Hitting a wall talking to my DH
DaBreeze21
Hello everyone!
I'm a "newbie" and my only DD is 21 months old. However I have been
reading every day now for the past 2 months or so. I get so excited
about unschooling! I think about it every day and I am starting to
imagine this wonderful life that I never even considered before. So
thank you to all of you that post, for sharing your lives and all of
the inspiration. I actually have been writing in my journal and want
to write a little "essay" about my short "unschooling journey" thus
far -- which is really funny to me because I always think of myself as
a "reader" and not so much a writer (I was good at it in school but
never really enjoyed it like I do reading).
Anyways, I get happier and happier but the one damper is my husband
has pretty much said "no way!" He knows that I have been reading a lot
about it and it bothers him but he pretty much doesn't say anything.
And I have not been broaching the topic too much because I figure we
have 3 more years (before thinking about school) and I am trying to
learn so much myself right now.
But 2 nights ago he said, "stop reading that stuff, it is a waste if
time!" (because he doesn't think that we should home school much less
unschool!) I tried to talk to him about it last night -- telling him
that I understand that he thinks it is a wast of time but I don't feel
that it is. I tried to get him to voice his concerns too and here are
some things that came out:
He said
"You aren't always going to like what you do... in life in your job etc."
"There is nothing wrong with a set curriculum... what's wrong with
learning science, math etc?"
"School is fine..." (we both liked school, I actually LOVED it, and am
a certified teacher, my mother is also a teacher, his mother too, and
both of my grandmothers!)
"She (our dd) will be home all day with you (two of us alone) ... I
wouldn't want to be with my mom all day... I would have been so bored
at home"
and my favorites "I don't want to do it, I don't want to hear it! I
want you to leave!" (imagine a very whiny tone)
He also mentioned "trying" school first (and then if she doesn't like
it we can consider other options...)
I tried talking to him about some of these things... I have some ideas
for responses, but also a lot of this is very clear in my mind after
reading so much but I have a hard time articulating it in words. Also,
he is just shutting down, he doesn't want to hear any of it!
I get a little bit down about all of this but I'm trying to keep
perspective and realize that for one we have a lot of time before we
have to think of school. I really FEEL deep down that unschooling is a
path that would be great for our family.... I really don't have any
doubts anymore that I want to try and live this way... How do I start
to "wade in" slowly with my husband? He doesn't like reading like I
do, and he doesn't want to hear it from me (and even if he listened I
don't know how well I can explain or how convincing I would be)
Maybe I should slow down a bit on my reading and just let it be for a
while....
Sorry this is so long... thanks for any input.
Susan
I'm a "newbie" and my only DD is 21 months old. However I have been
reading every day now for the past 2 months or so. I get so excited
about unschooling! I think about it every day and I am starting to
imagine this wonderful life that I never even considered before. So
thank you to all of you that post, for sharing your lives and all of
the inspiration. I actually have been writing in my journal and want
to write a little "essay" about my short "unschooling journey" thus
far -- which is really funny to me because I always think of myself as
a "reader" and not so much a writer (I was good at it in school but
never really enjoyed it like I do reading).
Anyways, I get happier and happier but the one damper is my husband
has pretty much said "no way!" He knows that I have been reading a lot
about it and it bothers him but he pretty much doesn't say anything.
And I have not been broaching the topic too much because I figure we
have 3 more years (before thinking about school) and I am trying to
learn so much myself right now.
But 2 nights ago he said, "stop reading that stuff, it is a waste if
time!" (because he doesn't think that we should home school much less
unschool!) I tried to talk to him about it last night -- telling him
that I understand that he thinks it is a wast of time but I don't feel
that it is. I tried to get him to voice his concerns too and here are
some things that came out:
He said
"You aren't always going to like what you do... in life in your job etc."
"There is nothing wrong with a set curriculum... what's wrong with
learning science, math etc?"
