Responsibility?
Kim Musolff
I've been sitting here making a list of qualities I want my children to have
as they grow up. Things like kindness, passion, happiness, fulfillment,
etc. I'm doing this, not as a "checklist" for what my kids need to
accomplish, but to help me remember that compliance is not a quality I want
for my children. (My current unschooling hurdle!) Anyway, after reading
tons of books and having lots of discussions about unschooling, I am
starting to believe that unschooling is probably the best way for my
children to achieve these qualities.
But then I thought of "responsibility." Are unschooled children
"responsible?"
We always hear that children should grow up to become "responsible adults."
My old thinking would say that by giving them chores, making them take care
of and clean up their toys, etc, (ie. giving them responsibilities) would
make them responsible.
So now I'm stuck again. How do unschoolers become responsible? How do they
do things that they don't want to do, and not take the easy way out? Do
they just turn out that way because they are loved and supported? If we're
not telling them what to do, and not giving them responsibilities, how do
they know how to act responsibly?
I know you guys will help me with this. I just need a little boost in my
thinking!
Kim
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
as they grow up. Things like kindness, passion, happiness, fulfillment,
etc. I'm doing this, not as a "checklist" for what my kids need to
accomplish, but to help me remember that compliance is not a quality I want
for my children. (My current unschooling hurdle!) Anyway, after reading
tons of books and having lots of discussions about unschooling, I am
starting to believe that unschooling is probably the best way for my
children to achieve these qualities.
But then I thought of "responsibility." Are unschooled children
"responsible?"
We always hear that children should grow up to become "responsible adults."
My old thinking would say that by giving them chores, making them take care
of and clean up their toys, etc, (ie. giving them responsibilities) would
make them responsible.
So now I'm stuck again. How do unschoolers become responsible? How do they
do things that they don't want to do, and not take the easy way out? Do
they just turn out that way because they are loved and supported? If we're
not telling them what to do, and not giving them responsibilities, how do
they know how to act responsibly?
I know you guys will help me with this. I just need a little boost in my
thinking!
Kim
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joanna Murphy
>They become responsible by growing up and being able to take on more responsibility. It
> But then I thought of "responsibility." Are unschooled children
> "responsible?"
>
> We always hear that children should grow up to become "responsible adults."
> My old thinking would say that by giving them chores, making them take care
> of and clean up their toys, etc, (ie. giving them responsibilities) would
> make them responsible.
>
> So now I'm stuck again. How do unschoolers become responsible?
goes back to the core--do you have to teach them to be all of those other qualities you
value, or will they grow into them in a nurturing environment, surrounded by adults that
are modeling those qualities. Behavior modification vs. becoming as they are
developmentally ready.
It's been easier and easier to keep this in mind with my daughter (9) who does not
embody those qualities that I know she will as an adult, because I see flashes of them.
The flashes have always been there, but my perspective has changed to one of trust and
acceptance of her where she is at, so I can see them now differently. I used to see the
flashes and wonder why she couldn't act "better" more often. Now I see the flashes and
have complete trust that those are the road markers that point the way to her becoming
the adult that will embody all of those qualities someday.
And both of my children are helping out more around the house of their own accord--
both according to their personalities. And they have both indicated, in various
conversations, a complete awareness of the responsibilities of adulthood. We just talk
about stuff and they see the adults around them living life, and they get it. It really doesn't
have to be the painful process that many would have you believe! :-)
Joanna
Barbara Chase
> How do unschoolers become responsible? How do theyIt sounds like you have equated responsibility with doing what you
> do things that they don't want to do, and not take the easy way out?
don't want to do. I view it more along the lines of having a greater
capacity to make better choices, and the awareness that we are
actually doing exactly what we want to do.
I remember when I first read Sandra's discussion (either on her
website or online, don't recall which) about making choices. I had
just gotten a speeding ticket (first one in years and years, and it
wasn't particularly fair imho... I had the misfortune to be driving a
red car.... I don't recommend red cars!) The county wouldn't allow
me to do traffic school online, and my dd wasn't keen on having me
gone for 10+ hours (she was still quite little), and I didn't want an
increase in my insurance. I was feeling pretty grumpy about the
whole thing -- and then I remembered Sandra's discussion. I was at
choice, especially with the way I chose to feel about it!
