Re: Was struggling - Now Unschooling?
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KPGrew suggests extending bedtime or a reward at the end of the week.
Lite2yu responds:
set bedtime for their children that *could* be negotiated a wee bit.
Hee hee. Maybe I'm becoming an unschooler & didn't know it. :O My kids do
not have set bedtimes, either, but I do still use some occasional rewards. I
began homeschooling four years ago in a very strict "school-like" manner. I
thought they NEEDED to learn this, this, & this on a schedule and it just
wasn't working. The next year, I purchased an entire curriculum and we used
it, but followed it more as a guideline. Some things in the curriculum stayed
- some things went. Last year, I purchased *most* of the curriculum; this
year, I didn't purchase a curriculum at all. LOL. We mixed & matched
materials and have been using the library. In my experience, they've been
learning so much more since I've relaxed and learning has been fun. :)
In a roundabout way, this email group was recommended to me. Is everyone
here unschooling?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lite2yu responds:
> I dont think this would work for us. . .because we dont set arbitraryI suggested bedtime merely because it seems that every parent I know has a
> bedtimes or things like that. Our children are free to choose bedtimes,
> movies, dinners, etc. And this sets up this external reward system that is
> so
> contrary to unschooling I think. . . I dont know. . . maybe others have
> different insights on it.
>
set bedtime for their children that *could* be negotiated a wee bit.
Hee hee. Maybe I'm becoming an unschooler & didn't know it. :O My kids do
not have set bedtimes, either, but I do still use some occasional rewards. I
began homeschooling four years ago in a very strict "school-like" manner. I
thought they NEEDED to learn this, this, & this on a schedule and it just
wasn't working. The next year, I purchased an entire curriculum and we used
it, but followed it more as a guideline. Some things in the curriculum stayed
- some things went. Last year, I purchased *most* of the curriculum; this
year, I didn't purchase a curriculum at all. LOL. We mixed & matched
materials and have been using the library. In my experience, they've been
learning so much more since I've relaxed and learning has been fun. :)
In a roundabout way, this email group was recommended to me. Is everyone
here unschooling?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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In a message dated 12/9/01 8:49:34 AM, kpgrew96@... writes:
<< I suggested bedtime merely because it seems that every parent I know has a
set bedtime for their children that *could* be negotiated a wee bit. >>
Stick around this crowd and you'll know (sort of) some families without set
bedtimes. That will skew your curve some.
I can't reward my kids with late nights or food, because they can already
have all of that they want. They end up self motivated, or maybe behaving to
avoid a "discussion" with me about why they did whatever (dumbass) thing they
did.
Having broken nearly all the rules, I now have (to the dismay of those who
were dying to say "I told you so") some really well behaved, thoughtful,
sociable kids. It was a gamble, but it worked out better than I imagined it
could have.
Sandra
<< I suggested bedtime merely because it seems that every parent I know has a
set bedtime for their children that *could* be negotiated a wee bit. >>
Stick around this crowd and you'll know (sort of) some families without set
bedtimes. That will skew your curve some.
I can't reward my kids with late nights or food, because they can already
have all of that they want. They end up self motivated, or maybe behaving to
avoid a "discussion" with me about why they did whatever (dumbass) thing they
did.
Having broken nearly all the rules, I now have (to the dismay of those who
were dying to say "I told you so") some really well behaved, thoughtful,
sociable kids. It was a gamble, but it worked out better than I imagined it
could have.
Sandra
[email protected]
> Having broken nearly all the rules, I now have (to the dismay ofThis makes me smile, Sandra.
> those who
> were dying to say "I told you so") some really well behaved,
> thoughtful,
> sociable kids. It was a gamble, but it worked out better than I
> imagined it
> could have.
>
> Sandra
We have gotten the "What are you thinking" looks and questions from
family for years. It gets tiring.
We happen to have the most remarkable, happy, amazing child. The looks
and questions are fewer and farther between these days. <G> neener .
Deb L
Helen Hegener
At 12:01 PM -0500 12/9/01, SandraDodd@... wrote:
when they were little. When they got tired they'd fall asleep and
we'd pack them off... which got harder and harder as they grew into
teenagers - we finally resorted to just tossing a blanket over them
wherever they finally fell... <g>
his older sister Jody when she wrecked his third car in less than two
years... <g>
But I hear reports... People are always telling me what good, kind,
smart, sociable kids we have. It was indeed a gamble to raise them as
we did (radical underground unschooling with no holds barred), but
probably less so for us because I was raised that way myself - as
much as possible 30+ years ago. Mom and Dad never made us kids go to
school much, and since we travelled frequently, skipping school was
more the norm than attending, even when we were enrolled. I have a
report card from 5th grade that notes 41 days attended, 43 absent for
the time we were at that school. And we weren't hitting the books
when we weren't in school - more often than not we were out goofing
around the countryside sightseeing or just lounging around watching
sitcoms and old movies on TV. Picnics were a high priority item, and
going camping was plenty of reason to skip a few schooldays...
