11yo choosing school
graberamy
So, it's happened. My 11yo had decided to give 6th grade (middle school
here) a try. She said she wants to be sure she's not missing out on
anything. I've read your article, Public Schooling on your own terms,
LOTS and it has helped me LOTS! Thank you. She's dabbled with this
idea in the past so, I knew it was coming.
I'm not sure it'll last, she keeps double checking with me that she can
come home!! OF COURSE!!
We went on a tour Tuesday and it's a new building with the all the bells
and whistles, even a pool with speakers under water so they can listen
to music and movie nights in the pool. Unfortunately, (fortunately
[O:)] ) I didn't see any kids in the pool, or on the rock climbing wall,
or in the cool library, or on the computers...wth??
When we walked out of the building, I could tell she wanted to go. I
kinda teared up and Lydia said "I'm sorry if this makes you sad Mom."
Oh, I wasn't sad, it was kind of bittersweet, her making such a grown up
decision for herself, I was proud of her!! I told her "I'm not sad, I
want you to be happy and if this makes you happy, then I will be
supportive." Lord knows I haven't represented school as the most
wonderful place, but I understand her not taking my word for it!
So, our lives will change drastically and part of me does feel like a
failure. Was I not fun enough, involved enough, interesting enough??
I know she'll get nervous as we get closer to the start date. She may
even say she wants to back out. At this point do I gently encourage her
to go? I don't want her to have regrets later, but inside I don't want
her to go either!
This is all new to me?? And now we'll have to go on vacation when
everyone else does...yuck...lol!!
amy g
iowa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
here) a try. She said she wants to be sure she's not missing out on
anything. I've read your article, Public Schooling on your own terms,
LOTS and it has helped me LOTS! Thank you. She's dabbled with this
idea in the past so, I knew it was coming.
I'm not sure it'll last, she keeps double checking with me that she can
come home!! OF COURSE!!
We went on a tour Tuesday and it's a new building with the all the bells
and whistles, even a pool with speakers under water so they can listen
to music and movie nights in the pool. Unfortunately, (fortunately
[O:)] ) I didn't see any kids in the pool, or on the rock climbing wall,
or in the cool library, or on the computers...wth??
When we walked out of the building, I could tell she wanted to go. I
kinda teared up and Lydia said "I'm sorry if this makes you sad Mom."
Oh, I wasn't sad, it was kind of bittersweet, her making such a grown up
decision for herself, I was proud of her!! I told her "I'm not sad, I
want you to be happy and if this makes you happy, then I will be
supportive." Lord knows I haven't represented school as the most
wonderful place, but I understand her not taking my word for it!
So, our lives will change drastically and part of me does feel like a
failure. Was I not fun enough, involved enough, interesting enough??
I know she'll get nervous as we get closer to the start date. She may
even say she wants to back out. At this point do I gently encourage her
to go? I don't want her to have regrets later, but inside I don't want
her to go either!
This is all new to me?? And now we'll have to go on vacation when
everyone else does...yuck...lol!!
amy g
iowa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lyla Wolfenstein
not a lot to offer here, as i am new to unschooling after years of my kids *being in school* - but WHY would you have to go on vacation when everyone else does? :-)
if you aren't buying into the requirement aspects of public school, i don't see a need to buy into the schedule either...my dad took me out of school for 6 weeks (only 2 of which were winter break) and we went on a driving trip to mexico when i as 7. my daughter goes to a private school that we *pay* for and she is *choosing* to take time off to hang with our unschooling visitors after the life is good unschooling conference....if it was public school, the only "problem" is i think if you miss 10 days in a row you need a doctor's note, or something. although i imagine one could make special arrangements with a teacher to have the vacation be "special family circumstances" or whatever.
that said, i have a friend who is battling an *alternative* school right now because his son doesn't turn in his homework (which is fine with the family) and isntead of a "bad grade" being the "consequence" (also fine with the family) they are trying to keep him in at recess and deprive him of electives! the recess detention, it turns out, is illegal in our district (although all the schools do it!) and this school's claim to fame/unique niche is that the kids (k-12) have electives every afternoon (actually now its just twice a week. :-( )
its utterly ridiculous, and makes me think maybe it IS harder than it used to be to make "special" arrangements. my kids have always gone to charter schools and really different schools that DID have the flexibility, and i imagine it would vary a lot from state to state, etc. but i have found that advocacy for my child/direct arrangements with teachers can make jsut about anything happen if done non confrontationally...
oh - and i also wouldn't beat yourself up at ALL about whether you made things interesting enough. my daughter is 13 now (in 2 weeks0, but 6th grade was when she both THREW herself into school and then WITHDREW - she stayed home the second half of 6th grade, after struggling mightily with the social cra*. i would be willing to bet that your daughter will not like it much, but if she does, for a while, it would probably be because its something of a sociology experiment - and extension of unschooling! but what i meant to say is 11 years old was really a developmentally pivotal time for my daughter (and lots of girls i think) when she started needing different kinds of experiences, was thinking and exploring different topics, and our relationship changed as well - not for the worse or the better - just more mature.