"School is fine..." (we both liked school, I actually LOVED it, and am
a certified teacher, my mother is also a teacher, his mother too, and
both of my grandmothers!)
"She (our dd) will be home all day with you (two of us alone) ... I
wouldn't want to be with my mom all day... I would have been so bored
at home"
and my favorites "I don't want to do it, I don't want to hear it! I
want you to leave!" (imagine a very whiny tone)
He also mentioned "trying" school first (and then if she doesn't like
it we can consider other options...)
I tried talking to him about some of these things... I have some ideas
for responses, but also a lot of this is very clear in my mind after
reading so much but I have a hard time articulating it in words. Also,
he is just shutting down, he doesn't want to hear any of it!
I get a little bit down about all of this but I'm trying to keep
perspective and realize that for one we have a lot of time before we
have to think of school. I really FEEL deep down that unschooling is a
path that would be great for our family.... I really don't have any
doubts anymore that I want to try and live this way... How do I start
to "wade in" slowly with my husband? He doesn't like reading like I
do, and he doesn't want to hear it from me (and even if he listened I
don't know how well I can explain or how convincing I would be)
Maybe I should slow down a bit on my reading and just let it be for a
while....
Sorry this is so long... thanks for any input.
Susan
Sandra Dodd
-=-and my favorites "I don't want to do it, I don't want to hear it! I
want you to leave!" (imagine a very whiny tone)-=-
Next year will be my 25th wedding anniversary. I haven't started
talking about what we might do, a party or what, and it's too soon.
Yet we've known since we got married when 25 years would be.
It's too soon for you to be talking about it so much that your
husband say "I don't want to hear it."
It's more important for your daughter to have two parents than to be
unschooled. Those aren't your only two choices, but if you and your
husband have a divide between you because of this, you might have NO
choices left; you might end up with a divorce, and your daughter in
school by court order, and her needing to deal with a step parent or
two.
Chill. DO some of the things people are talking about. Instead of
saying "I read that kids will...," say "[daughter's name] did this
today."
Make it about her, not about hypotheticals or other families.
The happier your husband is the more he'll want to do what you want
to do, too, I'm sure. And IF you end up "trying school first,"
that's how a lot of families get to unschooling--by seeing for
themselves that school's not like it used to be, and not lovable to
all people.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
want you to leave!" (imagine a very whiny tone)-=-
Next year will be my 25th wedding anniversary. I haven't started
talking about what we might do, a party or what, and it's too soon.
Yet we've known since we got married when 25 years would be.
It's too soon for you to be talking about it so much that your
husband say "I don't want to hear it."
It's more important for your daughter to have two parents than to be
unschooled. Those aren't your only two choices, but if you and your
husband have a divide between you because of this, you might have NO
choices left; you might end up with a divorce, and your daughter in
school by court order, and her needing to deal with a step parent or
two.
Chill. DO some of the things people are talking about. Instead of
saying "I read that kids will...," say "[daughter's name] did this
today."
Make it about her, not about hypotheticals or other families.
The happier your husband is the more he'll want to do what you want
to do, too, I'm sure. And IF you end up "trying school first,"
that's how a lot of families get to unschooling--by seeing for
themselves that school's not like it used to be, and not lovable to
all people.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Barbara Perez
Susan,
I don't have any answers, but some questions that I hope might help.
Since you do have those years until the possibility of school, why not
focus on the positives right now? From feeding to sleeping to
diapering to behavior, etc...there are so many things about parenting
during the first two years of a child's life that two parents already
have had an opportunity to agree or disagree on. Are you happy with
the degree of agreement you have on those? I would stress those areas
in which the two of you see eye to eye during your conversations,
rather than try to engage your husband on a "I'm right/you're wrong"
discussion (not that you're trying to do this, but maybe he's coming
at it from such an angle?)
