kids dating
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/31/02 5:43:15 AM, homeschoolmd@... writes:
<< >But they won't be in the culture of people talking about who went out and
so my kids only hang out with schooled kids. >>
Depends on them and the kids, I'm sure.
Some kids get competitive about those things and want to have something to
talk about when the conversation comes up. But I think school presses kids
to be mature, so there are milestones, like driving, dating, "going out with"
(which seems not to mean "going OUT" necessarily at all, but what we used to
call "going steady"), having sex. You can "get behind" in school in ways
other than academic.
So far so good on the theory that if kids don't worry about being behind in
reading or science, and don't make too big a deal about being "way AHEAD" in
math or history or whatever, that pressure about them being 16 and not dating
is going to be met with a quizzical, confident look.
Sandra
<< >But they won't be in the culture of people talking about who went out and
>who's going steady and all that.<<Would it matter if they were? We have no contact with other homeschoolers
so my kids only hang out with schooled kids. >>
Depends on them and the kids, I'm sure.
Some kids get competitive about those things and want to have something to
talk about when the conversation comes up. But I think school presses kids
to be mature, so there are milestones, like driving, dating, "going out with"
(which seems not to mean "going OUT" necessarily at all, but what we used to
call "going steady"), having sex. You can "get behind" in school in ways
other than academic.
So far so good on the theory that if kids don't worry about being behind in
reading or science, and don't make too big a deal about being "way AHEAD" in
math or history or whatever, that pressure about them being 16 and not dating
is going to be met with a quizzical, confident look.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/31/02 10:03:22 AM, SandraDodd@... writes:
<< But I think school presses kids to be mature, so there are milestones,
like driving, dating, "going out with" (which seems not to mean "going OUT"
necessarily at all, but what we used to call "going steady"), having sex.
You can "get behind" in school in ways
other than academic. >>
Nick has had a friend who's also a girl from a summer farm camp for a few
years. He's now 12. He and I have talked a lot about love and relationships
-- the expectations and realities of engaging someone's heart and the
relationship between physical and emotional responses. The pressure to
"mature" in this area some kids discover in school -- the teasing and
encouragement, the games of who likes who and steps along the way to social
and physical maturity.
He and his friend have chatted via im for several years -- spent time at each
other's houses. We've done things as families -- movies, ice skating,
museums. They've exchanged Christmas presents for two years -- he's also
given presents to friends who are boys.
She is now pressuring him to declare himself her boyfriend, saying that she'd
feel better at school if she could say she had one. He is not interested in
that status or in exploring that part of himself at this stage, feels
uncomfortable about her insistence, and is backing off from the relationship.
It's sad, really, because he has worked to be a good friend, and feels a bit
helpless in the face of this. He has been surprised by some of the things
she's done to be accepted at school, and this is another in that vein. I'm
glad he's being true to himself and not caving in to the "help me fit in"
argument.
I'm also glad he can talk to me about it.
Sharon
<< But I think school presses kids to be mature, so there are milestones,
like driving, dating, "going out with" (which seems not to mean "going OUT"
necessarily at all, but what we used to call "going steady"), having sex.
You can "get behind" in school in ways
other than academic. >>
Nick has had a friend who's also a girl from a summer farm camp for a few
years. He's now 12. He and I have talked a lot about love and relationships
-- the expectations and realities of engaging someone's heart and the
relationship between physical and emotional responses. The pressure to
"mature" in this area some kids discover in school -- the teasing and
encouragement, the games of who likes who and steps along the way to social
and physical maturity.
He and his friend have chatted via im for several years -- spent time at each
other's houses. We've done things as families -- movies, ice skating,
museums. They've exchanged Christmas presents for two years -- he's also
given presents to friends who are boys.
She is now pressuring him to declare himself her boyfriend, saying that she'd
feel better at school if she could say she had one. He is not interested in
that status or in exploring that part of himself at this stage, feels
uncomfortable about her insistence, and is backing off from the relationship.
It's sad, really, because he has worked to be a good friend, and feels a bit
helpless in the face of this. He has been surprised by some of the things
she's done to be accepted at school, and this is another in that vein. I'm
glad he's being true to himself and not caving in to the "help me fit in"
argument.
I'm also glad he can talk to me about it.
Sharon
Pat Cald...
I sure hope my kids never ask to be able to go out with some guy they met on the internet. I might have to put that in the category of safety, like a 3 yo crossing the street alone.
Pat
<< >But they won't be in the culture of people talking about who went out and
so my kids only hang out with schooled kids. >>
Depends on them and the kids, I'm sure.
Some kids get competitive about those things and want to have something to
talk about when the conversation comes up. But I think school presses kids
to be mature, so there are milestones, like driving, dating, "going out with"
(which seems not to mean "going OUT" necessarily at all, but what we used to
call "going steady"), having sex. You can "get behind" in school in ways
other than academic.