I still hug my folks once in a while and thank them for raising me
the way they did. <g>
Helen
>Stick around this crowd and you'll know (sort of) some families without setGuilty party here. <g> We never told our kids when to go to bed, even
>bedtimes. That will skew your curve some.
when they were little. When they got tired they'd fall asleep and
we'd pack them off... which got harder and harder as they grew into
teenagers - we finally resorted to just tossing a blanket over them
wherever they finally fell... <g>
>I can't reward my kids with late nights or food, because they can alreadySame here. Most memorable was the "discussion" Christopher had with
>have all of that they want. They end up self motivated, or maybe behaving to
>avoid a "discussion" with me about why they did whatever (dumbass) thing they
>did.
his older sister Jody when she wrecked his third car in less than two
years... <g>
>Having broken nearly all the rules, I now have (to the dismay of those whoAbsolutely. I haven't seen any of my kids for a couple of weeks now.
>were dying to say "I told you so") some really well behaved, thoughtful,
>sociable kids. It was a gamble, but it worked out better than I imagined it
>could have.
But I hear reports... People are always telling me what good, kind,
smart, sociable kids we have. It was indeed a gamble to raise them as
we did (radical underground unschooling with no holds barred), but
probably less so for us because I was raised that way myself - as
much as possible 30+ years ago. Mom and Dad never made us kids go to
school much, and since we travelled frequently, skipping school was
more the norm than attending, even when we were enrolled. I have a
report card from 5th grade that notes 41 days attended, 43 absent for
the time we were at that school. And we weren't hitting the books
when we weren't in school - more often than not we were out goofing
around the countryside sightseeing or just lounging around watching
sitcoms and old movies on TV. Picnics were a high priority item, and
going camping was plenty of reason to skip a few schooldays...
I still hug my folks once in a while and thank them for raising me
the way they did. <g>
Helen
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/9/01 10:46:33 AM, HEM-Editor@...
writes:
<< When they got tired they'd fall asleep and
we'd pack them off... which got harder and harder as they grew into
teenagers - we finally resorted to just tossing a blanket over them
wherever they finally fell... <g> >>
When people used to ask us "What time does Kirby go to bed?"
(or Marty, or the youngest-of-record), we took to saying "About half an hour
after he falls asleep."
Holly has talked about how used to waking up in bed she was, and how few
times she remembered going to sleep in the bed as a baby--but slept in the
car, in someone's lap, on the couch, on a blanket under the table where
people were doing stuff, on a pile of cloaks at an SCA event. She thought it
was totally normal to fall asleep one place and wake up somewhere else, and
for her it was.
Sandra
writes:
<< When they got tired they'd fall asleep and
we'd pack them off... which got harder and harder as they grew into
teenagers - we finally resorted to just tossing a blanket over them
wherever they finally fell... <g> >>
When people used to ask us "What time does Kirby go to bed?"
(or Marty, or the youngest-of-record), we took to saying "About half an hour
after he falls asleep."
Holly has talked about how used to waking up in bed she was, and how few
times she remembered going to sleep in the bed as a baby--but slept in the
car, in someone's lap, on the couch, on a blanket under the table where
people were doing stuff, on a pile of cloaks at an SCA event. She thought it
was totally normal to fall asleep one place and wake up somewhere else, and
for her it was.
Sandra
Samantha Stopple
> Same here. Most memorable was the "discussion"Helen,
> Christopher had with
> his older sister Jody when she wrecked his third car
> in less than two
> years... <g>
Can you share more how that discussion went. Did you
stay out of it? Wow! Sounds like he had an abundance
of trust!
What do you think allowed that? Did you stay out of
the discussion?
Samantha
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<< We happen to have the most remarkable, happy, amazing child. The looks
and questions are fewer and farther between these days. <G> neener .
Sandra
and questions are fewer and farther between these days. <G> neener .
>>Neener indeed. And you never, ever have to say it!! :-)
Sandra
Helen Hegener
At 10:17 AM -0800 12/9/01, Samantha Stopple wrote:
couple of years ago. Chris had an older station wagon, nothing fancy.
Jody borrowed it to go blueberry picking up in the mountains, lost
the brakes on a curve and almost took the car off a several-hundred
foot cliff. She managed to sideswipe it into a bank and get it
stopped, but totalled the car in the process. When we went back up to
get the car and I saw the tracks showing how she'd come within 10' of
going over I just sat down in the middle of the road and cried,
hugging her. Chris didn't say much that time.
Next time it was his pride and joy - a '66 Mustang. She ran a stop
sign and smacked into an Oldsmobile. Nobody got hurt but the Mustang
was totalled. Christopher was just happy that Jody and his buddy who
were riding with her weren't hurt. His only comment that time was
"When she wrecks them she sure does a thorough job..."
(This is a tall, mostly quiet kid, with a very dry sense of humor...)
Last summer she was driving his Toyota 4-Runner and backed into a
lightpost, significantly damaging the read end (broke the rear
window). When Chris found out about this relatively minor incident
(relative to the two totallings) he made up for lost time, and really
took her to task about driving responsibly, making good on one's
debts (she hadn't paid him much on the other two, mostly 'cuz she
hasn't worked), and various other well-founded grievances. And told
her it would be a cold day in hell before she drove another one of
his cars.