I ended up finding a traffic school that split the class up into 2
evenings, had an interesting conversation with my dd about balancing
the different needs and the different choices that we could make, and
in the end I felt really good about going to the class. It was even
one of those humor classes, and I did laugh. I was following my
choices and doing what I wanted to do, and have since made better
choices about car colors!
I am becoming more responsible each day.... like other aspects of my
unschooling life, there isn't a specific end point. There isn't a
particular point in my life where I can say -- yep, that's where I
became responsible. It's a growing, learning process for me as well
as my dd. She became responsible for picking out her own clothes
when she was 2, and was responsible enough tonight when she decided
not to move my laptop off my desk because she didn't feel ready to be
responsible with the procedure to safely dismount my hard drive.
She's already responsible, and is learning more about it each day --
just like I am.
mahalo,
Barbara
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Apr 28, 2008, at 2:09 AM, Kim Musolff wrote:
it to the parent's satisfaction as being responsible.
When in life as adults are tasks forced on us that we can't walk away
from or say no to? Slavery? Prison? (Even prison was a series of
choices.)
Responsibility is choosing to take on a burden and make that your own
to keep to your own standards. A real responsibility we can choose to
drop if we want (and bear the consequences).
We can make children *act* responsible but we can't make them *feel*
responsible. And by the time they're old enough to feel responsible,
their feelings about responsibilities are all tangled up with
feelings of force and pressure.
We can nurture the feeling of being responsible by being responsible
ourselves (especially to them, and giving them the reasons why we're
doing something and involving them "Maggie is counting on us picking
up the cake for the party, want to help me deliver it?") Also by
helping them and making the tasks they take on more pleasant.
(Animals are a biggie. Parents should assume responsibility for pets
and invite kids along to help.)
If you go here:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/
and scroll down on the right there's a section on Commitments,
Obligations and Responsibilities.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> My old thinking would say that by giving them chores, making themMost people equate handing a task to a child and the child handling
> take care
> of and clean up their toys, etc, (ie. giving them responsibilities)
> would
> make them responsible.
it to the parent's satisfaction as being responsible.
When in life as adults are tasks forced on us that we can't walk away
from or say no to? Slavery? Prison? (Even prison was a series of
choices.)
Responsibility is choosing to take on a burden and make that your own
to keep to your own standards. A real responsibility we can choose to
drop if we want (and bear the consequences).
We can make children *act* responsible but we can't make them *feel*
responsible. And by the time they're old enough to feel responsible,
their feelings about responsibilities are all tangled up with
feelings of force and pressure.
We can nurture the feeling of being responsible by being responsible
ourselves (especially to them, and giving them the reasons why we're
doing something and involving them "Maggie is counting on us picking
up the cake for the party, want to help me deliver it?") Also by
helping them and making the tasks they take on more pleasant.
(Animals are a biggie. Parents should assume responsibility for pets
and invite kids along to help.)
If you go here:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/
and scroll down on the right there's a section on Commitments,
Obligations and Responsibilities.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
~~But then I thought of "responsibility." Are unschooled children
"responsible?"~~
Humans grow into responsibilty if they have opportunities to do so.
They WANT to be part of the world/tribe they live in. I think parents
short-circuit the desire for responsibility when they "fix" after a
child has done some task because the child didn't do it to the
parent's standard.
Trevor (18) just spent the last couple of weeks helping his
girfriend's family pack up and move into a new house. He did a ton of
lifting and other exhausting work. He wanted to do it.
People can make better choices, take on real responsibility when they
are given the freedom to actually choose. People talk about kids
making better choices but how do they think children learn that skill?
By choosing.:)
Responsible behavior comes from people who have it modeled for them,
are treated with kindness and respect and get lots of opportunities to
experiment with choice. The rest of us learned it by default...in
SPITE of being coerced, not because of it.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
"responsible?"~~
Humans grow into responsibilty if they have opportunities to do so.
They WANT to be part of the world/tribe they live in. I think parents
short-circuit the desire for responsibility when they "fix" after a
child has done some task because the child didn't do it to the
parent's standard.
