DJ250

Any advice on name-calling to older sister and mommy as well as throwing things when angry and hitting mommy?

~Melissa :)

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marji

At 22:09 6/26/2008, you wrote:
>Any advice on name-calling to older sister and mommy as well as
>throwing things when angry and hitting mommy?
>
>~Melissa :)

You could probably get a fair bit of advice with a question like
this, but if you give more information, you'll get better
information. :-) Like, what age are we talking about? Perhaps you
could give a specific example of what was going on when this stuff
happened. What other stuff might be going on in your son's or
daughter's life right now? Things like that really matter.

~Marji



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Joylyn

I was also wondering how old the children are, as well as what was happening.

Both my children went through time periods where they would become very frustrated, and would strike out and/or call me names. Depending upon what the situation was, I would try to solve the source of the frustration and help them to solve the problem. I would also use words like "you are very frustrated now, what can I do to help." Or "I can tell you are angry, but I really don't like it when you hit me, how can I help?' Janene, during the divorce, went through a rough patch and I would hold her a lot. It was a very difficult time for her. I understood her anger. I understood her frustration.

I usually solve or help the source of the behavior/heavy emotions, and later, when we are calm, we can talk about different ways to deal with those feelings.

Joylyn
---- marji <marji@...> wrote:
> At 22:09 6/26/2008, you wrote:
> >Any advice on name-calling to older sister and mommy as well as
> >throwing things when angry and hitting mommy?
> >
> >~Melissa :)
>
> You could probably get a fair bit of advice with a question like
> this, but if you give more information, you'll get better
> information. :-) Like, what age are we talking about? Perhaps you
> could give a specific example of what was going on when this stuff
> happened. What other stuff might be going on in your son's or
> daughter's life right now? Things like that really matter.
>
> ~Marji
>
>
>
> ----------
>
>
> No virus found in this outgoing message.
> Checked by AVG.
> Version: 8.0.101 / Virus Database: 270.4.1/1521 - Release Date: 6/26/2008 11:20 AM
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

J Geller

>>Any advice on name-calling to older sister and mommy as well as
>throwing things when angry and hitting mommy?
>
>~Melissa :)

That kind of behavior often comes from difficulties handling frustration. If one can find find out where the frustration is coming from, one can then address the underlying issues. Starting with asking the child "what is wrong?" and then encouraging him/her to use words to explain why they are upset, might be enough to help.

For a great way to deal with the most extreme cases of meltdowns from frustration, I love the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. His premise is that kids don't want to lose control and need to learn a better way of dealing with their frustration. He starts by having parents create a user friendly environment to decrease frustration (something most unschoolers already have) and then tells how to help the child stay calm and problem solve. His advice is for extreme cases of kids who totally lose control and who need specific help in learning how to problem solve. Most toddlers figure this out around the age of 2 but some kids (and even adults) really need help with it.

We got into unschooling so that my son could have a "user friendly" environment and so that we could do collaborative problem solving about anything and everything. I feel like we came to unschooling from a different stream than most people (one with lots of waterfalls) but love all the great people that are moving down the river with us.

Jae



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