son calling me names
halfshadow1
Quite a few times today my son had called me names when i didn't do
what he wanted right away. Once he asked me to read a book and i was
typing on the computer and said:yes,i will, let me just close this
down,okay?
He called me a dumb ass. I have told him today that it's okay to be
angry but when he calls me names it hurts and don't it. I said" I
don't call you names,do i? He said No.
Another time was when i didn't get up right away off the couch so he
could get his blanket that was under me. He puts it on the couch so
it's there all day and i had just sat down,i was tired. Another round
of name calling. I told him tonite that when he calls me names in it
ruins our relationship,makes it yucky. He does say he's sorry. I told
him that he keeps saying he's sorry but keeps doing it and saying your
sorry means you understand how it hurts my feelings and you don't do
it again.
is that right to tell him?
Most of the time i jump up and do what he wants or get him what he
asks for. There are times i just want/need a few minutes...ya know?
He will call names quite alot when he's angry...like calling me
stupid mommy or something like that. There's also an issue with noises
he makes as soon as he's angry, i can't really describe them,
sometimes it's an...arghh or ummm or errgh. I ask him to say words
instead of sounds.
I need help with this.
Heather
what he wanted right away. Once he asked me to read a book and i was
typing on the computer and said:yes,i will, let me just close this
down,okay?
He called me a dumb ass. I have told him today that it's okay to be
angry but when he calls me names it hurts and don't it. I said" I
don't call you names,do i? He said No.
Another time was when i didn't get up right away off the couch so he
could get his blanket that was under me. He puts it on the couch so
it's there all day and i had just sat down,i was tired. Another round
of name calling. I told him tonite that when he calls me names in it
ruins our relationship,makes it yucky. He does say he's sorry. I told
him that he keeps saying he's sorry but keeps doing it and saying your
sorry means you understand how it hurts my feelings and you don't do
it again.
is that right to tell him?
Most of the time i jump up and do what he wants or get him what he
asks for. There are times i just want/need a few minutes...ya know?
He will call names quite alot when he's angry...like calling me
stupid mommy or something like that. There's also an issue with noises
he makes as soon as he's angry, i can't really describe them,
sometimes it's an...arghh or ummm or errgh. I ask him to say words
instead of sounds.
I need help with this.
Heather
wisdomalways5
--- In [email protected], "halfshadow1"
<halfshadow1@...> wrote:
likes to experiment with creating new words and names to call people-
you could say "I am not dumb ass I am mom" If he is upset with you
and calling you a dumb ass first see if it is something you or
someone he hears says. If you call someone that even if it is the
car in front of you them he will find it ok to repeat. You say it
when upset so he can to.
If he is not mad but playing with words and names (which we do a lot
in our family) then you could say lets not use that word but how
about this instead.
He does say he's sorry. I told
that he can get a rise out of you and he knows it hurts you. Why
does he want to hurt you?
I would talk about how he feels when he wants you to do something
and you do not do it- look at how often he is asking and you are
taking one or five or ten more mins- can you do things right now
instead of in a min.
instead- sounds seem like things all people say when frustrated--
why is he frustrated? angry?
Julie
<halfshadow1@...> wrote:
>was
> Quite a few times today my son had called me names when i didn't do
> what he wanted right away. Once he asked me to read a book and i
> typing on the computer and said:yes,i will, let me just close thisbe
> down,okay?
> He called me a dumb ass. I have told him today that it's okay to
> angry but when he calls me names it hurts and don't it. I said" IIs he calling you a name or playing with words- because my daughter
> don't call you names,do i? He said No.
likes to experiment with creating new words and names to call people-
you could say "I am not dumb ass I am mom" If he is upset with you
and calling you a dumb ass first see if it is something you or
someone he hears says. If you call someone that even if it is the
car in front of you them he will find it ok to repeat. You say it
when upset so he can to.
If he is not mad but playing with words and names (which we do a lot
in our family) then you could say lets not use that word but how
about this instead.
> I told him tonite that when he calls me names in ithe is how old? how would he be capable of understanding this.
> ruins our relationship,makes it yucky.
He does say he's sorry. I told
> him that he keeps saying he's sorry but keeps doing it and sayingyour
> sorry means you understand how it hurts my feelings and you don'tdo
> it again.does not seem to be working so I would try something else. He knows
> is that right to tell him?
that he can get a rise out of you and he knows it hurts you. Why
does he want to hurt you?
I would talk about how he feels when he wants you to do something
and you do not do it- look at how often he is asking and you are
taking one or five or ten more mins- can you do things right now
instead of in a min.
> Most of the time i jump up and do what he wants or get him what heThere's also an issue with noises
> asks for. There are times i just want/need a few minutes...ya know?
> He will call names quite alot when he's angry...like calling me
> stupid mommy or something like that.
> he makes as soon as he's angry, i can't really describe them,you do not want name calling or words but you do not want sounds
> sometimes it's an...arghh or ummm or errgh. I ask him to say words
> instead of sounds.
instead- sounds seem like things all people say when frustrated--
why is he frustrated? angry?
Julie
> I need help with this.
> Heather
>
halfshadow1
-He is 6yo. He does it when he's mad not playing with words. Why is he
angry? he is always angry if he can't have his way..right away. I do
try to ask him why he's angry and sometimes he will tell me but
sometimes he will say nonsense..like he will mention something that
has nothing to do with what i'm asking about. It's like he doesn't
want me to question him. Is that a male thing? If i say it's okay to
be mad but you can't throw that game across the room, it's like he
doesn't care or yells Leave me alone!-- In
[email protected], "wisdomalways5" <wisdom1133@...> wrote:
angry? he is always angry if he can't have his way..right away. I do
try to ask him why he's angry and sometimes he will tell me but
sometimes he will say nonsense..like he will mention something that
has nothing to do with what i'm asking about. It's like he doesn't
want me to question him. Is that a male thing? If i say it's okay to
be mad but you can't throw that game across the room, it's like he
doesn't care or yells Leave me alone!-- In
[email protected], "wisdomalways5" <wisdom1133@...> wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected], "halfshadow1"
> <halfshadow1@> wrote:
> >
> > Quite a few times today my son had called me names when i didn't do
> > what he wanted right away. Once he asked me to read a book and i
> was
> > typing on the computer and said:yes,i will, let me just close this
> > down,okay?
> > He called me a dumb ass. I have told him today that it's okay to
> be
> > angry but when he calls me names it hurts and don't it. I said" I
> > don't call you names,do i? He said No.
