maturity in young adults and teens
Sandra Dodd
I usually don't care what people carry away and quote, but because
this involves other people, I'd like for it to stay on the list and
in the archives, but not be taken out and quoted. Thanks.
In the past week each of my children has impressed me with a kind of
maturity I didn't have at their ages.
Marty broke up with his girlfriend, and talked to me about it. He
was concerned about her wellbeing, hoped to maintain the friendship,
wanted to make sure he fulfilled things she had counted on him to do
(he's still willing to help her paint her house... did I mention she
has her own place? Yeah.... I know I didn't, but it's a factor in my
mind). It was his decision. I asked him if there was someone else
he liked, and he said no, it wasn't that. And he LIKES the girl.
He said something like he just didn't have the urge to reproduce with
her (he might've said procreate). So I think he was saying he wasn't
madly in love with her. I didn't quiz him further than what he
volunteered to share. Maybe he meant he didn't think she would be a
good mom for some reason, but he didn't say that. I think it was a
comment about his feelings about her.
Kirby had been scheduled to go to Las Vegas, Nevada (we always
specify in New Mexico, because Las Vegas alone is Las Vegas, New
Mexico) this week, to be at Treasure Island for "Talk Like a Pirate
Day." The loss of that plan came in stages. Several of his co-
workers had heard they would all get a bonus at a certain time and
decided to spend it on a trip to Las Vegas, but that bonus didn't
come through (or not yet, anyway). Then his roommate had invited a
bunch of his high school friends to meet them there too there, but
they all drink for fun. So Kirby told me (a few hours after I had
talked to Marty about his relationship change) that he had decided it
wasn't worth the money and time off to him, as he doesn't want to
gamble or get drunk.
Holly's is more subtle but involves a desire not to discuss having
children with her current boyfriend (not to discuss the topic with
anyone) because at the moment she can't figure out how she would
deal with his mother. I reminded her that it's not something she
needs to think about right away, and so she doesn't want to talk
about it or think about it. She loves the guy, and they get along
very well, and he clearly loves her. They both have a lot of growing
and thinking to do. What brought that on, though, was his visit to
his grandmother's where he talked with his sister and aunt and
grandmother, about Holly, and they expressed concern about whether,
if he stayed with Holly longterm, their children would be
homeschooled or go to school. He said he doesn't know.
Even if he and Holly got married and stayed together until 2059, it
wouldn't guarantee they would even *have* children. Just thinking
about all the possible pressures was too much for Holly to think
about, and I don't blame her. MANY teens and young adults and even
young parents are absolutely positively sure in advance what they
*are* going to do, and it turns out to be wrong! They change their
mind, for a myriad of reasons.
Holly would love to have children, but she's considering the inlaws
in her thoughts about who the father should be. And laws are
changing all around us. It used to be that staying unmarried was all
the safety a mom needed to be able to make all her own decisions
about the child-rearing, but recent legal cases have blown that away.
The government holds biological fathers responsible for child support
(at least they do where I live), and the moms can't easily cut off
from the obligation to let fathers AND grandparents have access to
the child.
But given all that in less than a week's time, I'm feeling very
confident that my kids can and will live mindfully and responsibly,
because they already are.
Sandra
(P.S. to those to whom I've said "You can quote anything I've ever
written." Please keep this one here, and quiet. Thanks.)
this involves other people, I'd like for it to stay on the list and
in the archives, but not be taken out and quoted. Thanks.
In the past week each of my children has impressed me with a kind of
maturity I didn't have at their ages.
Marty broke up with his girlfriend, and talked to me about it. He
was concerned about her wellbeing, hoped to maintain the friendship,
wanted to make sure he fulfilled things she had counted on him to do
(he's still willing to help her paint her house... did I mention she
has her own place? Yeah.... I know I didn't, but it's a factor in my
mind). It was his decision. I asked him if there was someone else
he liked, and he said no, it wasn't that. And he LIKES the girl.
