Amanda Horein

My girls (almost 8 and 4 1/2) have some friends from the neighborhood that
go to public school. There are 3 boys (9, 9 & 7) and a girl (6). One of the
boys is pretty nice. One of them is pretty cocky and can get quite mean and
the other is just okay, but gets riled up by the cocky one. The girl is not
nice at all. She doesn't listen and Lilly (4 1/2) and her end up doing a lot
of things that they aren't supposed to be doing. Like they will put sand,
dirt, etc on the trampoline when I go in to go to the bathroom real quick.
In general, the kids (especially when all of them are together) don't
listen.

So, here is what is bothering me a bit. My girls have started to pick up the
mean and rude behavior. They have become quite demanding of me. "How long
does it take to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich" Marti (8) said to
me just a few minutes ago with "that" tone. This was less than a minute
after she had asked me to make the sandwich. Last night I was washing
Lilly's hair and she said to me, "give me some" about the shampoo. I knew
that she wanted to put it in her own hair and I was getting ready to give
her some when she said that, but again, it was in "that" tone.

Okay, now the thing I am wanting help with is my reaction. How do I react
when I just want to revert to conventional things and say "I am not a
waitress" or "Don't talk to me like that" which I haven't done, by the way.
What would/did you all do when you were greeted with rude behavior seemingly
brought on by other people's kids.

--
Amanda
http://whatmykidstaughtme.blogspot.com/
http://365daysofsparkle.blogspot.com

My "Working Toward Pro" Photographs
www.hopescreations.com
http://choose2bgr8.deviantart.com


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Barbara Perez

I would count to ten, or twenty :) Then, in as calm and sweet a tone as
possible, I would tell her it bothers me when you use that demanding tone
with me, or I don't like the feeling I get when you talk to me that way, or
something like that. I would make it about you, not about her, and then make
a specific request for her to change that. Or, I might try humor. With the
sandwich, I might have invited her to a sandwich-making race between the two
of you. Or an "experiment" where she estimates the number of minutes and
then tries to beat that time herself.
At a separate time, maybe after having noticed an instance of the neighbor
kids being rude, I would bring it up to your daughter as an observation, and
ask her what *she* thinks of that sort of behavior. Does it bothered her
if/when she is treated that way? I don't see anything wrong in telling her
that you don't like it, in the context of a thoughtful conversation where
you are not passing judgment but genuinely connecting with her.


On Mon, May 26, 2008 at 12:15 PM, Amanda Horein <horein@...> wrote:

> My girls (almost 8 and 4 1/2) have some friends from the neighborhood
> that
> go to public school. There are 3 boys (9, 9 & 7) and a girl (6). One of the
> boys is pretty nice. One of them is pretty cocky and can get quite mean and
> the other is just okay, but gets riled up by the cocky one. The girl is not
> nice at all. She doesn't listen and Lilly (4 1/2) and her end up doing a
> lot
> of things that they aren't supposed to be doing. Like they will put sand,
> dirt, etc on the trampoline when I go in to go to the bathroom real quick.
> In general, the kids (especially when all of them are together) don't
> listen.
>
> So, here is what is bothering me a bit. My girls have started to pick up
> the
> mean and rude behavior. They have become quite demanding of me. "How long
> does it take to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich" Marti (8) said to
> me just a few minutes ago with "that" tone. This was less than a minute
> after she had asked me to make the sandwich. Last night I was washing
> Lilly's hair and she said to me, "give me some" about the shampoo. I knew
> that she wanted to put it in her own hair and I was getting ready to give
> her some when she said that, but again, it was in "that" tone.
>
> Okay, now the thing I am wanting help with is my reaction. How do I react
> when I just want to revert to conventional things and say "I am not a
> waitress" or "Don't talk to me like that" which I haven't done, by the way.
> What would/did you all do when you were greeted with rude behavior
> seemingly
> brought on by other people's kids.
>
> --
> Amanda
> http://whatmykidstaughtme.blogspot.com/
> http://365daysofsparkle.blogspot.com
>
> My "Working Toward Pro" Photographs
> www.hopescreations.com
> http://choose2bgr8.deviantart.com
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Margaret

When my daughter asks me for something in a demanding way I generally
say "I'm happy to do X for you, but I like it better when you ask me
nicely." This doesn't mean please, it just means pleasant words in a
pleasant tone of voice.

