When friends are over
Joanna Wilkinson
I need some opinions.
When your child has a friend (or friends) over, and something of your
childs accidentally gets broken, by your child and the friend
together through rough housing, do you hold the friend liable? Do
you tell the parent their child should pay half to get it fixed or
get a new one?
My opinion is that when we have friends over, I take on the
responsibility of the kids and try very hard to make sure things
don't get out of hand and people or things don't get hurt. If
something does accidentally get broken...bummer.
My example for my thinking, is when we had a party, and my aunt
spilled red wine on my carpet, I, in no way, would have asked her to
foot the cleaning bill. It's the price of a party sometimes.
Having kids in your house, sometimes things get broken.
I am now uncomfortable letting my child go to this house because
there is always something that happens and I'm told about it and made
to feel like he should pay.
We don't have this problem at other friends houses.
He really likes this friend though. I am fine with them coming here,
but feel this may cause a problem with my not wanting him over
there. I am also starting to get concerned for his safety, wondering
about the supervision.
Any thoughts?
Joanna W.
When your child has a friend (or friends) over, and something of your
childs accidentally gets broken, by your child and the friend
together through rough housing, do you hold the friend liable? Do
you tell the parent their child should pay half to get it fixed or
get a new one?
My opinion is that when we have friends over, I take on the
responsibility of the kids and try very hard to make sure things
don't get out of hand and people or things don't get hurt. If
something does accidentally get broken...bummer.
My example for my thinking, is when we had a party, and my aunt
spilled red wine on my carpet, I, in no way, would have asked her to
foot the cleaning bill. It's the price of a party sometimes.
Having kids in your house, sometimes things get broken.
I am now uncomfortable letting my child go to this house because
there is always something that happens and I'm told about it and made
to feel like he should pay.
We don't have this problem at other friends houses.
He really likes this friend though. I am fine with them coming here,
but feel this may cause a problem with my not wanting him over
there. I am also starting to get concerned for his safety, wondering
about the supervision.
Any thoughts?
Joanna W.
Pamela Sorooshian
Can you tell the other parents that you're feeling uncomfortable?
Maybe you can start out asking, "So, does my child seem very
destructive or something?" Maybe yours is a lot rougher than the other
kid - just by nature, I mean. So maybe it seems to the other kid's
parents like yours is particularly hard on things. Does the other kid
ever damage anything at your house? Maybe you could say, "Why don't we
just agree to cover whatever damage there is at our own houses - I
won't bill you, you don't bill me?"
We've known kids, over the years, who were nice wonderful kids whom we
liked a lot, but we didn't like them being at our house because things
got broken when they were here. They were harder on things than my
kids were.
I wouldn't expect someone to pay for damage accidentally done by a kid
playing at our house.
I wouldn't normally even tell other parents about such damage, but
there were occasions that I can recall that I thought they really
ought to talk to the child about being more careful and that they
might want to maybe offer to help fix it or replace it. I guess not
so much when I "invited" a kid over, but when the kids were younger
and there was a constant flow of all the kids in the neighborhood in
and out of all the houses. I know that if my kid stood on my
neighbor's porch and drew a very large picture on the freshly painted
wall with a marker, I would want to know and I wouldn't just blow it
off, I'd offer to pay for the repainting. The girl that did that was
our next-door-neighbor and she was about 8 years old. The parents just
said, "Oh, sorry." Come to think of it, one of MY kids once got
marker on a carpet at someone's house - they were using markers on
coloring books and she managed to get quite a bit of it on the light-
colored carpet. I went right then and bought some carpet cleaner and
got it cleaned up, thank goodness, or I would have felt like I had to
offer to pay for new carpeting. I had brought the coloring books and
markers with us. So I felt very responsible.
So - I guess my answer is that maybe it depends on circumstances.
-pam
Maybe you can start out asking, "So, does my child seem very
destructive or something?" Maybe yours is a lot rougher than the other
kid - just by nature, I mean. So maybe it seems to the other kid's
parents like yours is particularly hard on things. Does the other kid
ever damage anything at your house? Maybe you could say, "Why don't we
just agree to cover whatever damage there is at our own houses - I
won't bill you, you don't bill me?"
We've known kids, over the years, who were nice wonderful kids whom we
liked a lot, but we didn't like them being at our house because things
got broken when they were here. They were harder on things than my
kids were.