Another thought is that as the breadwinning parent, I know *I* would
be jealous of the parent staying home doing the hypothetical
homeschooling/unschooling. I'd want all that time to enjoy my child
and see them grow! Is there any possibility that your husband, maybe
even not realizing, might be preemptively resenting you for having
that opportunity with your daughter?
Not that confronting him with any of this would be helplful at all -
probably actually counterproductive. But maybe thinking about it on
your own might help you modify your stance, so to speak, when dealing
with him?
I don't have any answers, but some questions that I hope might help.
Since you do have those years until the possibility of school, why not
focus on the positives right now? From feeding to sleeping to
diapering to behavior, etc...there are so many things about parenting
during the first two years of a child's life that two parents already
have had an opportunity to agree or disagree on. Are you happy with
the degree of agreement you have on those? I would stress those areas
in which the two of you see eye to eye during your conversations,
rather than try to engage your husband on a "I'm right/you're wrong"
discussion (not that you're trying to do this, but maybe he's coming
at it from such an angle?)
Another thought is that as the breadwinning parent, I know *I* would
be jealous of the parent staying home doing the hypothetical
homeschooling/unschooling. I'd want all that time to enjoy my child
and see them grow! Is there any possibility that your husband, maybe
even not realizing, might be preemptively resenting you for having
that opportunity with your daughter?
Not that confronting him with any of this would be helplful at all -
probably actually counterproductive. But maybe thinking about it on
your own might help you modify your stance, so to speak, when dealing
with him?
On 4/8/08, DaBreeze21 <susanmay15@...> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Hello everyone!
>
> I'm a "newbie" and my only DD is 21 months old. However I have been
> reading every day now for the past 2 months or so. I get so excited
> about unschooling! I think about it every day and I am starting to
> imagine this wonderful life that I never even considered before. So
> thank you to all of you that post, for sharing your lives and all of
> the inspiration. I actually have been writing in my journal and want
> to write a little "essay" about my short "unschooling journey" thus
> far -- which is really funny to me because I always think of myself as
> a "reader" and not so much a writer (I was good at it in school but
> never really enjoyed it like I do reading).
>
> Anyways, I get happier and happier but the one damper is my husband
> has pretty much said "no way!" He knows that I have been reading a lot
> about it and it bothers him but he pretty much doesn't say anything.
> And I have not been broaching the topic too much because I figure we
> have 3 more years (before thinking about school) and I am trying to
> learn so much myself right now.
>
> But 2 nights ago he said, "stop reading that stuff, it is a waste if
> time!" (because he doesn't think that we should home school much less
> unschool!) I tried to talk to him about it last night -- telling him
> that I understand that he thinks it is a wast of time but I don't feel
> that it is. I tried to get him to voice his concerns too and here are
> some things that came out:
>
> He said
> "You aren't always going to like what you do... in life in your job etc."
>
> "There is nothing wrong with a set curriculum... what's wrong with
> learning science, math etc?"
>
> "School is fine..." (we both liked school, I actually LOVED it, and am
> a certified teacher, my mother is also a teacher, his mother too, and
> both of my grandmothers!)
>
> "She (our dd) will be home all day with you (two of us alone) ... I
> wouldn't want to be with my mom all day... I would have been so bored
> at home"
>
> and my favorites "I don't want to do it, I don't want to hear it! I
> want you to leave!" (imagine a very whiny tone)
>
> He also mentioned "trying" school first (and then if she doesn't like
> it we can consider other options...)
>
> I tried talking to him about some of these things... I have some ideas
> for responses, but also a lot of this is very clear in my mind after
> reading so much but I have a hard time articulating it in words. Also,
> he is just shutting down, he doesn't want to hear any of it!
>
> I get a little bit down about all of this but I'm trying to keep
> perspective and realize that for one we have a lot of time before we
> have to think of school. I really FEEL deep down that unschooling is a
> path that would be great for our family.... I really don't have any
> doubts anymore that I want to try and live this way... How do I start
> to "wade in" slowly with my husband? He doesn't like reading like I
> do, and he doesn't want to hear it from me (and even if he listened I
> don't know how well I can explain or how convincing I would be)
>
> Maybe I should slow down a bit on my reading and just let it be for a
> while....