Trevor (18) just spent the last couple of weeks helping his
girfriend's family pack up and move into a new house. He did a ton of
lifting and other exhausting work. He wanted to do it.
People can make better choices, take on real responsibility when they
are given the freedom to actually choose. People talk about kids
making better choices but how do they think children learn that skill?
By choosing.:)
Responsible behavior comes from people who have it modeled for them,
are treated with kindness and respect and get lots of opportunities to
experiment with choice. The rest of us learned it by default...in
SPITE of being coerced, not because of it.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Angela Shaw
Ren said:
Responsible behavior comes from people who have it modeled for them,
are treated with kindness and respect and get lots of opportunities to
experiment with choice. The rest of us learned it by default...in
SPITE of being coerced, not because of it.
I was going to write and say something similar to what Ren said above but
she said it really well.
Many times I've volunteered to do something that needed to be done (for a
club or a relative) because it felt like the right thing to do. When it
came time to do it, sometimes I didn't feel like it. My kids have asked in
the past when they heard me grumbling why I was going to bother then. I've
responded that I signed up to do it and I would not feel good about myself
if I didn't fulfill my commitment. It is important to me to keep my word
and I don't like to leave people hanging. Even though those were just
passing conversations, I know that it makes an impact on them. I did not
say those things in order to teach my children to be responsible, it is just
who I am and I am always sharing how I think with my kids. (It is also what
my parents modeled)
My kids take their own responsibilities very seriously. We as a family are
responsible for our horses, cats, and bunnies. Each and every day they see
me model responsibility in caring for these animals and they partake in the
care of them to a large degree as well. (I don't make them)
They know that I get upset when I am late for something. They know that
when we schedule riding lessons or anything else that has an appointment
time that it is our responsibility to be on time or it can mess up someone
else's schedule. (been on the other end of that when other people are late
and it affects us)
When they sign up to go to a pony club rally they know the other members of
the team are counting on them to do their best, to be prepared, and to act
as part of the team for the well being of the team and not only for
themselves. That is being responsible
It really comes down to modeling, imo. My girls have always been unschooled
and I take my own responsibilities very seriously and so do they at ages 11
and 13.
Angela Shaw
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Responsible behavior comes from people who have it modeled for them,
are treated with kindness and respect and get lots of opportunities to
experiment with choice. The rest of us learned it by default...in
SPITE of being coerced, not because of it.
I was going to write and say something similar to what Ren said above but
she said it really well.
Many times I've volunteered to do something that needed to be done (for a
club or a relative) because it felt like the right thing to do. When it
came time to do it, sometimes I didn't feel like it. My kids have asked in
the past when they heard me grumbling why I was going to bother then. I've
responded that I signed up to do it and I would not feel good about myself
if I didn't fulfill my commitment. It is important to me to keep my word
and I don't like to leave people hanging. Even though those were just
passing conversations, I know that it makes an impact on them. I did not
say those things in order to teach my children to be responsible, it is just
who I am and I am always sharing how I think with my kids. (It is also what
my parents modeled)
My kids take their own responsibilities very seriously. We as a family are
responsible for our horses, cats, and bunnies. Each and every day they see
me model responsibility in caring for these animals and they partake in the
care of them to a large degree as well. (I don't make them)
They know that I get upset when I am late for something. They know that
when we schedule riding lessons or anything else that has an appointment
time that it is our responsibility to be on time or it can mess up someone
else's schedule. (been on the other end of that when other people are late
and it affects us)
When they sign up to go to a pony club rally they know the other members of
the team are counting on them to do their best, to be prepared, and to act
as part of the team for the well being of the team and not only for
themselves. That is being responsible
It really comes down to modeling, imo. My girls have always been unschooled
and I take my own responsibilities very seriously and so do they at ages 11
and 13.
Angela Shaw
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
-----------------------------------------------------
I've been sitting here making a list of qualities I want my children to have
as they grow up. Things like kindness, passion, happiness, fulfillment,
etc. I'm doing this, not as a "checklist" for what my kids need to
accomplish, but to help me remember that compliance is not a quality I want
for my children. (My current unschooling hurdle!) Anyway, after reading
tons of books and having lots of discussions about unschooling, I am
starting to believe that unschooling is probably the best way for my
children to achieve these qualities.