>
> Is he calling you a name or playing with words- because my daughter
> likes to experiment with creating new words and names to call people-
> you could say "I am not dumb ass I am mom" If he is upset with you
> and calling you a dumb ass first see if it is something you or
> someone he hears says. If you call someone that even if it is the
> car in front of you them he will find it ok to repeat. You say it
> when upset so he can to.
>
> If he is not mad but playing with words and names (which we do a lot
> in our family) then you could say lets not use that word but how
> about this instead.
>
> > I told him tonite that when he calls me names in it
> > ruins our relationship,makes it yucky.
>
> he is how old? how would he be capable of understanding this.
>
>
> He does say he's sorry. I told
> > him that he keeps saying he's sorry but keeps doing it and saying
> your
> > sorry means you understand how it hurts my feelings and you don't
> do
> > it again.
> > is that right to tell him?
>
> does not seem to be working so I would try something else. He knows
> that he can get a rise out of you and he knows it hurts you. Why
> does he want to hurt you?
>
> I would talk about how he feels when he wants you to do something
> and you do not do it- look at how often he is asking and you are
> taking one or five or ten more mins- can you do things right now
> instead of in a min.
>
>
> > Most of the time i jump up and do what he wants or get him what he
> > asks for. There are times i just want/need a few minutes...ya know?
> > He will call names quite alot when he's angry...like calling me
> > stupid mommy or something like that.
>
>
>
> There's also an issue with noises
> > he makes as soon as he's angry, i can't really describe them,
> > sometimes it's an...arghh or ummm or errgh. I ask him to say words
> > instead of sounds.
>
> you do not want name calling or words but you do not want sounds
> instead- sounds seem like things all people say when frustrated--
>
> why is he frustrated? angry?
>
> Julie
>
>
> > I need help with this.
> > Heather
> >
>
halfshadow1
not all the time will he be mad. He is getting better at waiting. Like
tonight he wanted me to go get some paper and scissors and i said: i'm
getting the bed out(trundle) and the blankets...can you cut tomorrow?
will that be okay? He said :sure!--- In
[email protected], "halfshadow1" <halfshadow1@...> wrote:
tonight he wanted me to go get some paper and scissors and i said: i'm
getting the bed out(trundle) and the blankets...can you cut tomorrow?
will that be okay? He said :sure!--- In
[email protected], "halfshadow1" <halfshadow1@...> wrote:
>
> -He is 6yo. He does it when he's mad not playing with words. Why is he
> angry? he is always angry if he can't have his way..right away. I do
> try to ask him why he's angry and sometimes he will tell me but
> sometimes he will say nonsense..like he will mention something that
> has nothing to do with what i'm asking about. It's like he doesn't
> want me to question him. Is that a male thing? If i say it's okay to
> be mad but you can't throw that game across the room, it's like he
> doesn't care or yells Leave me alone!-- In
> [email protected], "wisdomalways5" <wisdom1133@> wrote:
> >
> > --- In [email protected], "halfshadow1"
> > <halfshadow1@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Quite a few times today my son had called me names when i didn't do
> > > what he wanted right away. Once he asked me to read a book and i
> > was
> > > typing on the computer and said:yes,i will, let me just close this
> > > down,okay?
> > > He called me a dumb ass. I have told him today that it's okay to
> > be
> > > angry but when he calls me names it hurts and don't it. I said" I
> > > don't call you names,do i? He said No.
> >
> > Is he calling you a name or playing with words- because my daughter
> > likes to experiment with creating new words and names to call people-
> > you could say "I am not dumb ass I am mom" If he is upset with you
> > and calling you a dumb ass first see if it is something you or
> > someone he hears says. If you call someone that even if it is the
> > car in front of you them he will find it ok to repeat. You say it
> > when upset so he can to.
> >
> > If he is not mad but playing with words and names (which we do a lot
> > in our family) then you could say lets not use that word but how
> > about this instead.
> >
> > > I told him tonite that when he calls me names in it
> > > ruins our relationship,makes it yucky.
> >
> > he is how old? how would he be capable of understanding this.
> >
> >
> > He does say he's sorry. I told
> > > him that he keeps saying he's sorry but keeps doing it and saying
> > your
> > > sorry means you understand how it hurts my feelings and you don't
> > do
> > > it again.
> > > is that right to tell him?
> >
> > does not seem to be working so I would try something else. He knows
> > that he can get a rise out of you and he knows it hurts you. Why
> > does he want to hurt you?
> >
> > I would talk about how he feels when he wants you to do something
> > and you do not do it- look at how often he is asking and you are
> > taking one or five or ten more mins- can you do things right now
> > instead of in a min.
> >
> >
> > > Most of the time i jump up and do what he wants or get him what he
> > > asks for. There are times i just want/need a few minutes...ya know?
> > > He will call names quite alot when he's angry...like calling me
> > > stupid mommy or something like that.
> >
> >
> >
> > There's also an issue with noises
> > > he makes as soon as he's angry, i can't really describe them,
> > > sometimes it's an...arghh or ummm or errgh. I ask him to say words
> > > instead of sounds.
> >
> > you do not want name calling or words but you do not want sounds
> > instead- sounds seem like things all people say when frustrated--
> >
> > why is he frustrated? angry?
> >
> > Julie
> >
> >
> > > I need help with this.
> > > Heather
> > >
> >
>
Pamela Sorooshian
He will get better at waiting - that's maturity. Kids also get used to
being put off by adults - they accept it, eventually. Then, when they
grow up, they do it (unthinkingly) to their own kids, too.
How long would it have taken you to get out some scissors and paper?
About 2 minutes, maybe?
How come he couldn't get it out himself?
Sounds like he is already a bit frustrated and when you make him wait,
you push him over the edge. He probably doesn't even know why he's so
angry about it, but if this example is typical, I think you might want
to reorganize your house so that he can get to what he wants without
waiting for you. My 6 year olds had TONS of different kinds of paper
and multiple pairs of scissors and markers and crayons and paints and
colored pencils and lots and lots of other materials - all accessible
to them. Doesn't sound like something he should have to be asking for,
in the first place.
Don't focus on the name-calling. Focus on why he's so angry that he's
calling you the worst names his 6-year-old brain knows.
-pam
being put off by adults - they accept it, eventually. Then, when they
grow up, they do it (unthinkingly) to their own kids, too.
