Video games and friendship
Dede Amescua
I am looking for some empathy for a situation that happened because of my son's freedom
with video games. He had a very close friend for about 6 years who is also homeschooled,
but more like "school at home". Recently his mother, who was also a friend of mine read
some studies on video games. She then decided that my son is not a healthy influence on her
son anymore and told him he is not allowed to come over. She told me that the last time my
son was over all that he talked about was World of War Craft. I felt really angry at her for what
I saw as a crazy reaction to fear. I wrote an email which another friend suggested that I edit,
which I did. Now I wish that I had just sent the raw unedited version, because it was what I
was feeling. Anyway this situation has been very much alive in me for over a week now, and I
am looking for some clarity around it, a way to help my son be with it as this boy was a very
dear friend of his for many years. Dede
with video games. He had a very close friend for about 6 years who is also homeschooled,
but more like "school at home". Recently his mother, who was also a friend of mine read
some studies on video games. She then decided that my son is not a healthy influence on her
son anymore and told him he is not allowed to come over. She told me that the last time my
son was over all that he talked about was World of War Craft. I felt really angry at her for what
I saw as a crazy reaction to fear. I wrote an email which another friend suggested that I edit,
which I did. Now I wish that I had just sent the raw unedited version, because it was what I
was feeling. Anyway this situation has been very much alive in me for over a week now, and I
am looking for some clarity around it, a way to help my son be with it as this boy was a very
dear friend of his for many years. Dede
Pamela Sorooshian
On May 17, 2008, at 10:15 PM, Dede Amescua wrote:
not having that friend be his friend anymore. Don't talk it to death -
let it go as a sad thing, but don't make it a bigger deal than it
really is to him. Mostly distract him.
What are the chances, really, that kids that young will continue to
have anything in common as they get older, anyway? Slim. Doesn't
happen too often.
Sorry it ended this way, but you are probably better off without such
a rigid kind of controlling parent in your lives - if it wasn't this,
it would have been something else, don't you think?
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> ow I wish that I had just sent the raw unedited version, because itKeep him busy and happy during the transition time as he gets used to
> was what I
> was feeling. Anyway this situation has been very much alive in me
> for over a week now, and I
> am looking for some clarity around it, a way to help my son be with
> it as this boy was a very
> dear friend of his for many years. Dede
not having that friend be his friend anymore. Don't talk it to death -
let it go as a sad thing, but don't make it a bigger deal than it
really is to him. Mostly distract him.
What are the chances, really, that kids that young will continue to
have anything in common as they get older, anyway? Slim. Doesn't
happen too often.
Sorry it ended this way, but you are probably better off without such
a rigid kind of controlling parent in your lives - if it wasn't this,
it would have been something else, don't you think?
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joanna Murphy
a way to help my son be with
when a friendship is proving difficult (or disappears) just shifting away to something else can
be great distraction, and it can help to ease the loss.
Joanna
> > it as this boy was a veryIn addition, I would focus on helping to set up play dates with other friends. I've found that
> > dear friend of his for many years. Dede
>
> Keep him busy and happy during the transition time as he gets used to
> not having that friend be his friend anymore. Don't talk it to death -
> let it go as a sad thing, but don't make it a bigger deal than it
> really is to him. Mostly distract him.
>
when a friendship is proving difficult (or disappears) just shifting away to something else can
be great distraction, and it can help to ease the loss.
Joanna
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
a way to help my son be with
Something similar happened to me when I was around 10-11 and my best friend told me her parents said that she could no longer be my friend. They caught us in places too far from her home where we were not supposed to be.
Today I think that what happened was that they blamed me for it. She must have told them it was my idea and I made her do it or it was my influence.
The point is that I was devastated for a long time. I felt rejected and I did mourn the lost of my best friend. Now I see that our friendship may not had lasted any longer since she was becoming a very different person than the friend I had. I was probably changing too.
So I would make sure that he knows that the issue is not him but his friend's parents .
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
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> > it as this boy was a very-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
> > dear friend of his for many years. Dede
Something similar happened to me when I was around 10-11 and my best friend told me her parents said that she could no longer be my friend. They caught us in places too far from her home where we were not supposed to be.