But then I thought of "responsibility." Are unschooled children
"responsible"?
---------------------------
Are schooled children responsible? Is there a method that you know of that will "teach" responsiblity? I don't think I'm more responsible because my parents spanked me or made me take piano lessons even when I wanted to quit or because my mom would make a chore chart for me in the summer and I'd get stars for every chore that I did without having to be nagged to do it. Is it being responsible if someone else is dictating your actions to you?
That said, I think both Simon(11) and Linnaea (8) are largely responsible people. Yesterday, as I lay down for a much needed nap I listened to Simon and Linnaea chatting in the other room. Linnaea was saying to Simon that she preferred his room. And they talked about why, in the end they both concluded it was because her room was messy so they went, together, and cleaned it. They moved boxes that have been waiting to be unpacked into the spare room and set it up so that they could watch a movie on a portable DVD player. They shared the responsibility of making Linnaea's room more pleasant for her to be in. The other day Simon went to a castle with a friend. We gave him 10 pounds to pay for entry and whatever else he needed (he had a packed lunch and water, so didn't have to eat what was in the cafe if he didn't want to). Without our prompting him, he offered to pay his way into the castle. His host paid for him. Other boys he knew were there. When the
friend he'd come with got upset about an incident with another friend, Simon went to him and just hung out with him. I figure those things are pretty responsible.
-----------------------------
We always hear that children should grow up to become "responsible adults."
My old thinking would say that by giving them chores, making them take care
of and clean up their toys, etc, (ie. giving them responsibilities) would
make them responsible.
So now I'm stuck again. How do unschoolers become responsible? How do they
do things that they don't want to do, and not take the easy way out? Do
they just turn out that way because they are loved and supported? If we're
not telling them what to do, and not giving them responsibilities, how do
they know how to act responsibly?
---------------------------------------------
I don't do things I don't want to do. Really. If there is something that I might be reticent to do I either don't do it or I find ways that I want to do it. It takes a little bit of rethinking, seeing other possibilities, seeing payoffs for my actions, for me to see a way that I want to choose to do something. There is very little that I feel I have to do. Simon and Linnaea wanted to go biking today, so I got everything ready and we started biking to the next village along to get to the store. Halfway there Simon had a bike accident and scraped up his knees. After sitting for a little while we turned around and went home. There was no reason to continue to the store, we were on our way for our own pleasure. It doesn't make us more or less responsible for having not overcome the hurdle of scraped knees to get to the store to buy a candybar or an ice cream cone. They didn't learn that they are quitters in that action, or that they can shrug off
responsibility, or that somethings are too hard to overcome. What they may have come away with is the idea that they like biking, even if they get hurt, or that I listen when they say they are done, or that their choices are honored. Or something completely other. But I don't think unschooling isn't helping them to become responsible adults. I think it is much harder to come to truly be responsible when your choices are limited and dictated to you.
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I've been sitting here making a list of qualities I want my children to have
as they grow up. Things like kindness, passion, happiness, fulfillment,
etc. I'm doing this, not as a "checklist" for what my kids need to
accomplish, but to help me remember that compliance is not a quality I want
for my children. (My current unschooling hurdle!) Anyway, after reading
tons of books and having lots of discussions about unschooling, I am
starting to believe that unschooling is probably the best way for my
children to achieve these qualities.
But then I thought of "responsibility." Are unschooled children
"responsible"?
---------------------------
Are schooled children responsible? Is there a method that you know of that will "teach" responsiblity? I don't think I'm more responsible because my parents spanked me or made me take piano lessons even when I wanted to quit or because my mom would make a chore chart for me in the summer and I'd get stars for every chore that I did without having to be nagged to do it. Is it being responsible if someone else is dictating your actions to you?
