Lightbulb moment re: cleaning / chores
Sarah
Hi all,
My name is Sarah and I'm mama to 2 boys:Sage is 6 and Dakota is 8. We've
been unschooling from the beginning, but I do have to admit that my idea of
unschooling was tragically misguided for many years and I now feel that I'm
getting on the right track - finally! I've been reading this list for some
time now and haven't really posted much of anything, but I really have
learned so much from you all and enjoy the list tremendously. Thanks for
all the goodies you all put out there.
Lately I have found myself in the rut of the dirty house and exactly what
needed to be done about it. When I don't slow down and enjoy the moment, I
get all crazy and foaming at the mouth over the state of the house and
eventually turn really bitchy towards my kids. Completely unnecessary and I
have known all along that it wasn't about the mess, per se, as it was my
feelings of discomfort with my surroundings and insecurity that what we're
trying to do is working. Knowing this and needing some resources, I spent
some time this morning reading Sandra's page on chores (
www.sandradodd.com/chores) and it seemed to help. However, for me, reading
the words and practicing the words are very different things and I wondered
if I'd be able to put this into practice.
As the universe often works, not 20 minutes after I left the computer, I was
confronted with a pile of wooden and metal trains all over the floor right
in front of my laundry room - it was almost as if they were inviting me to
step on them, slip, and break my neck. In that moment, I had the choice to
a) call my kids down from their Wii game to come clean them up, b) do
nothing and leave them there, or c) clean them up myself. I chose C and did
it with a smile. In the 15 seconds that it took me to clean that mess up, I
was reminded of an incident not too long ago where I had a complete meltdown
with regards to the the toys in the basement. At one point, I was literally
*throwing* hot wheels at the cement floor and screaming at my kids. It was
a full fledged typical 2 year old temper tantrum!!! I'm 32 years old and
here I was essentially flinging myself onto the floor, kicking and screaming
and demanding my way! Not my most shining moment. After I remembered that
tantrum, I also remembered that I was never ever "allowed" to have a tantrum
as a kid. All strong emotions were squashed. I couldn't be angry, I
couldn't be sad, I couldn't be scared, I couldn't feel worried, I couldn't
be confused. I couldn't do anything other than "get over" myself and "do
something about it." I was never allowed to feel or show anyone else that /
what I was feeling. But you know what I DID have to do? Clean. Always had
to clean. Every surface, every spot, every dish, every window, everything.
No wonder I have such issues about cleaning the house --I grew up being
forced to clean other people's messes and my own things (which I never
considered to be a mess, btw,) and never being allowed to have feelings
about it or anything else!!!
Suddenly I had such compassion for my younger self and a newfound compassion
for my children. It took me 15 seconds to clean up that mess. It would
have taken them at least 20 minutes when you add in all the time that would
have been spent arguing and forcing and manipulating. Nothing at all would
have been gained from having them clean it up, but I gained huge insight by
doing it myself.
--
Live Well,
Sarah
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My name is Sarah and I'm mama to 2 boys:Sage is 6 and Dakota is 8. We've
been unschooling from the beginning, but I do have to admit that my idea of
unschooling was tragically misguided for many years and I now feel that I'm
getting on the right track - finally! I've been reading this list for some
time now and haven't really posted much of anything, but I really have
learned so much from you all and enjoy the list tremendously. Thanks for
all the goodies you all put out there.
Lately I have found myself in the rut of the dirty house and exactly what
needed to be done about it. When I don't slow down and enjoy the moment, I
get all crazy and foaming at the mouth over the state of the house and
eventually turn really bitchy towards my kids. Completely unnecessary and I
have known all along that it wasn't about the mess, per se, as it was my
feelings of discomfort with my surroundings and insecurity that what we're
trying to do is working. Knowing this and needing some resources, I spent
some time this morning reading Sandra's page on chores (
www.sandradodd.com/chores) and it seemed to help. However, for me, reading
the words and practicing the words are very different things and I wondered
if I'd be able to put this into practice.
As the universe often works, not 20 minutes after I left the computer, I was
confronted with a pile of wooden and metal trains all over the floor right
in front of my laundry room - it was almost as if they were inviting me to
step on them, slip, and break my neck. In that moment, I had the choice to
a) call my kids down from their Wii game to come clean them up, b) do
nothing and leave them there, or c) clean them up myself. I chose C and did
it with a smile. In the 15 seconds that it took me to clean that mess up, I
was reminded of an incident not too long ago where I had a complete meltdown
with regards to the the toys in the basement. At one point, I was literally
*throwing* hot wheels at the cement floor and screaming at my kids. It was
a full fledged typical 2 year old temper tantrum!!! I'm 32 years old and
here I was essentially flinging myself onto the floor, kicking and screaming
and demanding my way! Not my most shining moment. After I remembered that
tantrum, I also remembered that I was never ever "allowed" to have a tantrum
as a kid. All strong emotions were squashed. I couldn't be angry, I
couldn't be sad, I couldn't be scared, I couldn't feel worried, I couldn't
be confused. I couldn't do anything other than "get over" myself and "do
something about it." I was never allowed to feel or show anyone else that /
what I was feeling. But you know what I DID have to do? Clean. Always had
to clean. Every surface, every spot, every dish, every window, everything.