He said something like he just didn't have the urge to reproduce with
her (he might've said procreate). So I think he was saying he wasn't
madly in love with her. I didn't quiz him further than what he
volunteered to share. Maybe he meant he didn't think she would be a
good mom for some reason, but he didn't say that. I think it was a
comment about his feelings about her.
Kirby had been scheduled to go to Las Vegas, Nevada (we always
specify in New Mexico, because Las Vegas alone is Las Vegas, New
Mexico) this week, to be at Treasure Island for "Talk Like a Pirate
Day." The loss of that plan came in stages. Several of his co-
workers had heard they would all get a bonus at a certain time and
decided to spend it on a trip to Las Vegas, but that bonus didn't
come through (or not yet, anyway). Then his roommate had invited a
bunch of his high school friends to meet them there too there, but
they all drink for fun. So Kirby told me (a few hours after I had
talked to Marty about his relationship change) that he had decided it
wasn't worth the money and time off to him, as he doesn't want to
gamble or get drunk.
Holly's is more subtle but involves a desire not to discuss having
children with her current boyfriend (not to discuss the topic with
anyone) because at the moment she can't figure out how she would
deal with his mother. I reminded her that it's not something she
needs to think about right away, and so she doesn't want to talk
about it or think about it. She loves the guy, and they get along
very well, and he clearly loves her. They both have a lot of growing
and thinking to do. What brought that on, though, was his visit to
his grandmother's where he talked with his sister and aunt and
grandmother, about Holly, and they expressed concern about whether,
if he stayed with Holly longterm, their children would be
homeschooled or go to school. He said he doesn't know.
Even if he and Holly got married and stayed together until 2059, it
wouldn't guarantee they would even *have* children. Just thinking
about all the possible pressures was too much for Holly to think
about, and I don't blame her. MANY teens and young adults and even
young parents are absolutely positively sure in advance what they
*are* going to do, and it turns out to be wrong! They change their
mind, for a myriad of reasons.
Holly would love to have children, but she's considering the inlaws
in her thoughts about who the father should be. And laws are
changing all around us. It used to be that staying unmarried was all
the safety a mom needed to be able to make all her own decisions
about the child-rearing, but recent legal cases have blown that away.
The government holds biological fathers responsible for child support
(at least they do where I live), and the moms can't easily cut off
from the obligation to let fathers AND grandparents have access to
the child.
But given all that in less than a week's time, I'm feeling very
confident that my kids can and will live mindfully and responsibly,
because they already are.
Sandra
(P.S. to those to whom I've said "You can quote anything I've ever
written." Please keep this one here, and quiet. Thanks.)
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/16/2008 11:42:56 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
Sandra@... writes:
<<<MANY teens and young adults and even
young parents are absolutely positively sure in advance what they
*are* going to do, and it turns out to be wrong! They change their
mind, for a myriad of reasons.>>>
I was quite sure, myself. I had it all planned out. Very traditional, much
how I was raised, minus the hitting and the clean plate club. School,
grounding, parent-knows-best as boss, benevolent leader. Marrying before I was 22
(okay, I got that part), having kids close together and early, no generation gap
in *my* family. :~)
Thankfully, fate stepped in. I am a hugely better mama (and person) having
born my first at 33 rather than 21. Hugely. So far from "traditional" and
"mainstream" that I think folks who knew me in high school wouldn't recognize the
person I am today (personality wise). One of my biggest mantras when I was a
teen was, "Parent's *can't* be their kids' friend!" Ohy...
Most likely, my kids will be less averse to changing their minds and see it
more as a simple, daily thing than I did. I know they're more open-minded
about things and more interested in what is good rather than how to please. They
know their own minds before 10 years old the way it took me over 35 years to
do-maybe even moreso than I do. And more naturally, easier than I do.
Thank goodness we can change our minds.
Peace,
De
_http://and-the-kitchen-sink.blogspot.com/_
(http://and-the-kitchen-sink.blogspot.com/)
_http://whatshappeningwiththesmiths.blogspot.com/_
(http://whatshappeningwiththesmiths.blogspot.com/)
**************Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog,
plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com.