On Mon, May 26, 2008 at 12:15 PM, Amanda Horein <horein@...> wrote:
> My girls (almost 8 and 4 1/2) have some friends from the neighborhood that
> go to public school. There are 3 boys (9, 9 & 7) and a girl (6). One of the
> boys is pretty nice. One of them is pretty cocky and can get quite mean and
> the other is just okay, but gets riled up by the cocky one. The girl is not
> nice at all. She doesn't listen and Lilly (4 1/2) and her end up doing a lot
> of things that they aren't supposed to be doing. Like they will put sand,
> dirt, etc on the trampoline when I go in to go to the bathroom real quick.
> In general, the kids (especially when all of them are together) don't
> listen.
>
> So, here is what is bothering me a bit. My girls have started to pick up the
> mean and rude behavior. They have become quite demanding of me. "How long
> does it take to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich" Marti (8) said to
> me just a few minutes ago with "that" tone. This was less than a minute
> after she had asked me to make the sandwich. Last night I was washing
> Lilly's hair and she said to me, "give me some" about the shampoo. I knew
> that she wanted to put it in her own hair and I was getting ready to give
> her some when she said that, but again, it was in "that" tone.
>
> Okay, now the thing I am wanting help with is my reaction. How do I react
> when I just want to revert to conventional things and say "I am not a
> waitress" or "Don't talk to me like that" which I haven't done, by the way.
> What would/did you all do when you were greeted with rude behavior seemingly
> brought on by other people's kids.
>
> --
> Amanda
> http://whatmykidstaughtme.blogspot.com/
> http://365daysofsparkle.blogspot.com
>
> My "Working Toward Pro" Photographs
> www.hopescreations.com
> http://choose2bgr8.deviantart.com
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>

tyra beaulieu

I would limit my kids contact with them. I think its harder to do that when the rude kids are family i.e cousins but when they are neighborhood kids I just cut it right off at the start. My son plays baseball and 1 kid on there is just nasty. He said at the last game that he wanted to play with one of the other players pink bats. I thought wow, for him that is good. Then another kid teased him and said that pink is not for boys, which in turn the nasty boy said "well pink is for pimps too". This kid is 8yo. I was dumbfounded. When I hear things like that I thanks God that my kids are homeschooled. But I am always right there behind the bench watching and listening and the kids know it. I am not afraid to tell them whent hey are misbehaving and being rude. Although this is easier in this environment becasue there are rules about sitting on the bench and supporting the team. But I have many friends whose kids i don't bring my kids to play with. My kids even notice
when other kids are rude and they ask not to go back to play with them. I try not to shelter my kids but I also try to limit their interactions with kids that are just not nice. 1more short story...I went to my first homeschool birthday party for my cousins daughter. It was the most laid back, subdued, non-stressfull party I have ever went to. NO parents were yelling at their kids, the kids were polite, they focused on the presentation...I really was just a nice party. I told my cousin that afterwards and I really didn't want the party to be over. 3 hours of no yelling, discipline nothing! I was astonished.

Sorry ranted a bit there. But I would limit the time spent. Then when they do play together I would be on top of everything those kids say. If they are in your yard then they play by your rules or they can leave. If they want to be nice and respectful then they can stay. Otherwise they need to leave until they can be nice. Good luck!



Amanda Horein <horein@...> wrote:
My girls (almost 8 and 4 1/2) have some friends from the neighborhood that
go to public school. There are 3 boys (9, 9 & 7) and a girl (6). One of the
boys is pretty nice. One of them is pretty cocky and can get quite mean and
the other is just okay, but gets riled up by the cocky one. The girl is not
nice at all. She doesn't listen and Lilly (4 1/2) and her end up doing a lot
of things that they aren't supposed to be doing. Like they will put sand,
dirt, etc on the trampoline when I go in to go to the bathroom real quick.
In general, the kids (especially when all of them are together) don't
listen.

So, here is what is bothering me a bit. My girls have started to pick up the
mean and rude behavior. They have become quite demanding of me. "How long
does it take to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich" Marti (8) said to
me just a few minutes ago with "that" tone. This was less than a minute
after she had asked me to make the sandwich. Last night I was washing
Lilly's hair and she said to me, "give me some" about the shampoo. I knew
that she wanted to put it in her own hair and I was getting ready to give
her some when she said that, but again, it was in "that" tone.