How long would it have taken you to get out some scissors and paper?
About 2 minutes, maybe?
How come he couldn't get it out himself?
Sounds like he is already a bit frustrated and when you make him wait,
you push him over the edge. He probably doesn't even know why he's so
angry about it, but if this example is typical, I think you might want
to reorganize your house so that he can get to what he wants without
waiting for you. My 6 year olds had TONS of different kinds of paper
and multiple pairs of scissors and markers and crayons and paints and
colored pencils and lots and lots of other materials - all accessible
to them. Doesn't sound like something he should have to be asking for,
in the first place.
Don't focus on the name-calling. Focus on why he's so angry that he's
calling you the worst names his 6-year-old brain knows.
-pam
On Mar 26, 2008, at 9:23 PM, halfshadow1 wrote:
> Like
> tonight he wanted me to go get some paper and scissors and i said: i'm
> getting the bed out(trundle) and the blankets...can you cut tomorrow?
> will that be okay? He said :sure!--- In
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
Please don't leave the full quotes of the messages that came before.
Thanks.
-=-If i say it's okay to
be mad but you can't throw that game across the room, it's like he
doesn't care or yells Leave me alone!--=-
When you talk to him, are you using a sing-songy voice? There's an
irritating kind of way some people talk to little kids (and poodles)
that isn't any good. Talk to him more as you would a guest your own
age. It's a way to check your tone of voice.
If someone called me a dumbass I would object. I wouldn't sweetly
and condescendingly say "It's okay to be mad at me, but not to call
me a dumbass." I'd probably say "What's your problem?!" but then
again, I'd probably know what their problem was by that point.
Instead of trying to figure out what to do after he's angry, change
things so that he's happier.
You could stop making a bed long enough to get scissors and paper.
He's six. Can't there be kid-scissors and paper where he can get
them himself? Tomorrow is about forever to a six year old.
If you put him closer to the head of the line, make him a higher
priority, you will soon find you have more time to yourself, nicer
times with him, and more time to make beds.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Thanks.
-=-If i say it's okay to
be mad but you can't throw that game across the room, it's like he
doesn't care or yells Leave me alone!--=-
When you talk to him, are you using a sing-songy voice? There's an
irritating kind of way some people talk to little kids (and poodles)
that isn't any good. Talk to him more as you would a guest your own
age. It's a way to check your tone of voice.
If someone called me a dumbass I would object. I wouldn't sweetly
and condescendingly say "It's okay to be mad at me, but not to call
me a dumbass." I'd probably say "What's your problem?!" but then
again, I'd probably know what their problem was by that point.
Instead of trying to figure out what to do after he's angry, change
things so that he's happier.
You could stop making a bed long enough to get scissors and paper.
He's six. Can't there be kid-scissors and paper where he can get
them himself? Tomorrow is about forever to a six year old.
If you put him closer to the head of the line, make him a higher
priority, you will soon find you have more time to yourself, nicer
times with him, and more time to make beds.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
halfshadow1
I keep them locked up. I am scared if what could happen if i'm not
watching him cut or if he gets them by himself and if he falls with
them. I didn't want to deal with all the papaer cuts,scraps on the
floor,i had just cleaned up. I knew it would be in the t.v. room
because the kitchen table had a truck and paints on it(his project) I
just didn't want to deal with it.
Heather...who is up early due to a new house being built across the
street and tired from barking dogs all night! --- In
[email protected], Pamela Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
watching him cut or if he gets them by himself and if he falls with
them. I didn't want to deal with all the papaer cuts,scraps on the
floor,i had just cleaned up. I knew it would be in the t.v. room
because the kitchen table had a truck and paints on it(his project) I
just didn't want to deal with it.
Heather...who is up early due to a new house being built across the
street and tired from barking dogs all night! --- In
[email protected], Pamela Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
>
> He will get better at waiting - that's maturity. Kids also get used to
> being put off by adults - they accept it, eventually. Then, when they
> grow up, they do it (unthinkingly) to their own kids, too.
>
> How long would it have taken you to get out some scissors and paper?
> About 2 minutes, maybe?
> How come he couldn't get it out himself?
>
> Sounds like he is already a bit frustrated and when you make him wait,
> you push him over the edge. He probably doesn't even know why he's so
> angry about it, but if this example is typical, I think you might want
> to reorganize your house so that he can get to what he wants without
> waiting for you. My 6 year olds had TONS of different kinds of paper
> and multiple pairs of scissors and markers and crayons and paints and
> colored pencils and lots and lots of other materials - all accessible
> to them. Doesn't sound like something he should have to be asking for,
> in the first place.
>
> Don't focus on the name-calling. Focus on why he's so angry that he's
> calling you the worst names his 6-year-old brain knows.
>
> -pam
>
> On Mar 26, 2008, at 9:23 PM, halfshadow1 wrote:
>
> > Like
> > tonight he wanted me to go get some paper and scissors and i said: i'm
> > getting the bed out(trundle) and the blankets...can you cut tomorrow?
> > will that be okay? He said :sure!--- In
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
swissarmy_wife
--- In [email protected], "halfshadow1" <halfshadow1@...>
wrote:
Actually, my children have never even cut themselves with sharp adult
scissors. Children do not want to injure themselves anymore than you
want to see them hurt. Also, Why were you too busy to cut paper WITH him?
wrote:
>It is very hard to seriously injure oneself with children's scissors.
> I keep them locked up. I am scared if what could happen if i'm not
> watching him cut or if he gets them by himself and if he falls with
> them.
Actually, my children have never even cut themselves with sharp adult
scissors. Children do not want to injure themselves anymore than you
want to see them hurt. Also, Why were you too busy to cut paper WITH him?
halfshadow1
I am going to have paper and kid scissors right here for him.I haven't
trusted him. I hadn't had the scissors because of my fear plus not too
long ago he cut the phone charger wire.
trusted him. I hadn't had the scissors because of my fear plus not too
long ago he cut the phone charger wire.
> >
>
halfshadow1
why was i too busy to cut paper with him? I just had enough of a long
day and wanted to go to bed. Haven't you felt that way? What do you do
when you do feel that way...how do you communicate it to your child? I
have said..hey,sweetheart,i'm tired now but he does want what he
wants,lol--- In [email protected], "swissarmy_wife"
<heatherbean@...> wrote:
day and wanted to go to bed. Haven't you felt that way? What do you do
when you do feel that way...how do you communicate it to your child? I
have said..hey,sweetheart,i'm tired now but he does want what he
wants,lol--- In [email protected], "swissarmy_wife"
<heatherbean@...> wrote:
>WITH him?