(http://www.stylelist.com/trends?ncid=aolsty00050000000014)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra@... writes:
<<<MANY teens and young adults and even
young parents are absolutely positively sure in advance what they
*are* going to do, and it turns out to be wrong! They change their
mind, for a myriad of reasons.>>>
I was quite sure, myself. I had it all planned out. Very traditional, much
how I was raised, minus the hitting and the clean plate club. School,
grounding, parent-knows-best as boss, benevolent leader. Marrying before I was 22
(okay, I got that part), having kids close together and early, no generation gap
in *my* family. :~)
Thankfully, fate stepped in. I am a hugely better mama (and person) having
born my first at 33 rather than 21. Hugely. So far from "traditional" and
"mainstream" that I think folks who knew me in high school wouldn't recognize the
person I am today (personality wise). One of my biggest mantras when I was a
teen was, "Parent's *can't* be their kids' friend!" Ohy...
Most likely, my kids will be less averse to changing their minds and see it
more as a simple, daily thing than I did. I know they're more open-minded
about things and more interested in what is good rather than how to please. They
know their own minds before 10 years old the way it took me over 35 years to
do-maybe even moreso than I do. And more naturally, easier than I do.
Thank goodness we can change our minds.
Peace,
De
_http://and-the-kitchen-sink.blogspot.com/_
(http://and-the-kitchen-sink.blogspot.com/)
_http://whatshappeningwiththesmiths.blogspot.com/_
(http://whatshappeningwiththesmiths.blogspot.com/)
**************Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog,
plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com.
(http://www.stylelist.com/trends?ncid=aolsty00050000000014)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ed Wendell
Friday, Sept 19 is Talk Like a Pirate Day!
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/howto.html
Just in case other's are wondering what it is ;) Sounds like a lot of fun!!!!
Lisa W.
Kirby had been scheduled to go to Las Vegas, Nevada (we always
specify in New Mexico, because Las Vegas alone is Las Vegas, New
Mexico) this week, to be at Treasure Island for "Talk Like a Pirate
Day."
.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/howto.html
Just in case other's are wondering what it is ;) Sounds like a lot of fun!!!!
Lisa W.
Kirby had been scheduled to go to Las Vegas, Nevada (we always
specify in New Mexico, because Las Vegas alone is Las Vegas, New
Mexico) this week, to be at Treasure Island for "Talk Like a Pirate
Day."
.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
Friday, Sept 19 is Talk Like a Pirate Day!
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/howto.html
Just in case other's are wondering what it is ;) Sounds like a lot of
fun!!!!
===========================================================
Oh my gosh. They have translators. I thought of doing my whole main
page for the occasion on Friday, but I guess I won't.
I did get this far, though, before a came to my senses:
The pirate speaks,"LEARNING ALL THE TIME People learn by playin',
thinkin' and amazin' themselves. They learn while they're laughin' at
somethin' surprisin', and they learn while they're wonderin' "What t'
heck be this!?" "
I'm a big John Holt fan. Even t' book titles be informative and
inspirin': Learnin' All t' Time; Never Too Late; Teach Your Own.
I have a discussion group called AlwaysLearnin', where t' principles
underlyin' unschoolin' be discussed. Some other discussion lists o'
interest be described and linked here.
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/howto.html
Just in case other's are wondering what it is ;) Sounds like a lot of
fun!!!!
===========================================================
Oh my gosh. They have translators. I thought of doing my whole main
page for the occasion on Friday, but I guess I won't.
I did get this far, though, before a came to my senses:
The pirate speaks,"LEARNING ALL THE TIME People learn by playin',
thinkin' and amazin' themselves. They learn while they're laughin' at
somethin' surprisin', and they learn while they're wonderin' "What t'
heck be this!?" "
I'm a big John Holt fan. Even t' book titles be informative and
inspirin': Learnin' All t' Time; Never Too Late; Teach Your Own.
I have a discussion group called AlwaysLearnin', where t' principles
underlyin' unschoolin' be discussed. Some other discussion lists o'
interest be described and linked here.