I wouldn't expect someone to pay for damage accidentally done by a kid
playing at our house.
I wouldn't normally even tell other parents about such damage, but
there were occasions that I can recall that I thought they really
ought to talk to the child about being more careful and that they
might want to maybe offer to help fix it or replace it. I guess not
so much when I "invited" a kid over, but when the kids were younger
and there was a constant flow of all the kids in the neighborhood in
and out of all the houses. I know that if my kid stood on my
neighbor's porch and drew a very large picture on the freshly painted
wall with a marker, I would want to know and I wouldn't just blow it
off, I'd offer to pay for the repainting. The girl that did that was
our next-door-neighbor and she was about 8 years old. The parents just
said, "Oh, sorry." Come to think of it, one of MY kids once got
marker on a carpet at someone's house - they were using markers on
coloring books and she managed to get quite a bit of it on the light-
colored carpet. I went right then and bought some carpet cleaner and
got it cleaned up, thank goodness, or I would have felt like I had to
offer to pay for new carpeting. I had brought the coloring books and
markers with us. So I felt very responsible.
So - I guess my answer is that maybe it depends on circumstances.
-pam
On Jul 22, 2008, at 9:43 AM, Joanna Wilkinson wrote:
> We don't have this problem at other friends houses.
> He really likes this friend though. I am fine with them coming here,
> but feel this may cause a problem with my not wanting him over
> there. I am also starting to get concerned for his safety, wondering
> about the supervision.
Sandra Dodd
-=-He really likes this friend though. I am fine with them coming here,
but feel this may cause a problem with my not wanting him over
there. I am also starting to get concerned for his safety, wondering
about the supervision.
Any thoughts?-=-
A friend made kids pay for something that got broken in her RV while
she was giving them a ride. It was awful. We paid our part, but it
was the end of the friendship.
One family refused, and that was the end of that friendship, too. It
was lose/lose.
It was an OLD ratty RV (camper on a truck) and was falling apart
anyway, which made it worse.
I like Pam's account of cleaning the carpet when marker got on it.
"It depends" is always the answer.
One thing that's easy to break and is causing lots of inter-family
(or inter-young-adult) trauma is Rock Band. The controllers break,
especially the drums because people are hitting them with real sticks.
Maybe the kids should play in public places together and not at
either house?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
but feel this may cause a problem with my not wanting him over
there. I am also starting to get concerned for his safety, wondering
about the supervision.
Any thoughts?-=-
A friend made kids pay for something that got broken in her RV while
she was giving them a ride. It was awful. We paid our part, but it
was the end of the friendship.
One family refused, and that was the end of that friendship, too. It
was lose/lose.
It was an OLD ratty RV (camper on a truck) and was falling apart
anyway, which made it worse.
I like Pam's account of cleaning the carpet when marker got on it.
"It depends" is always the answer.
One thing that's easy to break and is causing lots of inter-family
(or inter-young-adult) trauma is Rock Band. The controllers break,
especially the drums because people are hitting them with real sticks.
Maybe the kids should play in public places together and not at
either house?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joanna Wilkinson
--- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
I get two for one with the kid visiting deal with this family. She
has 2 boys. At my house they had to learn that jumping on the
furniture was not okay, running and screaming through the house-not
okay, hurting the younger brother-not okay, rough housing was done
outside (and once they got out there, they would run around but not
tackle like they wanted to on the couch, cause it hurts to land on
pinecones and hard ground.) I keep them always in ear shot, and when
I hear things getting out of control, I step in. And that does
happen often. We see them on the beach quite a bit and my mother
and sister get annoyed when they are there because the kids are too
loud and active for their comfort and they see Jack amping up around
them. Not that it's not mutual. He really likes to wrestle and
chase and act crazy. It's mostly fine on the beach. I'm just
thinking that this craziness is going on in her house, and who is
really responsible then?
A big toy water squirter broke while Jack was playing with it. We
replaced it with a super soaker, and found out the older boys, who
had the same kind of squirter, also broke after we left that day.
She could have mentioned that, because she pretty much told me where
I could get another one to replace it. Yesterday, when I picked Jack
up, I get to hear about how the older boys DS fell out of his hand
and a piece broke off, when he and Jack were getting too crazy. The
story from both boys was that Jack was blowing a little whistle and
wouldn't stop when asked by his friend. The friend then kicked him 3
times because he was so annoyed, Jack pushed him and the DS fell.