> --- In [email protected], "halfshadow1" <halfshadow1@>
> wrote:
> >
> > I keep them locked up. I am scared if what could happen if i'm not
> > watching him cut or if he gets them by himself and if he falls with
> > them.
>
> It is very hard to seriously injure oneself with children's scissors.
> Actually, my children have never even cut themselves with sharp adult
> scissors. Children do not want to injure themselves anymore than you
> want to see them hurt. Also, Why were you too busy to cut paper
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-I am scared if what could happen if i'm not
watching him cut or if he gets them by himself and if he falls with
them. -=-
Get him some blunt-ended Fiskar kids scissors.
It's possible to be so scared that school is better than home. I
don't think you were saying that, but for the sake of making a point,
I'm saying it, because there are undoubtedly a dozen or more who read
that and thought "Yeah, I'm scared too."
-=-I knew it would be in the t.v. room because the kitchen table had
a truck and paints on it (his project) I just didn't want to deal
with it.-=-
So he got a longterm "no" and a shortterm "no, wait until tomorrow"
and he took it well?
Then I'm guessing when he's gotten angry enough to call you names
that it was something worse than that. But that's bad enough. You
weren't having company after 9:00 at night, I'm guessing, and if it
was okay for him to do it the next day, the mess *could* have stayed
overnight, or maybe he would've cleaned it up if you had something
interesting to do with it. One possibility: set out a shoe box or
small paper bag and ask him to save the scraps for making a fire the
next day (we have a fireplace and a hot tub, so I'm envisioning my
house) or leave a big cardboard box and a glue stick and ask him to
glue the scraps on the box.
He lives there. Unschooling will mean he learns there. By this I
do NOT mean kids should stay up all night, so please don't
misinterpret this (it's been The Month of Misinterpretation it seems)
but unschooling will mean learning should be encouraged when it has a
chance to happen.
http://sandradodd.com/latenightlearning
http://sandradodd.com/yes
I see others have responded, but I'm going to write without reading
those because I think repetition has value sometimes, and if it's not
repetition even better.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
watching him cut or if he gets them by himself and if he falls with
them. -=-
Get him some blunt-ended Fiskar kids scissors.
It's possible to be so scared that school is better than home. I
don't think you were saying that, but for the sake of making a point,
I'm saying it, because there are undoubtedly a dozen or more who read
that and thought "Yeah, I'm scared too."
-=-I knew it would be in the t.v. room because the kitchen table had
a truck and paints on it (his project) I just didn't want to deal
with it.-=-
So he got a longterm "no" and a shortterm "no, wait until tomorrow"
and he took it well?
Then I'm guessing when he's gotten angry enough to call you names
that it was something worse than that. But that's bad enough. You
weren't having company after 9:00 at night, I'm guessing, and if it
was okay for him to do it the next day, the mess *could* have stayed
overnight, or maybe he would've cleaned it up if you had something
interesting to do with it. One possibility: set out a shoe box or
small paper bag and ask him to save the scraps for making a fire the
next day (we have a fireplace and a hot tub, so I'm envisioning my
house) or leave a big cardboard box and a glue stick and ask him to
glue the scraps on the box.
He lives there. Unschooling will mean he learns there. By this I
do NOT mean kids should stay up all night, so please don't
misinterpret this (it's been The Month of Misinterpretation it seems)
but unschooling will mean learning should be encouraged when it has a
chance to happen.
http://sandradodd.com/latenightlearning
http://sandradodd.com/yes
I see others have responded, but I'm going to write without reading
those because I think repetition has value sometimes, and if it's not
repetition even better.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I hadn't had the scissors because of my fear plus not too
long ago he cut the phone charger wire.-=-
Is it possible he cut the phone charger wire because he hasn't been
allowed to cut enough other things to learn about scissors? Let
him cut yarn, string, paper plates, lettuce, felt, old clothes or
rags, plastic bags, aluminum foil, wax paper, sliced cheese, bread,
grass in the yard, a flower to bring in...
If you find things he CAN cut and should cut, he will be learning, be
happier, and not have the need to cut what he shouldn't.
It's like a kid needing to jump. Don't just say "NO" about the couch
and no about the bed, find something you can say YES about even if
you need to pull some big couch pillow out of a dumpster or buy one
at a garage sale or thrift store and let him jump. Or get one of
those little exercise trampolines (I don't know their name) or take
him someplace where he can jump off dirt into dirt, or a little hill
into sand, or the side of a lake into water.
Kids learn by experiencing, and they have fun by doing things they
haven't done before, and if you go with his instincts instead of
against them, you will be going toward natural learning.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
long ago he cut the phone charger wire.-=-
Is it possible he cut the phone charger wire because he hasn't been
allowed to cut enough other things to learn about scissors? Let
him cut yarn, string, paper plates, lettuce, felt, old clothes or
rags, plastic bags, aluminum foil, wax paper, sliced cheese, bread,
grass in the yard, a flower to bring in...
If you find things he CAN cut and should cut, he will be learning, be
happier, and not have the need to cut what he shouldn't.
It's like a kid needing to jump. Don't just say "NO" about the couch
and no about the bed, find something you can say YES about even if
you need to pull some big couch pillow out of a dumpster or buy one
at a garage sale or thrift store and let him jump. Or get one of
those little exercise trampolines (I don't know their name) or take
him someplace where he can jump off dirt into dirt, or a little hill
into sand, or the side of a lake into water.
Kids learn by experiencing, and they have fun by doing things they
haven't done before, and if you go with his instincts instead of
against them, you will be going toward natural learning.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
ENSEMBLE S-WAYNFORTH
That is a long list of possible problems. Let me tell you a little story <BWG>. Yesterday Linnaea had a friend over, whenever this friend is over there is usually a huge creative mess that explodes over one room or the other. Last week they made flour art, I redirected them from the bottom of the stairs to the sunroom, which is much easier to clean and much less likely to get tracked through the rest of the house. It would have been easy to get angry and to stop it all together with resentment on all sides, but flour is a pretty cool medium and I found some dark paper that they could "draw" on and they had a blast creating temporary art. Often their art has water involved, and toilet paper. They love creating homes for their Littlest Petshop pets that include water and toilet paper.
