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In a message dated 2/1/02 8:02:16 AM, homeschoolmd@... writes:

<< Yesterday, I made chocolate chip cookies. About 10 min. before dinner my
dd asked if she could have one. I told her I was not going to tell her what
to do but explained my thinking on the matter. She decided to wait. My dh
said "I'm glad you didn't ask me because you probably would have been sent to
your room after throwing a fit about not being *allowed* to have a cookie".
Later on that night he told me he had a talk with my dd about how smart her
mother is. I think I can get used to this new status! >>

Maybe next time you can just say "If you want to" and maybe a time or two
after that you could say "Yes"!

My kids still ask. I'm not really sure why.

Sometimes I get grumpy at Holly for asking me so many things. I think she
has friends who ask and get told no a lot, and she likes to ask and get told
yes.

But for example, yesterday when we were getting ready to go to the
homeschooling group meeting, she said "Mom, my nose hurts. Can I take a box
of kleenex?"

WHY on the entire earth would I say no? She'd already talked to me about her
throat hurting a bit in the mornings, but not after lunch (it's very cold and
dry here this week--we don't have a humidifier) and that her nose was a
little snotty, but not enough to take medicine, and she definitely wanted to
go.

I said "Sure, you know you can. Why do you ask me these things?"

She just laughed and said "I don't know."

Sandra

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On Fri, 1 Feb 2002 12:24:18 EST SandraDodd@... writes:
> WHY on the entire earth would I say no? She'd already talked to me
about her
> throat hurting a bit in the mornings, but not after lunch (it's very
cold and
> dry here this week--we don't have a humidifier) and that her nose was
a
> little snotty, but not enough to take medicine, and she definitely
> wanted to go.

I'm so glad you wrote this! Cacie asks me stuff a lot, and I've never
quite understood why and it makes me feel bad sometimes, like she really
doesn't feel free to just do stuff.

Of course, sometimes I say "no" as sort of a joke, and she does this
thing where she smiles and lifts her chin and just does it anyway, so I
think she *knows*... I mean, I can see it on things where she might not
be sure her plan is going to work, like "Can I use baking soda instead of
baking powder?" (except that she didn't ask and we ended up with very
baking soda-y cookies) but she asks on things like kleenex boxes too
sometimes...

Actually, she doesn't ask as much as she did when she was 7 to 8 ish, so
maybe it was a stage, or maybe it was the influence of too many old
British books and shows... "Mummy, may I have a cookie, please?"

Dar
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In a message dated 2/1/02 10:37:13 AM, freeform@... writes:

<< Of course, sometimes I say "no" as sort of a joke, and she does this
thing where she smiles and lifts her chin and just does it anyway, so I
think she *knows*... >>

Sometimes when it's really late Holly will ask if she can go to bed, and
sometimes I jokingly say no, and sometimes I seriously say no, but ask her to
do some stuff first--feed the cats, or practical little pre-sleep stuff.
But certainly if she didn't ask and we just found her asleep, nobody would
say "YOU didn't say 'Mother May I?'"

Maybe it's just conversational, with her and Cacie. Or maybe they like
hearing "Sure!" a lot. (I wish I could have heard that a lot when I was a
kid.)

Sandra

Heather Madrone

At 12:24 PM 02/01/2002 -0500, SandraDodd@... wrote:
>My kids still ask. I'm not really sure why.

Perhaps because it's courteous? It's a way for them to say that
they care about your needs and concerns, too, and they're checking
to make sure that their plan works for you, too.

Heather Madrone (heather@...) http://www.madrone.com
I'm so glad there's a day between yesterday and tomorrow.

Fetteroll

on 2/1/02 12:24 PM, SandraDodd@... at SandraDodd@... wrote:

> My kids still ask. I'm not really sure why.

Or maybe it's a way of say "Do you see a problem with this that I don't?"

Joyce


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In a message dated 2/1/02 12:17:55 PM, fetteroll@... writes:

<< Or maybe it's a way of say "Do you see a problem with this that I don't?"
>>

Good point.

I was thinking, and I ask other people too. I ask my husband or I run an
idea by him and say "okay?" at the end, meaning "Do you see a problem with
this that I don't?"

And to the kids too, I'll say "After I take Kirby to karate, I'm going to the
store, okay?" Partly I want an acknowledgement that they heard me. Party
it's an indicator that they should make requests for the shopping list or say
they want to go too.

Maybe they picked it up from me.

Sandra

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In a message dated 2/1/02 9:25:53 AM Pacific Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:

<<
But for example, yesterday when we were getting ready to go to the
homeschooling group meeting, she said "Mom, my nose hurts. Can I take a box
of kleenex?"

WHY on the entire earth would I say no? She'd already talked to me about
her
throat hurting a bit in the mornings, but not after lunch (it's very cold
and
dry here this week--we don't have a humidifier) and that her nose was a
little snotty, but not enough to take medicine, and she definitely wanted to
go.

I said "Sure, you know you can. Why do you ask me these things?"

She just laughed and said "I don't know."
>>

My dd does this sometimes also. Maybe its there way of asking advice and
not really permission?

Kathy

meghan anderson

<<<<My kids still ask. I'm not really sure why.

Sometimes I get grumpy at Holly for asking me so many
things. I think she
has friends who ask and get told no a lot, and she
likes to ask and get told yes.

But for example, yesterday when we were getting ready
to go to the
homeschooling group meeting, she said "Mom, my nose
hurts. Can I take
a box of kleenex?"

WHY on the entire earth would I say no? She'd already
talked to me
about her
throat hurting a bit in the mornings, but not after
lunch (it's very
cold and dry here this week--we don't have a
humidifier) and that her nose was a
little snotty, but not enough to take medicine, and
she definitely wanted to go.

I said "Sure, you know you can. Why do you ask me
these things?"

She just laughed and said "I don't know."

Sandra>>>>


I'm so glad to hear that Tamzin's not the only
unschooler who asks permission to do stuff when the
answer is always yes. She always asks me if she can
watch a video or have something to eat or play on the
computer.
The computer I can understand, because I use it too. I
rarely watch TV though (she basically *owns* the TV
<g>). And I certainly have never refused her food (oh,
except the time she wanted to eat the moldy
croissant)!

Meghan

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In a message dated 2/4/2002 8:56:30 AM Pacific Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:


> I'm so glad to hear that Tamzin's not the only
> unschooler who asks permission to do stuff when the
> answer is always yes. She always asks me if she can
> watch a video or have something to eat or play on the
> computer.

My kids can watch tv anytime they want. But they ALWAYS ask if it is okay to
turn on the tv. So once somebody heard me saying that my kids had free access
to the tv and they sort of "called me on it," in a critical way -- saying --
"They don't have free access, they have to ask your permission."

Well - they do say, "Can I watch such-and-such a show?" But they aren't
asking permission - they are being polite and getting information. They want
to know if somebody else is about to want to watch something else, for
example. Or are we going to have to walk out the door to go someplace in the
middle of the show. And, maybe, they are even wondering if having the tv on
is going to bother anybody else (they know that I get tense and cranky when
the noise is there, in the background, for too long). But, now that we have
wireless headphones the noise isn't an issue anymore. YAY!!!!

--pam


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