She felt they were both responsible and Jack should pay half $30 to
get it fixed. (though the DS still works). She didn't see any of
this happen. The reason she knows how much it costs to get fixed is
because her younger son broke his a couple of weeks ago because he
threw it at his older brother. The older brother had been annoying
him. She felt they were both to blame and made the older one chip in
$20 to get it fixed. That would not have been how I would have
handled that.
We obviously have different ideas about acceptable behavior and how
to handle friends coming over and consequences.
I was really upset when I left there yesterday. I told Jack as soon
as we walked out "your not going over there any more". He got sad.
I said they could come to our house and also play on the beach
together still. He seemed to understand my frustration and accepted
that.
I needed to vent, because I hate confrontation and I have a knot in
my stomach about all this.
I also needed/need some perspective.
Thanks!
Joanna W. (happily back to unschooling again! yeah!)
<pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
>other
> Can you tell the other parents that you're feeling uncomfortable?
>
> Maybe you can start out asking, "So, does my child seem very
> destructive or something?" Maybe yours is a lot rougher than the
> kid - just by nature, I mean. So maybe it seems to the other kid'skid
> parents like yours is particularly hard on things. Does the other
> ever damage anything at your house? Maybe you could say, "Why don'twe
> just agree to cover whatever damage there is at our own houses - II like the "you don't bill me/I won't bill you" idea.
> won't bill you, you don't bill me?"
>
I get two for one with the kid visiting deal with this family. She
has 2 boys. At my house they had to learn that jumping on the
furniture was not okay, running and screaming through the house-not
okay, hurting the younger brother-not okay, rough housing was done
outside (and once they got out there, they would run around but not
tackle like they wanted to on the couch, cause it hurts to land on
pinecones and hard ground.) I keep them always in ear shot, and when
I hear things getting out of control, I step in. And that does
happen often. We see them on the beach quite a bit and my mother
and sister get annoyed when they are there because the kids are too
loud and active for their comfort and they see Jack amping up around
them. Not that it's not mutual. He really likes to wrestle and
chase and act crazy. It's mostly fine on the beach. I'm just
thinking that this craziness is going on in her house, and who is
really responsible then?
A big toy water squirter broke while Jack was playing with it. We
replaced it with a super soaker, and found out the older boys, who
had the same kind of squirter, also broke after we left that day.
She could have mentioned that, because she pretty much told me where
I could get another one to replace it. Yesterday, when I picked Jack
up, I get to hear about how the older boys DS fell out of his hand
and a piece broke off, when he and Jack were getting too crazy. The
story from both boys was that Jack was blowing a little whistle and
wouldn't stop when asked by his friend. The friend then kicked him 3
times because he was so annoyed, Jack pushed him and the DS fell.
She felt they were both responsible and Jack should pay half $30 to
get it fixed. (though the DS still works). She didn't see any of
this happen. The reason she knows how much it costs to get fixed is
because her younger son broke his a couple of weeks ago because he
threw it at his older brother. The older brother had been annoying
him. She felt they were both to blame and made the older one chip in
$20 to get it fixed. That would not have been how I would have
handled that.
We obviously have different ideas about acceptable behavior and how
to handle friends coming over and consequences.
I was really upset when I left there yesterday. I told Jack as soon
as we walked out "your not going over there any more". He got sad.
I said they could come to our house and also play on the beach
together still. He seemed to understand my frustration and accepted
that.
I needed to vent, because I hate confrontation and I have a knot in
my stomach about all this.
I also needed/need some perspective.
Thanks!
Joanna W. (happily back to unschooling again! yeah!)
wisdomalways5
>just for information you can use white toothpaste to get marker or pen
>
>
> I like Pam's account of cleaning the carpet when marker got on it.
> "It depends" is always the answer.
>
marks out of the carpet---
Julie
Jenny C
>I know that if my kid stood on myOne time we were getting home from being out of town for a couple of
> neighbor's porch and drew a very large picture on the freshly painted
> wall with a marker, I would want to know and I wouldn't just blow it
> off, I'd offer to pay for the repainting.
days and when we drove up, the neighbor girl was drawing all over our
front door with sidewalk chalk that she had retreived from our outdoor
play stuff. I went in the house and got a bucket of soapy water and a
sponge and brought them back out and handed them to her and asked her to
please clean it off and to not do it again.