Anyhow, that isn't my story, that is just the background piece to demonstrate the mess potential. My story is about me and choosing in a moment what I wanted to do with my emotions. Linnaea and her friend had been up in her bedroom for ages, quietly and not so quietly playing. They were having a blast, telling stories with the toys that I've managed to unpack (quite a few toys) and playing on her bed. I'd asked her to go sparingly on the toilet paper as we were down to the last roll (or 2) and with the runny nose she was suffering from, well we needed all the toilet paper we had at that moment. I was downstairs unpacking a box or two with Simon trying to find the beyblades he wanted and found a couple of dolls to bring upstairs. When I got there I found that all the stuffed animals, all the dolls, everything had been pulled off the shelves and scattered onto the floor. She has a lot of stuffed animals. It was a big pile of mess. And my first reaction was
anger. I was mad that all the work I'd done to put those animals on the shelf had been wiped away in whatever amount of time it had taken for these two little girls to take them all of the shelf. But I didn't express that emotion. I went downstairs and I sought out David and I talked out how I was feeling with him. And I said "I don't have to clean it up." and I said "It isn't even my room." and I breathed and I let it go. Today I went upstairs to vacuum and to put clothes away. When I went into her room to put some clothes in I looked around at the stuffed toy apocolypse and realized it was pretty cool. There were stories all over the place. There was a gorilla with a puppy sitting together in the closet which reminded me of Koko the gorilla and her kitten which resulted in me looking on-line for images of Koko with All Ball and having a conversation about sign language and gorillas. There were moments all over her room that told of how their stories
were woven. And it was my pleasure to go through and pick up the toys and put them away so that the next time she and her friend get together they have a clean slate. I got to chose how I approached that mess, that tension, that horrible room. And by breathing and thinking and choosing I got to have that moment where I found the gorilla and the puppy and have it become Koko and her kitten. And now I know Koko is moving, again.
Another story from yesterday. I was tired and ready to go to bed. Linnaea had discovered Daredevil was on and she offered it to Simon. Simon got excited and sat down to watch it. Linnaea wanted to watch with him. I wanted to go to bed. So, I went upstairs to get ready. And while up there I was thinking about how scary Daredevil might be for Linnaea and that I would just be lying in bed waiting for her to come and join me and that I could do that kind of relaxing with her sitting on my lap just as easily as up in bed. So I got my pajamas on and went back downstairs and we watched for a few minutes and then they both decided that they didn't want to watch the whole thing. But she was so pleased that I had come down to join her. She beamed at me. That was worth a lot of feeling sleepy.
If you are nervous about him being alone with scissors could you set up a nest for yourself in the living room so that you can nod off a bit while he creates. It helps to think of the solutions instead of the obstacles. I'm not always brilliant at it, but I am getting much better at catching myself before I say something negative or mean or limiting. And because of that, because of my willingness to say yes, when I am too tired or need to have something happen, Simon and Linnaea are much, much more willing to accomodate my need.
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
----- Original Message ----
From: halfshadow1 <halfshadow1@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, 27 March, 2008 12:57:14 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: son calling me names
I keep them locked up. I am scared if what could happen if i'm not
watching him cut or if he gets them by himself and if he falls with
them. I didn't want to deal with all the papaer cuts,scraps on the
floor,i had just cleaned up. I knew it would be in the t.v. room
because the kitchen table had a truck and paints on it(his project) I
just didn't want to deal with it.
Heather...who is up early due to a new house being built across the
street and tired from barking dogs all night! --- In
[email protected], Pamela Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Anyhow, that isn't my story, that is just the background piece to demonstrate the mess potential. My story is about me and choosing in a moment what I wanted to do with my emotions. Linnaea and her friend had been up in her bedroom for ages, quietly and not so quietly playing. They were having a blast, telling stories with the toys that I've managed to unpack (quite a few toys) and playing on her bed. I'd asked her to go sparingly on the toilet paper as we were down to the last roll (or 2) and with the runny nose she was suffering from, well we needed all the toilet paper we had at that moment. I was downstairs unpacking a box or two with Simon trying to find the beyblades he wanted and found a couple of dolls to bring upstairs. When I got there I found that all the stuffed animals, all the dolls, everything had been pulled off the shelves and scattered onto the floor. She has a lot of stuffed animals. It was a big pile of mess. And my first reaction was
anger. I was mad that all the work I'd done to put those animals on the shelf had been wiped away in whatever amount of time it had taken for these two little girls to take them all of the shelf. But I didn't express that emotion. I went downstairs and I sought out David and I talked out how I was feeling with him. And I said "I don't have to clean it up." and I said "It isn't even my room." and I breathed and I let it go. Today I went upstairs to vacuum and to put clothes away. When I went into her room to put some clothes in I looked around at the stuffed toy apocolypse and realized it was pretty cool. There were stories all over the place. There was a gorilla with a puppy sitting together in the closet which reminded me of Koko the gorilla and her kitten which resulted in me looking on-line for images of Koko with All Ball and having a conversation about sign language and gorillas. There were moments all over her room that told of how their stories
were woven. And it was my pleasure to go through and pick up the toys and put them away so that the next time she and her friend get together they have a clean slate. I got to chose how I approached that mess, that tension, that horrible room. And by breathing and thinking and choosing I got to have that moment where I found the gorilla and the puppy and have it become Koko and her kitten. And now I know Koko is moving, again.
Another story from yesterday. I was tired and ready to go to bed. Linnaea had discovered Daredevil was on and she offered it to Simon. Simon got excited and sat down to watch it. Linnaea wanted to watch with him. I wanted to go to bed. So, I went upstairs to get ready. And while up there I was thinking about how scary Daredevil might be for Linnaea and that I would just be lying in bed waiting for her to come and join me and that I could do that kind of relaxing with her sitting on my lap just as easily as up in bed. So I got my pajamas on and went back downstairs and we watched for a few minutes and then they both decided that they didn't want to watch the whole thing. But she was so pleased that I had come down to join her. She beamed at me. That was worth a lot of feeling sleepy.
If you are nervous about him being alone with scissors could you set up a nest for yourself in the living room so that you can nod off a bit while he creates. It helps to think of the solutions instead of the obstacles. I'm not always brilliant at it, but I am getting much better at catching myself before I say something negative or mean or limiting. And because of that, because of my willingness to say yes, when I am too tired or need to have something happen, Simon and Linnaea are much, much more willing to accomodate my need.