That said, I think both Simon(11) and Linnaea (8) are largely responsible people. Yesterday, as I lay down for a much needed nap I listened to Simon and Linnaea chatting in the other room. Linnaea was saying to Simon that she preferred his room. And they talked about why, in the end they both concluded it was because her room was messy so they went, together, and cleaned it. They moved boxes that have been waiting to be unpacked into the spare room and set it up so that they could watch a movie on a portable DVD player. They shared the responsibility of making Linnaea's room more pleasant for her to be in. The other day Simon went to a castle with a friend. We gave him 10 pounds to pay for entry and whatever else he needed (he had a packed lunch and water, so didn't have to eat what was in the cafe if he didn't want to). Without our prompting him, he offered to pay his way into the castle. His host paid for him. Other boys he knew were there. When the
friend he'd come with got upset about an incident with another friend, Simon went to him and just hung out with him. I figure those things are pretty responsible.
-----------------------------
We always hear that children should grow up to become "responsible adults."
My old thinking would say that by giving them chores, making them take care
of and clean up their toys, etc, (ie. giving them responsibilities) would
make them responsible.
So now I'm stuck again. How do unschoolers become responsible? How do they
do things that they don't want to do, and not take the easy way out? Do
they just turn out that way because they are loved and supported? If we're
not telling them what to do, and not giving them responsibilities, how do
they know how to act responsibly?
---------------------------------------------
I don't do things I don't want to do. Really. If there is something that I might be reticent to do I either don't do it or I find ways that I want to do it. It takes a little bit of rethinking, seeing other possibilities, seeing payoffs for my actions, for me to see a way that I want to choose to do something. There is very little that I feel I have to do. Simon and Linnaea wanted to go biking today, so I got everything ready and we started biking to the next village along to get to the store. Halfway there Simon had a bike accident and scraped up his knees. After sitting for a little while we turned around and went home. There was no reason to continue to the store, we were on our way for our own pleasure. It doesn't make us more or less responsible for having not overcome the hurdle of scraped knees to get to the store to buy a candybar or an ice cream cone. They didn't learn that they are quitters in that action, or that they can shrug off
responsibility, or that somethings are too hard to overcome. What they may have come away with is the idea that they like biking, even if they get hurt, or that I listen when they say they are done, or that their choices are honored. Or something completely other. But I don't think unschooling isn't helping them to become responsible adults. I think it is much harder to come to truly be responsible when your choices are limited and dictated to you.
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
--- In [email protected], "Kim Musolff" <kmoose75@...> wrote:
16, 19 and 21. They are all very responsible. That says very little,
though, unless we're agreeing on terms and ideas.
Literally, "responsible" means "answerable." Respond=answer. If I'm
responsible to someone, it means I need to report to and defend myself
to them. I think that's what most people mean when they say
"responsible," though few of them will be so analytical as to look
below the surface or to even think of the meanings of the words
they're using.
If I'm responsible for something, it means I'm answerable for the
choices and actions I took while that thing was in my care. A best
man will take responsibility for the wedding ring for a while on the
wedding day. The bride is responsible for the ring after that. The
manager of a restaurant is responsible for the building, the money,
the people, the safety of the customers. The postman is responsible
for the mail he's taken on to deliver. I'm responsible for my
children. Kirby's responsible for this apartment (we're visiting;
photos and details are at http://sandradodd.blogspot.com ), and for
showing up to work and doing what he has agreed to do and is being
paid to do.
Yesterday, back home, Marty had a dilemma and I don't know yet how it
was handled. He had planned to go to an SCA event in Cuba, New
Mexico, two or three hours away. He hadn't known he was scheduled to
work at 4:30 or so in the afternoon. He told me if he couldn't get
out of work, he would miss the event. Because he's "a responsible
guy," I'm not too worried about whether he did the right thing. I'm
sure he didn't ditch work. I'm sure he didn't stand anyone up, about
driving or riding to that event. I'm sure he didn't forget to feed
the pets or to lock the house, although it's possible he forgot to put
the trash out this morning. I'm not going to call him and check,
though. I'm going to let him sleep, if he's sleeping.
Marty's responsibility isn't to me. It's to himself, and to what's
right and good. He's becoming a man and he wants to be a good man.
-=-Do they just turn out that way because they are loved and
supported? If we're not telling them what to do, and not giving them
responsibilities, how do they know how to act responsibly?-=-
I didn't give them English responsibilities, but they are good with
English. Holly asked me the other day what words are called that tell
you you did something. Adverbs. She was asking me about adverbs.