No wonder I have such issues about cleaning the house --I grew up being
forced to clean other people's messes and my own things (which I never
considered to be a mess, btw,) and never being allowed to have feelings
about it or anything else!!!
Suddenly I had such compassion for my younger self and a newfound compassion
for my children. It took me 15 seconds to clean up that mess. It would
have taken them at least 20 minutes when you add in all the time that would
have been spent arguing and forcing and manipulating. Nothing at all would
have been gained from having them clean it up, but I gained huge insight by
doing it myself.
--
Live Well,
Sarah
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=Suddenly I had such compassion for my younger self and a newfound
compassion
for my children.-=-
That's the kind of healing that comes from being a good mom!
Sarah, I'm so sorry your post was stuck in the queue. I read the end
of my e-mail and thought that was all, and went and did a bunch of
stuff, and came back and discovered morning mail I had just totally
missed.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
compassion
for my children.-=-
That's the kind of healing that comes from being a good mom!
Sarah, I'm so sorry your post was stuck in the queue. I read the end
of my e-mail and thought that was all, and went and did a bunch of
stuff, and came back and discovered morning mail I had just totally
missed.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
MLewis
>Suddenly I had such compassion for my younger self and a newfoundYES! THis kind of thinking gets me through a LOT. Seeing things from
>compassion
>for my children.
the child perspective is so important. It's hard work being a kid! It
also takes work to remember that perspecive as you get older. It comes
more naturally to some than others, but it can be developed from
whatever stage one is at. When of my older children was stressing the
little one out (hey..it happens)I suggested she imagine living in a
world where EVERONE is way bigger than you are and you're taken places
and you don't always know where you're going or what everyone is
talking about. She hadn't meant to be stressing him out she just
didn't have the full picture.
Mary
Pamela Sorooshian
On Jul 12, 2008, at 7:36 AM, Sarah wrote:
Thanks for telling us about this experience, Sarah. I really hope it
inspires you to create more and more of such moments. I'm sure you've
inspired others here, too.
-pam
> Suddenly I had such compassion for my younger self and a newfoundYou could have paid a hundred bucks for an hour of therapy, instead.
> compassion
> for my children. It took me 15 seconds to clean up that mess.
Thanks for telling us about this experience, Sarah. I really hope it
inspires you to create more and more of such moments. I'm sure you've
inspired others here, too.
-pam
Sandra Dodd
-=-You could have paid a hundred bucks for an hour of therapy,
instead.-=-
Not many therapists would've recommended picking the stuff up
yourself happily, I bet, though. <g>
What a bargain this free list is! <bwg>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
instead.-=-
Not many therapists would've recommended picking the stuff up
yourself happily, I bet, though. <g>
What a bargain this free list is! <bwg>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
doolahh
>Bwahahahahah! I'm sure my kids would send you a Thank You note if
> Not many therapists would've recommended picking the stuff up
> yourself happily, I bet, though. <g>
>
> What a bargain this free list is! <bwg>
>
> Sandra
>
they stopped dumping trains long enough to pick up a pen. But
goodness, what fun would that be??
Sarah
Nancy Wooton
On Jul 13, 2008, at 6:56 AM, doolahh wrote:
around the floor while using them. When it was time to pick them up,
I made a game of it: I'd race him to see who could pick them up
fastest, and who could throw them into the plastic bucket the
*loudest.* Great fun for a little boy! (This is the same kid who, a
few years later, enjoyed smashing broken toys with a baseball bat...
And today, he's playing in a Smash Brothers video game tournament...
hmmm.)
When he graduated to Lego blocks, I'd loan him my jelly roll pans
(cookie sheets with an edge all around) to dump them on. He could
sort through the blocks easily, and the pans both kept them from being
lost to the vacuum and made it really easy to put back in the buckets.
Nancy
>>When my son was little, he loved spreading the Duplo (big Lego) blocks
>> Not many therapists would've recommended picking the stuff up
>> yourself happily, I bet, though. <g>
>>
>> What a bargain this free list is! <bwg>
>>
>> Sandra
>>
>
> Bwahahahahah! I'm sure my kids would send you a Thank You note if
> they stopped dumping trains long enough to pick up a pen. But
> goodness, what fun would that be??
around the floor while using them. When it was time to pick them up,
I made a game of it: I'd race him to see who could pick them up
fastest, and who could throw them into the plastic bucket the
*loudest.* Great fun for a little boy! (This is the same kid who, a
few years later, enjoyed smashing broken toys with a baseball bat...
And today, he's playing in a Smash Brothers video game tournament...
hmmm.)
When he graduated to Lego blocks, I'd loan him my jelly roll pans
(cookie sheets with an edge all around) to dump them on. He could
sort through the blocks easily, and the pans both kept them from being
lost to the vacuum and made it really easy to put back in the buckets.