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
----- Original Message ----
From: halfshadow1 <halfshadow1@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, 27 March, 2008 12:57:14 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: son calling me names
I keep them locked up. I am scared if what could happen if i'm not
watching him cut or if he gets them by himself and if he falls with
them. I didn't want to deal with all the papaer cuts,scraps on the
floor,i had just cleaned up. I knew it would be in the t.v. room
because the kitchen table had a truck and paints on it(his project) I
just didn't want to deal with it.
Heather...who is up early due to a new house being built across the
street and tired from barking dogs all night! --- In
[email protected], Pamela Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I just had enough of a long day and wanted to go to bed. Haven't
you felt that way? What do you do
when you do feel that way...how do you communicate it to your child?-=-
I've added what Schuyler wrote to this page about anger:
http://sandradodd.com/peace/anger
The page has these links:
When kids fight and other parenting ideas
Parenting During a Meltdown (Robyn Coburn) and Soothing a Frustrated
Child (Pam Sorooshian)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
you felt that way? What do you do
when you do feel that way...how do you communicate it to your child?-=-
I've added what Schuyler wrote to this page about anger:
http://sandradodd.com/peace/anger
The page has these links:
When kids fight and other parenting ideas
Parenting During a Meltdown (Robyn Coburn) and Soothing a Frustrated
Child (Pam Sorooshian)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
melissa_hice
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
one time were interested in Michealangelo and Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles. My son (just turned 6!) has been crazy about TMNT for about a
year now. He is having a TMNT birthday party next week. My daughter
(8) also likes TMNT. They got interested in where the TMNT's got their
names and we did research (one night!) online and found out about
Leonardo di Vinci and Michealangelo. We found pictures from the Sisine
Chapel and the famous Mona Lisa. This lead to checking out books at
the library on these artists and both children finding Mona Lisa's
everywhere even on birthday cards! At a garage sale Megan discovered a
book put out by Chick-fil-A that had a picture of Mona Lisa on it. Of
course, we had to buy it!
I loved reading this link. When I scrolled down to the end, I saw the
picture of the TMNT's dressed up as artists. My son came by and saw it
and was so excited. He wants me to find him one to hang in his room.
Guess I'll start googling to see if I can come up with one.
Thanks, Sandra, for that wonderful link!
Melissa
>seems)
>..... By this I
> do NOT mean kids should stay up all night, so please don't
> misinterpret this (it's been The Month of Misinterpretation it
> but unschooling will mean learning should be encouraged when it hasa
> chance to happen.I clicked on this link and was excited to read that Sandra's kids at
>
> http://sandradodd.com/latenightlearning
>
one time were interested in Michealangelo and Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles. My son (just turned 6!) has been crazy about TMNT for about a
year now. He is having a TMNT birthday party next week. My daughter
(8) also likes TMNT. They got interested in where the TMNT's got their
names and we did research (one night!) online and found out about
Leonardo di Vinci and Michealangelo. We found pictures from the Sisine
Chapel and the famous Mona Lisa. This lead to checking out books at
the library on these artists and both children finding Mona Lisa's
everywhere even on birthday cards! At a garage sale Megan discovered a
book put out by Chick-fil-A that had a picture of Mona Lisa on it. Of
course, we had to buy it!
I loved reading this link. When I scrolled down to the end, I saw the
picture of the TMNT's dressed up as artists. My son came by and saw it
and was so excited. He wants me to find him one to hang in his room.
Guess I'll start googling to see if I can come up with one.
Thanks, Sandra, for that wonderful link!
Melissa
>
Jenny C
>There's also an issue with noisesSo, instead of sounds, he's name calling. I would say he's using words.
> he makes as soon as he's angry, i can't really describe them,
> sometimes it's an...arghh or ummm or errgh. I ask him to say words
> instead of sounds.
My younger daughter has done name calling towards me. I usually say
something along the lines of "that's not cool, I can see that you are
really angry and if you'd like me to help you I can, but you need to be
kind towards me." I can say that knowing that I "am" kind to her and
she knows it, she is angry because of circumstances.
I'd say that over the years it's gotten worse and now better. It
involves trusting that I "will" help her with being angry and that I'm
really there to help her, not make it worse. It's easy to get feelings
hurt by angry kids, but it's also easy to NOT get hurt by it and
understand that kids lash out when they are angry or hurt and sometimes
mom is the closest target. Remaining calm and strong and resiliant can
be a good example of "how" to be calm and strong and resiliant in the
face of anger.
The other big biggy factor, is helping a kid before they get to the
angry point. Reading cues from them and helping them before they reach
that point.
Jenny C
> I keep them locked up. I am scared if what could happen if i'm notTools shouldn't be locked up. A six year is very capable of using
> watching him cut or if he gets them by himself and if he falls with
> them. I didn't want to deal with all the papaer cuts,scraps on the
> floor,i had just cleaned up. I knew it would be in the t.v. room
> because the kitchen table had a truck and paints on it(his project) I
> just didn't want to deal with it.
scissors. My six year uses a pocket knife and helps cut veggies and
fruits in the kitchen. Both my girls started using "sharp" things at
very young ages, starting with my help and getting better and better as
they got older with less and less of my help.
Scraps of paper all over can be vacuumed really fast or swept up and it
doesn't have to happen before you go to bed. Sometimes scraps of paper
will be left where they lay for days at our house. When Chamille, my
oldest, was 3, she loved walking around cutting paper. She was very
incredible with her detailed paper cutting. She would leave little
trails of paper every where. I remember it with a smile, it's a happy
memory. I don't really remember the cleaning up part of it, but I must
of just swept it up because we had hard wood floors at the time. What I
do remember are the paper trails and the intricate things that she cut
out.
Jenny C
>Why can't you both get what you want? Can't you snuggle up in bed with
> why was i too busy to cut paper with him? I just had enough of a long
> day and wanted to go to bed. Haven't you felt that way? What do you do
> when you do feel that way...how do you communicate it to your child? I
> have said..hey,sweetheart,i'm tired now but he does want what he
> wants,lol
him sitting next to you quietly cutting up paper?
Sometimes, if my kids have wanted to start a project late at night and I
was too tired and it needed supervision, I've suggested that we get it
all ready and lay it all out to do first thing in the morning. That
generally works around here because they know without a doubt that I
won't forget, because it's there first thing in the morning. They also
get to do part of it at night and think about it and anticipate the
project.
