No Desire to be with Friends
klybowen
I've been unschooling for a year now. I have two daughters 14 and 10.
My 10 year old has completely changed during this year. She went from
barely reading to devouring the complete Warriors series (more than one
time!!)and is now writing amazingly well. Anyway, she is an introvert
and rapidly matured this summer both emotionally and physically. This
summer she lost all desire to play with friends claiming that she
doesn't like to play the same things anymore. She is content to read,
play on the computer and occasionally master a video game. Has anyone
else experienced this with their kids? Should I go out of my way to
provide activities for her and her friends (movies, bowling, trips to
the zoo) that would keep them connected? We talked about it and she
seemed ok with that idea but I don't want to force something.
My 10 year old has completely changed during this year. She went from
barely reading to devouring the complete Warriors series (more than one
time!!)and is now writing amazingly well. Anyway, she is an introvert
and rapidly matured this summer both emotionally and physically. This
summer she lost all desire to play with friends claiming that she
doesn't like to play the same things anymore. She is content to read,
play on the computer and occasionally master a video game. Has anyone
else experienced this with their kids? Should I go out of my way to
provide activities for her and her friends (movies, bowling, trips to
the zoo) that would keep them connected? We talked about it and she
seemed ok with that idea but I don't want to force something.
Margaret
Perhaps she would be interested in meeting people who *do* like to
play the same things that she does.
As for the other things, going with what she wants seems like a nice
idea... but letting her know that you are happy to coordinate these
things might be helpful information for her.
play the same things that she does.
As for the other things, going with what she wants seems like a nice
idea... but letting her know that you are happy to coordinate these
things might be helpful information for her.
On Mon, Aug 25, 2008 at 9:49 PM, klybowen <kbowen@...> wrote:
> I've been unschooling for a year now. I have two daughters 14 and 10.
> My 10 year old has completely changed during this year. She went from
> barely reading to devouring the complete Warriors series (more than one
> time!!)and is now writing amazingly well. Anyway, she is an introvert
> and rapidly matured this summer both emotionally and physically. This
> summer she lost all desire to play with friends claiming that she
> doesn't like to play the same things anymore. She is content to read,
> play on the computer and occasionally master a video game. Has anyone
> else experienced this with their kids? Should I go out of my way to
> provide activities for her and her friends (movies, bowling, trips to
> the zoo) that would keep them connected? We talked about it and she
> seemed ok with that idea but I don't want to force something.
Jenny C
Has anyone
oldest, 14, loves to be around other like minded people doing
interesting things, but she won't do it unless she likes the activity
and the people involved. She'd rather stay at home and read or be on
her computer. Her first choice, though, would be doing something cool
with cool people.
> else experienced this with their kids? Should I go out of my way toIs it the people or the activities that she isn't interested in? My
> provide activities for her and her friends (movies, bowling, trips to
> the zoo) that would keep them connected? We talked about it and she
> seemed ok with that idea but I don't want to force something.
>
oldest, 14, loves to be around other like minded people doing
interesting things, but she won't do it unless she likes the activity
and the people involved. She'd rather stay at home and read or be on
her computer. Her first choice, though, would be doing something cool
with cool people.
Sandra Dodd
-=-Has anyone
else experienced this with their kids?-=-
Yes. All of them at one point or another. They were only interested
in their unschooled friends (who are still in their lives).
-=-Should I go out of my way to provide activities for her and her
friends (movies, bowling, trips to the zoo) that would keep them
connected? -=-
Two things:
Don't consider it "out of your way." I know it's a figure of speech
but, what parents do for kids is square in the middle of the
parenting road.
The other thing is if she's happy you could morally let her be home
and happy. When she wants more she'll say so.
Maybe do movies, zoo, etc. with her (just you and her maybe, or you
and her and one other friend/relative) to make sure she's out
sometimes seeing new things.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
else experienced this with their kids?-=-
Yes. All of them at one point or another. They were only interested
in their unschooled friends (who are still in their lives).
-=-Should I go out of my way to provide activities for her and her
friends (movies, bowling, trips to the zoo) that would keep them
connected? -=-
Two things:
Don't consider it "out of your way." I know it's a figure of speech
but, what parents do for kids is square in the middle of the
parenting road.
The other thing is if she's happy you could morally let her be home
and happy. When she wants more she'll say so.
Maybe do movies, zoo, etc. with her (just you and her maybe, or you
and her and one other friend/relative) to make sure she's out
sometimes seeing new things.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robin Bentley
My 13 yo daughter has been experiencing the same thing in the last
year or so. She is more than content to re-read every Warriors book
written <g>, delve into other books that have been on her shelf and
play on the computer. She plays WoW and is on deviantART, so connects
with friends on-line.
I noticed a couple of years ago that she was less interested in
"getting out" to homeschool-group events, so we stopped. I also
noticed that sometimes, even when she said she wanted to go, and I
followed through with tickets or arrangements, she would want to bail
at the last minute. So, since then, I have offered up things to do
with and without friends. I mention possibilities more than once, but
unless I see that light of excitement in her eyes, I don't assume I
should nail it down.
I would say (and so would she) that she's happier on her own at home.
She can be who she is, grow at her own pace, and do the things she
loves. She enjoys her friends generally one at a time (so I do my best
to facilitate that) and those who share her interests, but also looks
forward to our regional unschooling conference, in spite of the
heightened energy. As she gets older, I see that she's growing into
herself, being more comfortable with who she is, understanding herself
better.