So far so good on the theory that if kids don't worry about being behind in
reading or science, and don't make too big a deal about being "way AHEAD" in
math or history or whatever, that pressure about them being 16 and not dating
is going to be met with a quizzical, confident look.
Sandra
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pat
<< >But they won't be in the culture of people talking about who went out and
>who's going steady and all that.<<Would it matter if they were? We have no contact with other homeschoolers
so my kids only hang out with schooled kids. >>
Depends on them and the kids, I'm sure.
Some kids get competitive about those things and want to have something to
talk about when the conversation comes up. But I think school presses kids
to be mature, so there are milestones, like driving, dating, "going out with"
(which seems not to mean "going OUT" necessarily at all, but what we used to
call "going steady"), having sex. You can "get behind" in school in ways
other than academic.
So far so good on the theory that if kids don't worry about being behind in
reading or science, and don't make too big a deal about being "way AHEAD" in
math or history or whatever, that pressure about them being 16 and not dating
is going to be met with a quizzical, confident look.
Sandra
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Hartley
I have a friend who met her husband on the internet.
I've made some really, really close friends on the internet.
I don't think I'd say to my underage daughter, "Sure, go to Vermont and meet
Honk4Love@...! Have fun!" <g> but I wouldn't refuse to let them meet
or date or have a real-life relationship with someone just because they
first met them on line.
There are plenty of perverts at the mall, too, but if my daughter (when
older <g>) claimed to have met a nice guy there, I'll be willing to follow
up on that and meet him with the same assumption-of-innocence as someone met
at church or soccer camp.
I may be calmer about this because I spent my early teenage years at science
fiction conventions learning how to deal with interest-in-me, from
pimply-faced contemporaries *and* full-grown actual shaving and belching
guys with mortgages. No parents or parental figures around for either of
these, lots of people met first through pen pal relationships, fast and
brief friendships made over the course of a weekend, etc.
I may be calmer about this because my oldest is 7, too. <g>
Pam
----------
From: "Pat Cald..." <homeschoolmd@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] kids dating
Date: Thu, Jan 31, 2002, 11:46 AM
I sure hope my kids never ask to be able to go out with some guy they met on
the internet. I might have to put that in the category of safety, like a 3
yo crossing the street alone.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I've made some really, really close friends on the internet.
I don't think I'd say to my underage daughter, "Sure, go to Vermont and meet
Honk4Love@...! Have fun!" <g> but I wouldn't refuse to let them meet
or date or have a real-life relationship with someone just because they
first met them on line.
There are plenty of perverts at the mall, too, but if my daughter (when
older <g>) claimed to have met a nice guy there, I'll be willing to follow
up on that and meet him with the same assumption-of-innocence as someone met
at church or soccer camp.
I may be calmer about this because I spent my early teenage years at science
fiction conventions learning how to deal with interest-in-me, from
pimply-faced contemporaries *and* full-grown actual shaving and belching
guys with mortgages. No parents or parental figures around for either of
these, lots of people met first through pen pal relationships, fast and
brief friendships made over the course of a weekend, etc.
I may be calmer about this because my oldest is 7, too. <g>
Pam
----------
From: "Pat Cald..." <homeschoolmd@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] kids dating
Date: Thu, Jan 31, 2002, 11:46 AM
I sure hope my kids never ask to be able to go out with some guy they met on
the internet. I might have to put that in the category of safety, like a 3
yo crossing the street alone.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pat Cald...
I may be more nervous about this because there was an incident in our area recently where a teenage girl was found tied up in some guy's apartment. She met him on the internet. Another reason is my dh is really convinced that you must protect your identity from people on the internet. He wouldn't even let me put my whole last name for my identity. He is convinced that those of you who show your names are using fake names! Well are you?
My dd's both chose boys names when giving themselves email ids. They also said they were 32 year olds. It was pretty funny the first time they emailed Grandma and she had no idea who the email was from before opening it.
Pat
My dd's both chose boys names when giving themselves email ids. They also said they were 32 year olds. It was pretty funny the first time they emailed Grandma and she had no idea who the email was from before opening it.
Pat
----- Original Message -----
From: Pam Hartley
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2002 3:06 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] kids dating
I have a friend who met her husband on the internet.
I've made some really, really close friends on the internet.
I don't think I'd say to my underage daughter, "Sure, go to Vermont and meet
Honk4Love@...! Have fun!" <g> but I wouldn't refuse to let them meet
or date or have a real-life relationship with someone just because they
first met them on line.
There are plenty of perverts at the mall, too, but if my daughter (when
older <g>) claimed to have met a nice guy there, I'll be willing to follow
up on that and meet him with the same assumption-of-innocence as someone met
at church or soccer camp.