On another occasion I had repeatedly asked her brother to not play on
the toddler seesaw because he was too big and it would tip over and he'd
hurt himself, and I had asked him to not play in the back yard either,
where the seesaw was. He didn't listen to me and fell off onto a rock
and split his head and had to go to the emergency room. I had
considered offering to pay part of the bill, but then, I decided that I
shouldn't because his mother knew what he was doing and wasn't proactive
about stopping it and he wasn't stopping for me either.
The parents of those kids were really nice people, the kids were wild
and crazy and dangerous and occasionally mean, especially to each other.
I tolerated them because they were the same ages as my kids and they
could be great fun and we practically shared a yard. They don't live
next door anymore and I'm happy about that. They broke almost all of
our outdoor little kid stuff as well as some of the other stuff. When
they moved, the parents generously gave us nice things that they didn't
want to take with them. Even if they hadn't, I wouldn't be sore about
it. They were just kids who played HARD.
The neighborhood is very quiet now because all the neighbors have
toddler boys that we don't see out and about without their parents.
Three neighbors have toddler boys. They are fun to watch even if we
don't have playmates right now. I doubt we will live here long enough
to see them out and about on their own. In a couple of years, though,
the neighborhood will be full of action! Actually, I can see one of the
little boys right now running up and down in his driveway squealing with
delight as his mother is doing yard work.
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
Something similar has happened with my son at his friends house, MD just turned 6 and his friends are 6 almost 7 and almost 9.
It was not about breaking toys but rough -housing and not stopping and them my son did something out of the blue to get the older one to like him ( the older boy was calling him names his mom told me)
It was his second time going there by himself to sleep over. The first time he was "perfect"
I had the boys here twice with no problems but I am 100 % present.
My son sometimes needs me 100% with him.
This mom is a great mom and an unschoolers but I honestly don't know how present she is at home as she seems more laid back them me.
I was really upset because I sensed she was really mad at my son ( I can understand) and my son loves her kids.
I realized he is not ready to be in that kind of situation and after talking to him and trying to find solutions the conclusion was that he is not ready for a sleep over without me. Sure his friends can come for a sleep over. I don't think it will happen as she has not called anymore.
I have called and left a message apologizing once again. I have not heard from her. This are the only unschooled kids within at least one and a half hours car drive. I know I will see them again at a homeschooling group this fall. It still pains me...
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It was not about breaking toys but rough -housing and not stopping and them my son did something out of the blue to get the older one to like him ( the older boy was calling him names his mom told me)
It was his second time going there by himself to sleep over. The first time he was "perfect"
I had the boys here twice with no problems but I am 100 % present.
My son sometimes needs me 100% with him.
This mom is a great mom and an unschoolers but I honestly don't know how present she is at home as she seems more laid back them me.
I was really upset because I sensed she was really mad at my son ( I can understand) and my son loves her kids.
I realized he is not ready to be in that kind of situation and after talking to him and trying to find solutions the conclusion was that he is not ready for a sleep over without me. Sure his friends can come for a sleep over. I don't think it will happen as she has not called anymore.
I have called and left a message apologizing once again. I have not heard from her. This are the only unschooled kids within at least one and a half hours car drive. I know I will see them again at a homeschooling group this fall. It still pains me...
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I like the "you don't bill me/I won't bill you" idea.-=-
The problem with that is if her kids are used to having to pay for
things or see other people be made to pay for things and they find
out there's an "I won't bill you" deal, they might be tempted to
break something really expensive "because they can."
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
The problem with that is if her kids are used to having to pay for
things or see other people be made to pay for things and they find
out there's an "I won't bill you" deal, they might be tempted to
break something really expensive "because they can."
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
J Geller
I am also starting to get concerned for his safety, wondering
about the supervision.
Any thoughts?
Joanna W.
------------------------------------------
Trust your instinct. My motto is "safety first". That trumps unschooling principals, people's sensitive feelings, fun or pretty much anything else for me. If you are concerned that stuff is going on that makes you uncomfortable or are worried about your child's comfort or safety, then trust your instincts. You also don't want your child to be accused of things that they didn't really do. Could you go over with your daughter to supervise and check things out? Or have the friend go over to your house?
"Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker https://www.gavindebecker.com/books-ptg.cfm is a bit paranoid but very informative.
I babysat when I was a teen and the parents would drive me home. My mom knew that one set of parents were big social drinkers. I loved babysitting the kids but she thought it might be a problem. Sure enough, the parents came home obviously drunk a few times. We had worked out that I would say that my mom was out, and could pick me up on her way home. It was pretty funny because I would call home and asked for my mom, wait a few minutes and then say that she should leave her friend's to come get me. One time she came with her fur coat over her nightgown.
A friend wouldn't let her daughter stay over at a relative's house, because she had a bad feeling and sure enough, the father was later accused of molesting a child.
Anyway, if it is a concern about paying for broken things, that you could work out as adults. But if you are worried about supervision, or things getting out of hand, or an unreasonable adult who can't problem solve, then trust your instincts and do what you need to do to keep your child safe.
Jae
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
about the supervision.
Any thoughts?
Joanna W.
------------------------------------------
Trust your instinct. My motto is "safety first". That trumps unschooling principals, people's sensitive feelings, fun or pretty much anything else for me. If you are concerned that stuff is going on that makes you uncomfortable or are worried about your child's comfort or safety, then trust your instincts. You also don't want your child to be accused of things that they didn't really do. Could you go over with your daughter to supervise and check things out? Or have the friend go over to your house?
"Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker https://www.gavindebecker.com/books-ptg.cfm is a bit paranoid but very informative.
I babysat when I was a teen and the parents would drive me home. My mom knew that one set of parents were big social drinkers. I loved babysitting the kids but she thought it might be a problem. Sure enough, the parents came home obviously drunk a few times. We had worked out that I would say that my mom was out, and could pick me up on her way home. It was pretty funny because I would call home and asked for my mom, wait a few minutes and then say that she should leave her friend's to come get me. One time she came with her fur coat over her nightgown.
A friend wouldn't let her daughter stay over at a relative's house, because she had a bad feeling and sure enough, the father was later accused of molesting a child.
Anyway, if it is a concern about paying for broken things, that you could work out as adults. But if you are worried about supervision, or things getting out of hand, or an unreasonable adult who can't problem solve, then trust your instincts and do what you need to do to keep your child safe.
Jae
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Alba Blocker
I tell my kids that if they have special toys that they don't want broken to put them away and everything else is fair game. I don't know how close you are to this friend, but maybe you can suggest something like this to her.
Regarding supervision concerns, I tend to be on the over-protective side and sometimes need to be put in my place to let go a bit, but I would follow my instincts and if this situation doesn't feel good to me, I would reduce the visits there and for shorter amounts of time.
I don't know if this is helpful, but just some thoughts.
Alba Blocker |785-221-2703
alba@...
Regarding supervision concerns, I tend to be on the over-protective side and sometimes need to be put in my place to let go a bit, but I would follow my instincts and if this situation doesn't feel good to me, I would reduce the visits there and for shorter amounts of time.
I don't know if this is helpful, but just some thoughts.
Alba Blocker |785-221-2703
alba@...
--- On Tue, 7/22/08, Joanna Wilkinson <jbwilkinson6@...> wrote:
From: Joanna Wilkinson <jbwilkinson6@...>
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] When friends are over
To: [email protected]
Date: Tuesday, July 22, 2008, 11:43 AM
I need some opinions.
When your child has a friend (or friends) over, and something of your
childs accidentally gets broken, by your child and the friend
together through rough housing, do you hold the friend liable? Do
you tell the parent their child should pay half to get it fixed or
get a new one?
My opinion is that when we have friends over, I take on the
responsibility of the kids and try very hard to make sure things
don't get out of hand and people or things don't get hurt. If
something does accidentally get broken...bummer.
My example for my thinking, is when we had a party, and my aunt
spilled red wine on my carpet, I, in no way, would have asked her to
foot the cleaning bill. It's the price of a party sometimes.
Having kids in your house, sometimes things get broken.
I am now uncomfortable letting my child go to this house because
there is always something that happens and I'm told about it and made
to feel like he should pay.
We don't have this problem at other friends houses.