Today I think that what happened was that they blamed me for it. She must have told them it was my idea and I made her do it or it was my influence.
The point is that I was devastated for a long time. I felt rejected and I did mourn the lost of my best friend. Now I see that our friendship may not had lasted any longer since she was becoming a very different person than the friend I had. I was probably changing too.
So I would make sure that he knows that the issue is not him but his friend's parents .
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
a way to help my son be with
Something similar happened to me when I was around 10-11 and my best friend told me her parents said that she could no longer be my friend. They caught us in places too far from her home where we were not supposed to be.
Today I think that what happened was that they blamed me for it. She must have told them it was my idea and I made her do it or it was my influence.
The point is that I was devastated for a long time. I felt rejected and I did mourn the lost of my best friend. Now I see that our friendship may not had lasted any longer since she was becoming a very different person than the friend I had. I was probably changing too.
So I would make sure that he knows that the issue is not him but his friend's parents .
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> > it as this boy was a very-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
> > dear friend of his for many years. Dede
Something similar happened to me when I was around 10-11 and my best friend told me her parents said that she could no longer be my friend. They caught us in places too far from her home where we were not supposed to be.
Today I think that what happened was that they blamed me for it. She must have told them it was my idea and I made her do it or it was my influence.
The point is that I was devastated for a long time. I felt rejected and I did mourn the lost of my best friend. Now I see that our friendship may not had lasted any longer since she was becoming a very different person than the friend I had. I was probably changing too.
So I would make sure that he knows that the issue is not him but his friend's parents .
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Keep him busy and happy during the transition time as he gets used to
not having that friend be his friend anymore. Don't talk it to death -
let it go as a sad thing, but don't make it a bigger deal than it
really is to him. Mostly distract him.-=-
I agree with Pam, but I have another idea.
What if they're friends other places than in your home where the
games are? Would the mom let the boy go to the zoo with you, or
camping?
Maybe the friendship isn't over, maybe just the gaming opportunities
of the season.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
not having that friend be his friend anymore. Don't talk it to death -
let it go as a sad thing, but don't make it a bigger deal than it
really is to him. Mostly distract him.-=-
I agree with Pam, but I have another idea.
What if they're friends other places than in your home where the
games are? Would the mom let the boy go to the zoo with you, or
camping?
Maybe the friendship isn't over, maybe just the gaming opportunities
of the season.
Sandra
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Rebecca Boxwell
Sandra -
Will you be speaking at the HSC Conference in Sacramento?
--Rebecca
Will you be speaking at the HSC Conference in Sacramento?
--Rebecca
Sandra Dodd
-=-Will you be speaking at the HSC Conference in Sacramento? -=-
Eeek. I feel bad even responding to this, because I just rejected an
e-mail about a regional homeschooling conference as being too
regional and not about unschooling.
This one's half about unschooling, though. And the author isn't
moderated. <g>
I don't think I can speak there for a while, I'm guessing, because
last year I was treated as a keynote speaker, as though I were a
distant expert of some sort, instead of sneaking in smalltime as
though I were local, as I've done a few times before. So although I
suppose people nearer can speak every year, maybe, having been
treated as A Big Name, I'm probably off the rotation for a while.
I *think* (not positive, but it seems likely) I'll be in Tempe,
Arizona next March, early, and maybe (I hope, but it's not for
certain) with all my kids, and with Pam Sorooshian and all *her* kids.
That's the only thing I have on my calendar at the moment, as to
public speaking.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Eeek. I feel bad even responding to this, because I just rejected an
e-mail about a regional homeschooling conference as being too
regional and not about unschooling.
This one's half about unschooling, though. And the author isn't
moderated. <g>
I don't think I can speak there for a while, I'm guessing, because
last year I was treated as a keynote speaker, as though I were a
distant expert of some sort, instead of sneaking in smalltime as
though I were local, as I've done a few times before. So although I
suppose people nearer can speak every year, maybe, having been
treated as A Big Name, I'm probably off the rotation for a while.
I *think* (not positive, but it seems likely) I'll be in Tempe,
Arizona next March, early, and maybe (I hope, but it's not for
certain) with all my kids, and with Pam Sorooshian and all *her* kids.
That's the only thing I have on my calendar at the moment, as to
public speaking.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]