Okay, now the thing I am wanting help with is my reaction. How do I react
when I just want to revert to conventional things and say "I am not a
waitress" or "Don't talk to me like that" which I haven't done, by the way.
What would/did you all do when you were greeted with rude behavior seemingly
brought on by other people's kids.

--
Amanda
http://whatmykidstaughtme.blogspot.com/
http://365daysofsparkle.blogspot.com

My "Working Toward Pro" Photographs
www.hopescreations.com
http://choose2bgr8.deviantart.com

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jenny C

> Okay, now the thing I am wanting help with is my reaction. How do I
react
> when I just want to revert to conventional things and say "I am not
a
> waitress" or "Don't talk to me like that" which I haven't done, by
the way.
> What would/did you all do when you were greeted with rude behavior
seemingly
> brought on by other people's kids.
>

I don't have a problem telling one of my kids or any other for that
matter, "don't talk to me like that". I don't see a problem with
saying that. Generally I'll also say, "I'm happy to do ____, just
ask me nicely next time will you please?"

My kids rarely talk like that to me. When they do, it is always
because of other stress in their lives, and they get snappish with or
without realizing it. One of my kids almost always apologizes later
and the other younger one is just starting to understand the whole
apology thing.

As for rude neighbors, I generally set the guidelines up front as
soon as I recognize a problem. Mostly kids have always wanted to
play at our house, so they follow the rules that I give them, because
if they don't, I send them home. One of the rules with these
situations is to play nice, and that includes talking nicely. If
they really can't get that, then I don't want them here playing with
my kids and my kids don't really want to be put in a position of
dealing with big meanies on a regular basis.

Often times I have asked my kids specifically how they want me to
handle other kids. They almost always have really good ideas of how
they want it to play out. One solution that came out of one of those
conversations was to have the tv off when a certain kid was over,
something I wouldn't have thought to do, but my own kid knew it would
work and it did.

Sandra Dodd

-=-My girls have started to pick up the
mean and rude behavior. -=-

This has happened a few times with my kids, and because I still have vivid memories of kids
trying on (or unconsciously adopting) other kids' mannerisms and tones, I would just very
casually say "That sounds like something AJ would say" or whichever kid it might have been
that season. I wouldn't say in insultingly.

If it was getting really rough, I would say "Maybe you shouldn't hang around Nick if it's going
to make you mean."

I wouldn't threaten or limit. I would point out the change, suggest what I thought was the
factor, and let them sort it out inside themselves.

It worked every time.

Sandra

[email protected]

It is funny you mention this as I am dealing with it also this week. We went to an unschoolers conference this weekend. Life is Good in Vancouver WA. My daughter came home and has been trying on all sorts of behaviors that aren't in her normal repertoire. Like, "I want ice cream for dinner." We spend a lot of time apart while I went to adult sessions and she was off having tons of fun with her friends. I think we need to re-establish connection. I know this will pass or settle down in a few days so I am just seeing it as humorous right now. I used to think that I had to "fix" all of these little things but now I trust that our family values, mores will win out as long as the connection is intact.
If my children were acting out in this way I might look at the last couple of days and see if there were times that we failed to connect or if I had been too busy. If all had been normal, I might see it as her trying on some new behaviors and make sure she was aware if she had hurt my feelings.
Good luck,
Heidi

-------------- Original message --------------
From: "Sandra Dodd" <Sandra@...>
-=-My girls have started to pick up the
mean and rude behavior. -=-

This has happened a few times with my kids, and because I still have vivid memories of kids
trying on (or unconsciously adopting) other kids' mannerisms and tones, I would just very
casually say "That sounds like something AJ would say" or whichever kid it might have been
that season. I wouldn't say in insultingly.

If it was getting really rough, I would say "Maybe you shouldn't hang around Nick if it's going
to make you mean."

I wouldn't threaten or limit. I would point out the change, suggest what I thought was the
factor, and let them sort it out inside themselves.

It worked every time.

Sandra




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-My daughter came home and has been trying on all sorts of
behaviors that aren't in her normal repertoire. Like, "I want ice
cream for dinner." -=-

What did you say?