He really likes this friend though. I am fine with them coming here,
but feel this may cause a problem with my not wanting him over
there. I am also starting to get concerned for his safety, wondering
about the supervision.
Any thoughts?
Joanna W.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Alba Blocker
I think it is important as models to our kids to teach them when it is good to just be nice and tolerate and when it is ok to just choose your friends or not. I have had several "friends" that were very draining of my energy and often caused me stress. I had to learn that I could choose who I wanted to surround myself with and that I didn't have an obligation to put myself through that. It is difficult to do and a sometimes a fine line, but one that we all often come to.
Alba Blocker |785-221-2703
alba@...
Alba Blocker |785-221-2703
alba@...
--- On Tue, 7/22/08, Jenny C <jenstarc4@...> wrote:
From: Jenny C <jenstarc4@...>
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: When friends are over
To: [email protected]
Date: Tuesday, July 22, 2008, 2:55 PM
>I know that if my kid stood on my
> neighbor's porch and drew a very large picture on the freshly painted
> wall with a marker, I would want to know and I wouldn't just blow it
> off, I'd offer to pay for the repainting.
One time we were getting home from being out of town for a couple of
days and when we drove up, the neighbor girl was drawing all over our
front door with sidewalk chalk that she had retreived from our outdoor
play stuff. I went in the house and got a bucket of soapy water and a
sponge and brought them back out and handed them to her and asked her to
please clean it off and to not do it again.
On another occasion I had repeatedly asked her brother to not play on
the toddler seesaw because he was too big and it would tip over and he'd
hurt himself, and I had asked him to not play in the back yard either,
where the seesaw was. He didn't listen to me and fell off onto a rock
and split his head and had to go to the emergency room. I had
considered offering to pay part of the bill, but then, I decided that I
shouldn't because his mother knew what he was doing and wasn't proactive
about stopping it and he wasn't stopping for me either.
The parents of those kids were really nice people, the kids were wild
and crazy and dangerous and occasionally mean, especially to each other.
I tolerated them because they were the same ages as my kids and they
could be great fun and we practically shared a yard. They don't live
next door anymore and I'm happy about that. They broke almost all of
our outdoor little kid stuff as well as some of the other stuff. When
they moved, the parents generously gave us nice things that they didn't
want to take with them. Even if they hadn't, I wouldn't be sore about
it. They were just kids who played HARD.
The neighborhood is very quiet now because all the neighbors have
toddler boys that we don't see out and about without their parents.
Three neighbors have toddler boys. They are fun to watch even if we
don't have playmates right now. I doubt we will live here long enough
to see them out and about on their own. In a couple of years, though,
the neighborhood will be full of action! Actually, I can see one of the
little boys right now running up and down in his driveway squealing with
delight as his mother is doing yard work.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
graberamy
> It was an OLD ratty RV (camper on a truck) and was falling apartOur trampoline is getting ready to lose a spring, I can tell, it's just
> anyway, which made it worse.>>>
wearing out. Do I hold the person responsible when it finally goes? No
way. We just need to buy a new base to our tramp.
All the light sabers, and hand controllers and other things we've gone
through are just part of having fun imo.
This is kinda gross but I tell it anyway! A friend of my ds sleepwalks.
He's done it a few times over here. I usually hear him and just guide
him back to their room. Well one night I didn't hear him and he went
into my daughters room (she was gone), he thought it was the bathroom.
He ended up "going" on her computer keyboard. I never mentioned it to
her or her son. He would have been embarrassed and she would have felt
responsible. In the end, dd was excited to get a new keyboard!
But it does depend. If she's mentioning it, is she just informing you?
Like when I found out my ds and a buddy (only 4 at the time) threw mud
at the neighbors house. We all cleaned it up and I was responsible. I
wanted to be informed so I would have the opportunity to make it right.
Otherwise, maybe they would just stop having my son over, instead he
learned that people don't like mud thrown at their house! They're still
buddies, 5 years later!
amy g
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed][Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-But it does depend. If she's mentioning it, is she just informing
you?
Like when I found out my ds and a buddy (only 4 at the time) threw mud
at the neighbors house. We all cleaned it up and I was responsible. I
wanted to be informed so I would have the opportunity to make it right.