Lyla
- Original Message -----
So, our lives will change drastically and part of me does feel like a
failure. Was I not fun enough, involved enough, interesting enough??
I know she'll get nervous as we get closer to the start date. She may
even say she wants to back out. At this point do I gently encourage her
to go? I don't want her to have regrets later, but inside I don't want
her to go either!
This is all new to me?? And now we'll have to go on vacation when
everyone else does...yuck...lol!!
.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
if you aren't buying into the requirement aspects of public school, i don't see a need to buy into the schedule either...my dad took me out of school for 6 weeks (only 2 of which were winter break) and we went on a driving trip to mexico when i as 7. my daughter goes to a private school that we *pay* for and she is *choosing* to take time off to hang with our unschooling visitors after the life is good unschooling conference....if it was public school, the only "problem" is i think if you miss 10 days in a row you need a doctor's note, or something. although i imagine one could make special arrangements with a teacher to have the vacation be "special family circumstances" or whatever.
that said, i have a friend who is battling an *alternative* school right now because his son doesn't turn in his homework (which is fine with the family) and isntead of a "bad grade" being the "consequence" (also fine with the family) they are trying to keep him in at recess and deprive him of electives! the recess detention, it turns out, is illegal in our district (although all the schools do it!) and this school's claim to fame/unique niche is that the kids (k-12) have electives every afternoon (actually now its just twice a week. :-( )
its utterly ridiculous, and makes me think maybe it IS harder than it used to be to make "special" arrangements. my kids have always gone to charter schools and really different schools that DID have the flexibility, and i imagine it would vary a lot from state to state, etc. but i have found that advocacy for my child/direct arrangements with teachers can make jsut about anything happen if done non confrontationally...
oh - and i also wouldn't beat yourself up at ALL about whether you made things interesting enough. my daughter is 13 now (in 2 weeks0, but 6th grade was when she both THREW herself into school and then WITHDREW - she stayed home the second half of 6th grade, after struggling mightily with the social cra*. i would be willing to bet that your daughter will not like it much, but if she does, for a while, it would probably be because its something of a sociology experiment - and extension of unschooling! but what i meant to say is 11 years old was really a developmentally pivotal time for my daughter (and lots of girls i think) when she started needing different kinds of experiences, was thinking and exploring different topics, and our relationship changed as well - not for the worse or the better - just more mature.
Lyla
- Original Message -----
So, our lives will change drastically and part of me does feel like a
failure. Was I not fun enough, involved enough, interesting enough??
I know she'll get nervous as we get closer to the start date. She may
even say she wants to back out. At this point do I gently encourage her
to go? I don't want her to have regrets later, but inside I don't want
her to go either!
This is all new to me?? And now we'll have to go on vacation when
everyone else does...yuck...lol!!
.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
graberamy
<<<but WHY would you have to go on vacation when everyone else does?
:-)>>
Good point, the rule stretcher that I am, would like to use all the time
off that is legally alloted. However, if my daughter approaches this
like she does her other commitments, she will follow rules to the T and
be there if she's supposed to! This is a girl I don't have to wake up
to fulfill a commitment or ask her to get ready, she's usually hurrying
me along!! bwg!! She takes her responsibilities very seriously. She'll
probably know the rules of the school better than the teachers...lol!
<<<it would probably be because its something of a sociology
experiment - and extension of unschooling! but what i meant to say is 11
years
old was really a developmentally pivotal time for my daughter (and lots
of girls
i think) when she started needing different kinds of experiences, was
thinking
and exploring different topics, and our relationship changed as well -
not for
the worse or the better - just more mature.>>>
She is definitely going for the social aspects. Most of her close
friends go to school and I think she wants to know what it's like. She
has changed, matured recently. It has been fun. Her wings are
definitely developing and she's trying all kinds of new things this
summer!
I called the school to get a copy of the handbook, (cause I want to know
how many days can be missed, etc... [>:)] ). I was talking to the
principal and one thing lead to another and she started saying how
perhaps Lydia should be tested for TAG (talented and gifted)...btw, I
hate this term, this program and said "I think all children have talents
and gifts" . I probably shouldn't have said that but...I did. Then
the principal went on and on about the great progams that are offered by
this label, etc. I don't even know why I'm sharing this here, but
those conversations just bug me for some reason!
amy g
iowa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
:-)>>
Good point, the rule stretcher that I am, would like to use all the time
off that is legally alloted. However, if my daughter approaches this
like she does her other commitments, she will follow rules to the T and
be there if she's supposed to! This is a girl I don't have to wake up
to fulfill a commitment or ask her to get ready, she's usually hurrying
me along!! bwg!! She takes her responsibilities very seriously. She'll
probably know the rules of the school better than the teachers...lol!