Because I would've said "okay."

-=-I know this will pass or settle down in a few days so I am just
seeing it as humorous right now. I used to think that I had to "fix"
all of these little things ...-=-

I hope you're not treating it as humorous.



Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-As for rude neighbors, I generally set the guidelines up front as
soon as I recognize a problem. Mostly kids have always wanted to
play at our house, so they follow the rules that I give them, because
if they don't, I send them home. -=-



Me too. I took one kid aside and told him that I know kids might
treat him like that at school, but it wasn't okay for him to treat my
kids that way. I told him they don't go to school, so he needed to
not bring the school stuff here.

He got it. He was nicer. His name was Nick and he was one of the
real examples I gave last time. <g>



-=-> Okay, now the thing I am wanting help with is my reaction. How
do I react when I just want to revert to conventional things and say
"I am not a waitress" or "Don't talk to me like that" which I haven't
done, by the way.-=-

Compassion.

Maturity.

If you are on the edge of reverting to "I am not a waitress," maybe
you haven't moved far enough from "I have rights" and "You can't push
me around" kinds of thoughts, to the knowledge that if you make their
lives really, truly, safe and comfortable, they will BE safe and
comfortable, and most problems dissolve, including your own
insecurities about whether you'll get enough space/freedom/attention/
credit.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jenny C

> -=-My daughter came home and has been trying on all sorts of
> behaviors that aren't in her normal repertoire. Like, "I want ice
> cream for dinner." -=-
>
> What did you say?
>
> Because I would've said "okay."
>

Me too. My 6 yo lived off vending machine items almost the entire time
at the conference. Near the end she started feeling that need for more
nutritious food things. The day after the conference, she ate and ate
and ate, nothing but "good for you stuff".

keetry

--- In [email protected], "Amanda Horein" <horein@...>
wrote:
>
> Okay, now the thing I am wanting help with is my reaction. How do I
react
> when I just want to revert to conventional things and say "I am not a
> waitress" or "Don't talk to me like that" which I haven't done, by
the way.
> What would/did you all do when you were greeted with rude behavior
seemingly
> brought on by other people's kids.


I repeat back what the child wants but in a nicer way. For example, a
boy that my son is playing with just came in the house and said to
me, "Agua!" He did not say anything else, not even, "Hi." I said back
to him, "You would like some water?" He nodded sheepishly and I got
some for him. I do that with my son and he usually then repeats the
request in a nicer way. Since this boy is only used to be yelled at,
that's all he knows to do and he doesn't know how to respond to
anything else so I don't expect him to respond the same way my son
does. I could tell from his look, though, that he felt nicer after
what I said, if that makes any sense.

I've been having personal problems lately with other people's kids. I
told my husband the other day that I just don't like other people's
kids. That's not really true. I do like kids. I just don't like it
when they take all my son's stuff from him and abuse it even when I
ask them to please be gentle and careful with things. One girl comes
over and just walks into our house even when she knows the other kids
are outside. She'll wander around. The other day my husband found her
going through our refridgerator. Very strange.

Alysia

keetry

--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> I took one kid aside and told him that I know kids might
> treat him like that at school, but it wasn't okay for him to treat
my
> kids that way. I told him they don't go to school, so he needed to
> not bring the school stuff here.


How did you know it was school stuff? I have felt like saying this
type of thing to a couple of kids my son plays with but I didn't want
to assume.

Alysia

Sandra Dodd

-=-For example, a
boy that my son is playing with just came in the house and said to
me, "Agua!" He did not say anything else, not even, "Hi." I said back
to him, "You would like some water?" He nodded sheepishly and I got
some for him. -=-

You're nicer than I am. I probably would've said "What about it?"
and waited.

If he said "I want some," I would probably say "Why didn't you ask
for some?"

Some kids have just never once ever had it suggested to them to ask
nicely.

-=-I could tell from his look, though, that he felt nicer after what
I said, if that makes any sense.-=-

Total sense. Some kids I've been kinda "back in your face" at have
completely warmed up to me and started spilling (either then or the
next time I saw them) about the differences between our house and
theirs.