ENSEMBLE S-WAYNFORTH
=============
My younger daughter has done name calling towards me. I usually say
something along the lines of "that's not cool, I can see that you are
really angry and if you'd like me to help you I can, but you need to be
kind towards me." I can say that knowing that I "am" kind to her and
she knows it, she is angry because of circumstances.
=============
I wanted to spin a little bit more onto this. One of the things that helps Linnaea when she gets angry is for me to ask her about her needs. Today Simon and Linnaea were playing with beyblades and she got hurt by a beyblade Simon had spun into her. It was an accident, but one that could have been predicted by the way they were playing. I suggested that if they gave a warning about when they were firing off the beyblade it might help to avoid such accidents. So she and Simon tried to come up with calls they could give and were working on the timing of the calls. They decided that clear was a good call for when they were retrieving their beyblade. It was the one the archers we'd seen a week or so ago used when they would walk down to retrieve their arrows. I said that maybe it would be better for the responsibility to lie in the person shooting the beyblade and not the person retrieving the beyblade. Linnaea got mad. It wasn't something that "should have"
irritated her. Or that wouldn't irritate her if she wasn't hungry, or tired, or sick, or something other than focusing on beyblades. She was angry because of where she was. I offered her food and she looked at me, angry because she was angry, and then she breathed, visibly made space for the possibility that it wasn't the beyblades that were the problem, and she snarled "I'm starving". So I got her food and it helped. I think it also helped for her to have that possiblility to think about. But really what helps are all the conversations that have gone on before today. When I get hungry, I tend toward crabby. So I try and eat when I'm hungry. I've had spoken moments expressing frustration linked to hunger. Those things help. Simon is really good at this. He knows that if he is tired he can't cope with many things. So he naps.
It helps to have a lot of back story to fill in the information. It helps if your child, as Jenny's daughter, knows that you are kind and that you aren't trying to sabotage them, or deny the validity of their anger. If David tells me that I might be acting premenstrual it doesn't make me angry, but with other people in my life it could make me feel hurt or sensitive. But I trust him. I trust that he has my interests in mind when he tells me that I might be acting with a bit of hormonal bias. And it helps.
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My younger daughter has done name calling towards me. I usually say
something along the lines of "that's not cool, I can see that you are
really angry and if you'd like me to help you I can, but you need to be
kind towards me." I can say that knowing that I "am" kind to her and
she knows it, she is angry because of circumstances.
=============
I wanted to spin a little bit more onto this. One of the things that helps Linnaea when she gets angry is for me to ask her about her needs. Today Simon and Linnaea were playing with beyblades and she got hurt by a beyblade Simon had spun into her. It was an accident, but one that could have been predicted by the way they were playing. I suggested that if they gave a warning about when they were firing off the beyblade it might help to avoid such accidents. So she and Simon tried to come up with calls they could give and were working on the timing of the calls. They decided that clear was a good call for when they were retrieving their beyblade. It was the one the archers we'd seen a week or so ago used when they would walk down to retrieve their arrows. I said that maybe it would be better for the responsibility to lie in the person shooting the beyblade and not the person retrieving the beyblade. Linnaea got mad. It wasn't something that "should have"
irritated her. Or that wouldn't irritate her if she wasn't hungry, or tired, or sick, or something other than focusing on beyblades. She was angry because of where she was. I offered her food and she looked at me, angry because she was angry, and then she breathed, visibly made space for the possibility that it wasn't the beyblades that were the problem, and she snarled "I'm starving". So I got her food and it helped. I think it also helped for her to have that possiblility to think about. But really what helps are all the conversations that have gone on before today. When I get hungry, I tend toward crabby. So I try and eat when I'm hungry. I've had spoken moments expressing frustration linked to hunger. Those things help. Simon is really good at this. He knows that if he is tired he can't cope with many things. So he naps.
It helps to have a lot of back story to fill in the information. It helps if your child, as Jenny's daughter, knows that you are kind and that you aren't trying to sabotage them, or deny the validity of their anger. If David tells me that I might be acting premenstrual it doesn't make me angry, but with other people in my life it could make me feel hurt or sensitive. But I trust him. I trust that he has my interests in mind when he tells me that I might be acting with a bit of hormonal bias. And it helps.
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Thanks, Sandra, for that wonderful link!-=-
I'm glad you liked it! Kirby didn't take his Ninja Turtles to
Austin, but they're all packed up in his closet and on a shelf. That
was his basis for thought when he was little: What would Splinter
do? (Kind of; and it's not too bad, as a focus goes!)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm glad you liked it! Kirby didn't take his Ninja Turtles to
Austin, but they're all packed up in his closet and on a shelf. That
was his basis for thought when he was little: What would Splinter
do? (Kind of; and it's not too bad, as a focus goes!)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-The other big biggy factor, is helping a kid before they get to the
angry point. Reading cues from them and helping them before they reach
that point.-=-
Yes, because if you ignore the cues and wait for the big reaction,
what's being learned? The way you respond after the names or hitting
or eergh noises can change 95 ways, but if you don't figure out how
not to get to that point in the first place, it's like a bandaid on a
gaping wound. (or maybe salt in the wound sometimes, dirt once,
sugar...)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
angry point. Reading cues from them and helping them before they reach
that point.-=-
Yes, because if you ignore the cues and wait for the big reaction,
what's being learned? The way you respond after the names or hitting
or eergh noises can change 95 ways, but if you don't figure out how
not to get to that point in the first place, it's like a bandaid on a
gaping wound. (or maybe salt in the wound sometimes, dirt once,
sugar...)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-Tools shouldn't be locked up-=-
Maybe guns should be, and hunting arrows. Probably dynamite should
be. <g>
Scissors, though, no.
Learning takes STUFF--tools, paper, music, pictures, jokes, things
taken outside, things brought inside, and it's just not going to look
like a scheduled after-school few hours. It's going to look like a
big, rich life (or it's not, and then's when school might be a
reasonably considered option).
Make your life better than school, or put the kids in school. That's
my over-simplified recommendation for everybody, including me. (So
far so good at my house. Holly's the last "school aged" kid.)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Maybe guns should be, and hunting arrows. Probably dynamite should
be. <g>
Scissors, though, no.
Learning takes STUFF--tools, paper, music, pictures, jokes, things
taken outside, things brought inside, and it's just not going to look
like a scheduled after-school few hours. It's going to look like a
big, rich life (or it's not, and then's when school might be a
reasonably considered option).