>
> Sorry this is so long... thanks for any input.
>
> Susan
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 4/8/2008 8:06:04 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
susanmay15@... writes:
<<<I get so excited
about unschooling! I think about it every day and I am starting to
imagine this wonderful life that I never even considered before.>>>
I know when I get Very Excited about something, I want to share it With
Enthusiasm with everyone I know. Often, when I'm that excited about something, I
come off to some people (like my husband) like one of those little, shrill,
yapping dogs. Granted, some people like these dogs, but not the people who view
my shared excitement like one of them! Maybe you might want to keep your
excitement to yourself until it wanes. Maybe a lot. In the meantime, while
you're reading, maybe you can find relaxed homeschoolers/unschoolers in your area
and see if there are any who are compatible with your own family *outside*
of school/homeschool. Folks you could hang out with in the future (when the
excitement has worn off) on weekends or evenings or whatever time you're
husband is home. Not to try to push him into it or to have a hidden agenda, just
because you all get along and homeschooling is a side issue that he might be
able to see in action. Maybe not. It was just a thought I had.
Peace,
De
**************Planning your summer road trip? Check out AOL Travel Guides.
(http://travel.aol.com/travel-guide/united-states?ncid=aoltrv00030000000016)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
susanmay15@... writes:
<<<I get so excited
about unschooling! I think about it every day and I am starting to
imagine this wonderful life that I never even considered before.>>>
I know when I get Very Excited about something, I want to share it With
Enthusiasm with everyone I know. Often, when I'm that excited about something, I
come off to some people (like my husband) like one of those little, shrill,
yapping dogs. Granted, some people like these dogs, but not the people who view
my shared excitement like one of them! Maybe you might want to keep your
excitement to yourself until it wanes. Maybe a lot. In the meantime, while
you're reading, maybe you can find relaxed homeschoolers/unschoolers in your area
and see if there are any who are compatible with your own family *outside*
of school/homeschool. Folks you could hang out with in the future (when the
excitement has worn off) on weekends or evenings or whatever time you're
husband is home. Not to try to push him into it or to have a hidden agenda, just
because you all get along and homeschooling is a side issue that he might be
able to see in action. Maybe not. It was just a thought I had.
Peace,
De
**************Planning your summer road trip? Check out AOL Travel Guides.
(http://travel.aol.com/travel-guide/united-states?ncid=aoltrv00030000000016)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-In the meantime, while
you're reading, maybe you can find relaxed homeschoolers/unschoolers
in your area
and see if there are any who are compatible with your own family
*outside*
of school/homeschool. Folks you could hang out with in the future
(when the
excitement has worn off) on weekends or evenings or whatever time you're
husband is home. Not to try to push him into it or to have a hidden
agenda, just
because you all get along and homeschooling is a side issue that he
might be
able to see in action.-=-
It's a good suggestion to find some homeschoolers so he won't be a
guy who's never seen one and is only working on imaginary worst-case
scenario.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
you're reading, maybe you can find relaxed homeschoolers/unschoolers
in your area
and see if there are any who are compatible with your own family
*outside*
of school/homeschool. Folks you could hang out with in the future
(when the
excitement has worn off) on weekends or evenings or whatever time you're
husband is home. Not to try to push him into it or to have a hidden
agenda, just
because you all get along and homeschooling is a side issue that he
might be
able to see in action.-=-
It's a good suggestion to find some homeschoolers so he won't be a
guy who's never seen one and is only working on imaginary worst-case
scenario.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
This is a good, important point:
-=-Another thought is that as the breadwinning parent, I know *I* would
be jealous of the parent staying home doing the hypothetical
homeschooling/unschooling. I'd want all that time to enjoy my child
and see them grow! Is there any possibility that your husband, maybe
even not realizing, might be preemptively resenting you for having
that opportunity with your daughter?