<<<it would probably be because its something of a sociology
experiment - and extension of unschooling! but what i meant to say is 11
years
old was really a developmentally pivotal time for my daughter (and lots
of girls
i think) when she started needing different kinds of experiences, was
thinking
and exploring different topics, and our relationship changed as well -
not for
the worse or the better - just more mature.>>>
She is definitely going for the social aspects. Most of her close
friends go to school and I think she wants to know what it's like. She
has changed, matured recently. It has been fun. Her wings are
definitely developing and she's trying all kinds of new things this
summer!
I called the school to get a copy of the handbook, (cause I want to know
how many days can be missed, etc... [>:)] ). I was talking to the
principal and one thing lead to another and she started saying how
perhaps Lydia should be tested for TAG (talented and gifted)...btw, I
hate this term, this program and said "I think all children have talents
and gifts" . I probably shouldn't have said that but...I did. Then
the principal went on and on about the great progams that are offered by
this label, etc. I don't even know why I'm sharing this here, but
those conversations just bug me for some reason!
amy g
iowa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I was talking to the
principal and one thing lead to another and she started saying how
perhaps Lydia should be tested for TAG (talented and gifted)...btw, I
hate this term, this program and said "I think all children have talents
and gifts" . I probably shouldn't have said that but...I did. Then
the principal went on and on about the great progams that are offered by
this label, etc. I don't even know why I'm sharing this here, but
those conversations just bug me for some reason!-=-
Maybe you're sharing it so people here can tell you that if she's
"identified" then the school gets more funding, and it will be harder
for them to let you take her back out if you want to, because then
they LOSE more funding.
But y'know, I think they can "tag" her without your permission, so
don't lose any sleep over it. <g>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
principal and one thing lead to another and she started saying how
perhaps Lydia should be tested for TAG (talented and gifted)...btw, I
hate this term, this program and said "I think all children have talents
and gifts" . I probably shouldn't have said that but...I did. Then
the principal went on and on about the great progams that are offered by
this label, etc. I don't even know why I'm sharing this here, but
those conversations just bug me for some reason!-=-
Maybe you're sharing it so people here can tell you that if she's
"identified" then the school gets more funding, and it will be harder
for them to let you take her back out if you want to, because then
they LOSE more funding.
But y'know, I think they can "tag" her without your permission, so
don't lose any sleep over it. <g>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-even a pool with speakers under water so they can listen
to music and movie nights in the pool.-=-
COOL!
-=-So, our lives will change drastically and part of me does feel
like a failure. Was I not fun enough, involved enough, interesting
enough??-=-
It won't be for her what it is for the other kids, at all. She'll be
like an anthropologist or a reporter visiting a foreign prison, not
an inmate.
-=-I know she'll get nervous as we get closer to the start date. She may
even say she wants to back out. At this point do I gently encourage her
to go? I don't want her to have regrets later, but inside I don't want
her to go either!-=-
Maybe ask her in advance whether, if she gets cold feet, you should
press her or let her chicken out. If you ask then, she won't know.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
to music and movie nights in the pool.-=-
COOL!
-=-So, our lives will change drastically and part of me does feel
like a failure. Was I not fun enough, involved enough, interesting
enough??-=-
It won't be for her what it is for the other kids, at all. She'll be
like an anthropologist or a reporter visiting a foreign prison, not
an inmate.
-=-I know she'll get nervous as we get closer to the start date. She may
even say she wants to back out. At this point do I gently encourage her
to go? I don't want her to have regrets later, but inside I don't want
her to go either!-=-
Maybe ask her in advance whether, if she gets cold feet, you should
press her or let her chicken out. If you ask then, she won't know.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
graberamy
> -=-even a pool with speakers under water so they can listenIt was pretty cool! It is this particular communities pool that's
> to music and movie nights in the pool.-=-
>
> COOL!
open to the public (we just usually use one that's closer) so it
wouldn't be off limits if she decides to come home!
> Maybe ask her in advance whether, if she gets cold feet, you shouldknow.>>>
> press her or let her chicken out. If you ask then, she won't
This is great advice, which is exactly why I came to this list! I asked
her and she doesn't know, yet. But it started a great conversation and
she's thinking about it!
Thanks again, I'll keep you all posted about our journey!
amy g
iowa
keetry
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
tested for anything like that without my permission. Of course,
different schools and school district do things differently and that
was several years ago.