-=-I told my husband the other day that I just don't like other
people's kids. That's not really true. I do like kids. I just don't
like it when they take all my son's stuff from him and abuse it even
when I ask them to please be gentle and careful with things. -=-

I think it's pure, natural, helpful instinct to want your child to
have advantages over others. And it's instinct to resent having to
help others' kids behave well. Some instincts are worth resisting
and overcoming. Others are okay to just relax right into!



Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-How did you know it was school stuff? I have felt like saying this
type of thing to a couple of kids my son plays with but I didn't want
to assume.-=-

He would come over after school and they'd be playing in our backyard
or on our swingset and he'd be using the same kinds of taunts and
insults used on school playgrounds since at least the 1950's.



It was technicolor school stuff.

You could ask. You could ask if that's they way things are at their
house or if it's stuff from school, if you wanted to. But in any
case you could say you don't like that behavior at your house.



Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Meghan Anderson-Coates

**********

Me too. My 6 yo lived off vending machine items almost the entire time
at the conference. Near the end she started feeling that need for more
nutritious food things. The day after the conference, she ate and ate
and ate, nothing but "good for you stuff".

**********

This reminds me of one Halloween when Tamzin was 8. After her and her friend got home from trick or treating they gorged on candy and then about an hour later they were asking for broccoli <g>.




Meghan

"Hey diddle diddle the cat did a piddle, all over the bathroom mat.
The little dog laughed to see such fun, and piddled all over the cat."
~ Russ Abbott




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

swissarmy_wife

My kids crave protein after a good sugar binge. Something I've
learned since I began unschooling. When they are really getting into
the candy I make sure I have cheeseburgers, PB sandwiches, or
something ready to go. :-) It's really helpful, especially with that
post candy meltdown that seems to happen more often than not.



> This reminds me of one Halloween when Tamzin was 8. After her and
her friend got home from trick or treating they gorged on candy and
then about an hour later they were asking for broccoli <g>.
>

Sandra Dodd

-=It's really helpful, especially with that
post candy meltdown that seems to happen more often than not. -=-



People talk about candy effects, but it's good to try not to. Some
of the claims and beliefs about sugar's effects on children are just
part of the same old shaming/controlling business.

If they're hungry they might melt down from lack of protein, and
maybe could use some cheese or nuts or something, but it's probably
not the sugar itself.



Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

tyra beaulieu

I agree. I don't think there is a true sugar meltdown. With my kids its the preservatives and the artificial food coloring and flavor that wigs them out, not the sugar.

Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote: -=It's really helpful, especially with that
post candy meltdown that seems to happen more often than not. -=-

People talk about candy effects, but it's good to try not to. Some
of the claims and beliefs about sugar's effects on children are just
part of the same old shaming/controlling business.

If they're hungry they might melt down from lack of protein, and
maybe could use some cheese or nuts or something, but it's probably
not the sugar itself.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-I agree. I don't think there is a true sugar meltdown. With my
kids its the preservatives and the artificial food coloring and
flavor that wigs them out, not the sugar. -=-

I think it's the excitement of finally having something the mom is so
stressed about, and the mom reactions and the mom fears and the mom
complaints more than anything.

Somewhere on the food pages is a study where they had sugar and sugar-
free, and moms didn't know which was which, and the moms who were
used to saying their kids had sugar-whatever still claimed it when
there was no sugar. The researchers figured it was the excitement of
the party, other kids, momentary freedom, that caused the excitement.

Makes sense.

Sandra



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Clarissa Fetrow

Sometimes sugar makes my daughter mean, both verbally and physically. I see
some of her good friends eat the same stuff and it not have the same effect
on them, so I know it's not the same for everyone. The sugar thing seems
real to me - for some kids.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Hi Sandra:
Not knowing me you may assume that I had control issues around food from this post. This is why I have such a hard time of it when I have a babe in arms and have to be so brief.
If she (almost 8) would have been serious about ice cream for dinner, I would have taken her seriously. But I sensed that she was looking for a reaction from me. She did this pause...then look at me thing. This dynamic usually isn't part of our relationship so I was taken by surprise. She knew that she had had the freedom to make that choice if she was serious because of the trust she has in me and our relationship; because the way I have responded to her for the last 7 years.
I am guessing that she saw kids in the hall in the hotel at the conference having a hard time with their parents around food choice and she wanted to see if she still had freedom. She also said "no" to me when I asked her for something that day. I don't know if she has ever said that to me. I think I responded with "okay" and then laughed at that too. I love that she was expressing her autonomy and it made me happy, so I laughed. Not a condescending type, but happy type of laugh.
At this point in my parenting I do find quite a few things funny that I took more seriously in the past. Often times laughter has helped me through some stressful situations and it keeps me light. Why do you find humor in that situation concerning?

heidi
------- Original message --------------
From: Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...>

-=-My daughter came home and has been trying on all sorts of
behaviors that aren't in her normal repertoire. Like, "I want ice
cream for dinner." -=-

What did you say?

