robinnidana

I'm new to the group and to unschooling, but I've read a month or so's
posts (ok, not *every* one!) and find this group thoughtful and
compassionate.

I'd like your views on deschooling in a situation where grandparents
are raising kids. My partner and I are raising 3 of her 7 grandkids.
Their young mother and aunts are all focused on looking "sexy", hip
hop culture, TV and video games. Not much else interests them and they
find me weird because I want more for the kids I'm raising. The mom
doesn't support homeschooling because she thinks the kids will miss
out on the fun of socializing at school (cutting classes, doing drugs,
PDAs with your boyfriend, etc). None of my partner's daughters
finished high school or even got a GED, nor have they experienced much
beyond "consumer culture". They seem to me to have very limited lives
and outlooks, including a "learning's not cool" attitude.

The kids we're raising are 13 (the boy), 11 and almost 9 (a couple
weeks). I've been homeschooling them for about 2 years and they were
very receptive at first (I tried a Charlotte Mason/Robertson approach,
emphasizing reading and independent work), but then mom told them she
didn't want them to be homeschooled. They've been less receptive since.

I guess my question is how do you deal with family influence that
isn't abusive exactly but is not only unsupportive, it undermines.

I am open to any and all thoughts, thanks!
Robin

robinnidana

I forgot to add:
I want to transition to unschooling but fear that my kids will use their
mother as a model and watch sitcom reruns and horror movies all day
and not much else! Their extended family teases each other for showing
interest beyond a narrow definition of "cool".

What do you do when the kids you are trying to unschool have
significant role models that are counter to your values and what you
are trying to help them find in themselves?

Thanks again!
Robin

Robin

I'm reading Sandra Dodd's site on Unschooling and some other resources
(I haven't asked the working spouse to buy me--yet another!--book on how
to homeschool so I'm reading everything I can find on the web, including
the "course" at the 101 site). I'm finding it a powerful healing
process. It's like I *knew* all this stuff before I actually got
involved in kid's lives, then for various justifications (I'm a "step-"
so there were family systems already in place...their "real" mom openly
"hates" me and actively undermines our solidity as a family..."I'm human
had have needs, too"...etc.) I found it hard to practice. Just writing
my first post asking for advice I found myself re-wording three times as
I learned more about myself and the situation just trying to write about
it. I got to observe my part in the tangle trying to describe it. I
finally just stopped re-writing and sent it, possibly prematurely.

I want to say "thanks for being here!" thanks for caring about kids and
how they really feel, thanks for reminding me who I am--or at least who
I've always wanted to be--and for helping me become more that by helping
me see myself.

I especially found this moving: "I can now say that I will never say
anything like, "I wish I'd let them fight it out more," or "I wish I'd
punished them more," or "I wish I'd yelled at them more." I will only
ever say that I wish I'd been more patient, more attentive, more calm
and accepting of the normal stresses of having young children." (from
Sandra Dodd's page on Parenting Peacefully)

Thanks!
Robin