She didn't want a long lesson, just a quick answer, so I used "every
day" and "everyday" as an example of the difference between adverbs
and adjectives. On the way here we were listening to Buddy Holly, and
"Every Day" came on. I asked her if it was one word or two. Two.
"Adverbial phrase," I said. That was all.
That wasn't about "responsibility," it was about conversation and
curiosity and answering questions and pointing out examples. It was
painless, it was non-pressuring.
Same with anything, in my kids' lives. Holly said she would call
Brett within a certain window, and she did. I told Keith I would look
some things up this morning on the internet, and I have. We're used
to keeping our word, we see other people do it, and we see the ill
effects of people NOT keeping their word sometimes. No sense faking
any of that up or setting up practice situations. The world is full
of real responsibility and real irresponsibility.
We already know some stories about slight damage to Kirby's apartment.
A scruff on the wall from the back of his futon couch. He put
padding there with duct tape, after it scratched. There's a
low-hanging lamp they've run into. It's not broken, no one's hurt,
but they did notify the management that it's loose. They didn't do
that because they're afraid of disapproval from their parents. They
did that because they're responsible people.
Maybe thinking of "responsibility" as "trustworthiness" will make it
easier to see in an unschooling light.
Sandra
> So now I'm stuck again. How do unschoolers become responsible? Howdo they
> do things that they don't want to do, and not take the easy way out?Others have given great responses to these good questions. My kids are
16, 19 and 21. They are all very responsible. That says very little,
though, unless we're agreeing on terms and ideas.
Literally, "responsible" means "answerable." Respond=answer. If I'm
responsible to someone, it means I need to report to and defend myself
to them. I think that's what most people mean when they say
"responsible," though few of them will be so analytical as to look
below the surface or to even think of the meanings of the words
they're using.
If I'm responsible for something, it means I'm answerable for the
choices and actions I took while that thing was in my care. A best
man will take responsibility for the wedding ring for a while on the
wedding day. The bride is responsible for the ring after that. The
manager of a restaurant is responsible for the building, the money,
the people, the safety of the customers. The postman is responsible
for the mail he's taken on to deliver. I'm responsible for my
children. Kirby's responsible for this apartment (we're visiting;
photos and details are at http://sandradodd.blogspot.com ), and for
showing up to work and doing what he has agreed to do and is being
paid to do.
Yesterday, back home, Marty had a dilemma and I don't know yet how it
was handled. He had planned to go to an SCA event in Cuba, New
Mexico, two or three hours away. He hadn't known he was scheduled to
work at 4:30 or so in the afternoon. He told me if he couldn't get
out of work, he would miss the event. Because he's "a responsible
guy," I'm not too worried about whether he did the right thing. I'm
sure he didn't ditch work. I'm sure he didn't stand anyone up, about
driving or riding to that event. I'm sure he didn't forget to feed
the pets or to lock the house, although it's possible he forgot to put
the trash out this morning. I'm not going to call him and check,
though. I'm going to let him sleep, if he's sleeping.
Marty's responsibility isn't to me. It's to himself, and to what's
right and good. He's becoming a man and he wants to be a good man.
-=-Do they just turn out that way because they are loved and
supported? If we're not telling them what to do, and not giving them
responsibilities, how do they know how to act responsibly?-=-
I didn't give them English responsibilities, but they are good with
English. Holly asked me the other day what words are called that tell
you you did something. Adverbs. She was asking me about adverbs.
She didn't want a long lesson, just a quick answer, so I used "every
day" and "everyday" as an example of the difference between adverbs
and adjectives. On the way here we were listening to Buddy Holly, and
"Every Day" came on. I asked her if it was one word or two. Two.
"Adverbial phrase," I said. That was all.
That wasn't about "responsibility," it was about conversation and
curiosity and answering questions and pointing out examples. It was
painless, it was non-pressuring.
Same with anything, in my kids' lives. Holly said she would call
Brett within a certain window, and she did. I told Keith I would look
some things up this morning on the internet, and I have. We're used
to keeping our word, we see other people do it, and we see the ill
effects of people NOT keeping their word sometimes. No sense faking
any of that up or setting up practice situations. The world is full
of real responsibility and real irresponsibility.