-=-Not that confronting him with any of this would be helplful at all -
probably actually counterproductive. But maybe thinking about it on
your own might help you modify your stance, so to speak, when dealing
with him?-=-
At first it seems odd to think you are your husband's partner and
then it's pointed out that you're your child's partner. Figure out,
gradually and gently, ways to get your whole family facing the same
direction, being on the same team. If your husband won't listen to
you, maybe that partnership wasn't comfortably established before you
had children. If you don't know when to talk to him and how much to
say, ditto. It's your job (and it's not easy) to make your husband
comfortable with your, and to make your children comfortable with
their parents, and the dad comfortable with the children. Some
families do that by copying what their parents did so they have
someone else to blame if it goes wrong (when it goes wrong, more
likely). Some moms do it by baking cookies and making curtains and
making beds, but that's not what makes a home happy. Human factors--
that's where it's at. Respect and gentle ways of being.
If you've attacked your husband with an unschooling club, he might be
skittish of unschooling for a long time.
Go easier. Aim for kindergarten entry age or beyond, not for pre-
second-birthday.
These might help:
http://sandradodd.com/nest
http://sandradodd.com/divorce (it's more about marriage than
divorce, definitely).
http://sandradodd.com/spouses (maybe practice unschooling with your
husband--go together as a family to places like aquariums, musicals,
museums, zoos. Goof around with YouTube, or try some of the links on
these pages:
http://sandradodd.com/music
http://sandradodd.com/art
http://sandradodd.com/history
but don't keep saying "And this is why unschooling will work." He
has a while to figure that out on his own.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-=-Another thought is that as the breadwinning parent, I know *I* would
be jealous of the parent staying home doing the hypothetical
homeschooling/unschooling. I'd want all that time to enjoy my child
and see them grow! Is there any possibility that your husband, maybe
even not realizing, might be preemptively resenting you for having
that opportunity with your daughter?
-=-Not that confronting him with any of this would be helplful at all -
probably actually counterproductive. But maybe thinking about it on
your own might help you modify your stance, so to speak, when dealing
with him?-=-
At first it seems odd to think you are your husband's partner and
then it's pointed out that you're your child's partner. Figure out,
gradually and gently, ways to get your whole family facing the same
direction, being on the same team. If your husband won't listen to
you, maybe that partnership wasn't comfortably established before you
had children. If you don't know when to talk to him and how much to
say, ditto. It's your job (and it's not easy) to make your husband
comfortable with your, and to make your children comfortable with
their parents, and the dad comfortable with the children. Some
families do that by copying what their parents did so they have
someone else to blame if it goes wrong (when it goes wrong, more
likely). Some moms do it by baking cookies and making curtains and
making beds, but that's not what makes a home happy. Human factors--
that's where it's at. Respect and gentle ways of being.
If you've attacked your husband with an unschooling club, he might be
skittish of unschooling for a long time.
Go easier. Aim for kindergarten entry age or beyond, not for pre-
second-birthday.
These might help:
http://sandradodd.com/nest
http://sandradodd.com/divorce (it's more about marriage than
divorce, definitely).
http://sandradodd.com/spouses (maybe practice unschooling with your
husband--go together as a family to places like aquariums, musicals,
museums, zoos. Goof around with YouTube, or try some of the links on
these pages:
http://sandradodd.com/music
http://sandradodd.com/art
http://sandradodd.com/history
but don't keep saying "And this is why unschooling will work." He
has a while to figure that out on his own.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
DaBreeze21
Thank you to everyone who responded. Many of the things said were
things that I had in my mind but it definitely helps calm me down to
hear other people say them -- especially people with more experience.
--If you've attacked your husband with an unschooling club, he might be
skittish of unschooling for a long time.
Go easier.--
Sandra -- this made me smile -- "attacked with an unschooling club".