I may be calmer about this because I spent my early teenage years at science
fiction conventions learning how to deal with interest-in-me, from
pimply-faced contemporaries *and* full-grown actual shaving and belching
guys with mortgages. No parents or parental figures around for either of
these, lots of people met first through pen pal relationships, fast and
brief friendships made over the course of a weekend, etc.
I may be calmer about this because my oldest is 7, too. <g>
Pam
----------
From: "Pat Cald..." <homeschoolmd@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] kids dating
Date: Thu, Jan 31, 2002, 11:46 AM
I sure hope my kids never ask to be able to go out with some guy they met on
the internet. I might have to put that in the category of safety, like a 3
yo crossing the street alone.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Hartley
----------
From: "Pat Cald..." <homeschoolmd@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] kids dating
Date: Thu, Jan 31, 2002, 1:02 PM
I may be more nervous about this because there was an incident in our area
recently where a teenage girl was found tied up in some guy's apartment.
She met him on the internet. Another reason is my dh is really convinced
that you must protect your identity from people on the internet. He
wouldn't even let me put my whole last name for my identity. He is
convinced that those of you who show your names are using fake names! Well
are you?
My dd's both chose boys names when giving themselves email ids. They also
said they were 32 year olds. It was pretty funny the first time they
emailed Grandma and she had no idea who the email was from before opening
it.
----------
Girls are tied up by clergy, coaches, brothers, fathers, teachers,
policemen, and plenty of other people not met on the internet.
This is not a claim that the internet is without danger. And the easy
anonymity is definitely something for us and our children to know,
understand, respect and keep in mind when forming any relationships here.
I don't try to protect my identity from people on the internet. My real
legal name is Pamela Denise Hartley, my e-mail address reflects that. I own
a home business that is based on internet-only sales and I give out my real
name and address every single day.
My daughters really are named Brittany and Michael-Anne, as I write about
them here and other places on line. My husband's name really is Wally
(Wallace) and my dog's name is Penny and my cat's name is Blue. I really
live in Tracy, California, in a real townhouse with real mini-blinds. <g>
If weird freaky stalkers are going to come after me or mine, they can find
us in any number of ways, including following us home as we walk from the
library (which we really sometimes do).
I don't live life by worst-case scenario. There are no worse boogey-men on
the internet than there are at the local Safeway.
My husband works with a citizens group in town that does a lot of support
and other stuff with the local police department. In one of the training
courses he took, he found out how many registered sex offenders live in our
nice, safe town (hundreds, in a town of 60,000 and remember that's just the
ones registering).
There are good and bad people everywhere.
Pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: "Pat Cald..." <homeschoolmd@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] kids dating
Date: Thu, Jan 31, 2002, 1:02 PM
I may be more nervous about this because there was an incident in our area
recently where a teenage girl was found tied up in some guy's apartment.
She met him on the internet. Another reason is my dh is really convinced
that you must protect your identity from people on the internet. He
wouldn't even let me put my whole last name for my identity. He is
convinced that those of you who show your names are using fake names! Well
are you?
My dd's both chose boys names when giving themselves email ids. They also
said they were 32 year olds. It was pretty funny the first time they
emailed Grandma and she had no idea who the email was from before opening
it.
----------
Girls are tied up by clergy, coaches, brothers, fathers, teachers,
policemen, and plenty of other people not met on the internet.
This is not a claim that the internet is without danger. And the easy
anonymity is definitely something for us and our children to know,
understand, respect and keep in mind when forming any relationships here.
I don't try to protect my identity from people on the internet. My real
legal name is Pamela Denise Hartley, my e-mail address reflects that. I own
a home business that is based on internet-only sales and I give out my real
name and address every single day.
My daughters really are named Brittany and Michael-Anne, as I write about
them here and other places on line. My husband's name really is Wally
(Wallace) and my dog's name is Penny and my cat's name is Blue. I really
live in Tracy, California, in a real townhouse with real mini-blinds. <g>
If weird freaky stalkers are going to come after me or mine, they can find
us in any number of ways, including following us home as we walk from the
library (which we really sometimes do).
I don't live life by worst-case scenario. There are no worse boogey-men on
the internet than there are at the local Safeway.
My husband works with a citizens group in town that does a lot of support
and other stuff with the local police department. In one of the training
courses he took, he found out how many registered sex offenders live in our
nice, safe town (hundreds, in a town of 60,000 and remember that's just the
ones registering).
There are good and bad people everywhere.
Pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/31/02 4:08:06 PM, homeschoolmd@... writes:
<< Another reason is my dh is really convinced that you must protect your
identity from people on the internet. He wouldn't even let me put my whole
last name for my identity. He is convinced that those of you who show your
names are using fake names! Well are you? >>
Met my significant other on the internet. Have made a whole passel of
friends on the internet, 2 groups in particular, and in both have actually
met a number of the people in them and found them to be just as nice irl as
online.