We already know some stories about slight damage to Kirby's apartment.
A scruff on the wall from the back of his futon couch. He put
padding there with duct tape, after it scratched. There's a
low-hanging lamp they've run into. It's not broken, no one's hurt,
but they did notify the management that it's loose. They didn't do
that because they're afraid of disapproval from their parents. They
did that because they're responsible people.
Maybe thinking of "responsibility" as "trustworthiness" will make it
easier to see in an unschooling light.
Sandra
Nicole Willoughby
Love the pics. I wish you guys were in dallas Id love to meet you.
Nicole
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Nicole
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keetry
--- In [email protected], Schuyler <s.waynforth@...>
wrote:
want to do all the time. It's called housework. Later that same day
I was mopping the bathroom floor and this idea occured to me again.
Was I really mopping the floor because I had to even though I didn't
really want to? The answer was no. I WANTED to mop the floor because
I WANTED it clean before I put the rugs I just washed back down. I
could've just as easily put the rugs back down and no one would've
been the wiser.
Then I finally got this idea. I don't particularly like mopping the
floor but I don't do it in spite of not wanting to. I do it because
I DO want to for my own reason. Once I realized that mopping the
floor wasn't so bad. I actually kind of enjoyed it because I was
doing something I wanted to do. (and now I'm just going around in
circles)
Alysia
wrote:
>When I first read this, I thought, "I sure do!" I do stuff I don't
>
> I don't do things I don't want to do. Really.
want to do all the time. It's called housework. Later that same day
I was mopping the bathroom floor and this idea occured to me again.
Was I really mopping the floor because I had to even though I didn't
really want to? The answer was no. I WANTED to mop the floor because
I WANTED it clean before I put the rugs I just washed back down. I
could've just as easily put the rugs back down and no one would've
been the wiser.
Then I finally got this idea. I don't particularly like mopping the
floor but I don't do it in spite of not wanting to. I do it because
I DO want to for my own reason. Once I realized that mopping the
floor wasn't so bad. I actually kind of enjoyed it because I was
doing something I wanted to do. (and now I'm just going around in
circles)
Alysia
Joanna Wilkinson
>When my unschooled dd decided to try highschool, I supported her, but I
> But then I thought of "responsibility." Are unschooled children
> "responsible?"
did not ever make her comply with any of the rules or requirements. I
never had to wake her up in the morning, make her study or do homework,
or any other thing that parents complain about. Any time she didn't
want to go, I was happy and said, "you never have to go!" but she did.
She is responsible for the things that matter to her.
A clean room isn't one of them.;-)
Keeping her word is.
She has done very well. She is considered very responsible by teachers.
When she got her first job, it was the same experience. I don't have
to make her get there on time. She does her job well, and gets
complimented on her poise and maturity.
Same thing when she started driving (though that was a lot harder for
me to deal with). I don't trust the other drivers out there. But she
is a good/responsible driver.
I never had to give her stuff to do to make sure she would learn to be
responsible in the future. You are responsible when you care about the
things you are doing. When it is self motivated.
Joanna W.
Sandra Dodd
-=-. Once I realized that mopping the
floor wasn't so bad. I actually kind of enjoyed it because I was
doing something I wanted to do. (and now I'm just going around in
circles)-=-
But going around in circles around the main point!!
What if your kids could understand that from the very beginning and
not wait to get it until they think they've been martyrs for dozens
of years, doing things they didn't want to do?
That's what unschooling can be and why unschooling can blossom when
the parents understand that choices and choosing don't mean always
choosing ice cream for breakfast. Realizing and providing tons of
choices make the choices we do make clearer and happier.
Sandra
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floor wasn't so bad. I actually kind of enjoyed it because I was
doing something I wanted to do. (and now I'm just going around in
circles)-=-
But going around in circles around the main point!!
What if your kids could understand that from the very beginning and
not wait to get it until they think they've been martyrs for dozens
of years, doing things they didn't want to do?
That's what unschooling can be and why unschooling can blossom when
the parents understand that choices and choosing don't mean always
choosing ice cream for breakfast. Realizing and providing tons of
choices make the choices we do make clearer and happier.
Sandra
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