Alysia
>They may not be able to. When my son was in school he could not be
> > But y'know, I think they can "tag" her without your permission,
tested for anything like that without my permission. Of course,
different schools and school district do things differently and that
was several years ago.
Alysia
missalexmissalex
I was talking to the
grade. We really did get to do a lot of cooler stuff than the
mainstream classes--more hands on, playful, non-standardized-tested
stuff. My feeling is that the kids in my class were, in general, more
open to learning being cool and interesting than the mainstream
class. Nobody ever called you a nerd for raising your hand a lot or
getting excited about what the class was doing. It was a nice place
to learn, as schools go. Of course, as an adult the idea of
segregating kids by abilities gives me the willies. But if I were in
your position, and my child chose to go to school, I would want her
to have the opportunity that I had. I'm sure your school doesn't have
the exact same thing as ours did. Maybe you could get more
information about what is offered and then let your child make an
informed choice about whether she wants to take the test.
Alex
mom to Katya, 11 mos
> principal and one thing lead to another and she started saying howI
> perhaps Lydia should be tested for TAG (talented and gifted)...btw,
> hate this term, this program and said "I think all children havetalents
> and gifts" . I probably shouldn't have said that but...I did.Then
> the principal went on and on about the great progams that areoffered by
> this label, etc. I don't even know why I'm sharing this here, butI was in self-contained GATE (same as TAG) classes from 3rd-6th
> those conversations just bug me for some reason!
grade. We really did get to do a lot of cooler stuff than the
mainstream classes--more hands on, playful, non-standardized-tested
stuff. My feeling is that the kids in my class were, in general, more
open to learning being cool and interesting than the mainstream
class. Nobody ever called you a nerd for raising your hand a lot or
getting excited about what the class was doing. It was a nice place
to learn, as schools go. Of course, as an adult the idea of
segregating kids by abilities gives me the willies. But if I were in
your position, and my child chose to go to school, I would want her
to have the opportunity that I had. I'm sure your school doesn't have
the exact same thing as ours did. Maybe you could get more
information about what is offered and then let your child make an
informed choice about whether she wants to take the test.
Alex
mom to Katya, 11 mos
Meghan Anderson-Coates
********
So, it's happened. My 11yo had decided to give 6th grade (middle school
here) a try. She said she wants to be sure she's not missing out on
anything. I've read your article, Public Schooling on your own terms,
LOTS and it has helped me LOTS! Thank you. She's dabbled with this
idea in the past so, I knew it was coming.
I'm not sure it'll last, she keeps double checking with me that she can
come home!! OF COURSE!!
**********
Tamzin wanted to try middle school (7th grade where we live), so she started the school year and lasted a month <g>. This was almost 2 years ago now. She hated the structure and strictness. She really disliked 2 of her teachers. The science teacher she had totally embarrassed any kid who dared ask a question! She hated having to change in front of loads of kids to 'dress down' for gym class.
Well, now a few of her homeschooling buds are planning to go to high school next year and they've been trying to talk her into it. She's having no part of it! She has no interest in going to school again. She got her fill of it in that one month of jr high! She's still thinking she'd like to go to college, but she may choose to do it online or go to an 'alternative type' college.
If your kiddo is an independent thinker and has her own way of doing things, you may find her coming home sooner rather than later :-)
Meghan
"Hey diddle diddle the cat did a piddle, all over the bathroom mat.
The little dog laughed to see such fun, and piddled all over the cat."
~ Anon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
So, it's happened. My 11yo had decided to give 6th grade (middle school
here) a try. She said she wants to be sure she's not missing out on
anything. I've read your article, Public Schooling on your own terms,
LOTS and it has helped me LOTS! Thank you. She's dabbled with this
idea in the past so, I knew it was coming.
I'm not sure it'll last, she keeps double checking with me that she can
come home!! OF COURSE!!
**********
Tamzin wanted to try middle school (7th grade where we live), so she started the school year and lasted a month <g>. This was almost 2 years ago now. She hated the structure and strictness. She really disliked 2 of her teachers. The science teacher she had totally embarrassed any kid who dared ask a question! She hated having to change in front of loads of kids to 'dress down' for gym class.
Well, now a few of her homeschooling buds are planning to go to high school next year and they've been trying to talk her into it. She's having no part of it! She has no interest in going to school again. She got her fill of it in that one month of jr high! She's still thinking she'd like to go to college, but she may choose to do it online or go to an 'alternative type' college.
If your kiddo is an independent thinker and has her own way of doing things, you may find her coming home sooner rather than later :-)
Meghan
"Hey diddle diddle the cat did a piddle, all over the bathroom mat.
The little dog laughed to see such fun, and piddled all over the cat."
~ Anon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]