Sharon Vander Ende (yes, actual real name)
<< Another reason is my dh is really convinced that you must protect your
identity from people on the internet. He wouldn't even let me put my whole
last name for my identity. He is convinced that those of you who show your
names are using fake names! Well are you? >>
Met my significant other on the internet. Have made a whole passel of
friends on the internet, 2 groups in particular, and in both have actually
met a number of the people in them and found them to be just as nice irl as
online.
Sharon Vander Ende (yes, actual real name)
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/31/02 12:49:46 PM, homeschoolmd@... writes:
<< I sure hope my kids never ask to be able to go out with some guy they met
on the internet. >>
But I have met some people over the internet and had them over to my house,
or been at their houses. Some were even guys. I have a good friend from
Germany who contacted me by IM because we have the same birthday, to the
year, and we've been friends for four years.
Sandra
<< I sure hope my kids never ask to be able to go out with some guy they met
on the internet. >>
But I have met some people over the internet and had them over to my house,
or been at their houses. Some were even guys. I have a good friend from
Germany who contacted me by IM because we have the same birthday, to the
year, and we've been friends for four years.
Sandra
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/31/02 2:08:09 PM, homeschoolmd@... writes:
<< He is convinced that those of you who show your names are using fake
names! Well are you? >>
It's none of your husband's business. <g>
Sandra Dodd
(SandraDodd@...)
<< He is convinced that those of you who show your names are using fake
names! Well are you? >>
It's none of your husband's business. <g>
Sandra Dodd
(SandraDodd@...)
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/31/02 2:21:59 PM, pamhartley@... writes:
<< If weird freaky stalkers are going to come after me or mine, they can find
us in any number of ways, >>
I agree about all that lack of paranoia.
My name and address have been published in local, regional and international
SCA publications off and on (mostly on) since I was 24 years old. But I've
never had an unlisted phone number. For a buck or whatever your phone
company will charge you, you could find out my phone number and street
address. Plug it into Mapquest and get directions from your house.
That is just the way it has been my whole life. I've never hidden, and I've
never been stalked, and stalkers will find people who are hiding carefully
and have body guards, if they want to.
I don't understand the paranoia.
Sandra
<< If weird freaky stalkers are going to come after me or mine, they can find
us in any number of ways, >>
I agree about all that lack of paranoia.
My name and address have been published in local, regional and international
SCA publications off and on (mostly on) since I was 24 years old. But I've
never had an unlisted phone number. For a buck or whatever your phone
company will charge you, you could find out my phone number and street
address. Plug it into Mapquest and get directions from your house.
That is just the way it has been my whole life. I've never hidden, and I've
never been stalked, and stalkers will find people who are hiding carefully
and have body guards, if they want to.
I don't understand the paranoia.
Sandra
Sharon Rudd
My nephew is married to a girl he met via the
internet. He is 21. Their baby is due in April. :)
Sharon of the Swamp
Do You Yahoo!?
Great stuff seeking new owners in Yahoo! Auctions!
http://auctions.yahoo.com
internet. He is 21. Their baby is due in April. :)
Sharon of the Swamp
> << I sure hope my kids never ask to be able to go__________________________________________________
> out with some guy they met
> on the internet. >>
>
> But I have met some people over the internet and had
> them over to my house,
> or been at their houses.
Do You Yahoo!?
Great stuff seeking new owners in Yahoo! Auctions!
http://auctions.yahoo.com
Tia Leschke
>I may be more nervous about this because there was an incident in our areaNo.
>recently where a teenage girl was found tied up in some guy's
>apartment. She met him on the internet. Another reason is my dh is
>really convinced that you must protect your identity from people on the
>internet. He wouldn't even let me put my whole last name for my
>identity. He is convinced that those of you who show your names are using
>fake names! Well are you?
I do think caution is in order when meeting internet friends in real
life. The common advice for young people is that the meeting should take
place in a public place, possibly with parents nearby for the younger ones
anyway. That's going to rule out the people who are pretending to be
someone completely different than they are. That said, I've met a lot of
my internet friends in real life. It's one of my favorite things, seeing
how they match up with my preconceived notions of what they'll be like.
Tia
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt
*********************************************
Tia Leschke
leschke@...
On Vancouver Island
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/31/02 3:44:18 PM, sharonve@... writes:
<< Have made a whole passel of
friends on the internet, 2 groups in particular, and in both have actually
met a number of the people in them and found them to be just as nice irl as
online. >>
Or nicer! <ggg>
Paula, friend of Sharon
<< Have made a whole passel of
friends on the internet, 2 groups in particular, and in both have actually
met a number of the people in them and found them to be just as nice irl as
online. >>
Or nicer! <ggg>
Paula, friend of Sharon