He was good for his word on that last score. Last August the two of
them drove his '68 Mustang to Alaska and he never let her behind the
wheel once on the entire 2,800 mile trip.
friends of mine. It was their concern, not mine. We raised these kids
to deal with each other, and not through us as mediators, except when
absolutely necessary. They've all learned to trust and respect each
other, and have all said they're each others' best friends many
times. It probably helps that we've always done a lot together as a
family, and the kids still go sailing, riding, partying, snowboarding
and travelling together. Last fall the three youngest (Chris and Jody
and the youngest, Michael, 15) organized a backpacking trip into a
huge wilderness area in the Cascade Mountains. They invited a dozen
friends and the group spent 8 days living on pancakes and fish and
berries and each others' good company. It was one of the highlights
of everyone's year!
Helen
> > Same here. Most memorable was the "discussion"Yeah, we let them deal with it. The first crash was in Alaska a
>> Christopher had with
>> his older sister Jody when she wrecked his third car
>> in less than two
>> years... <g>
>
>Helen,
>
>Can you share more how that discussion went. Did you
>stay out of it? Wow! Sounds like he had an abundance
>of trust!
couple of years ago. Chris had an older station wagon, nothing fancy.
Jody borrowed it to go blueberry picking up in the mountains, lost
the brakes on a curve and almost took the car off a several-hundred
foot cliff. She managed to sideswipe it into a bank and get it
stopped, but totalled the car in the process. When we went back up to
get the car and I saw the tracks showing how she'd come within 10' of
going over I just sat down in the middle of the road and cried,
hugging her. Chris didn't say much that time.
Next time it was his pride and joy - a '66 Mustang. She ran a stop
sign and smacked into an Oldsmobile. Nobody got hurt but the Mustang
was totalled. Christopher was just happy that Jody and his buddy who
were riding with her weren't hurt. His only comment that time was
"When she wrecks them she sure does a thorough job..."
(This is a tall, mostly quiet kid, with a very dry sense of humor...)
Last summer she was driving his Toyota 4-Runner and backed into a
lightpost, significantly damaging the read end (broke the rear
window). When Chris found out about this relatively minor incident
(relative to the two totallings) he made up for lost time, and really
took her to task about driving responsibly, making good on one's
debts (she hadn't paid him much on the other two, mostly 'cuz she
hasn't worked), and various other well-founded grievances. And told
her it would be a cold day in hell before she drove another one of
his cars.
He was good for his word on that last score. Last August the two of
them drove his '68 Mustang to Alaska and he never let her behind the
wheel once on the entire 2,800 mile trip.
>What do you think allowed that? Did you stay out ofYes. Just like I'd stay out of the discussion if it involved two
>the discussion?
friends of mine. It was their concern, not mine. We raised these kids
to deal with each other, and not through us as mediators, except when
absolutely necessary. They've all learned to trust and respect each
other, and have all said they're each others' best friends many
times. It probably helps that we've always done a lot together as a
family, and the kids still go sailing, riding, partying, snowboarding
and travelling together. Last fall the three youngest (Chris and Jody
and the youngest, Michael, 15) organized a backpacking trip into a
huge wilderness area in the Cascade Mountains. They invited a dozen
friends and the group spent 8 days living on pancakes and fish and
berries and each others' good company. It was one of the highlights
of everyone's year!
Helen
zenmomma *
>This brought tears to my eyes, Helen. Thanks for sharing your two generation
>I still hug my folks once in a while and thank them for raising me
>the way they did. <g>
>
>Helen
(and counting) success story.
~Mary
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meghan anderson
<<<<Guilty party here. <g> We never told our kids when
to go to bed, even
when they were little. When they got tired they'd fall
asleep and
we'd pack them off... which got harder and harder as
they grew into
teenagers - we finally resorted to just tossing a
blanket over them
wherever they finally fell... <g>
Helen>>>>
I wish my dd would get tired! Okay, she gets tired,
she just won't admit she's tired until her eyes are
about to close <vbg>. She was up until 3am last night
and 1am tonight. I have to say, sometimes (when I know
we've got an am commitment) I 'talk her into' going to
bed. She has always been the last one to 'fall', even
when she was really small (she's only 7 now).
Meghan
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to go to bed, even
when they were little. When they got tired they'd fall
asleep and
we'd pack them off... which got harder and harder as
they grew into
teenagers - we finally resorted to just tossing a
blanket over them
wherever they finally fell... <g>
Helen>>>>
I wish my dd would get tired! Okay, she gets tired,
she just won't admit she's tired until her eyes are
about to close <vbg>. She was up until 3am last night
and 1am tonight. I have to say, sometimes (when I know
we've got an am commitment) I 'talk her into' going to
bed. She has always been the last one to 'fall', even
when she was really small (she's only 7 now).
Meghan
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Send your FREE holiday greetings online!
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