Otherwise, maybe they would just stop having my son over, instead he
learned that people don't like mud thrown at their house! They're still
buddies, 5 years later!-=-
When I was working in the side yard, pulling rocks out of old ground
that had glass and junk too, sometimes I'd come to a dirt clod and I
wasn't sure if it was dirt or rock or a combo. I'd throw it against
the side of the house. If it broke; dirt. If it bounced; rock.
It's the side of the garage and it's stuccoed. Holly saw it later
and was indignant that someone had thrown mud at our house. I said
no, I had. <g> It rinses off easily.
When Holly and her friend were four or five, they 'borrowed' a
tortoise from the yard of a neighbor, an elderly man, and they took
it door to door showing people the turtle they found. When I asked
where they found it, they looked at each other. So I knew they
didn't have a cover story. I wasn't sure whose it was, but I knew
whose it wasn't.
Rather than making a big deal (as her parents would have) I said I
bet the person who owned it would be worried, and the tortoise might
be scared, so they took it back and 'fessed up to the guy, who liked
them and they liked him, and everything was fine.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
you?
Like when I found out my ds and a buddy (only 4 at the time) threw mud
at the neighbors house. We all cleaned it up and I was responsible. I
wanted to be informed so I would have the opportunity to make it right.
Otherwise, maybe they would just stop having my son over, instead he
learned that people don't like mud thrown at their house! They're still
buddies, 5 years later!-=-
When I was working in the side yard, pulling rocks out of old ground
that had glass and junk too, sometimes I'd come to a dirt clod and I
wasn't sure if it was dirt or rock or a combo. I'd throw it against
the side of the house. If it broke; dirt. If it bounced; rock.
It's the side of the garage and it's stuccoed. Holly saw it later
and was indignant that someone had thrown mud at our house. I said
no, I had. <g> It rinses off easily.
When Holly and her friend were four or five, they 'borrowed' a
tortoise from the yard of a neighbor, an elderly man, and they took
it door to door showing people the turtle they found. When I asked
where they found it, they looked at each other. So I knew they
didn't have a cover story. I wasn't sure whose it was, but I knew
whose it wasn't.
Rather than making a big deal (as her parents would have) I said I
bet the person who owned it would be worried, and the tortoise might
be scared, so they took it back and 'fessed up to the guy, who liked
them and they liked him, and everything was fine.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
joanna514
Well it looks like it's going to be a happy ending to this story. I
decided to e mail the mom about my concerns and about how I felt we had
very different ideas about having kids over. I kept it mostly about me
and my feelings and how things are dealt with at my house. She
responded back with an apology fairly quickly. She explained she had
trouble dealing situations like this and realized she hadn't handled it
well. I think it was really helpful for her to hear my perspective.
She also said that she realized that she should stay a little closer,
so that things don't get out of hand. I had talked about nipping
things in the bud before crazyness starts or tempers flair.
I said, 80% of the time, the boys are totally fine, but it's the other
20% that keeps me on my toes. But it's worth it because they have so
much fun together. We already had plans to go to a campfire
storytelling on Thurs. night and we are still going to do that.
Thanks again for the perspective and stories, it helped me compose a
calm and clear e mail.
Joanna
decided to e mail the mom about my concerns and about how I felt we had
very different ideas about having kids over. I kept it mostly about me
and my feelings and how things are dealt with at my house. She
responded back with an apology fairly quickly. She explained she had
trouble dealing situations like this and realized she hadn't handled it
well. I think it was really helpful for her to hear my perspective.
She also said that she realized that she should stay a little closer,
so that things don't get out of hand. I had talked about nipping
things in the bud before crazyness starts or tempers flair.
I said, 80% of the time, the boys are totally fine, but it's the other
20% that keeps me on my toes. But it's worth it because they have so
much fun together. We already had plans to go to a campfire
storytelling on Thurs. night and we are still going to do that.
Thanks again for the perspective and stories, it helped me compose a
calm and clear e mail.
Joanna
Sandra Dodd
-=-Thanks again for the perspective and stories, it helped me compose a
calm and clear e mail. -=-
That's like a perfect ending! Or a perfect re-boot. <g>
I bet she was worried, too, so you gave her the gift of an
opportunity to make good.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
calm and clear e mail. -=-
That's like a perfect ending! Or a perfect re-boot. <g>
I bet she was worried, too, so you gave her the gift of an
opportunity to make good.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]