speaks well. She reads well.
She doesn't have good handwriting.
Last night she was at an "interview" for Zumiez. It was after the
store closed, and there were 13 applicants, and three employees
conducting the proceedings. There were group activities, relay
races, contests, group projects... And then there was a written
thing, that I'm sure the store didn't even think about. They had to
write down five questions, leaving room for answers, and then answer
them in writing. Holly ended up in tears, and the manager took her
off for a little walk. Holly said something like "I had been excited
that it was an interview, in person, and now THIS" and held up the
pen and paper. He talked to her a bit about not worrying so much
what people thought, and maybe about other things on the paper (I'm
not sure), because she had only finished three out of five, and told
her to call him at 10:00 in the morning, and she could go on. The
other twelve kids were being addressed as a group as she left, still
a little teary.
Marty, Brett and I were waiting for her at a restaurant nearby,
following a party which will be documented on my blog if and when I
ever finish the day's e-mail. <g>
As she told us about the evening, it sounded like she had done really
well. They seem to have been trying to see which kids had leadership
and charisma, physical abilities (crab-walking relays) and verbal and
persuasive ability (making advertisements and raps/chants and
infomercials, in groups). Holly kind of acted out for us how some of
the kids couldn't even say their own names clearly with confidence.
She was very unhappy about the writing. It's possible that the
manager thought that because she didn't write well she also couldn't
read well, because when she did call this morning (at 10:05, not
10:00, which is why I was so cranky, though there's a little more to
it than just that) he told her what all she needed to do to finalize
the hiring (didn't surprise me at all that the would offer her a job,
and I don't know how many from the group they might've chosen; she'll
find out later, I guess), he said the quiz on the handbook was very
important, so she should read it very carefully. She did. But the
way she repeated that to me, I think he thought she might be
generally slow in "reading and writing." Had their questions been
done with keyboards, Holly would've been the first one through and
could've made a moving gif to illustrate it all! <g>
I guess he'll relieved to learn she can read fine, and use a computer
wonderfully well.
But yes, the writing slowed her down. She's not fast. Her letters
aren't always "made right." She knows all it would take is
practice. Kirby got practice when he taught karate and had to fill
in judging forms, and then when he worked phones and drive through at
a busy pizza place and others had to read his handwriting. Marty
does miniature block printing that's pretty legible.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
people. I don't want my son to feel embarrassed around other kids. -=-
Holly can type wonderfully well. She speaks well. She reads well.
She doesn't have good handwriting.
Last night she was at an "interview" for Zumiez. It was after the
store closed, and there were 13 applicants, and three employees
conducting the proceedings. There were group activities, relay
races, contests, group projects... And then there was a written
thing, that I'm sure the store didn't even think about. They had to
write down five questions, leaving room for answers, and then answer
them in writing. Holly ended up in tears, and the manager took her
off for a little walk. Holly said something like "I had been excited
that it was an interview, in person, and now THIS" and held up the
pen and paper. He talked to her a bit about not worrying so much
what people thought, and maybe about other things on the paper (I'm
not sure), because she had only finished three out of five, and told
her to call him at 10:00 in the morning, and she could go on. The
other twelve kids were being addressed as a group as she left, still
a little teary.
Marty, Brett and I were waiting for her at a restaurant nearby,
following a party which will be documented on my blog if and when I
ever finish the day's e-mail. <g>
As she told us about the evening, it sounded like she had done really
well. They seem to have been trying to see which kids had leadership
and charisma, physical abilities (crab-walking relays) and verbal and
persuasive ability (making advertisements and raps/chants and
infomercials, in groups). Holly kind of acted out for us how some of
the kids couldn't even say their own names clearly with confidence.
She was very unhappy about the writing. It's possible that the
manager thought that because she didn't write well she also couldn't
read well, because when she did call this morning (at 10:05, not
10:00, which is why I was so cranky, though there's a little more to
it than just that) he told her what all she needed to do to finalize
the hiring (didn't surprise me at all that the would offer her a job,
and I don't know how many from the group they might've chosen; she'll
find out later, I guess), he said the quiz on the handbook was very
important, so she should read it very carefully. She did. But the
way she repeated that to me, I think he thought she might be
generally slow in "reading and writing." Had their questions been
done with keyboards, Holly would've been the first one through and
could've made a moving gif to illustrate it all! <g>
I guess he'll relieved to learn she can read fine, and use a computer
wonderfully well.
But yes, the writing slowed her down. She's not fast. Her letters
aren't always "made right." She knows all it would take is
practice. Kirby got practice when he taught karate and had to fill
in judging forms, and then when he worked phones and drive through at
a busy pizza place and others had to read his handwriting. Marty
does miniature block printing that's pretty legible.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny C
> Last night at my 9yo DS soccer party, there was a card set out forMargaux has great confindence in her own writing abilities, even when
> all the boys to sign for the coach. My DS looked a little nervous
> and came up to me and very quietly said "I always forget which way
> J's go, this way or that way?" I showed him by *drawing* a J in the
> air.
>
> He is definitely beginning to notice things he cannot do as well as
> others can. Writing is the big one right now.
she's wrong about the letters. Chamille wants it perfect, so when it
doesn't come out perfect, she lacks the confidence to manually write.
When we were doing the haunted house production, each day, we had to
sign in. The first day, I handed Chamille the pencil and she wavered
and questioned herself and lost all confidence to write even her own
name. So after that, I just signed us both in together.
She rarely manually writes. She types very fast, faster than me. The
letters never come out wrong and she's able to focus more attention on
the content of her writing and how she spells things. She surprised
herself the other day when she had to manually write out a phone number
and half the numbers were reversed. It truly bothered her, and she
corrected them. She said something about how if she were typing it,
that never would've happened.
She has really cute handwriting too, just no confidence in her
handwriting skills, largely because she's looking for perfection and
there's no such thing in handwriting. In a year, she's wanting to start
applying for jobs, so somewhere between now and then, she'll need to
have more confidence in her ability to write what she needs to write.
Sometimes you can take applications home and fill them out, so that will
help.