Because I would've said "okay."

-=-I know this will pass or settle down in a few days so I am just
seeing it as humorous right now. I used to think that I had to "fix"
all of these little things ...-=-

I hope you're not treating it as humorous.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-Often times laughter has helped me through some stressful
situations and it keeps me light. Why do you find humor in that
situation concerning?-=-

Too often (millions of times just today, I'm sure) adults laugh at
children.

Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sandra Dodd

-=-Hi Sandra:
Not knowing me you may assume that I had control issues around food
from this post. -=-

Please re-read your writing before you post, because some of the
other thousand-plus readers might have thought so too, from your post.



Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

swissarmy_wife

Well, I think I made a GIANT mistake by using such a wide label for so
many things. Sugar! I'm not anti-sugar but, I do notice that when my
oldest son eats high sugar food items (this is a wide range honey,
peanut butter, candy, ice cream, maple syrup) he becomes REALLY
excitable and active, then sort of melts down into a very weepy,
tired, and angry fellow. This is where I learned to have protein
ready. It seems to help balance him out. I understand that one might
say he didn't have enough protein earlier in the day, but it's not
always the case. He's has specifically asked me not to give him
certain foods because they make his heart race and make him feel tired.

Wouldn't it be true that one child could metabolize sugar differently
than another? I can't see any excess of excitement about candy here.
Maybe a little? It's yummy! But it's always available. (Even more
so with me being pregnant!) But I have one son who will bounce off
the walls and then become really agitated and irritable and one who
you'd never know other than the chocolate lipstick. <G>







> I think it's the excitement of finally having something the mom is
>so stressed about, and the mom reactions and the mom fears and the
mom complaints more than anything.
>
> Somewhere on the food pages is a study where they had sugar and sugar-
> free, and moms didn't know which was which, and the moms who were
> used to saying their kids had sugar-whatever still claimed it when
> there was no sugar. The researchers figured it was the excitement of
> the party, other kids, momentary freedom, that caused the excitement.
>
> Makes sense.
>
> Sandra
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

keetry

--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...>
wrote:
>
> If he said "I want some," I would probably say "Why didn't you
ask
> for some?"

I can say that. I have to be very careful with this particular kid,
though. Most of the time when I ask him anything he runs away.

Yesterday, we were all outside playing and a strange chocolate lab
came bounding through our yard. The boys came running around the
house. I called to them to stop. My son stopped. I told him to walk
slowly over to where I was by the back door and go inside. He fussed
and complained a little because he doesn't understand the dangers of
a loose dog but he did what I said. This other boy ran in the
opposite direction, exactly what I wanted them not to do because I
didn't know if this dog would chase them. I yelled a couple more
times for him to stop but he kept going. I told him I wasn't angry.
I told him he wasn't in trouble. He kept running back and forth. He
wouldn't let me near him so that I could explain to him why I wanted
him to stop running. I was holding my baby so I couldn't go running
after him. I'm sort of at a loss about how to interact with this kid.

Alysia

Sandra Dodd

-=-> If he said "I want some," I would probably say "Why didn't you
ask
> for some?"

I can say that. I have to be very careful with this particular kid,
though. Most of the time when I ask him anything he runs away.-=-



I would take the age and stability of the kid into consideration, for
sure.



-=-This other boy ran in the

opposite direction, exactly what I wanted them not to do because I
didn't know if this dog would chase them. I yelled a couple more
times for him to stop but he kept going. I told him I wasn't angry.
I told him he wasn't in trouble. He kept running back and forth. He
wouldn't let me near him so that I could explain to him why I wanted
him to stop running.-=-

Were you babysitting him or was he over for a visit? That would make
a little bit of difference.