When she was little, she would remove herself from situations that
overwhelmed her. Then she went through a long period of seeking out
stimulation (or at least not avoiding it) with not-so-great
consequences for her or people around her. This happens less and less,
but there are times still when she doesn't want to leave what's
happening, then she'll become angry and frustrated. I realize that I
needed to be more sensitive to this and not schlep us to so many
activities. It can be a tightrope for us, because things can go off
the rails, even when it's somewhere she *really* wants to be.
She seems to know, even more so in the last few months, that when
things get overwhelming for her, she needs to get away from what's
happening. At the most recent conference, she often went back to the
room to play her DS, or watch her Inuyasha DVDs, so she could get some
space to calm down. She has the qualities of an introvert (needs lots
of down time, gets her energy sucked out by too much excitement or
dissonance), but can enjoy social time, too. A bit like her mum and
dad <g>.
As she gets older, she's been able to articulate what's going on for
her, too. We had a spell in which we had friends (whom we love dearly)
come and stay for two days/nights at a time, within a week of each
other. She told me that much as she cares for these friends, she was
only able to handle one day/night visit at a time per week. So, that's
filed for future reference. She is thinking ahead as to what might
happen, is willing to try things, but also able to tell me how it went
and how she sees things going next time.
I have worried that I wasn't providing "enough" of whatever for her,
but she's happy! And when she's not happy, it doesn't take long for
her to get over it, since she's at home where she's loved and given
space to do it.
If your daughter is content, that's great. By all means, offer up
ideas, especially ones that segue with her current passions, like
renting "Golden Compass" or going to see other animal-focused movies,
checking out some new computer games (does she know about the Warriors
site?
http://www.warriorcats.com/warriorshell.html There are lots of
Warriors fans on deviantART, too http://www.deviantart.com/
#catpath=fanart&order=9&q=warrior+cats), trips to the zoo. But don't
make it necessarily a friend-related trip, just for the purpose of
connecting her with her friends. She may really be wanting to
experience things on her own, or with you or the family.
Robin B.
I
year or so. She is more than content to re-read every Warriors book
written <g>, delve into other books that have been on her shelf and
play on the computer. She plays WoW and is on deviantART, so connects
with friends on-line.
I noticed a couple of years ago that she was less interested in
"getting out" to homeschool-group events, so we stopped. I also
noticed that sometimes, even when she said she wanted to go, and I
followed through with tickets or arrangements, she would want to bail
at the last minute. So, since then, I have offered up things to do
with and without friends. I mention possibilities more than once, but
unless I see that light of excitement in her eyes, I don't assume I
should nail it down.
I would say (and so would she) that she's happier on her own at home.
She can be who she is, grow at her own pace, and do the things she
loves. She enjoys her friends generally one at a time (so I do my best
to facilitate that) and those who share her interests, but also looks
forward to our regional unschooling conference, in spite of the
heightened energy. As she gets older, I see that she's growing into
herself, being more comfortable with who she is, understanding herself
better.
When she was little, she would remove herself from situations that
overwhelmed her. Then she went through a long period of seeking out
stimulation (or at least not avoiding it) with not-so-great
consequences for her or people around her. This happens less and less,
but there are times still when she doesn't want to leave what's
happening, then she'll become angry and frustrated. I realize that I
needed to be more sensitive to this and not schlep us to so many
activities. It can be a tightrope for us, because things can go off
the rails, even when it's somewhere she *really* wants to be.
She seems to know, even more so in the last few months, that when
things get overwhelming for her, she needs to get away from what's
happening. At the most recent conference, she often went back to the
room to play her DS, or watch her Inuyasha DVDs, so she could get some
space to calm down. She has the qualities of an introvert (needs lots
of down time, gets her energy sucked out by too much excitement or
dissonance), but can enjoy social time, too. A bit like her mum and
dad <g>.
As she gets older, she's been able to articulate what's going on for
her, too. We had a spell in which we had friends (whom we love dearly)
come and stay for two days/nights at a time, within a week of each
other. She told me that much as she cares for these friends, she was
only able to handle one day/night visit at a time per week. So, that's
filed for future reference. She is thinking ahead as to what might
happen, is willing to try things, but also able to tell me how it went
and how she sees things going next time.
I have worried that I wasn't providing "enough" of whatever for her,
but she's happy! And when she's not happy, it doesn't take long for
her to get over it, since she's at home where she's loved and given
space to do it.
If your daughter is content, that's great. By all means, offer up
ideas, especially ones that segue with her current passions, like
renting "Golden Compass" or going to see other animal-focused movies,
checking out some new computer games (does she know about the Warriors
site?
http://www.warriorcats.com/warriorshell.html There are lots of
Warriors fans on deviantART, too http://www.deviantart.com/
#catpath=fanart&order=9&q=warrior+cats), trips to the zoo. But don't
make it necessarily a friend-related trip, just for the purpose of
connecting her with her friends. She may really be wanting to
experience things on her own, or with you or the family.
Robin B.
I
On Aug 25, 2008, at 9:49 PM, klybowen wrote:
> I've been unschooling for a year now. I have two daughters 14 and 10.
> My 10 year old has completely changed during this year. She went from
> barely reading to devouring the complete Warriors series (more than
> one
> time!!)and is now writing amazingly well. Anyway, she is an introvert
> and rapidly matured this summer both emotionally and physically. This
> summer she lost all desire to play with friends claiming that she
> doesn't like to play the same things anymore. She is content to read,
> play on the computer and occasionally master a video game. Has anyone
> else experienced this with their kids? Should I go out of my way to
> provide activities for her and her friends (movies, bowling, trips to
> the zoo) that would keep them connected? We talked about it and she
> seemed ok with that idea but I don't want to force something.
>
>
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