Make your life better than school, or put the kids in school. That's
my over-simplified recommendation for everybody, including me. (So
far so good at my house. Holly's the last "school aged" kid.)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-. It wasn't something that "should have"
irritated her. Or that wouldn't irritate her if she wasn't hungry,
or tired, or sick, or something other than focusing on beyblades. She
was angry because of where she was. I offered her food and she looked
at me, angry because she was angry, and then she breathed, visibly
made space for the possibility that it wasn't the beyblades that were
the problem, and she snarled "I'm starving". So I got her food and it
helped.-=-
Good point.
It helps here, too. I forget some people might not have the hungry,
angry, lonely, tired (HALT!) checklist at hand. It's from Alcoholics
Anonymous, as far as I know.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
irritated her. Or that wouldn't irritate her if she wasn't hungry,
or tired, or sick, or something other than focusing on beyblades. She
was angry because of where she was. I offered her food and she looked
at me, angry because she was angry, and then she breathed, visibly
made space for the possibility that it wasn't the beyblades that were
the problem, and she snarled "I'm starving". So I got her food and it
helped.-=-
Good point.
It helps here, too. I forget some people might not have the hungry,
angry, lonely, tired (HALT!) checklist at hand. It's from Alcoholics
Anonymous, as far as I know.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny C
> -=-Tools shouldn't be locked up-=-My immediate after thought was of guns as tools, being locked up. I
>
> Maybe guns should be, and hunting arrows. Probably dynamite should
> be. <g>
>
don't own a gun, but if I did, I think I'd show my kids how to use them
and keep the ammunitions seperate from the weapons. I also think the
only reason that would cause me to lock them up would be when other
children were at my house. There are certain neighborhood children that
come over that cause a flurry of picking up of things such as pocket
knives and matches. My own kids, I trust and supervise as needed.
Other people's children don't get that priviledge unless I know them
really really well and I know their parents really really well. So
there are circumstances that involve the removal or locking up of tools.
Shannon Foust
"Make your life better than school, or put the kids in school. That's
my over-simplified recommendation for everybody, including me. (So
far so good at my house. Holly's the last "school aged" kid.)"
That's a good litmus test for me...I have 3 that must go to school (foster kiddos) and the rest stay home...I know when the ps kids come home with cool tales of what fun things they did and the kids at home look at them with envy, then I need to step up the creativity / availability around here!
Shannon
www.myspace.com/soldout641
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1040601130
www.homeschoolblogger.com/soldout841
---------------------------------
Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
my over-simplified recommendation for everybody, including me. (So
far so good at my house. Holly's the last "school aged" kid.)"
That's a good litmus test for me...I have 3 that must go to school (foster kiddos) and the rest stay home...I know when the ps kids come home with cool tales of what fun things they did and the kids at home look at them with envy, then I need to step up the creativity / availability around here!
Shannon
www.myspace.com/soldout641
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1040601130
www.homeschoolblogger.com/soldout841
---------------------------------
Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ed Wendell
I didn't want to deal with all the papaer cuts,scraps on the
floor,i had just cleaned up.
A small dust pan and whisk broom set can be bought for a dollar or two - most young children love to sweep and clean - especially as a team with others (this is where you come in - cleaning together if he wants) 2 small sets would be wonderful so you can clean together. I've taken brooms and mops and cut the handles down so they are more child sized - if the handles are metal I wrap the cut end with duct tape to cover the sharp metal. - well actually Ed (dad) cuts them down and wraps them in duct tape. If legos are everywhere we take a small child sized snow shovel to scoop them into tubs.
Zac (who is 13 now) started cutting vegetables and fruit with a sharp knife at age 3 - yes with mom or dad there with him. Oh and cutting bread and toast - spreading things with a knife too. We did not hover over him, we were simply in the kitchen with him doing our own thing -
My niece is 7 and my nephews are 6 and 2 - all 3 love to come to my house and clean. What usually statrs it for them is my cleaning - If I vaccuum then all of a sudden there they are asking to vaccuum. They may not clean the way I would - they may miss spots - but they are happy to let me point out spots - like "There is a bit of _____ . Can you get it?" They will most often happily get it. If not, OK, I make a mental note to go back over it later or pick it up by hand, or just let it be.
AND the one thing I've learned to let go of is a neat - spick and span house - even with only one child our house has pretty much been a creative mess for the past 11 years. Richt now the family room is ankle deep in legos. He seems to be his most creative when sitting in the middle of a mess. If I required him to clean up each day he woul be very frustrated. Some of his best creations, lego and other mediums, are a work in progress - he will make something and then change or add onto it for days and weeks. He does know that if we are expecting company or he has ceased to be creative with something for several days then we will clean - that we will work out a way to preserve his creations while cleaning up the other pieces not in current use.
Lisa W.
.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
floor,i had just cleaned up.
A small dust pan and whisk broom set can be bought for a dollar or two - most young children love to sweep and clean - especially as a team with others (this is where you come in - cleaning together if he wants) 2 small sets would be wonderful so you can clean together. I've taken brooms and mops and cut the handles down so they are more child sized - if the handles are metal I wrap the cut end with duct tape to cover the sharp metal. - well actually Ed (dad) cuts them down and wraps them in duct tape. If legos are everywhere we take a small child sized snow shovel to scoop them into tubs.
Zac (who is 13 now) started cutting vegetables and fruit with a sharp knife at age 3 - yes with mom or dad there with him. Oh and cutting bread and toast - spreading things with a knife too. We did not hover over him, we were simply in the kitchen with him doing our own thing -
My niece is 7 and my nephews are 6 and 2 - all 3 love to come to my house and clean. What usually statrs it for them is my cleaning - If I vaccuum then all of a sudden there they are asking to vaccuum. They may not clean the way I would - they may miss spots - but they are happy to let me point out spots - like "There is a bit of _____ . Can you get it?" They will most often happily get it. If not, OK, I make a mental note to go back over it later or pick it up by hand, or just let it be.
AND the one thing I've learned to let go of is a neat - spick and span house - even with only one child our house has pretty much been a creative mess for the past 11 years. Richt now the family room is ankle deep in legos. He seems to be his most creative when sitting in the middle of a mess. If I required him to clean up each day he woul be very frustrated. Some of his best creations, lego and other mediums, are a work in progress - he will make something and then change or add onto it for days and weeks. He does know that if we are expecting company or he has ceased to be creative with something for several days then we will clean - that we will work out a way to preserve his creations while cleaning up the other pieces not in current use.
Lisa W.
.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]