Nancy
Ed Wendell
Zac is a dumper too - still is at age 14 - he will dump tubs of Lego's (read that as thousands of Lego's) all over the floor, sit in the middle and create for hours and days. We have a small child's sized snow shovel in our family room right now - it is the BEST for scooping Lego's. You do not even have to bend over - very much anyway ;) and for a child and/or parent that does not want to spend hours picking up thousands of Lego's it is very quick and efficient - just scoop and dump into tubs.
Lisa W.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lisa W.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
=I'd loan him my jelly roll pans
(cookie sheets with an edge all around) to dump them on. -=-
We have several of those in dedicated-to-toys roles. The magnetic
poetry words, other magnets, art supplies.
Also plastic silverware trays from garage sales or thrift stores.
not the ones with particular shapes for spoons, but just rectangular
spaces--our "attribute blocks" (the wooden shape tiles) live in two
of those, and colored pencils have one, and my calligraphy supplies
used to have one.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
(cookie sheets with an edge all around) to dump them on. -=-
We have several of those in dedicated-to-toys roles. The magnetic
poetry words, other magnets, art supplies.
Also plastic silverware trays from garage sales or thrift stores.
not the ones with particular shapes for spoons, but just rectangular
spaces--our "attribute blocks" (the wooden shape tiles) live in two
of those, and colored pencils have one, and my calligraphy supplies
used to have one.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Amanda Horein
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Zac is a dumper too - still is at age 14 - he will dump tubs of Lego's (read
that as thousands of Lego's) all over the floor, sit in the middle and
create for hours and days. We have a small child's sized snow shovel in our
family room right now - it is the BEST for scooping Lego's. You do not even
have to bend over - very much anyway ;) and for a child and/or parent that
does not want to spend hours picking up thousands of Lego's it is very quick
and efficient - just scoop and dump into tubs.
Lisa W.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Lilly (4.5) is a dumper. We just bought two of the smallest plastic pools we
could find which are about 4 ft in diameter for her to dump stuff in and
have it to play with. It has helped, but she still dumps on the floor and
that's okay too.
--
Amanda
http://hopescreations.blogspot.com/
http://whatmykidstaughtme.blogspot.com/
http://365daysofsparkle.blogspot.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Zac is a dumper too - still is at age 14 - he will dump tubs of Lego's (read
that as thousands of Lego's) all over the floor, sit in the middle and
create for hours and days. We have a small child's sized snow shovel in our
family room right now - it is the BEST for scooping Lego's. You do not even
have to bend over - very much anyway ;) and for a child and/or parent that
does not want to spend hours picking up thousands of Lego's it is very quick
and efficient - just scoop and dump into tubs.
Lisa W.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Lilly (4.5) is a dumper. We just bought two of the smallest plastic pools we
could find which are about 4 ft in diameter for her to dump stuff in and
have it to play with. It has helped, but she still dumps on the floor and
that's okay too.
--
Amanda
http://hopescreations.blogspot.com/
http://whatmykidstaughtme.blogspot.com/
http://365daysofsparkle.blogspot.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
elwazani
--- In [email protected], "Ed Wendell" <ewendell@...>
wrote:
have a small child's sized snow shovel in our family room right now -
it is the BEST for scooping Lego's. You do not even have to bend over -
very much anyway ;) and for a child and/or parent that does not want
to spend hours picking up thousands of Lego's it is very quick and
efficient - just scoop and dump into tubs.
We have a king sized sheet we try to put down before large "dumps"- it
makes it easier to see all the pieces and when it's over just grab the
ends and dump it back into the tub it came from. Beverly
wrote:
>over the floor, sit in the middle and create for hours and days. We
> Zac is a dumper too - Lego's (read that as thousands of Lego's) all
have a small child's sized snow shovel in our family room right now -
it is the BEST for scooping Lego's. You do not even have to bend over -
very much anyway ;) and for a child and/or parent that does not want
to spend hours picking up thousands of Lego's it is very quick and
efficient - just scoop and dump into tubs.
We have a king sized sheet we try to put down before large "dumps"- it
makes it easier to see all the pieces and when it's over just grab the
ends and dump it back into the tub it came from. Beverly
mary
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
mary
> Not many therapists would've recommended picking the stuff upIt's soooo true!
> yourself happily, I bet, though. <g>
>
> What a bargain this free list is! <bwg
mary
graberamy
<<<and for a child and/or parent that does not want
my sons train table into a lego table. Sometimes the projects end up on
the floor but when I vacuum, I can just set them up there.
Now, we just need another train table... [:)] !
amy g
iowa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> to spend hours picking up thousands of Lego's it is very quick andGood ideas but in our house lego projects are on going. So, we turned
> efficient - just scoop and dump into tubs.
>
>
> We have a king sized sheet we try to put down before large "dumps"- it
> makes it easier to see all the pieces and when it's over just grab the
> ends and dump it back into the tub it came from.>>>
my sons train table into a lego table. Sometimes the projects end up on
the floor but when I vacuum, I can just set them up there.
Now, we just need another train table... [:)] !
amy g
iowa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]