Honestly, "the club" has been more like a wet noodle... I purposely
have NOT been talking about this at all because I know that he's not
ready to discuss it and we have a lot going on right now (he is in
grad school). But I do think that the few excited comments I have made
have not been well timed or represented me or unschooling well. I
think it mostly irritates him to see how much I have been reading
about it when in his mind it is not worth pursuing.
I do appreciate all of your words. I believe the most important thing
is to live some of the principles with my daughter and husband which
we already do. So we can keep building from there. And I totally agree
that having two parents is more important than unschooling for my
daughter's well-being. I guess I feel like "I've seen the light" or at
least a new kind of light and it is hard to think that maybe we won't
be able to follow it...
I can definitely see how a lot of this can help our family even if our
daughter does go to school too though, which is helpful.
Thank you again!
Susan -- working on slowing down and enjoying the moment :-)
things that I had in my mind but it definitely helps calm me down to
hear other people say them -- especially people with more experience.
--If you've attacked your husband with an unschooling club, he might be
skittish of unschooling for a long time.
Go easier.--
Sandra -- this made me smile -- "attacked with an unschooling club".
Honestly, "the club" has been more like a wet noodle... I purposely
have NOT been talking about this at all because I know that he's not
ready to discuss it and we have a lot going on right now (he is in
grad school). But I do think that the few excited comments I have made
have not been well timed or represented me or unschooling well. I
think it mostly irritates him to see how much I have been reading
about it when in his mind it is not worth pursuing.
I do appreciate all of your words. I believe the most important thing
is to live some of the principles with my daughter and husband which
we already do. So we can keep building from there. And I totally agree
that having two parents is more important than unschooling for my
daughter's well-being. I guess I feel like "I've seen the light" or at
least a new kind of light and it is hard to think that maybe we won't
be able to follow it...
I can definitely see how a lot of this can help our family even if our
daughter does go to school too though, which is helpful.
Thank you again!
Susan -- working on slowing down and enjoying the moment :-)
mary
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
though practically everyone we know homeschools(in many different
manners) my husband was ambivalent. I didn't push it but, when asked
by others I'd say we were going to homeschool-probably. Well dd is 5
now and he is dead set against her ever going to school. It's always
"that's what happens when kids got to school...". So give it time.
Who knows what will happen!
peace,
mary
>When I had my first child I had decided we would homeschool. Even
>
>
> but don't keep saying "And this is why unschooling will work." He
> has a while to figure that out on his own.
>
>
though practically everyone we know homeschools(in many different
manners) my husband was ambivalent. I didn't push it but, when asked
by others I'd say we were going to homeschool-probably. Well dd is 5
now and he is dead set against her ever going to school. It's always
"that's what happens when kids got to school...". So give it time.
Who knows what will happen!
peace,
mary
Kim Musolff
***maybe you can find relaxed homeschoolers/unschoolers in your area***
How are relaxed homeschoolers different from unschoolers? In my brief
searches, they seem to be very similar. But my guess is that people on this
list will have a different opinion!
Kim
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
How are relaxed homeschoolers different from unschoolers? In my brief
searches, they seem to be very similar. But my guess is that people on this
list will have a different opinion!
Kim
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ed Wendell
"....How are relaxed homeschoolers different from unschoolers? In my brief
searches, they seem to be very similar. ..."
Here's what I've actually seen - and some of these call themselves unschoolers - which is why some people started the term "Radical Unschoolers" At least that is how it is in my local group of diverse homeschoolers. Think of it in terms of a sliding scale from homeschooling, relaxed homeschooling, unschooling, (and some might even say radical unschooling).
These are "They might do's" for relaxed homeschoolers.
- a curriculum that follows the child's interest - such as a unit on dinosaurs because that is what the child loves/has an interest in.
So they might do math using a dinosaur theme, read and write about dinosaurs and do work books about dinosaurs, etc. But they might not actually finish the work book as the child loses interest - or they might skip around in the work book.