If you've agreed to be responsible for his safety, then it's
important for him to listen to you.

If he wandered into the yard kinda like the dog did, and he won't
stop when you tell him to, either the dog could stop him (and you
could garden hose the dog) or you might have been over-reacting and
the dog wasn't a danger. If he kept running and running and the dog
wasn't on him, then letting him keep running doesn't seem so bad.



Sandra

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jenny C

>I told him to walk
> slowly over to where I was by the back door and go inside. He fussed
> and complained a little because he doesn't understand the dangers of
> a loose dog but he did what I said. This other boy ran in the
> opposite direction, exactly what I wanted them not to do because I
> didn't know if this dog would chase them. I yelled a couple more
> times for him to stop but he kept going. I told him I wasn't angry.
> I told him he wasn't in trouble. He kept running back and forth. He
> wouldn't let me near him so that I could explain to him why I wanted
> him to stop running.



Perhaps he knew that dog and didn't see any danger. Perhaps he isn't
afraid of dogs and didn't sense anything untoward with the dog.

Dogs bounding through yards aren't inherently dangerous, they could be,
but one can generally get a sense of the dog almost immediately. In my
own experience I would be overreacting if I had responded in the way you
had. My kids would've fussed because they can sense when I'm
overreacting.

Even though you said he wasn't in trouble and that you weren't angry,
you clearly wanted and expected him to do something on your command.
Some kids do not respond well to that for many reasons, either they are
used to being commanded and fear punishment, or they aren't used to
being commanded and don't like to be.

I might have pointed out the stray dog and made a statement to use
caution, with possible added instructions like move slowly until we see
if the dog is nice.

I try really hard not to parent out of fear or make fear based parenting
decisions. Using caution, helping a kid use caution is a very different
thing.

DaBreeze21

I have had a thought in my mind for a while that is related to all of
this food discussion. I was recently discussing food/eating with a
friend of mine and we pretty much agree about feeding our toddlers. I
really have not restricted my daughter at all and am really happy with
how she eats. We offer her lots of different foods and if we are
eating something I would never feel right saying that she can't have
what we are eating!

Anyways, I have already seen my daughter stop eating something when
she is full/done. (She's almost 2). She has done this a couple of
times with ice cream.

This other mother has said that her son would eat sweets all day long
if you let him (I already know what most people here think about
statements like these, and I agree!)

My question is about another statement she made though. I said
something about how children (babies in particular) will stop eating
when they are full (if they are allowed to eat when they are hungry).
She said very matter-of-factly -- "until they are 2 (years old)" (I
should also mention that she is a doctor and specialized in eating
disorders.) Now to me, this statement seems a little ridiculous. I
mean, what happens at 2, all of a sudden they just start over-eating?
More likely, if they have been controlled or restricted, the
socialization of eating starts being more of a factor. But what if
kids aren't restricted and instead are offered a wide-variety of
foods, including healthy choices? Shouldn't they continue to listen to
their bodies?

Just curious to hear what others' opinions and experiences are about
this. (Especially as my daughter turns 2 in about a month! :-)

Jenny Canfield

This is a link to a PBS program on this subject. You can click on the
"watch online" to see the video of the episode. Their conclusion is what
has been said here all along. More restriction results in kids eating MORE
of what they are not "allowed" to eat. The kids who has access to any food
at home, were not as interested in scarfing down everything on their plates.

http://www.pbs.org/saf/1110/segments/1110-2.htm

-Jenny Canfield


>
> My question is about another statement she made though. I said
> something about how children (babies in particular) will stop eating
> when they are full (if they are allowed to eat when they are hungry).
> She said very matter-of-factly -- "until they are 2 (years old)" (I
> should also mention that she is a doctor and specialized in eating
> disorders.) Now to me, this statement seems a little ridiculous. I
> mean, what happens at 2, all of a sudden they just start over-eating?
> More likely, if they have been controlled or restricted, the
> socialization of eating starts being more of a factor. But what if
> kids aren't restricted and instead are offered a wide-variety of
> foods, including healthy choices? Shouldn't they continue to listen to
> their bodies?
>
> Just curious to hear what others' opinions and experiences are about
> this. (Especially as my daughter turns 2 in about a month! :-)
>
>
>


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