blue_mountain34

My daughter has done much research about body piercings, and has over
the past 3 or 4 years done various piercings on herself. Most of them
I am just recently finding out about. She recently ordered a sterile
piercing needle and all that she needed to pierce her ear cartilege
today on her 16th birthday.

Not only did I know about it this time, she invited me to watch and to
take pictures, which I did. As I mentioned, she is very knowledgeable
about how to pierce safely, and she is considering becoming a tattoo
artist or a surgeon.

During her birthday party today, the conversation turned to piercings.
One of her friends asked her to pierce her belly button and my
daughter was all set to do this, when I said we needed to talk about
it first. The friend is 16, and legally old enough to get a piercing
done without her parents signature.

I am ok with my daughter doing her own piercings, but I am not ok with
her doing piercings on other people. I don't know how to handle
this....help!!

Marie

Jenny C

> I am ok with my daughter doing her own piercings, but I am not ok with
> her doing piercings on other people. I don't know how to handle
> this....help!!


In a lot of states it is illegal to do without a liscence. If the
parents don't know about it before hand and then find out that your
daughter did it with your consent, you could be in trouble legally.
Find out what the law is first.

Then, if they are dead set to do it, tell them that you don't want any
part in it and to not let you in on it when and if they do go through
with it. Like saying, "go ahead, but don't make me an accomplice."
There are good reasons to have it done professionaly, maybe find and
share those reasons.

Gold Standard

>>I am ok with my daughter doing her own piercings, but I am not ok with
>>her doing piercings on other people. I don't know how to handle
>>this....help!!<<

Your daughter sounds like she has done a responsible and admirable job in
learning how to pierce!

I would find out the legal and health ramifications and give that
information to the girls.

Then I would probably just go to my room and read. I don't think I would
condone or condemn the activity.

If anything goes wrong, I may feel the need to contact the other person's
parents, depending on the situation.

My teenagers have had parties where "illegal" things have happened. People
were safe, they slept here, no one drove, no one became ill, and I was
nearby if I was needed. I don't have issues with these things because my
kids are particularly responsible with their friends and their lives, and
they appear to regulate things themselves very well. They would not let
anyone get out of hand, would not allow anything at our house outside of
alcohol or pot, and themselves don't like to engage in much of either. These
are not rules that we have laid down, but the natural result of them having
freedom and information their whole lives. So far they have made good
decisions.

I do have to say that I would not want to be liable for what other people's
kids do, and so I stay nearby but not part of any kid-parties here. If there
was a problem, I would get involved right away and my kids count on that
too! One time a young man arrived here very drunk. My son called me (I was 5
minutes away) and asked me to come home to help deal with it. I played the
heavy and told him I was uncomfortable with his condition like that at our
house and drove him home. I called his parents on the way to let them know
what happened, because in my thinking, he needed someone's attention, I
couldn't just drop him off somewhere, he needed to be watched. My kids were
very relieved. So far, that's the only situation where someone was unstable
and I thought my kids handled it well. AND, I was very glad they felt safe
and comfortable to call me in. They trust me too!

Jacki

Sandra Dodd

Some things go beyond unschooling.

If she wasn't old enough to have certain piercings done without
parental permission, maybe she wasn't old enough to legally do them
on herself, even with parental permission. But it's kind of hard for
the law to say anything once the hole's there. What they could do,
though, is consider that her parents were being negligent.

Negligence or any lawbreaking is a special danger for unschoolers,
because many state laws have their homeschooling laws worded in such
ways that they expect you to be using a curriculum. Some unschooling
families would be able to stand in court and describe unschooling in
schoolish ways and to justify what they're doing and why, quoting
experts. Many others (more and more as time goes by) could not.

The best thing to do, then is to lie low until the kids are 18. You
might think I'm not practicing that, because my name is on the
internet and my kids' names and photos. But what I mean is I kept
them in and quiet after 10:00 until they were old enough to be out
later. I help make sure they have licenses, insurance, IDs on them,
that I know where they are and who they're with, and that they have a
charged phone on them when they're out, that it's a place they can
stay over if they need to, or that there's someone to drive them home
if not (or that we could go and get them).

I'm not paranoid about laws or lawbreaking, but neither am I reckless.

The first "kid party" at our house where we had liquor out was last
month, a combined birthday party for me and Kirby. Everyone who was
invited was told they could stay over if they got drunk. We had LOTS
of clean bedding and crash space. And the vast majority of the
attendees were over 21, too. (Kirby's 22nd birthday, and most of his
friends are older than he is.)

Being an unschooler won't be a defense if another family gets angry
that your daughter pierced their kid (regardless of infection or
damage).

And advise her not to charge ANYthing. Even haircutting can't be
done for money unless the person is licensed.

My ears were pierced by a friend when I was a kid. We read up and we
were careful and there weren't problems. As there come to be more
and more laws, though, it's a good thing to help our kid be aware of
the immediate dangers of lawbreaking and the possible secondary
dangers to the legal peace and quiet of an unschooling family.

Sandra