- have a set reading time every day because reading is the one most important thing to them - child chooses what to read.
- has math time at breakfast every day - some problem solving of one type or another chosen by parent.
- purchase a curriculum or part of a curriculum and then skip around in it with a loose schedule of when they do it - with an expectation that it will get finished.
- Some of it is the parenting mind set. The parent is more of the "boss" in all things: control over TV, music, games, etc. how much they do or what they are allowed to do/play. How late they stay up.
- some feel that whatever they do is unschooling as long as they are not following a curriculum at a table.
- there are on-line programs that the child pretty much works their way through - where they get to choose their projects and interests.
- open to disruptions and spontaneous other activities as long as they eventually get back to "real" school work.
- They definitely do at least some school at home, just in a less strict kitchen table 5 days a week, this is our chosen curriculum, way that homeschoolers do. Relaxed in that it is OK if we do this today or tomorrow as long as it gets done.
Lisa W.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
searches, they seem to be very similar. ..."
Here's what I've actually seen - and some of these call themselves unschoolers - which is why some people started the term "Radical Unschoolers" At least that is how it is in my local group of diverse homeschoolers. Think of it in terms of a sliding scale from homeschooling, relaxed homeschooling, unschooling, (and some might even say radical unschooling).
These are "They might do's" for relaxed homeschoolers.
- a curriculum that follows the child's interest - such as a unit on dinosaurs because that is what the child loves/has an interest in.
So they might do math using a dinosaur theme, read and write about dinosaurs and do work books about dinosaurs, etc. But they might not actually finish the work book as the child loses interest - or they might skip around in the work book.
- have a set reading time every day because reading is the one most important thing to them - child chooses what to read.
- has math time at breakfast every day - some problem solving of one type or another chosen by parent.
- purchase a curriculum or part of a curriculum and then skip around in it with a loose schedule of when they do it - with an expectation that it will get finished.
- Some of it is the parenting mind set. The parent is more of the "boss" in all things: control over TV, music, games, etc. how much they do or what they are allowed to do/play. How late they stay up.
- some feel that whatever they do is unschooling as long as they are not following a curriculum at a table.
- there are on-line programs that the child pretty much works their way through - where they get to choose their projects and interests.
- open to disruptions and spontaneous other activities as long as they eventually get back to "real" school work.
- They definitely do at least some school at home, just in a less strict kitchen table 5 days a week, this is our chosen curriculum, way that homeschoolers do. Relaxed in that it is OK if we do this today or tomorrow as long as it gets done.
Lisa W.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-***maybe you can find relaxed homeschoolers/unschoolers in your
area***
How are relaxed homeschoolers different from unschoolers? In my brief
searches, they seem to be very similar. But my guess is that people
on this
list will have a different opinion!-=-
They're still schooling their kids.
If the dad meets a conservative school-at-home family, they'll
probably be more anti-unschooling than teachers in the neighborhood
would be! The recommendation was to meet a happy family that knows
kids can learn from playing, I think.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
area***
How are relaxed homeschoolers different from unschoolers? In my brief
searches, they seem to be very similar. But my guess is that people
on this
list will have a different opinion!-=-
They're still schooling their kids.
If the dad meets a conservative school-at-home family, they'll
probably be more anti-unschooling than teachers in the neighborhood
would be! The recommendation was to meet a happy family that knows
kids can learn from playing, I think.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-- some feel that whatever they do is unschooling as long as they
are not following a curriculum at a table.-=-
This is true. Years ago some homeschooling mom was ecstatic with
her newfound freedoms and liberal attitude because she had let her
kids do their homework on the couch or in the yard.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
are not following a curriculum at a table.-=-
This is true. Years ago some homeschooling mom was ecstatic with
her newfound freedoms and liberal attitude because she had let her
kids do their homework on the couch or in the yard.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
Lisa, thanks for that list on relaxed homeschooling. I've put it
there. One of those links doesn't work yet, but it will soon.
Sandra
there. One of those links doesn't work yet, but it will soon.
Sandra
Ed Wendell
I remember doing that in elementary school. We had teachers that would have us take our books outside - sit under a tree and have class. There was no air-conditioning and a cool breeze beckoned. Each classroom had a door leading to the outside and we always left it open during warm weather. Dogs would come in and lay in the back of the room. But there were also times they would close all the blinds so we could not daydream out the window.
- but that was not unschooling either ;)
Lisa
-=-- some feel that whatever they do is unschooling as long as they
are not following a curriculum at a table.-=-
This is true. Years ago some homeschooling mom was ecstatic with
her newfound freedoms and liberal attitude because she had let her
kids do their homework on the couch or in the yard.
Sandra
.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
- but that was not unschooling either ;)
Lisa
-=-- some feel that whatever they do is unschooling as long as they
are not following a curriculum at a table.-=-
This is true. Years ago some homeschooling mom was ecstatic with
her newfound freedoms and liberal attitude because she had let her
kids do their homework on the couch or in the yard.
Sandra
.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
~~
"....How are relaxed homeschoolers different from unschoolers? In my
brief searches, they seem to be very similar. ..."~~
They are and they aren't.
I've been both so I feel qualified to answer this.:)
When I was the eclectic/relaxed homeschooler my focus was still about
making sure we were doing "educational" types of activities. Yes, we
did mostly hands-on fun stuff the kids liked, but I was still seeing
it as a way to touch on "science" or "history". We DID have a lot of
fun but sometimes we'd hit walls where the kids didn't get all excited
about something I planned and it made me all grumpy.
Not the best atmosphere for learning. I couldn't see that the video
games they were fascinated with were more valuable than the homemade
solar cooker I had planned.;)
I was always the most hands-on, relaxed parent of EVERY group we ever
belonged to. I really wish we'd run into some real unschoolers earlier
in the journey because I think it would have been a fairly easy
transition from an academic standpoint.
The part that is missing with the relaxed/eclectic approach is still
trust. It's just being more creative with how you get information into
children,that's all. Better....but not quite the complete trust that
unschoolers have in the human ability to learn.
We may still raise butterflies or garden or go to museums, so to an
outsider we're doing some of the same activities. The difference is my
kids can show zero interest and that is just fine. The difference is
that I'm not trying to check of some subject box or define their
learning experiences for them. The difference is that we do these
things to have fun and trust that learning happens when we're alive
and breathing.:)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
"....How are relaxed homeschoolers different from unschoolers? In my
brief searches, they seem to be very similar. ..."~~
They are and they aren't.
I've been both so I feel qualified to answer this.:)
When I was the eclectic/relaxed homeschooler my focus was still about
making sure we were doing "educational" types of activities. Yes, we
did mostly hands-on fun stuff the kids liked, but I was still seeing
it as a way to touch on "science" or "history". We DID have a lot of
fun but sometimes we'd hit walls where the kids didn't get all excited
about something I planned and it made me all grumpy.
Not the best atmosphere for learning. I couldn't see that the video
games they were fascinated with were more valuable than the homemade
solar cooker I had planned.;)
I was always the most hands-on, relaxed parent of EVERY group we ever
belonged to. I really wish we'd run into some real unschoolers earlier
in the journey because I think it would have been a fairly easy
transition from an academic standpoint.
The part that is missing with the relaxed/eclectic approach is still
trust. It's just being more creative with how you get information into
children,that's all. Better....but not quite the complete trust that
unschoolers have in the human ability to learn.
We may still raise butterflies or garden or go to museums, so to an
outsider we're doing some of the same activities. The difference is my
kids can show zero interest and that is just fine. The difference is
that I'm not trying to check of some subject box or define their
learning experiences for them. The difference is that we do these
things to have fun and trust that learning happens when we're alive
and breathing.:)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com